Please note: I have never seen a single episode of "Reba", and I never intend to; the fact that people actually watch the show is disturbing enough in and of itself. So I have written a story about a man obsessed with the show. Enjoy.
Characters:
MANNY: A disgustingly overwight, mildly retarded 35-year old homosexual man who lives in his mother's basement. He attends Baptist church every night and is completely fanatic about the WB "hit" tv series Reba.
Scene one, a dark basement den. MANNY is sitting on his ancient green and orange sofa, a gigantic bowl of buttery popcorn balanced carefully on his ample lap. He is basking in the soft blue glow of the television set, completely enthralled with whatever he is watching.
REBA (V.O.)
-so I told him, I'm Reba Hart, and I don't spit, swallow OR chew!
The television audience roars with fake laughter and applause. MANNY grins and brings his greasy hands together, once. The bowl of popcorn falls to the floor, forgotten.
REBA (V.O.)
-and anyway, Annie, what difference does it make if I am in the KKK? I told him I wasn't racist. Hell, I love black people. I think everyone should own one!
The audience goes insane. MANNY drools on his stained pajamas and lets out a low moan- his hand has found it's way down his boxers again.
MANNY (to himself)
Nooooo, Mama said nooooo...
But the hand finds what it is so desperatly seeking and begins to pull, caress, and tug. This always happens when he watches Reba.
REBA (V.O.)
Annie, do you think it was wrong of me to throw acid in that little Jewish girl's face this afternoon?
MANNY pulls his shrivled penis out and masturbates forcefully over a TV Guide with Reba's picture on the cover. He screams when he climaxes, gushing onto the magazine's glossy cover. The disgusting ooze overspills and lands with a little splash in his half-melted glass of Dr. Pibb. He wipes his member with his shirt and tosses the magazine over his shoulder. He stares down at the drink for a moment or two before shrugging and downing the rest of the sordid liquid in one grateful swallow.
REBA (V.O.)
Annie, what are you doing with my monkey teapot? That's genuine ceramic, made in China, so be careful now!
(Fade to black.)
Scene ends.
Characters:
MANNY: A disgustingly overwight, mildly retarded 35-year old homosexual man who lives in his mother's basement. He attends Baptist church every night and is completely fanatic about the WB "hit" tv series Reba.
Scene one, a dark basement den. MANNY is sitting on his ancient green and orange sofa, a gigantic bowl of buttery popcorn balanced carefully on his ample lap. He is basking in the soft blue glow of the television set, completely enthralled with whatever he is watching.
REBA (V.O.)
-so I told him, I'm Reba Hart, and I don't spit, swallow OR chew!
The television audience roars with fake laughter and applause. MANNY grins and brings his greasy hands together, once. The bowl of popcorn falls to the floor, forgotten.
REBA (V.O.)
-and anyway, Annie, what difference does it make if I am in the KKK? I told him I wasn't racist. Hell, I love black people. I think everyone should own one!
The audience goes insane. MANNY drools on his stained pajamas and lets out a low moan- his hand has found it's way down his boxers again.
MANNY (to himself)
Nooooo, Mama said nooooo...
But the hand finds what it is so desperatly seeking and begins to pull, caress, and tug. This always happens when he watches Reba.
REBA (V.O.)
Annie, do you think it was wrong of me to throw acid in that little Jewish girl's face this afternoon?
MANNY pulls his shrivled penis out and masturbates forcefully over a TV Guide with Reba's picture on the cover. He screams when he climaxes, gushing onto the magazine's glossy cover. The disgusting ooze overspills and lands with a little splash in his half-melted glass of Dr. Pibb. He wipes his member with his shirt and tosses the magazine over his shoulder. He stares down at the drink for a moment or two before shrugging and downing the rest of the sordid liquid in one grateful swallow.
REBA (V.O.)
Annie, what are you doing with my monkey teapot? That's genuine ceramic, made in China, so be careful now!
(Fade to black.)
Scene ends.