Disclaimer: I do not own anyone from Horowitz's writing…I'm no genius like him!

A/N: This is a parody! Don't attack me Alex Rider fans! I'm a major fan myself, but hey, sometimes I wish for some humor!

Chapter 1: Ideas, Anyone?

Alex Rider leaped off the building into the swirling flames below him. He closed his eyes and thought about Jack, Sabina, Tom, and everyone he had known in his life. At the last second, he somersaulted and landed inches away from the spinning flames.

Tick Tick Tick. A bomb! Alex leapt wildly away and tumbled aside. There was a small explosion in the spot he had been in only a split second ago. Sprinting madly, Alex ran with all his might. Behind him, the building exploded in a ball of smoldering flame. Looking behind him, Alex stared emptily in the night as his earring turned into a walkie-talkie, made by Smithers.

"Alex here."

"Alex, come to the Royal and General immediately!" Without another word, the earring turned back to normal. Alex walked off into the night, blending in the shadows.

"And…cut! That's a wrap, people!" The camera was shut off.

"Good work, Alex! Keep going and we could get a deal with Hollywood!" Smithers called.

"Yeah, yeah…just make sure I get my Coke," Alex replied and walked off into his trailer. He plopped down on his couch and started playing Soul Caliber Three on his Playstation2.

"That's right, Abyss!" he shouted at the television. "Die! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE! Yeah, you should've known you were messing with the great ALEX RIDER! HAHAHAHAHA!" Alex grabbed a few potato chips and shoveled them in his mouth.

There was a knock on the trailer door. Alan Blunt walked in.

"Alex, you must stop eating so much junk food! What if the media catches whiff of this?" he said sternly.

"Yo, where's my Coke?" demanded Alex as he cut off Voldo's head in the game.

"Alex, you have to lay off the sweets…" Blunt began.

"I don't work without Coke!" he demanded as the game called, "YOU LOSE!"

"Now look what you made me do!" Alex accused. "I'm sick of this! This is the third time today that you made me lose! And you still haven't given me my Coke! By the way, pick up Barney Knows the ABCs for the Playstation2 when you're at the game store, k? I think I almost can recite it all the way to L!"

For the seventh time that day, Alan Blunt asked himself why he didn't become a pastry chef. "Alex, we need your look to be right for your next mission! If you keeping drinking Coke and eating chips, you won't look right! Now about your next mission…"

"Big whoopee! Just get my stunt double to do all that crazy stuff!" replied Alex.

Blunt looked ready to tear out his hair.

. "Alex, we don't know what you could do for your next mission! This could cost you your career!"

"Don't you mean YOUR career?" Alex snorted.

Blunt knocked his head against the wall ten times and left. He arrived back at the bank and stared at Mrs. Jones, Smithers, Crawley, and the cameraman.

"Ideas, anyone?" He asked helplessly.

My second fan fic! Please review! I know it's not that funny, but I'm trying!