Author's note:
HELLO EVERYONE!! waves
Lina: tries to poke Liz
Liz: scoots Lina away from me
Lina: sticks tongue out meanie
Liz: YOU TRIED TO POKE ME!!
Lina: o.o eep.
Lina: eats Dorrito gah! I hate you!
Liz: Ah! It's okay! It's the weekend…sorta
Lina: Ah…erm, Liz…it's Tuesday…
Liz: SAME DIFFERENCE!
Liz: ANYWAYS…on with the story. We made another crack fic and so yeah…it's basically all about what would happen if we went to Hellsing.
ENJHOY!
Lina:…Enhoyj?
Liz: WHATEVER!!
Lina: And you say that I'm the crazy one. At least I'm crazy about the normal things.
Liz: --
1. Off To Merry Ol' England
It was a quiet September afternoon as Liz and Lina sat in front of Liz's desk. Typing away at the computer and giggling over Alucard. However, it was not all fun and games. There was much work to be done for the two crazy fangirls.
"Alrighty then, I found a spell that will get us into Hellsing." Said Liz pouring over her various spellbooks.
"AWESOME! TELL ME!!" She shrieked, shaking Liz.
"Uh…uh..uh!!" Liz flopped around until she lay motionless on the ground.
"Ooopsies…" Lina munched on a chip. "Chip?"
"Grrr…" Liz glared at Lina, "Anyways, enough with the puppy dog eyes! YOU LOOK RETARDED! AND STOP RUBBING ME WITH YOUR HEAD!!"
Lina, "What…?"
Liz rolled her eyes, "Let's get on with the spell shall we?"
"Alright…alright…"
Liz got out the spellbook and pulled her carpet away to reveal the large hardwood space. Grabbing a piece of chalk she began to drew a pentacle and a large circle around it. Stepping outside of it, she then grabbed a handful of candles and put them in all four directions. From there she took the spell book, Lina's hand, and then proceeded inside of the pentacle.
For some odd reason Liz was now dressed in a bad impersonation of Merlin. Her hand outstretched and one under the spellbook.
"Am I supposed to be dressed as Guinevere?" Asked Lina, surpressing giggles.
"Shut up." But…she is right, what the fuck is this shit?!
Liz waved her hands about her in an impersonation of a wand stroke and began to chant. Just then a roar of raging inferno burst forth from the candles. A tidal wave of ice cold water burst through the door and twisted itself into an ice sculptor of a Chinese dragon. Thundered issued from outside and the sky darkened into a vortex of doom. The clouds were a dark purplish black and rain of blood poured down and the people outside feared for their lives as they scuttled across the surface like ants running away from the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse.
Shouts of terror as horror filled them both. Liz's eyes were wide with madness and ablaze with the fire that threatened to consume. All the while, Lina was cowering under Liz going:
"HOLY SHIT!!"
"Durch das water' s von England Und die Winde von Air France Keine Julia Robert' s-Filme sind im Cockpit und in keinen übrig gebliebenen Lachsen So Staubkorn ist es! GESEGNET SEIEN SIE!"
Liz's incantation sounded and a great runble filled the house. Lightning shrieked outside. And then…there was darkness.
Lina stood bolt right up, " WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO?!" Her words held some anger to them as she surveyed her surroundings. "WE'RE STILL IN YOUR GODDAMN ROOM!"
Liz turned to Lina and fought back the laughter that threatened to consume her. Lina now stood, looking like a half drowned cat, her hair stuck out in seven odd directions and her eyebrows singed. Liz on the other hand looked just fine and dandy. Lina's fingers twitched as they itched to poke her. Liz smiled wide.
"Well…I…um…" She looked about her whilst scratching the back of her head. Dammit! WHERE ARE THE…oh.
Staring back up at them with innocence was a pair of plane tickets to the British Isles – coach.
Lina stared down at them and then looked up at Liz, "dear God Liz. Is that the best you can do?! Please tell me they're first class!"
Liz picked up the tickets and grinned sheepishly at Lina. "Erm, no."
"FOR GOD'S SAKE I COULD HAVE GONE TO PRICELINE FOR LESS!"
"Eh…hush up." Liz looked over the plane tickets. "Well, you know it could be worse. We could have to go by boat. Or in a Bush Plane next to a really smelly lady or something like that."
"Barely."
"Okay, look…I did my best! Okay?!"
Lina folded her arms, "Fine! But that means your paying for the soda's on the plane!"
"They're bloody free!"
"…yeah well…" She stuck her tongue out at Liz.
Liz rolled her eyes and went to her closet and got out the suitcase. "Come on, let's go."
Lina, "Wait, you have a suitcase made up already? Why?"
"Kitty."
Lina shrugged and grabbed her purse, "Okay, I'm ready."
"Hold on, do you have everything in there?" Lina opened up her purse and started to take out the most random objects. Her retainer, an evening gown, an Indiana Jone's female costume, a bunch of costume jewelry, a Chihuahua, soaps, and a giant bottle of hand sanitizer.
"Are you Mary Poppins or something?"
"No…I just stole her bag." Liz nodded
"Oh, alrighty then." The two of them then skipped off merrily to their invisible (stole this from SpongeBob) boatmobile.
"AND OFF TO MERRY OL' ENGLAND WE GO!"
"ROCK!"