Disclaimer: Being Human belongs to the BBC. Warning for maybe slight spoilers for seasons 2 and 3.

To whom it may concern, my name is George, and I...

Actually if you don't mind can we just talk for a bit first? I mean it's a bit hard just slapping a label on someone and putting them in a box marked this or that. I used to be in a completely different box to where I am now (alright, the box was marked nerd/geek/person who actually understands the Dewey system - and what's up with libraries these days? I saw a librarian watch a kid fold down the corner of a reference book and not say a word last week. I might turn into a hairy killing machine once a month but even I've heard of bookmarks – and for the record the one library fine I had was an admin mistake and I got a refund.)

So anyway this isn't easy to say, and Mitchell will agree with me. According to him the whole situation is "ridiculous" and "demeaning". (To the extent that flouncing out of the house dramatically puts some sort of over the top Byronic full stop at the end of the whole affair, at least for him. Presumably he's off to obsess over another woman he should stay well away from. Or buy another pair of fingerless gloves. Apparently fingerless gloves are a vampire thing – and if you think about it it almost makes sense. Does anyone but a vampire buy gloves and think, "well I like these hand warming things, but wouldn't it be great if they were less hand warming and more like I lost half my glove in an industrial accident?").

Anyway, I digress.

My name is George and I have just used my Blockbuster card to take out Twilight on DVD.

There you go, I've said it.

I even bought Nina and Annie popcorn (technically just Nina, but even though she can't eat it Annie likes the smell). I drew the line at the life sized teenaged werewolf poster that we could have gotten for an extra quid though, and Mitchell sulked (well as much as you can notice) when Annie put up the Rober Patt, Patter, that bloke with mad hair who pretends to be a vampire, picture that came with the free "What's On" magazine. So it's not like we're totally - what's the word? "Whipped." And anyway, I've got my own porn to provide a little more excitement in the bedroom if you know what I mean. That brunette in the lingerie section of the Marks and Spencer's catalogue gave me some "interesting" dreams (until Annie swapped it for "Dog Fancier's Monthly" without so much as a by your please).

So yeah. My name is George and I'm an enabler to a Twilight fan. But come the full moon if she calls me "Taylor" then me and her are going to have a serious discussion about fantasy verses reality and how the brain is a muscle too.