A/N: "Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat,
smelly cat, it's not your fault." Anyone who watches the TV show
"Friends" frequently knows and loves Phoebe's song "Smelly Cat."
Hermione, Ron, Harry, Fred, and George have invented their own
rendition of this song for Mrs. Norris. The first part of this fic
seems normal, but in the middle it abruptly ceases to make sense.
Forgive me for this. It's summer. I was bored. "They won't take you to
the vet. You're obviously not their favorite pet. Smelly cat, smelly
cat, what are they feeding you? ......"
~Athalia.
Sneaky Cat
Darkness fell around Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. After
a few hours of staying up by the fire, doing homework, talking with
friends, or just staring into the flames, most of the inhabitants of
Hogwarts had gone to sleep for the night.
Except, inevitably, Fred and George Weasley.
If all went well, in a few hours Caretaker Argus Filch would walk into
his office and sit down on the dilapidated old chair behind his desk,
which would set off a very complicated mechanism causing a set of
wiring strung up above him to release a large bucket of dung bombs
right over his head. Admittedly, it was a little old fashioned, yet
affective all the same.
"Would you please hurry up Fred, we haven't got all night!" came a
voice, seemingly out of nowhere. "Hey, I'm carrying a lot of crap
here!" said another apparently disembodied voice. "Why don't you take
the dung bombs for a while!"
"Stop your whining, look, we're here... Alohomora!" There was a little
click as Filch's office unlocked. The door swung open, then closed.
Inside the office Fred and George appeared out of nowhere.
"Step one complete," said Fred, folding up the Invisibility Cloak Harry
had willingly lent them upon hearing what they planned to do. "Got the
wire, George? George?" His twin didn't answer him. George was staring
at the bottom of the door, eyes wide. Fred followed his gaze, and
immediately saw, with a lurch of horror in his stomach, what George was
looking at. A pair of yellow, lamp-like eyes glared back up at them.
Mrs. Norris. Filch's cat. So much for their prank.
"You forgot to lock the door, didn't you, Fred?" asked George.
Fred didn't answer this question, but he swung open the door, stepped
over Mrs. Norris, and said "Run!"
They did so, but it wasn't long before Filch was standing in front of
them, blocking their route to safety. "Aha!" he cried triumphantly,
jowls quivering in a horrible grin. "Caught in the act!"
"Damn cat," muttered Fred, as they followed Filch to his office. "Damn,
sneaky cat!"
"A week's detention!" the twins told Harry, Ron, and Hermione the next
day at breakfast. "And all for nothing!"
Harry and Ron frowned sympathetically.
"I hate that cat!" said George.
"Think we could get away with poisoning her?" asked Fred.
"I wish," said George. "So many more of our pranks would have gone off
without a hitch if it hadn't been for her."
"I wonder why Dumbledore lets him keep that cat, it's filthy," said
Harry. "And nobody likes it, not even Hermione." Harry looked at
Hermione, expecting some sort of an answer.
Hermione didn't say anything, just gave them all a very odd looked,
then took a deep breath, and pulled a guitar from under the Gryfindor
table.
Before any of them could question her odd behavior, she had begun
playing, strumming chords like she'd been doing it for years.
"Sneaky cat," she sang,
"Sneaky cat, why is Filch keeping you? Everybody!"
And they all began singing. They'd never heard the song before, but
they seemed to know it by heart.
"Sneaky cat, sneaky cat, its all your fault!"
"Ron!" said Hermione, and Ron sang in a surprisingly good voice:
"You never let us get away with shit."
"Harry!" said Hermione.
"You're obviously not our favorite pet."
"Fred!"
"You're flea-ridden and greasy."
"George!"
"You're no friend to Fred and George Weasley."
"Everybody!"
"Sneaky cat, sneaky cat, why is Filch keeping you?
Sneaky cat, sneaky cat, its all your fault!"
And then Hermione sang, in a sad, sweet voice:
"You won't let us get away with shit. You're obviously not our favorite
pet."
Ginny came over and sang with Hermione, harmonizing:
"Sneaky cat, sneaky cat, why is Filch keeping you? Sneaky cat, sneaky
cat, its all your fault."
Everyone joined in, singing softly and sweetly, as if they were
gathered around a campfire:
"Sneaky cat, sneaky cat, why is Filch keeping you? Sneaky cat, sneaky
cat, its all your fault. Its all your fault."
Hermione sighed and strummed a few last chords.
"Its all your fault......"
smelly cat, it's not your fault." Anyone who watches the TV show
"Friends" frequently knows and loves Phoebe's song "Smelly Cat."
Hermione, Ron, Harry, Fred, and George have invented their own
rendition of this song for Mrs. Norris. The first part of this fic
seems normal, but in the middle it abruptly ceases to make sense.
Forgive me for this. It's summer. I was bored. "They won't take you to
the vet. You're obviously not their favorite pet. Smelly cat, smelly
cat, what are they feeding you? ......"
~Athalia.
Sneaky Cat
Darkness fell around Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. After
a few hours of staying up by the fire, doing homework, talking with
friends, or just staring into the flames, most of the inhabitants of
Hogwarts had gone to sleep for the night.
Except, inevitably, Fred and George Weasley.
If all went well, in a few hours Caretaker Argus Filch would walk into
his office and sit down on the dilapidated old chair behind his desk,
which would set off a very complicated mechanism causing a set of
wiring strung up above him to release a large bucket of dung bombs
right over his head. Admittedly, it was a little old fashioned, yet
affective all the same.
"Would you please hurry up Fred, we haven't got all night!" came a
voice, seemingly out of nowhere. "Hey, I'm carrying a lot of crap
here!" said another apparently disembodied voice. "Why don't you take
the dung bombs for a while!"
"Stop your whining, look, we're here... Alohomora!" There was a little
click as Filch's office unlocked. The door swung open, then closed.
Inside the office Fred and George appeared out of nowhere.
"Step one complete," said Fred, folding up the Invisibility Cloak Harry
had willingly lent them upon hearing what they planned to do. "Got the
wire, George? George?" His twin didn't answer him. George was staring
at the bottom of the door, eyes wide. Fred followed his gaze, and
immediately saw, with a lurch of horror in his stomach, what George was
looking at. A pair of yellow, lamp-like eyes glared back up at them.
Mrs. Norris. Filch's cat. So much for their prank.
"You forgot to lock the door, didn't you, Fred?" asked George.
Fred didn't answer this question, but he swung open the door, stepped
over Mrs. Norris, and said "Run!"
They did so, but it wasn't long before Filch was standing in front of
them, blocking their route to safety. "Aha!" he cried triumphantly,
jowls quivering in a horrible grin. "Caught in the act!"
"Damn cat," muttered Fred, as they followed Filch to his office. "Damn,
sneaky cat!"
"A week's detention!" the twins told Harry, Ron, and Hermione the next
day at breakfast. "And all for nothing!"
Harry and Ron frowned sympathetically.
"I hate that cat!" said George.
"Think we could get away with poisoning her?" asked Fred.
"I wish," said George. "So many more of our pranks would have gone off
without a hitch if it hadn't been for her."
"I wonder why Dumbledore lets him keep that cat, it's filthy," said
Harry. "And nobody likes it, not even Hermione." Harry looked at
Hermione, expecting some sort of an answer.
Hermione didn't say anything, just gave them all a very odd looked,
then took a deep breath, and pulled a guitar from under the Gryfindor
table.
Before any of them could question her odd behavior, she had begun
playing, strumming chords like she'd been doing it for years.
"Sneaky cat," she sang,
"Sneaky cat, why is Filch keeping you? Everybody!"
And they all began singing. They'd never heard the song before, but
they seemed to know it by heart.
"Sneaky cat, sneaky cat, its all your fault!"
"Ron!" said Hermione, and Ron sang in a surprisingly good voice:
"You never let us get away with shit."
"Harry!" said Hermione.
"You're obviously not our favorite pet."
"Fred!"
"You're flea-ridden and greasy."
"George!"
"You're no friend to Fred and George Weasley."
"Everybody!"
"Sneaky cat, sneaky cat, why is Filch keeping you?
Sneaky cat, sneaky cat, its all your fault!"
And then Hermione sang, in a sad, sweet voice:
"You won't let us get away with shit. You're obviously not our favorite
pet."
Ginny came over and sang with Hermione, harmonizing:
"Sneaky cat, sneaky cat, why is Filch keeping you? Sneaky cat, sneaky
cat, its all your fault."
Everyone joined in, singing softly and sweetly, as if they were
gathered around a campfire:
"Sneaky cat, sneaky cat, why is Filch keeping you? Sneaky cat, sneaky
cat, its all your fault. Its all your fault."
Hermione sighed and strummed a few last chords.
"Its all your fault......"