Loving You

by BloodyInspiredMalace

Would You just lie with me and forget the world? Because I never thought one day I'd be losing you. I'm ready to set fire to the rain.

Title: Loving You

Rating: T

Pairing: Nick and Jeff

Summary: Would you just lie with me and forget the world? Because I never thought one day I'd be losing you. I'm ready to set fire to the rain.

Warnings: Angst

A/N: Thank you to my amazing beta reader Livvia, without whom I could not have finished this fic.Go send her some love. Livvialovesllamas(dot)tumblr(dot)com

October 4,2011

Jeff held his sheet music tighter than he should have been. The Warblers were working on a new number for sectionals, or at least they had been, until Sebastian had started a disagreement with the council. It had been decided last week that the perfect song choices for sectionals were 'Apologize' and 'Moves like Jagger'. Sebastian would be singing lead on Apologize and Nick would be singing lead on Moves like Jagger. At the time Sebastian had been thrilled at the idea, but now it seemed that he wouldn't be happy unless he was singing lead on both songs of his choosing. Jeff wasn't aggravated at Sebastian however, he was used to his antics by now. He was aggravated that the council was actually considering taking Nick's solo from him. Jeff remembered the glowing look of happiness on Nick's face when the council had given him the solo; from that moment on Nick had walked taller, smiled more, and done better in his classes. Nick had worked hard everyday hoping to get a solo and now that he finally had one Jeff wouldn't let someone like Sebastian take it from him.

"I think Nick's voice is a better fit for the song. It has a better tone for this type of performance." The eyes all turned to the usually quiet blonde warbler. Jeff wasn't talkative; he liked to stick to himself and just watch everyone else. Usually he didn't say anything because he didn't have anything to add to the conversation, but today he sure had a lot to add.

"Sebastian's voice has a unique tone that hasn't been heard before. It would be a twist to have him sing that song," Thad piped up from the couch opposite Jeff. It wasn't a secret that Sebastian and Thad had become close friends in the past few months and he was bound to stick up for Sebastian no matter what was happening.

"And we'll hear it enough in the first song. We don't want the judges to tire of it." Jeff countered, and David nodded in agreement.

Wes slammed the gavel on the desk where he sat, the sound echoing around the room, causing the commotion to cease. "Enough. Sebastian; you will sing both songs. However you must split the second song with Nick. This is our final decision." Wes brought the gavel down once more and the sound seemed to finalize the ruling.

"Back to practice," Wes said, pulling out a few pages of sheet music. Jeff huffed quietly to himself and looked across the room to where Nick was standing. To any other member of the Warblers, Nick would appear to be perfectly fine with what had just commenced, but Jeff knew just by looking at him that Nick was disappointed. There were subtle details that alerted Jeff to how upset Nick was; there was a slight droop in his shoulders, his eyes had gotten a shade darker. Nick had been Jeff's best friend since they'd tried out for baseball in sixth grade. Jeff had swung his bat a little too hard and caused the ball to bunt backwards, hitting Nick square in the face. Jeff had panicked and had prepared for the brunette to come chew him out, but he had simply walked over, dropped the ball into Jeff's hand, winked and said, "The crowd loves to catch fly balls, but make sure you actually get some to the players." From that moment on the two had become inseparable. Over the years nothing had changed; they'd always been best friends. There for each other after Nick's grandpa died. There for each other when Jeff's parents split. And there for each other after Nick's first girlfriend has dumped him. It had been eight years of friendship but somewhere along the line Jeff's feelings had started to change. He didn't look at Nick as just a friend now. He caught himself studying Nick, wondering what it would be like to kiss those beautiful lips. What it would be like to fall asleep in those arms. Nick caught him staring, sometimes, and when he asked Jeff was he was staring at jeff would just say, "What? Oh, sorry. I spaced out." And then Nick would laugh and tell Jeff to pay attention to what was going on around him.

Jeff stood and walked over to Nick as the rest of the Warblers went back in formation. "You ok, man?" Jeff asked, putting a hand on his back in a friendly gesture.

"Yeah." Nick's monotone reply came .

December 5th, 2011

Jeff sighed in frustration and ran a hand through his platinum locks. He lay on his stomach, books splayed out around him, broken pencils scattered on the only clear area on the bed, and the radio playing softly in the background. Jeff hated studying. Everyone knew not to disturb him when he was studying, unless they wanted to lose a limb, or any other important things. Jeff had long ago given up on his math assignment and had moved onto history, but it proved to be just as hard and now even his bed seemed an uncomfortable place to be.

"You know if you pull much harder, your hair might just fall out." The familiar voice broke through the room and Jeff snorted.

"If I can pass this class it might be worth it." Jeff shook his head and threw his pencil lightly and dramatically at the bed, which of course caused it to bounce off the bed and halfway across the room.

"Maybe you should take a break. Come outside and watch the rugby game," Nick suggested. Jeff looked up from his text book and noticed that Nick was clad in his old jeans and a Dalton hoodie, something he only wore when he was feeling ill or playing a game in the dirt. Most people would find this lack of style to be odd for Nick but Jeff knew that the only reason Nick wore it was that he didn't want to ruin any of his other clothes. Jeff would never admit it out loud, but Nick looked hot.

"That might be a good idea. If I try to absorb anymore numbers I might explode." Jeff stood and stretched his arms above his head, feeling his neck making little pops as he did. He grabbed his Dalton cardigan from the chair near his desk.

"Hurry up. Ashlyn is waiting outside." Nick beamed and Jeff forced a small smile. Ashlyn was Nick's current girlfriend. It wasn't that she wasn't pretty, she was a very beautiful girl, and she was very sweet; but Jeff didn't like her. He hated to admit it but he was jealous. Nick had started dating her this past summer and though they hadn't known each other too long Nick was getting fairly serious about her. Jeff wasn't jealous of her, far from it, he was jealous of her ability to make Nick so happy. It should be him cheering him up after a tough Warbler practice, or offering to go get frozen yogurt after a long study session. Jeff wished that he could tell Nick this but he couldn't stand to lose him, couldn't stand to see the disgusted look on his face when he found out what Jeff was really hiding.

"Yeah, yeah. Geesh Mr. Bossy." Jeff teased, picking his cell phone up off the desk and walking towards the door.

December 14th, 2011

Jeff groaned and rolled over, burying his overheated face into his pillow. The cool surface gave a moment of bliss. It was hot in here, blisteringly so, so why was he shaking? The radio had been left on again; something Jeff did. It calmed him down and allowed him to fall asleep easier, but it was almost five-o'clock at night on a Saturday. So why had Jeff just woken up? Jeff threw off the covers and took a sip of water from the bottle he'd left on his desk last night. Jeff had a bad habit of needing things in the middle of the night, and after many nights of falling over things to get to the mini fridge in his room, he just gave up and pulled his desk against the bed, creating not only a headboard but a shelf of sorts.

"Morning sunshine." Nick's voice teased loudly as she strolled in the door.

"Gosh Nick. Do you have to yell?" Jeff rubbed his head and squinted at the dim light that poured into the room from the hall. Usually Nick's presence made Jeff a lot happier, but today he just wanted Nick to shut up.

"You ok? You look awful Jeffers." Nick's voiced sounded worried as he walked over to Jeff's bed. Jeff groaned as he felt Nick's cold hand on his head.

"Gee thanks." Jeff said, coughing.

"You're burning up…Jeff, I think you've got the flu." Nick dropped his gym bag on the floor and shoved it under his bed with his foot. "I'm going to take a shower then go down for dinner. Do you want me to bring you something from the cafeteria? Maybe some soup?" Nick's brows furrowed with concern. "Or some Tylenol? "

Jeff nodded and tried not to let the nausea he felt take him over. Nick moved Jeff's hair out of his face and walked towards the bathroom they shared. The two had been roommates ever since they'd started school at Dalton and Jeff wasn't about to complain. Soon the rush of water could be heard and Jeff started to drift off to the sound of Nick singing along with the radio.

December 20th 2011

It was midnight in the Warbler common room. Most of the Warblers had gone home for the weekend to spend Christmas with their families, but a few had stayed behind who either lived too far out of town to bother going home for four days or didn't want to deal with family issues. The annual Warbler Christmas party had only started to pick up an hour ago, and though Blaine was missing from the party, Dave more than made up for his absence. Jeff somehow found himself sitting in a large circle with a single glass bottle circling around. Jeff couldn't keep his eyes off Nick, sitting across the circle from him. Nick always looked so carefree, but tonight when he was completely intoxicated, that attractive trait was amplified. That or Jeff had a few too many beers himself. The music blared, filling the small room with even more of a reckless and sexually charged atmosphere. Jeff found himself singing along to the music, trying to ignore how much a certain verse mean to him, 'when we drink we do it right, getting slizzard..like three six.' Jeff wasn't sure how he had ended up agreeing to this, especially since most of the boys in the room were straight, but Jeff didn't question it too much more because Trent was elbowing Jeff, the cup in his hand sloshing over the side just a bit.

"Your turn Jeffie." Jeff reached out and clumsily spun the bottle, praying that it would at least land on someone halfway attractive- and gay. Jeff had never told anyone that he was gay, not even Nick. For all they knew he was straight as a stick. Jeff wasn't sure what had changed, but he knew that in tenth grade he had suddenly lost interest in the girls who visited from Crawford County Day, and found a new interest in one of the Warblers who had auditioned for a solo before him. It was a hard thing to go through alone, but jeff had never felt comfortable enough to tell anyone. He still liked girls — at least he thought he did. There were still girls that had him trying to think of things like dead puppies to 'cool down', but he had much more interest in his fellow Warblers.

Jeff realized that he had zoned out a bit when cheering erupted from the circle and when Jeff looked up he realized exactly who the bottle had landed on. Nick.

Nick grinned his goofy grin and started to crawl drunkenly across the circle. "Come on Blondie." He slurred and suddenly Nick's lips were on his. Jeff gasped his brain was clouded by alcohol, but in that moment it seemed to clear, leaving nothing but Nick. Jeff stumbled a bit drunkenly, though he was sitting, and Nick's tongue slid into his mouth making Jeff moan out loud. The Warblers around them cheered and reeled, bringing Jeff and, apparently Nick as well, back to reality. Nick's face stayed the same as it had before, completely high on alcohol and carefree. Jeff knew that Nick was so drunk right now that he wasn't even aware of what he was doing.

Sebastian smirked at Nick and spun the bottle, "Here's to hoping I get to experience this little devil next."

December 20th 2011 7pm

Jeff groaned and opened his eyes. Thankfully the only light in the room came from the smoldering embers where the fire was once lit. Jeff's headed pounded and his stomach felt like it was full of lead, but what was even more uncomfortable was the weight that was across his lower legs, causing them to fall asleep. Dave, it seems, had passed out on the floor and had somehow ended up using Jeff's legs as a pillow. Jeff pushed roughly on Dave's upper body and he rolled off with a loud snore. He rubbed his legs and groaned. The hardwood floor of the common room wasn't the best place to pass out after a drunken night of partying. Jeff rubbed his stiff neck and looked around the room. Everything seem to be intact this time; all the expensive collectables had been taken out of the room after Blaine's incident with falling off of the back of the couch, hundred dollar porcelain plate in hand. A few of the warblers must have either tried to make it to their dorms or had snuck off somewhere to have a few sexcapades, because there were a few missing bodies. Sebastian was laying on the couch near the fire, shirtless, his pant slung low on his hips; a sight that caused something below Jeff's belt to stir. Jeff shook his head and winced at the pounding that returned full force. Jeff opened his eyes again and realized that Sebastian had passed out on the couch next to someone. At first Jeff thought that it was Thad, but then the figurer moved and Jeff's breath caught in his throat; Nick lay next to Sebastian on the couch, his shirt unbuttoned, hair wild, tie missing, and a bulge in his pants.

Jeff swallowed hard. What the heck happened last night? Before Jeff could let his thoughts run away anymore, Sebastian hit the floor with a loud thud, his eyes popping open.

"Gosh, you do a strip tease for everyone, then you don't put out, and you're hard to sleep with…" Sebastian muttered rubbing his head. Jeff took a deep, relieved breath. At least nothing had happened last night. Sebastian looked up, his hair not even messy, and his eyes met Jeff's.

"Morning Sterling." He stood to his feet and smirked. "Well that was fun. I wonder what's for breakfast?" And with that Sebastian was gone. Jeff was always amazed at how Sebastian never managed to have a hangover. Sometimes he wondered if he just acted drunk.

Jeff shook his head and stood to his feet, a feeling of vertigo rushing through him. He slowly walked up the stairs to the second floor where his dorm was located. He paused in the hallway to shake his head at his reflection. His shirt was unbuttoned and his tie was loosened, his hair was sticking up everywhere and his lips were swollen. Jeff smiled to himself as he headed for his dorm.

December 21 2011 10:00am

Jeff smiled as he sat down to breakfast at Nick and Dave's table. Jeff's grin wasn't just due to the fact that Gina, the lunch lady, had given him an extra pancake but Nick had kissed him last night. Jeff was on cloud nine as he took a seat next to Dave, who was talking excitedly about a new sound system for his car.

"Well, what's got you in such a good mood?" Dave asked as Jeff took his seat.

"It's pancake day! What's not to be happy about?" Jeff asked, pouring a liberal amount of syrup onto his pancakes. Nick smiled at Jeff but his eyes were more guard than usual and for a minute this threw Jeff, but he didn't have time to dwell on it as Dave distracted him with talk of the world's largest pancake.

December 21 2011 2:00pm

Jeff slung his shoulder bag over his shoulder and walked out of the library. His studying for finals was officially complete and he never wanted to see another text book as long as he lived. After fighting with the buckle on his back he looked up to see Nick standing against the wall in the hallway, staring into space.

"No one is convinced that you're a statue." Jeff said, a smile plastered on his face. Nick didn't answer, his facial expression stayed in the same stoic state. Jeff grew worried; Nick wasn't often this quiet and reserved. "Nick?"

"She dumped me. " Jeff felt his world stop, so this wasn't about last night, this was about Ashlyn.

"I'm sorry." Jeff's quite voice filled the empty halls.

"She said I wasn't staying true to her. That I couldn't ever stay true to her, because I'm gay." Nick's voice finally showed the emotion he was feeling. Hurt. "I don't know why she keeps insisting that I am, I'm not."

Jeff let his eyes fall to the floor, it was a drunken moment, Nick didn't mean a second of it. "You sure seemed a little bent at the party last night." Jeff said, trying to sound nonchalant.

"What happened last night?" Nick asked curiously, trying obviously to think of something else. He didn't know. He didn't remember. Nick didn't remember.

"Nothing," Jeff murmured quietly. There was a moment of silence between the two.

"I…I love her." Came Nick's broken voice. Jeff noticed that a tear had slid down his cheek and it took all of Jeff's might not to reach up and brush it away. Instead Jeff gave Nick a pat on the back and Nick gave him a one armed hug. Jeff's heart was silently breaking.

January 26th 2011

Jeff sighed out of frustration as he added another color to his highly detailed chart. He wasn't even sure what he was doing anymore. He was pretty sure that he'd just started coloring random things in with colored pencil a few moments ago. His eyes kept drifting to where Nick sat across the lawn. It was an unusually warm day today and as a result everyone had met on the lawn to study. Sebastian had been talking for the past hour and Jeff had been tuning him out so that his voice has become nothing more than static, but now the buzz had stopped. Jeff looked up curiously and Sebastian had dropped his smirk in the rarity of moments to stare intently at Jeff. His eyes then travel across the yard to Nick and Jeff's eyes followed. Nick was laughing with Dave who was trying to dance on the edge of the large fountain. Dave slipped and fell into the fountain which, caused Nick to double over with laughter until Dave pulled on the end of Nick's Dalton scarf, causing him to fall in after him.

"You love him. Don't you?" Sebastian's unusually compassionate voice broke through the scene, Jeff's eyes snapped back to Sebastian.

"Yes." Came Jeff's quiet reply.

Sebastian nodded and took Jeff's hand giving it a squeeze before dropping his hand and picking up the colored pencil box. "So what color says I'm sexy and I know it?"

January 28th 2011

Jeff couldn't focus on his finals. He had studied the material over and over but nothing was coming to the front of his mind as he tried to cram one more time. His eyes kept going back to where Nick sat on the other side of the room, Jeff's heart breaking all over again. He had started to avoid Nick in the halls, and class, and anywhere Nick happened to be. Jeff wanted to tell Nick about what had happened at the party, but every time he got the nerve thoughts of rejection washed through his head. What if Nick thought he was disgusting? What if Nick didn't want to be friends with him anymore after he told him? Jeff couldn't lose Nick, even if he had to keep this secret for the rest of his life. But it was hard. Every time Nick would smile Jeff had to fight the urge to smile, especially when Jeff wasn't even in the same conversation as he was. Every time Nick came to the dorm to grab something he'd forgotten on his way to their sister school, he would bite his lip to keep from begging Nick to stay. Every time Nick would come out of the bathroom clad only in his sweats Jeff had to tear his eyes away from Nick's toned chest and hide just how excited he really was. Jeff was starting to snap at his closest of friends, his grades were slipping, and he had no desire to do anything besides sit around in his dorm.

Sebastian strode into the room and headed over to where Nick sat with Dave and Thad, pulling a book off the nearby shelf and sat in on the table, saying something to Nick who threw his head back and laughed. Jeff slammed the binder he held shut and roughly shoved it into his bag. He kicked the coffee table by mistake as he got up, his throat constricting; he tried not to look Nick's direction as he left the room. He got halfway down the empty hall before he heard Nick's voice behind him.

"Jeff! Jeff wait up!" Jeff stopped but didn't turn. "Jeffers, what's wrong?" Nick asked the smile on his face made Jeff want to scream and yell, how could he be so freaking happy? The smile on his face slowly started to drop as he noticed just how deadly the look on Jeff's face was. "Jeff, what's wrong. Please, tell me what's bugging you." Nick reached up and took a hold of Jeff's forearm and Jeff snapped. He couldn't contain it anymore.

"What's Wrong? You want to know what's wrong? Maybe I'm sick of the way you never seem to notice I'm alive anymore. Or maybe it's the fact that you forgot that we kissed at the Christmas party!" Jeff didn't even pause as Nick's eyes widened. "Or maybe it's It kills me to see you with all those girls and I know it shouldn't because you're my best friend! It kills me to think that whoever your current girlfriend is get's to fall asleep in those arms, and hold your hand. Maybe it's because I love you and you don't care!" Jeff knew he was screaming now, but it was a Saturday and they were in the far end of the building; no one would hear and even if they had Jeff was beyond caring.

Nick's eyes were wide and his mouth opened and closed as if he was searching for words that weren't there.

"You'll never care." Jeff's heart was breaking and all the pain he had pent up was pouring out, consuming him. Jeff took off running for his dorm room. Tears started to pour down his face as he slammed the door behind him. He threw his bag in the corner and flopped onto his bed, sobs wracking his body. The radio played in the background and Jeff couldn't help but chocked back more sobs as the words washed over his body. 'I take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you, And I need you like a heart needs a beat,(But that's nothing new),Yeah yeah, I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue, And you say, Sorry like the Angel Heaven let me think was you, But I'm afraid.'

February 3th 2011

"Jeff, please talk to me!" Nick begged, his whisper carrying across the table. Jeff ignored him and wrote down the problem that was on the board. "Jeff. Please." Jeff just slid his list of problems into his bag and walked away, leaving Nick alone at his desk.

February 7th 2011

Jeff sat in his room, arms wrapped around his knees, radio playing. Nick suddenly entered the room and sat down on Jeff's bed. Jeff started to get up and Nick grabbed his arm.

"Jeff. Please. I have something to say."

Jeff just looked at Nick with dead eyes. He stayed silent.

"I….I'm sorry Jeff, that I can't love you back. You're my best friend, and I don't want to loose you but I just…I don't love you like that. I'm sorry that I can't. Please just don't leave me." Nick's eyes held tears as Jeff pulled his arm away from Nick's grasp. He turned his back to Nick but he couldn't bring himself to leave the room. The radio played in the background , a familiar song that made Jeff want to cry harder than he already was.

"I'm sorry Jeffers. Please don't leave me. Please." Jeff fell to his knees and started to sob, Nick jumped off the bed and fell to the ground next to him, he wrapped his arms around Jeff and started to cry with him.

June 2nd 2011

Nick gave Jeff a hug and Jeff stepped off the stage, diploma in hand. "We did it Jeffers. We did it!" Nick's smile was contagious and Jeff grinned with him.

"We really did."

At that moment Blaine came up to give both boys hugs, and Kurt gave each of them a bedazzled Warbler tie to 'remember him by,' when they all split town. There were many tears, happy and sad, shed that day. Jeff smiled at Nick as they sat at a large table at Breadstix. Blaine gave Jeff's hand a squeeze under the table and Kurt nodded at Jeff in a encouraging way. Dinner passed much too quickly and the crowd started to thin until only the table of warblers was left. The warblers all stood and exchanged hugs and high fives, saying their goodbyes, some for the last time. Jeff felt a lump rise in his throat and he looked to Blaine who had tears running down his cheeks. Jeff smiled when Kurt reached up to brush them off his face, his engagement ring sparkling in the light. Jeff looked over to Nick who smiled at him and them grabbed him for a big hug.

June 4th 2011

Jeff stood at the curb with Nick as Nick pushed the final box into his car. Jeff looked at the ground, feeling tears well up in his eyes.

"I'll miss you." Jeff said, his voice cracking.

Nick wrapped his arms around Jeff and started to cry along with him. "My best friend. I'm going to miss you like crazy. Promise me something? We'll always be friends. We'll always come back to that spot where we met and just hang out. Every few years." Nick's voice was so broken that Jeff couldn't say no if he wanted to.

"I promise." Nick pulled back and laughed a little before opening his car door.

"Goodbye Jeffers." Nick climbed into the driver's side and started his car, pulling away from the house that Jeff had known as Nick's for his whole life.

"Bye, Nick." Jeff called with a wave. "I love you." He whispered. Jeff climbed into his car and as the radio started playing he broke down into sobs.

Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

April 5th 2014

Jeff clapped loudly as the toasts ended and the music began. There was so much joy in the room that it made it almost impossible for Jeff to be in the least bit sad. Almost. It was warm outside and a slight breeze blew the white paper lanterns in the breeze. The flowers on the tree's were blooming and the smell was intoxicating. Flowers coated the grass of the baseball field that was all too familiar. The sun felt wonderful on Jeff's pale skin. There was calm in the air; this was a celebration. For most. Nick came strolling up to Jeff, dressed in a white tux with a small pink flower pinned to the lapel.

Nick's wedding to Teresa had been beautiful and now the party was in full swing, but Jeff hadn't joined in. Kurt and Blaine had been dancing with a few of the old warblers and though Jeff had said hi to everyone, he couldn't bring himself to dance. He couldn't.

"May I have this dance?" Nick asked, hand outstretched.

"Yes you may."Jeff said taking his hand and pulling him out to the edge of the dance floor. The sun was starting to set and all the tea lights around the dance floor gave an even more beautiful glow.

"Thank you. For being here. For being there for me. For everything. You're amazing Jeffers." Nick had a grin on his face.

Jeff smiled, "No need to thank me Nicky. You're the best friend a man could ever have. I'm so glad that I got to have you." Jeff laughed as Nick spun him around and Nick grinned.

"I'm moving to Paris this year. Teresa got a job offer there and I told her to take it."

Jeff smiled but swallowed the lump in his throat. "That's amazing. Congratulations." Nick nodded and swayed slowly with the music.

"Jeff, I wish I had been able to love you like you deserved." Nick let a tear fall from his eyes, and his hand gripped Jeff's hip a little tighter. Jeff smiled slightly, "But you did, Nick. I may not get to have you but you always loved me the best way you could. As the best friend a man could ever have." Jeff let the tears spill down his face.

"What if we never see each other again?"Nick asked his voice quiet.

Jeff blinked hard. "Than I'll miss you, but I'll always know that you're living an amazing life with someone you love and I'll be happy for you."

Nick sniffled as a new song started. "I love you Jeffers."

Jeff smiled, a soft smile. He didn't care that Nick didn't love him like that. He still loved him and that was enough for him. Jeff suddenly found himself listening hard to the lyrics of the song that played. 'But we're gonna start by Drinking old cheap bottles of wine, Sit talking up all night, Doing things we haven't for a while, A while, yeah, We're smiling but we're close to tears, Even after all these years,
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time.'

"I love you too Nick."

The End