Tell me lies (tell me sweet little lies)
Jirou's POV
Say it… Once more… Please, whisper it softly when you are running your fingers through my hair. Shout it out loud when you come inside of me. Just say it when you're sitting next to me. Just say my name… Please …
-
"Jirou!"
I looked behind me and was only just in time to see a flash of red hair, before a bear hug made me lose my balance. His eyes were sparkling. As they always did. It is only now. Only now that… Why did I never realise?
"We are going to the Nationals! Isn't that great?!"
I remember rolling my eyes. Normally, I would have been the one to react that way. Then again, at that point we resembled. Resemble still. Why didn't I notice?
"Hai, it is fantastic!"
In the distance, I could see our buchou. Of course in company of Oshitaru Yuushi. Turning my head, I smiled and answered Gakuto's questions. And I didn't notice. I didn't see what should have been so clear. However, my mind was fixed on one thing back then. And one thing only…
-
Slowly, torturously slow, he undressed me. I know I was shaking. That's what he did to me. That was the kind of power he had over me. Just a mere touch of his fingers against my skin could make me lose control. I loved him so much…
"Jirou…"
His husky whisper. It would not be a gentle, romantic night. He needed it too much. I could hear it at his tone. I could recognise all his different voices. Not that difficult you say. True! But I was the only one who knew what every voice meant.
His body was warm against mine. And I was longing for his words. These words everybody needs to hear. These words… These lies…
Yes, I knew they were lies. Every single one of them. I knew. And yet I longed for them. I needed them. Even though I knew they would never ever be true. At least not for me. However, I was completely addicted to them. Sweet little lies…
And I wasn't strong enough. I never was around him. I couldn't say no. I couldn't resist. He was my drug. His words, his lies, were… I just couldn't break free from it. Back at that point, I didn't want to. What did it matter that he didn't love me? I loved him. What did it matter that he didn't feel the same for me? He came to me. Every night, again and again. What did it matter? I was so stupid.
I closed my eyes. My legs spread for him. Even though I knew he lovedhim. I knew. Probably even realised it before he himself did. The way he looked at him. There was no doubt about it. I remember being surprised that no one else ever figured it out. Then again, no one observed him as closely as I did. I truly was obsessed by him. He was my everything. And what did I mean to him? Some fun. Nothing more. A team mate and good tennis player. A friend. I was always there for him. And he used it. He used me.
"Jirou!"
I loved it when he shouted my name like that. It made me feel important. And I would wrap my legs and arms around him, pulling our bodies close when both of us came. It truly was heaven. He made me feel so good!
"I love you…"
His soft whisper when he nuzzled my neck. He would say it a couple of times more. And I would smile and kiss him. Wherever my lips could find some skin.
I knew they were lies. Sweet little lies. Lies I longed for. Until that one time…
-
He hadn't smiled for days. His acrobatics had deteriorated. Until eventually, he nearly didn't use it anymore. Everybody noticed it. Of course. After all, Gakuto and acrobatics; you can not see one of them without the other. The others had all talked to him. Yet he ignored them. He never answered when they asked him what was wrong.
So one day, after a night of passion where he made me see stars, Atobe asked me to go talk to him. After all, we were good friends, Gakuto and me. And thus I did.
I remember walking up to him, placing one hand on his shoulder. He turned his head and when he saw it was me he shrugged of my hand. It hurt and surprised me. Yet I did not show it.
"What's wrong Gaku? And don't tell me 'nothing'. Because it is a lie and we both know it. Tell me. Please, tell me what's wrong. I won't leave until you tell me."
Turning around sharply I could see tears shimmering in his eyes. He was looking at me with so much anger on his face. I had never seen him like that. I never would see him like that again.
"You!"
Shaking his head, he struggles to find the words he wants to shout at my ear.
"You! Why are you…? Why do you…? ARGH! Why for heaven's sake do you allow it?!? Why do you allowhim? He's using you Jirou! And if it continues like this, if you allow yourself to believe his lies, it will break you!"
A couple of tears had escaped his eyes. And I remember mine to be wide open. Surprise was clearly written all over my face. And all the pain and fear and everything else I was feeling could be read in my orbs.
His anger had subsided and was replaced by sadness. Sadness and something that back then I could not name for I had never seen the expression before.
Slowly his hand reached out to touch my face. Yet I couldn't. Turning around, I ran. As far away from him as I could. It was not for the fact that he knew I was 'together' with Atobe. No, it was because he knew our buchou screwed me. He used me. I knew that, but somehow the thought that Gakuto knew… I couldn't bear it.
I didn't go to school, or to tennis practice for the next week. And for the very first time, I refused Atobe when he stood outside my door. For once, I did not want to hear his sweet lies. For my red-haired friend was right. They would break me. And I knew it.
-
I love the park in the morning. Walking through it at dawn. Watching everything wake. It is amazing.
Soft whispers floated towards me during that fateful morning. Voices I recognised. After all, I heard them everyday.
"Any idea what's wrong with Jirou?"
I quickly hid myself behind a tree. They couldn't see me. I couldn't let them see me. Certainly not them. Not together.
"No. He won't talk to me anymore…"
Peeking around the tree, they came into my vision. Our buchou had his head down, acting sad. Right now, I know it was an act. And it worked. Yuushi slung his arm around his shoulder, pulling Atobe close.
With a pained expression on my face, I turned around again. I could not watch this for I knew what would happen. Atobe had Yuushi in his charming trap. He would not let go of our tensai. Not now that he had him. And thus that meant I was done for. It was over.
Sweet little lies…
An hour later I was standing before Gakuto's door, crying.
Vaguely I remember he was surprised when he saw me standing before him. Yet when he saw my tears… His arms were warm and safe; his heartbeat, comforting. And I started to realize… He was always there for me. Always. And I started noticing every little sign I should have picked up before. Yet I remained silent. Now was not the time. I was not yet ready.
-
His arms circle around me from behind and he lets his head rest on my shoulder. Both of us are watching the match before us. Yuushi versus Hiyoshi. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see buchou smile. And I nod. Knowing that even though I am not looking at him, Atobe knows it answers his smile.
Yes, everything turned out to be alright. Now, months after that day in the park…
"I love you Jirou…"
His breath tickles my ear and I smile broadly at his softly whispered words. Aa… I know. And this time, the words are no lies. They are the sweet truth.
"I love you too Gakuto."
The End
AN: I know… Switching between present and past tenses… Again... But believe me, this time the switching is necessary… :-)