It was yet another awkward dinner. Lillian bit her lip nervously as she set the plates on the table carefully. She sat down across from her husband and held her breath for a moment, watching him warily. She hoped he would at least comment on her dish choice, it was, after all, his favourite. She looked at him for a moment, her eyes pleading with him to do anything, yell, scream, she didn't care- anything would be better than the silence. As he had for the last eight days, he didn't say a single word to her, and his face didn't even change in the slightest. He still looked the same, but the cool indifference he had had when they first met was back. The warmness and happiness that she'd gotten used to seeing in his face was notably absent. Although, there was definitely an underlying anger in him, judging by the glare on his face and the way he viciously stabbed at his food, blatantly ignoring her. She could see the anger clear in his eyes, and his posture, and something deflated within her. It was hopeless.
Lillian sighed as she picked up her fork, pushing the food around the plate more than she was actually eating it. The radio had been turned off sometime during the day, and the house was completely silent. Even the animals seemed to have picked up on the tension- her dogs had taken to spending the night in the barn, and the cats spent the nights hunting outside before falling asleep on the barn roof. Usually, all of them begged to get inside as often as possible, slipping inside as soon as the door was opened, and staying in until she kicked them out.
She just didn't know where she had gone wrong; everything had been absolutely wonderful between them up until a week ago. They'd been so, so happy together. The house would always be filled with the sound of the music on the radio, and they would always dance at night before going to bed in each other's arms. They were always smiling, or laughing, or even just existing in companionable silence. She had found herself constantly overcome with love at this man that she had married. She'd even starting thinking about expanding their small family, and how to breach the idea to him- she may have known him better than others, but she still wasn't sure how he would react to the idea of being a father. It got awfully lonely when he was working, or on the days he went to the city. They'd certainly practiced it enough, that was for sure.
But now, she'd gone and done something completely horrendous, apparently, and he'd barely spoke a word to her in the past week, or even looked at her; just the nod of him acknowledging something she said, or the odd noncommittal noise. His personality had once more reverted to 'reserved,' and 'quiet,' just when she thought she'd finally broke him out of his shell. She could barely even go to town anymore without feeling like the scum of the earth. No matter where she went, not that there were many places to go, she could feel the eyes on her, staring holes through her back. Laney and Howard had seemed to like her well enough, until now that was. Now, neither of them would give her the time of day. Even Ash, whom she'd been exceptionally close too, didn't seem to want to take the time to chat with her anymore. He always said he was too busy, and that they could chat later. But later never came.
Apparently Cam could still talk to them; it was just her he was pissed at. She felt completely alone in the town now and in the dark too- she still had no idea what exactly it was she had done. She'd thought of everything she'd said and done before the silence had come, and she didn't know what would have warranted this reaction. He had gotten jealous before, sure, but this was nothing like that. This was way, way worse. Whenever he'd been jealous of her spending time with one of the other boys, all it had taken was a quick apology and reassurance that he was the only one for her before he went back to acting normally.
So, like the chicken she was, she'd started spending the bulk of her days in Konaha, because over there the villagers were all smiles and friendliness. It was nothing like the good old hostility of Bluebell, which she'd only experienced once before when she first moved to the towns and chose to live in Konaha. She'd moved to Bluebell a season later after discovering that she was a lot better with animals, and they'd welcomed her with open arms. It still did nothing to make her forget that when she'd first visited the town, she'd been glared at by most of the villagers for almost the entire visit.
She stood up suddenly, not being able to take the tension anymore, her chair scraping the ground and disturbing the silence. Cam didn't react, even if it had scared him and she turned away, throwing out what remained in her plate, even though she'd barely eaten half of it. She knew she needed to eat more, but she just didn't have the appetite. The all-consuming guilt that ate at her kind of took away from the experience of eating. Nori had even commented the other day on her apparent weight loss, asking her if she was still eating well and offering to make her lunch. Lillian had told Nori not to worry about it, laughing it off and saying that she was 'just busy.' Lillian had checked off Nori's house on her list of places to avoid in the future. A list that was growing exponentially, to Lillian's dismay.
She'd tried to go to the café once, on day two of the silence, and she had practically gotten kicked out of her; neither Laney nor Howard being even as remotely pleasant as they usually were. Lillian had ended up practically sprinting out of there and going home to cry after the experience, feeling thankful that Cam wouldn't be there as it was a Monday.
"I'm going out." Lillian said softly, slinging her bag over her shoulder and grabbing the fishing rod out of the closet. She lingered by the door for a minute to see if he was going to say anything or even acknowledge that he heard her, before sighing and slipping out the door.
She tried to hold back the tears as she walked out in the crisp fall evening, her shoulders heaving as she wiped at her eyes. She couldn't believe that she'd gotten to this place, she'd been married for two years only and it was starting to fall apart. It was just like when her parents had fallen apart. After she left her farm property, she began to increase her pace as she headed for the mountain, sticking to the shadows to avoid anybody seeing her. The sun was falling fast, casting a calming glow over the mountain.
She made it three quarters of the way up without seeing a single soul, and she settled down to fish in the deeper river. She sat on the end of the dock, holding the pole loosely and swinging her feet like a kid. Fat tears rolled off her face and splashed into the water, but Lillian paid them no heed. She just watched as the sun gradually slipped further and further beyond the horizon and the moons reflection danced along the top of the water. She sat for a long while, at least until around midnight, catching a few fish and just feeling numb in a mildly peaceful way. It was nice to escape the tension and anxiety for a while, and she'd always found fishing to be relaxing. She finally realized that she'd left the house without a jacket when she felt the chill on her bare arms; the temperature was dropping quickly as it did in the fall.
For fear of getting a cold, Lillian stood and gathered her things, wiping the last of her tears away. She couldn't let anyone see her in her moment of weakness; she was almost horrified at how often she had cried recently, it was starting to get pathetic. She couldn't even go to buy sweets or anything because she'd probably get burned alive by Laney for something she didn't know she did.
Lillian made her way down the mountain with only the moon's reflection of light to guide her. She stumbled a few times, before tripping on a rock and ripping her dress. The tears came back without warning, and she found herself leaning up against the base of a tree sobbing into her knees. She never was a pretty crier, so she just cried it out by the tree until she was just breathing heavily. She sat for a long time, just starting at the ground in front of her before she got up and dazedly continued home.
By the time she reached the bottom, she was feeling completely exhausted; she had overworked herself for the past few days, being unable to sleep, and topped that with under eating. She was sure her eyes were red, and there were probably tear lines running down her face but she was beyond caring now. She just wanted to get home, and go to sleep; she didn't care whether or not her husband was there with her either.
She opened the door with a soft click, certain he would be fast asleep, but as she slipped into the house near silently, she saw him pacing rapidly in front of the kitchen, already dressed in his sleep clothes.
He turned again and saw her standing in the doorway, she saw the worry dissipate to relief clear as day on his face and felt her heart swell, before it disappeared and the unmasked anger resurfaced on his face. He continued his pacing once more, not glancing at her once more, or asking her where she'd been.
Stifling her sobs, Lillian slowly took off her shoes and left her things by the door. Her hands began to shake as she made her way to the bedroom, not stumbling once.
Lillian turned the light on as she entered, noticing that the blankets were already rumpled and tossed around. So he couldn't sleep, she thought. She turned into the bathroom, grabbing her own pajamas and went to change.
After she'd thrown her clothes in the laundry bin, she made the mistake of glancing at her reflection. She gaped for a minute, taking in her gaunt looking expression and her dead eyes. She ignored the red in her eyes, and turned to leave the bathroom, flipping off the light as she went. She didn't want to see her reflection anymore.
She sat on the edge of the bed for a while; willing herself to just go to sleep, but unable to hearing the floorboards in the kitchen squeak as Cam continued his pacing. Against her better judgement, Lillian rose from the bed that was beckoning to her and went out to the kitchen, her bare feet making the old floorboards groan and alerting Cam to her presence.
She remained just outside the doorway between the kitchen and the bedroom for a while, just watching Cam pace and ignoring the tingling in her eyes that was causing them to blur in and out of focus. She took deep steady breaths, clinging to the counter for support as she stood. She didn't think she could do this any longer. She had to be strong.
Step. Step. Step. Squeak. Step. Step. Turn. Step. Step. Squeak. Step. Step. Step. Turn.
Lillian watched, counting the beats until she could no longer stand it. "Why are you so mad at me?" She asked in a small voice, she thought he hadn't heard her at first, until his pacing stopped dead and he whirled around to face her with fire in his eyes. She had never seen him look this irate, not even when his flowers had been trampled by one of Ash's lambs, and his season's work had been ruined.
"You want to know why I'm mad at you?" He questioned.
She quivered under his relentless glare. "Yes." She met his eyes, barely able to see them under his loose fringe.
He laughed harshly, walking away from her as though he was repulsed by her; he ran a hand through his hair angrily. "You honestly have no fucking clue why I'm pissed off?" Her eyes widened at that, he almost never swore- unless he was really mad about something.
She didn't say a word, knowing he needed to work off his steam. Plus, she wasn't sure she could talk without her voice shaking.
He came up to her suddenly, his hands inches away from grabbing her arms, but stopping before they made contact. He balled his hands into fists at his sides. "Do you have any idea of the date, Lillian? Can I ask you that, or are you too busy to talk about that?" He spat at her, towering over her.
She narrowed her eyes at him slightly, what did the date have to do with anything? "What are you-" The date. Fall 11. Fall 11. It finally clicked and she sank to the floor with a horrified gasp. How could she have forgotten? Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Cam seemed to take that as permission to continue on his rant. She could understand exactly why he hadn't spoken too her for the past week. She was a completely despicable person. "Godammit, Lillian, is that all I mean to you? All we mean to you? Is that it? It means so little to you that you can't even remember your own anniversary." He laughed forcibly again and added, "And, not to mention, my birthday too."
He whirled around again, pacing the kitchen and running his hands through his hair and tousling it up. He turned to face her, seemingly just wanting to yell and not noticing the horror stricken expression on her face. "You know, if you asked me what the best day of my life was, I could've answered it in a heartbeat. Fall 3. The day I married the love of my life." His voice trailed off, and his eyes lost some of the hard edge they'd had. His eyes focused on the wall behind her, clearly thinking of the better times.
Lillian felt the tears begin to fall; she covered her face with her hands, not wanting him to see her like this. He didn't appear to notice, as he continued on his rant.
"It would've been nice to know then, that I don't matter to her as much as she matters to me." Cam said bitterly, resuming his pacing with agitation clearly in each step. Lillian was aghast with herself, how could she have forgotten?
Lillian tried harder and harder not to cry, but the tears slipped out nonetheless. Wave after wave of self-loathing hit her until she was drowning in her own negative feelings. She deserved this; she deserved every single moment of silence and then some. She would never forgive herself for this. "Y-you do matter Cam, m-more than anything." She sobbed, hiding her face once more, wishing she could fall through the floorboards and sink to the centre of the earth to live out the rest of her days.
Cam stopped his pacing for a moment, the anger fading from his face for a few minutes as he watched what he'd reduced the so called love of his life to- a weeping mess on her kitchen floor. Cam felt horrible, just for a minute, for what he'd done. After all, everybody made mistakes, right? But, while Cam could have forgiven a forgotten anniversary, or a forgotten birthday; he could not forgive both at the same time.
Especially when, on their anniversary, she'd been out working, and he'd approached her suggesting she take the day off and spend it with him, she'd turned to him and told him that she was too busy for that, and to not wait up for her that night. He'd gone back inside feeling like she'd been joking with him; surely she wouldn't forget, right? But, when the hours passed, and the food he'd prepared had grown cold, he'd admitted defeat and angrily thrown out the things he'd spent all day making. The betrayal had stung deep, and it had been all he could do to even say hello to her the next morning. He had been stewing in his own aggravation in the past week, and she had barely talked to him either.
The anger rose up in him again, and he found himself indifferent to her suffering. Sure, she was crying now- but where was she when he'd been alone on their anniversary? "You know what? I don't have to take this. I'm going to the café." He stomped over to the door, and pulled his shoes on.
He was just grabbing his hat off the hook when she tugged on his shirt sleeve, knotting it tightly in her fist.
"Wait, Cam, p-please don't leave; please don't be mad at me." She begged, holding tight to his shirt with tears running down her face. "I'm sorry, I never even-"
He didn't say another word as he pulled her off of him and left her in a heap at the door, slamming it behind him as a final word in their argument.
Lillian woke up curled in a ball at the end of the bed; she sleepily glanced around the empty room before standing up, rubbing the sleep out of her swollen eyes. It all came back to her when she stepped out into the kitchen to put coffee on. She resisted the urge to sit down and cry again, she'd done more than enough of that lately, and instead began her morning routine numbly, glancing at the door the whole time as if she expected him to come running through it at any moment.
When she gave up on waiting for him at 6:30, she sighed and went out to do her chores, greeting her animals half-heartedly. She worked hard, trying to focus on what she was doing and push her inner turmoil to the back of her mind. She didn't want to think anymore. However, she continuously glanced towards the entryway of her farm, waiting with bated breath for the familiar sight of him coming home. It took her until she was halfway through her chores to realize it was Monday, and he'd likely still gone to the city.
Although she tried her hardest to focus, she kept making mistakes. It was after she'd spilt a bottle of milk, dropped two eggs and realizing she'd been brushing the same cow for the past twenty minutes that she gave up the pretense. After putting her tools away, and shipping the products she'd gotten, she went back inside and crawled into bed, wrapping herself in a cocoon of blankets. She felt completely horrible, and there was no denying or hiding the fact. She lay there in silence for a few hours before she fell into a fitful sleep, drifting in between consciousness for most of the afternoon. It was mostly the guilt that was gnawing at her that kept her awake.
She awoke fully in the late afternoon, around the time she usually put supper on, to her growling stomach. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, feeling slightly better than before- her head was now at least clear enough that she could think straight.
She had to do something to fix this. She had messed up bad, worse than she'd thought she had- but it was still fixable, right? People forgot anniversaries and birthdays all the time, and they still stayed together. She would have to keep her fingers crossed that Cam had blown off most of his steam last night, and that he would be calmer now. She'd been way too pathetic lately, and it was about time she realized that. She'd been acting childishly, and instead of asking Cam what was wrong on the first day- she'd let her insecurities get the best of her and she'd avoided him. She really should have learnt her lesson that avoiding problems didn't make them go away. And she should've checked the calendar even once this month, then she could have realized what was happening far before it happened.
The only thing Lillian could think of to do was to throw another anniversary party, one that he would hopefully show up to. And so, that was what she spent the afternoon doing.
It was shortly after midnight, around the time Cam usually made it home from the city, that Lillian waited tensely by the door. The lights were off; it was intended to be a 'surprise' after all and she was leaning against the island in the kitchen, a bouquet of flowers she'd forgotten she'd been storing held tightly in her hands. Obviously, it was nowhere near as good as one of his bouquets- but he'd shown her a few things over the years, and she figured it was at least passable by his standards. She'd been waiting for the past half hour, too tense to do any of the housework she'd been putting off, so she'd just ended up staring at the door in darkness trying not to think too hard. She'd made a party cake this afternoon, using a recipe she knew he liked, and she'd also found some balloons that she'd strung up on the cupboards. The balloons were probably too much, but Lillian had to give everything a try.
It was half past midnight before she heard the gentle click of the lock, and the door was cracked open. She stood up fully, holding the flowers in front of her and making one last prayer that his anger was gone. Otherwise, this was about to go badly.
He slipped in and shut the door behind him before he turned the light on. Lillian blinked at the light, her eyes used to the darkness- but she did not miss the shocked expression on his face, or the way his hand froze over the light switch.
"I know it probably doesn't mean as much now, and you're probably still mad at me, but happy anniversary Cam." She paused for a moment, looking at him closely for any signs of anger; seeing none, she continued on, stepping towards him slowly. "I just want you to know, the even though I sometimes forget to remind you, that, well, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, well you and this town. I mean it though, when I first came here, I was in a not so good place- I put up a good act, but that's all it was; I was never fully as confident as I seemed in those first few months, there were a lot of long nights that… Well, let me just say that because of you, I haven't had any more of those. You… complete me in such a way, that I never knew a part of me was missing. You bring out the beauty in me. I never thought I would be able to find a love like ours when I first moved here, and I can only hope that you will forgive me and we can give this whole thing another try. So what do you say?"
She was almost right in front of him now, holding out the bouquet with barely shaking hands.
He looked contemplative, at best, although the shock was still somewhat evident on his features. He clearly hadn't been expecting that. He actually seemed to think she didn't care, Lillian realized. He was silent for almost a full minute, watching her closely. "I… say that we should just…" He trailed off, before a decisive look crossed his face. He stepped closer to her, a definitive softness in his eyes replacing the indecision; he reached out and gently took the bouquet from her, rearranging some of the flowers delicately. He smiled softly down at her, the first of its kind she had seen in weeks, and Lillian's heart soared. He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, tucking a Casablanca from the bouquet back with it. "We should just let bygones be bygones."
Lillian visibly sighed with relief, giving him a watery eyed stare. Cam watched her for a moment as she tried to find words to say, gaping like a fish, before he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him and resting his chin on her head.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you." He said softly.
Lillian rested her head on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. "It's okay, I deserved it."
Cam pulled back, giving her a serious look. "No, you didn't. We should have handled it more like adults, and I'm sorry for that." He paused, before continuing on, "If it makes you feel better, Howard yelled at me when I explained to him what happened… He told me to man up."
Lillian laughed, before a grin broke out on her face, and she wrapped her arms around him tightly. "I promise I'll take more time off every day- we need more 'we' time." She looked up at him from the corner of her eye, "And maybe, 'we' time could include more than the two of us?"
Cam stared at her for a moment, before he blanched, realizing her implications, his eyes growing wide. He gulped nervously, "Lillian I-"
Lillian pushed away from him, a small smile on her face. "It's okay, it was just an idea to think about; now come one, we have an anniversary cake I slaved over all afternoon to eat."
Lillian grabbed his hand, and pulled him over to the kitchen, where she'd already set out plates with large slices of the party cake she'd made. "I hope the balloons weren't overkill, I wasn't sure, but I figured- what the hell? What have I got to lose?"
Cam gave Lillian one of his rare smiles, the grin spreading to the both of them and Lillian found herself suddenly backed against the cupboard, Cam mere inches away from her. "It's nice. But I can think of something that will make it perfect."
Lillian opened her mouth to ask what that would be, but found her mind occupied with other thoughts as Cam captured her lips with his- his hands expertly trailing down her body. With all thoughts of the cake and her apology plan forgotten, Lillian found the perfection he'd been talking about it- it had been right in front of her the whole time. Only now, she would never be able to forget it.