Diclaimer: Foxtrotelly gives all copyrights reserved for the genius behind Gakuen Alice, Tachibana Higuchi-sensei
I do not own any of the songs that inspired this fanfiction, either. I own an iPod, so yeah. Oh, but I don't own Peanuts, either. (:
This one's been in the closet for sososo long, so I'm glad it's time has finally come. :) Yes, it is time.
The Mixed Tape
A foxtrotelly Original
~ Dedicated to missyJuliette ~
.______________.
"I'm sorry Tsubasa…" I sob. Holding the letter up close to my face, I seal it with a kiss and leave it on his table.
This was it. After the ceremony, I was busting out, never knowing if I could ever see him again after all of this. I walk over to the window, take one last look around his room, and leap out.
And that was it.
* * *
My eyes shot open as the cab I was in lurched to a stop in front of the Kashiwagi Plaza, a fairly tall building standing high amidst the busy Tokyo hub. Absentmindedly, I rest my head against the cool taxi cab window as a sick, uneasy feeling of queasiness erupted in my stomach. My thoughts reverted back to the same dream that's been haunting me ever since I arrived back to Japan, giving me a shock of disturbance that sent waves throughout my entire body.
And it was also funny how the dream took to becoming more and more vivid as I drew closer to Tokyo, the place where it all started.
"Hey, Miss, this your stop right?" the taxi driver broke off my perturbed train of thought.
"What?" I asked stupidly, "Oh, yeah."
The stubbly cab driver scratched his chin and stared at me as if I did something so crazy just that moment. "Want some help with your bags?"
"What? Sure, yeah, thanks a lot," I gave him a preoccupied reply before hurriedly reaching for the door and stepping outside. I felt a feeling of relief as I respired, standing tall right in front of this equally altitudinous height.
I was home.
* * *
After finally unpacking all my stuff into my new condominium unit, I saw it as the perfect opportunity to plop down on bed and simply make up for my lost time of sleeping, even if I was still fully dressed.
With one relieved sigh, I kicked off my pin heels and let my eyes travel down to the inviting queen-sized mattress that lay in front of me. It's been a long day, and I really wanted to get some of that needed shut eye.
To know how far my feet threw off those heels was beyond me, because before I knew it, they sounded like they knocked down my tower of shoe boxes that sat by the doorway of my pre-furnished walk-in closet several paces away, in one unified blow. I rolled my eyes and walked over to check the damages.
I leaned against the doorframe and blindly groped for the lights. My hands rested on what felt like the light switch and I flipped it on, suddenly beholding a spectacle of fallen shoe boxes and dislocated heels, pumps, and step-ins.
Geez, sometimes I'd just have to wonder where all my strength really came from.
Mentally cussing myself for being the stupid person I was, I walked in and began to pick up all the fallen shoes. I never remembered how I ended up having all these shoes, but in times of dire need like this, I knew I just really needed some help.
I wanted to hit myself for being such a lazy moron for this, but then, that idiotically dominant part took its control over me and made me give in to that one thing I promised myself never to do again after I left the Academy. Come to think of it, it's been two years since I left, and the normally tingly feeling I'd get in my spine when I attempted to duplicate myself now felt like an unfamiliar sensation that's been voided out. I, nonetheless, succeeded anyway.
"Hey," I greeted the clone in front of me casually. "I need some help."
"Hey yourself, I haven't seen you in a while either," the clone replied coolly. This made me smile for a bit, suddenly remembering the fact that I've been a good master considering how my clones have developed their own feelings and intelligible trains of thought over the years.
"You wouldn't mind helping me out by picking up the boxes, would you?"
She shrugged nonchalantly, "Sure."
I set off picking up all the shoes in plain sight, leaving my clone to be with her own job. Unconsciously, my gaze flitted to what were once my favorite shoes; a forgotten pair of worn-out chucks. Laying all the shoes I picked up in one neat pile, I walked over to the red chucks and let myself pick them up.
I wrinkled my nose when an unpleasant stench of sweat and foot wafted from inside the pair of shoes I was holding. I reached inside and suddenly found a gym sock resting at the palm of my hand.
"Gross," I muttered, quickly letting go of the smelly, old sock.
Thunk!
Disregarding the fact that it smelled like something died inside, I got hold of the sock again and shook its mystery contents out into my hand.
It was an indigo-colored iPod nano that still had its earphones attached to it.
Dammit, it was Tsubasa's indigo-colored iPod that still had its earphones attached to it.
The screen unexpectedly flickered to life as I turned it on, making me gasp audibly enough to let it echo inside the spatial room.
"Hey, you alright over there?" my clone called out to me.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I waved my hand dismissively. I automatically went over to the playlists and scrolled through the entire thing. I'd have to give it to him because this was one really longlist. As I reached to the very bottom of the list, a certain playlist caught my eye.
Misaki's Mixed Tape
While my instincts screamed for me to press play, my heart calmly objected, telling me to put the gadget down and get on with what I had to do. Right now, my heartbeat began to race, a new sense of anticipation and curiosity began pushing through me, sending me a warning.
Unfortunately, I was stupid enough to take it as a vague sign, letting matter get the best of me. I ignored my mind, and pressed down on the tiny, circular button.
The Mixed Tape – Jack's Mannequin
I blinked twice and wore the earphones. I pressed play.
A steady set of guitar strums greeted my ears, followed by a guy's baritone voice that sang through the phones.
This is morning, that's when you spent the most time,
Thinking 'bout what I've given up
This is a warning, when you start the day just to close the curtains you're,
Thinking 'bout why I've given up (up, up, on you now…)
From my peripherals, I saw the clone catching sight of me standing, frozen in a daze.
Where are you now,
As I'm swimming through the stereo, I'm writing you a symphony of sound
Where are you now…
As I rearrange the songs again, this mix could burn a whole in anyone,
'Cause it was you I was thinkin' of. (it was you I was thinking of…)
I sensed her worry, and I immediately came to my senses. "Could you finish up for me here?"
The clone nodded. I walked out into my bedroom.
I read your letter,
The one you left when you broke into my house
-- a retrace of every step you made.
You said in your letter,
'There's a piece o' me in every single, second of every single day',
And if it's true you tell me how it got this way.
Where are you now,
As I'm swimming through the stereo, I'm writing you a symphony of sound
Where are you now…
As I rearrange the songs again, this mix could burn a whole in anyone,
'Cause it was you I was thinking of… (It was you I was thinking of…)
I felt the blare of a rapid piano tune play through me as the song reached its peak point, and eventually, gradually decrease down in tempo. I lied down on the bed and let the suddenly calm sound, now accompanied by the sounding of a piano play its effects on me. I relaxed.
I can't get to you, (I can't get to you…)
I can't get to you,
I can't get to you… (you, you…)
Where are you now?
As I'm swimming through the stereo,
I conduct a symphony of sound
Where are you now?
As I'm cutting through you track by track
I swear to God this mix could sink the sun
But it was you I was thinking of…
And where are you now? (Where you now?)
This is my mixed tape for her,
It's like I wrote, every note with my own fingers.
That was the end of the song. It was pretty good, but at the same time, it also made me wonder what else he had in this playlist for me. If this playlist was his own take of mixed tape, that is.
Scrolling down, I caught sight of four more songs. A small part of me wanted to save those for later on, while the bigger part made my fingers itch to press that little button. Eventually, the former won.
A feeling of lethargy and jetlag abruptly kicked in, and I found myself drifting off to a deep sleep.
I dreamt about a lot of stuff that night, the iPod and that "mixed tape" included. I was intrigued by what those five songs were and how they got there. They may have been a painful reminder, maybe even something more than that.
Because whatever they were, I had this feeling that I wasn't ready for them just yet.
* * *
Three weeks after I moved in, I had already managed to buy most of the stuff I needed, fix that walk-in closet I've never been able to wrap my mind around ever since I got here, and stock everything from my bathroom cabinet to my refrigerator with supplies.
And yet…
Despite my double-door fridge and humongous closet; despite the central insulating system and free WiFi; and despite the fact that I was living penthouse style and finally got my own freedom and independence, I felt incomplete.
And most of all, I felt lonely.
It's not that I wasn't around people that much, when technically, I was surrounded by people pretty much everywhere I went: the plaza lobby, the mall, the streets, the law firm – almost anywhere except my unit, actually. It's just that I've never gotten this sense of companionship from any of the countless people I encountered everyday and that was certainly a thing I greatly missed ever since I left the school.
Tsubasa.
His name suddenly popped into my head. It made the back of my eyes sting a bit, but I shook it off.
Walking over to my work table with a feather duster in hand, I told myself that perhaps I should forget about him for a while. He was, in fact, just a "distraction" that kept me from reaching my real goals, as my parents would say it.
I cleared away some clutter and paperwork on my desk. Realizing I needed a paperclip to hold all of them together, I opened my desk drawer and immediately noticed the slim, indigo-colored object that just sat there, almost forgotten until now.
I knew I wasn't supposed to, but I did. Chuckling to myself, I ran my fingers across the colorful Snoopy bandaid stuck behind it. Tsubasa used to tell me that that bandaid reminded him of me in more ways than one.
To this very day, I never knew why.
I went to Misaki's Mixed Tape and scrolled down to this song I wasn't particularly familiar with. I sat down, popping the earphones on as I did.
Nothing Ever Hurt Like You – James Morrison
Strange enough, I found myself drawn to it much more.
(One, two, three, four)
Loving you is easy, playing by the rules
But you say love tastes so much better, when it's cruel.
To you everything was just a game,
And oh yeah, you played me good
But I want you, I want you, I want you,
So much more than I should, yes I do.
"Hmm, catchy," I absently murmured to myself, turning up the volume.
I've got my hands up to take your aim, yeah I'm ready,
There's nothing that we can't go through
Oh it me like a steel freight train when you left me
And nothing every hurt like you. (Nothing ever hurt like you)
By this time around, I already found my foot tapping to its upbeat tempo.
I was not even wide-eyed, but you made me see,
That you don't get to taste the honey, without the sting of the bee (no you don't)
Yes you stung me good, oh yeah you dug in deep,
But I'll take it, I'll take it, I'll take it,
'Til I'm down my knees.
I've got my hands up to take your aim, yeah I'm ready,
There's nothing that we can't go through
Walk a thousand miles on broken glass,
It won't stop me, from making my way back to you
It's not real 'til you feel the pain,
And nothing ever hurt like you. (Nothing ever hurt like you)
Oh everything was just a game, yeah you played me good,
But I want you, I want you, I want you,
I want you, I want you.
I was enjoying the song, odd as it may have seemed because despite the message, I felt Tsubasa's masochistic side being conveyed.
And I sensed my sadistic side coming through, as well. The thought made me snicker.
I've got my hands up so take your aim, yeah I'm ready,
There's nothing that we can't go through,
Walk a thousend miles on broken glass,
It wont stop me, from making my way back to you
It's not real 'til you feel the pain,
And nothing ever hurt like you… (Nothing ever hurt like you)
Then I suddenly knew what that bandaid metaphor was all about.
How was that for the first chapter? -.-
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