ReBoot is the production of Mainframe Entertainment in Vancouver BC, Canada, and Muppets Tonight is the product of Jim Henson Productions. This story is just for fun and no infringement is intended.
I'd like to take this opportunity to blame Jjuneau for bringing this story into the mind of me. I mentioned this to MG and we joined forces ('cause our brains are already connected) to write this piece of insanity.
This is our mini tribute to the late Jim Henson and the legacy of wonder that he left us with in the Muppets. Also, I'd like to add, if it wasn't for Jim Henson, we wouldn't have ReBoot today, so he's doubly special!
For those of you who are not familiar with the Muppets and need a little back info, go here: http://www.muppet.com/profiles/profiles.htm
Both ReBoot and Muppets Tonight began airing on ABC and then both were taken off shortly after.
This takes place after 'End Prog.'
by Al's Waiter & MG
[Enzo and Andy & Randy Pig are sitting around in the green room, waiting to go on.]
Rizzo: [leaning in the door] You've got five minutes 'til you go on, guys. Just wait here. [He exits.]
Enzo: 5 MINUTES?!
Andy: Um, Enzo...
Randy: [finishing his brother's sentence]...how long is 5 minutes?
Enzo: 5 minutes is a really, really, really, really long time! It's-- It's practically FOREVER!
Andy and Randy: Forever?
Randy: We have to wait here forever?
All three: AAAAHHHHH!!!
Andy: What will we do?
Randy: How will we survive?
Enzo: What will Dot do to me after she thinks I wandered off for five whole minutes?
Andy: What will we eat when the complimentary fruit basket runs out?
Randy: I don't know, but the banana's mine!
[They all make a mad dive for the fruit basket and scuffle around trying to get the last banana, squashing a lot of other fruit in the process.]
Rizzo: [sticking his head back in the room] Okay, guys, they're ready for you now.
[Enzo, Andy, and Randy abruptly stop fighting.]
Enzo: [following Rizzo out the door] 5 minutes already?
Andy: [following Enzo] Wow.
Randy: [following Andy]: That was a short forever.
[A large crowd is gathered outside of a small theatre, excitedly waiting to get in. The door opens and Kermit the Frog appears.]
Kermit: It's Muppets Tonight, with our very special guest stars, the entire cast of ReBoot! YAAAAYYYY!
[The crowd surges forward, runs in, and tramples Kermit. The ReBoot Tonight theme song begins.]
If you're a sprite that's being, take a break from the pace ReBoot Tonight! We got a show for you [whistling] We got a show for you
Take a load off your feet, delete that frown off your face
Got a lot to do and we do it for you
Everybody *press* the 'space'
[You're gonna see something never seen]
With bits and bytes!
[You're gonna live in keyboard keys]
With Guardians in blue
Here come the Muppets tonight!
With Guardians in blue
Here come the Muppets
Here come the Muppets
Here come the Muppets tonight!
[Clifford comes out onto the main stage.]
Clifford: Hey, waz up? I'm your 'Homey made of Foamy', and tonight is going to be a really special night! We usually have only one guest star, which is always a treat, but tonight we have an entire cast guest starring. The cast of ReBoot!
[Crowd cheers, claps and whistles.]
Clifford: Yeah, give it up! But first, we have a regular star on the show. The Great Gonzo!
[Gonzo is standing in front of a huge metal bowl and beside him is Camilla.]
Gonzo: Thank you! Thank you! Thaaaank you! Tonight, I will attempt to eat this entire bowl of green Jell-o, through my ear! But not only that! I'm going to do it while Beethoven's 9th symphony is being played by The Penguin Kazoo Band!
[Penguins with bow-ties and kazoos in their mouths group behind him and line up.]
Gonzo: Music PLEAZE!
[Music begins and Gonzo starts to put his head in the bowl, ear first. Feathers McGraw walks on stage and looks at Gonzo. Camilla looks at Feathers and starts calmly clucking, as if talking to him. Feathers blinks, says nothing and walks off.]
[OFFSTAGE]
Dot: [watching the TV monitor and shaking her head] What in the Net is he doing?
Rizzo: Well, looks to me like he's trying to eat green Jell-o with his ear.
Dot: But why? What kind of weirdo is this?
Clifford: Well, that's what we'd like to know. He's a Weirdo or a Whatever.
Dot: [her gaze leaves the screen as she looks at Clifford] A Whatever?
Clifford: Pretty much.
Enzo: [joining the conversation] Kinda sounds like Scuzzy.
Rizzo: Scuzzy? What's a Scuzzy?
Enzo: That's exactly it. We don't know either.
Rizzo: Well, describe him.
Enzo: [thinking really hard] Um...well...he's um...uh...looks like... [Scuzzy rolls past the group, clicking and 'purring'] ...that! He's a whatzit.
Rizzo: Yeah. I see your point.
Clifford: Well, he fits in fine around here.
[Matrix and AndrAIa enter the building on the first floor and begin to walk past Security Chief Bobo. The bear stops them.]
Bobo: Whoa, there. Whoa, there. I can't let just anyone off the street come in here.
Matrix: But we're guests on the show tonight...
Bobo: Let me check my list... What's your name?
AndrAIa: AndrAIa.
Bobo: Is that your last name or first name?
AndrAIa: I only have one name.
Bobo: Oooookay... [checks the list] Oh, here it is. You may go up.
AndrAIa: [bows slightly] Thank you, sir. [She walks to the elevator and presses the button. The doors close.]
Bobo: And what's your name?
Matrix: [deep sigh] Enzo Matrix.
Bobo: [looking down the list] Matrix... Matrix... ah... Matrix, Dot...
Matrix: That's my sister.
Bobo: Yeah yeah... Ah! Here it is. Enzo Matrix.
Matrix: Finally! [begins to walk towards the elevator]
Bobo: Whoa! Hold on! I already let an Enzo Matrix upstairs. You can't go up.
Matrix: [starting to get slightly tiffed] Look buddy, That was my... uh... little brother. We have the same name!
Bobo: What-ever. All I know is that I let in an Enzo Matrix already. You must be an imposter. There can't be two. There can be only one!
[Matrix's eyes widen at that, receiving a slight sense of deja vu. But he quickly snaps out of it, grabs Bobo, picks him up by the scruff of the neck, and heads for the elevator. The whole time, Bobo is trying to stop Matrix only by talking to him.]
Bobo: Hey... stop... um... you can't go up there without my say so.
Matrix: [grinning] But you're coming with me, so you don't really have a say so. And you're just lucky that it's not bear hunting season now...
Bobo: Yeah... but I... [elevator doors close]
[Al's Waiter is backstage talking to Kermit.]
Al's Waiter: Yeah. Me and Al have a really good act that we could put on your show.
Kermit: Oh really? What is it?
Al's Waiter: Well, I play my one binome band and Al sings.
Kermit: A singing cook?
[The Swedish Chef walks by.]
Swedish Chef: Vurnd de cluck cluck, und de vernd de sing sing! Ho ho ho... [walks off laughing]
[Both Kermit and Al's Waiter watch him walk off.]
Al's Waiter: What did he say?
Kermit: I never know...
[Matrix walks in the room with Bobo still in hand.]
Matrix: Kermit! Tell this walking carpet that I'm in the show tonight, and that there are two of me!
Kermit: He's right, Bobo. There are two Enzo Matrix's on the show.
Bobo: [looks at Matrix] Oop. Sorry. My mistake.
Matrix: [his right eye glows red and he throws Bobo up into the air, then begins to storm away] If anyone really needs me, I'll be in my dressing room. But you better wait a while-- it takes time for me to cool down! [stomps off]
Kermit: [turns back to Al's Waiter] That sounds like a great act. We'll put you on now.
Al's Waiter: Well, we can't do it now.
Kermit: Why not?
Al's Waiter: 'Cause I don't know where Al is. I have to find him first.
Kermit: Oh... okay. Tell me when you find him and we'll put you on then.
Al's Waiter: Okay. [Starts to walk away shouting 'Al!']
Sal: Hey, Johnny! Tony Bennett just called and cancelled. He can't do that duet with you tonight.
Johnny: Great, now we'll have to cancel the whole number!
Sal: Wait, Johnny, I'll find you somebody else!
Phong: [rolls up] Excuse me...
Johnny: Yes?
Phong: I couldn't help overhearing. You know, I've done some singing in my time...
Johnny: Really? Let's hear what you can do.
Phong: [singing] Unnn-fooor-gett-abllle...
Sal: Hey, he ain't half bad! Huh, Johnny?
Phong: ...I... have no idea what the next line is.
[Silence. Crickets chirp.]
Sal: Uh... Thanks, Phong.
Johnny: [as before] Great, now we'll have to cancel the whole number!
Nigel: [panicking as usual] Johnny Fiamma's not going on stage? What are we going to put on stage? THERE'S NOTHING ON STAGE!
Stage Assistant: We could put on Bay of Pigs Watch.
Nigel: GOOD! cue Cue CUE! [calms down immediately] Can anyone get me some coffee?
Phong: I'd like a cup of cocoa...
[ON TELEVISION]
Announcer: It's 'Bay of Pigs Watch', staring Spamila Hamderson as Busty Pig and David Hogslehof as Champ Swimmer. Also appearing are Ray Tracer as the Surfr and AndrAIa as...AndrAIa.
[AndrAIa is on the beach, sitting on a ReBoot icon towel on the sand. She's trying to put on suntan lotion. Ray Tracer is surfing with his board on a huge wave, and Spamila is ogling over him. Champ Swimmer is sulking behind her.]
Spamila: Isn't he wonderful? [she sighs dreamily]
Champ: [obviously not impressed] Hmf! I could do that with my eyes closed. He's not so great... He's just tall, muscular, young, and has an Austrailian accent. Who likes that?
Spamila: He's simply amazing!
[Ray finishes surfing for now. When he sees AndrAIa on the beach, he begins to walk towards her. Spamila runs excitedly up to Ray.]
Spamila: Hi Surfr. [Bats her eyelashes]
Ray: Hello there, Pretty Piggy. [Spamila faints]
Ray: [walks over to AndrAIa] Let me help you wtih that, Lovely Lady.
AndrAIa: Uh...sure. I've got a bad feeling about this, but... thank you.
[Ray puts the lotion on his hands and is just about to being putting it on AndrAIa, when shots are fired around him. Ray looks up and then quickly takes off down the beach.]
Matrix: [offscreen] I warned you SURFR!
[Matrix appears wearing swimming trunks with little Guardian icons all over them and gun in hand. He runs up to AndrAIa, kisses her on the cheek and resumes the chase with Ray.]
Matrix: How many times do I have to say, 'STAY AWAY FROM HER!'?
Champ: [walks up to AndrAIa] Now that we're alone, I think I need some mouth to mouth.
AndrAIa: [looks at the pig in disgust and pokes him with her nail. Champ falls, paralyzed.] I don't think so.
[OFFSTAGE]
Slash: Hey, Hack!
Hack: Yes, Slash?
Slash: Did you see that?
Hack: See what?
Slash: There is a little man over there blowing bubbles out of the top of his head.
Bill (the bubble guy): Yes, it's a one-of-a-kind talent. No one else can do it!
[Bill looks up to see that Hack & Slash's antennae have converted into bubble blowers, and they're blowing bubbles right along with him.]
Bill: Suddenly, I'm so depressed.
[Rowlf is playing the piano, Dot is wearing her red dress from 'Talent Night,' and Kermit is standing next to her. Both have microphones in hand.]
Kermit & Dot: [singing] It's not that easy bein' green...
[OFFSTAGE]
Gonzo: Hey, it's no picnic bein' blue either.
Bob: I hear ya, man.
Gonzo: What?
Bob: I hear you!
Gonzo: Huh?
Bob: I UNDERSTAND what you're saying!
Gonzo: Pardon?
Bob: I HEAR YOU!
Gonzo: [shrugging] Sorry, I just can't hear you. I think I still have Jell-O in my ears.
Bob: You have ears?
Gonzo: WHAAAAAAT?
Al's Waiter: [walking up] Hey, did I just hear Al over here?
[ONSTAGE]
Clifford: And now give it up for the one, the only, Fozzie Bear! [Fozzie walks onstage honking a giant bicycle bell and waving his rubber chicken, Clyde.]
Fozzie: Hiya, Hiya, Hiya! Good evening ladies and terms! I am Fozzie Bear and I am here to entertain you this evening with my sub-routine. Get it? SUB-routine? Wocka Wocka!
[There is no reaction from the audience.]
Fozzie: Ha! Okay, why is the mailman afraid of his computer? Ah? Ah? 'Cause its byte is worse than its bark! Get it? BYTE? Computer byte? Ahhh!! Ahh!! Okay, why did the chicken...
[Feathers walks on stage and looks at Fozzie. Fozzie looks at Feathers.]
Fozzie: ...uh... penguin cross the road? Give up? To get to the data slide! Data slide? Wocka Wocka!
[Feathers, who is not impressed and would never go to the data slides, walks off. Meanwhile, Emma Fee is in the audience observing the show and keeping an eye out for inappropriate material for BSnP.]
Emma: [talking to herself] This act is horrible. I've got to do something... [gets up and walks out]
Fozzie: Okay, what happens when you drop your computer on your foot? It Mega-HURTS! Get it? HURTS? HERTZ? Wocka Wocka!
[OFFSTAGE]
Emma: [whispering to a group of binomes with badges reading 'BSnP Police'] *whisper whisper* Understand? Alright, go!
[ONSTAGE]
Fozzie: Ah! I love computer jokes, but they DRIVE my audience crazy! Drive! Get it? Wocka Wocka Wocka!
[BSnP Police calmly walk on stage and escort/drag Fozzie off of the stage.]
[OFFSTAGE]
Emma: [rubs her hands together, pleased] Excellent...
Clifford: [walks up] Hey! Why did you take Fozzie off stage? He wasn't saying anything to censor.
Emma: I took him off 'cause I can't STAND 'im!
[Sam the Eagle and Megabyte are in the tiny café in the studio, drinking tea and having a very pleasant conversation.]
Megabyte: ...so you see, Mr. Eagle, Bob is not all that bad of a sprite. But the fact is I have to hate Bob-- it's in my contract. I really have nothing against him.
Sam: I understand, Mr. Byte. I completely understand now. Thank you for explaining that. But I believe in democracy. Where all men, birds, animals, and ...uh... sprites and viruses are equal.
Megabyte: Yes, but it's also in my contract to take over Mainframe and rule it. If I don't try, I don't get paid. One must get paid, you know.
Sam: Understandable. Oh, Mr. Byte, isn't America a wonderful place to live?
Megabyte: [raising an eyebrow] Indeed?
Sam: Yes! The land of democracy...
Megabyte: Actually, I was compiled in England and then filed to Canada before working on ReBoot.
Sam: ...the freedom of speech! None of that 'monarchy' nonsense.
Megabyte: [shrugging] Very well, Mr. Eagle. You are entitled to your opinion... and I am entitled to mine. [Megabyte unsheathes his claws.] And I believe that bald eagles should live up to what their name suggests...
[BACKSTAGE]
[Lew Zealand and the null-juggling clown are off in a corner, rehearsing.]
Dot: [ducking a boomerang fish and covering her ears at the screeching null sounds] What ARE they doing?
Clifford: They've teamed up to do an act for the show.
Dot: An act?
Clifford: Yeah. They're either going to do live fish juggling or a demonstration of boomerang nulls.
[OFFSTAGE]
[Rats are scurrying everywhere with paper in their hands, mumbling as they read.]
Rizzo: Okay, the 'Web World Wars' background and costumes are almost ready.
Bob: What's with all the rats?
Rizzo: Well, we couldn't find enough binomes to pretend to be CPUs, so we cast my cousins for the job.
Bob: Rats as CPU law enforcers?
Rizzo: Why? You got a problem with that?
Bob: No, no... Uh... I like rats. Reminds me of the Web. [grins sheepishly]
[Dot and Kermit walk up to Bob and Rizzo.]
Dot: Have either of you seen Megabyte?
Rizzo: Last time I saw him, he was with Sam.
Bob: [sarcastically] Great! First we have rats for good guys and now a missing virus for the final number!
Nigel: [overhearing] What?... WHAT?
Al's Waiter: [walking up] Is Al in here?
Nigel: [panicking] You're on in FIVE MINUTES! WHO'S GOING TO PLAY MEGABYTE?
Kermit: Don't worry. I've got someone who'd love to play Megabyte!
[Two rats, who are rehearsing their lines, pass the group of sprites and Muppets.]
Rat 1: Okay. How's this? 'IT'S ABC! THEY TURNED ON US!'
[Bob, Dot, Al's Waiter, Kermit, Nigel, and Rizzo look at each other and all shudder at the same time.]
Rat 2: [looks at the script] No. The line is 'It's the ABC's! They've turned on us!'
Rat 1: [looks] Oh, you're right. My mistake. [Both rats walk off.]
Kermit: Anyway, I'll go get him now so he can get ready.
Rizzo: Great! But what about the viral binomes? We don't have enough rats to play both parts.
Nigel: [flailing his arms around wildly] WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH CAST???!?!?!?
Kermit: Don't worry. I've got that planned out too. Just get ready to start as soon as I've arranged a few things. [runs off to get 'Megabyte' and virals]
Nigel: [shouting frantically at everyone] Okay. Places! PLACES EVERYONE! NOW!! go Go GO!
[Everyone looks at Nigel and then start walking to the their dressing rooms to change for the final number.]
[ONSTAGE]
[Bob is standing on the 'hardware' with Dot and Mouse. Mouse is eyeing Animal offstage. 'Megabyte' and his 'virals' still haven't shown up.]
Bob: [shouting] Okay everyone! It's time to shut the portal! [nothing happens] Um....Okay everyone! It's time to shut the portal! [sighs]
[Bean Bunny pops up with a red broom tied to his head and wearing a t-shirt with the Megabyte symbol on it.]
Bean: [as Megabyte] Not just yet, Guardian!
Bob: [looks at Bean] You've got to be kidding! You're Megabyte?
Bean: [shrugs] Yeah. Why not?
[Suddenly about twenty fluffy little white bunnies appear out of nowhere with plastic file lockers.]
Dot: And those are the viral binomes?
Bean: Yup. Kermit promised them chocolate-covered carrots later if they did this. Let's get it over with.
Bob: [suddenly feeling very tired] Fine. Glitch...
Bean: [tries to jump up and cover Bob's mouth-- repeatedly] Um...a little help?
[Bob sighs, bends over, and picks Bean up. Bean covers Bob's mouth and tries to reach the fake Glitch on Bob's arm.]
Bean: ...um...
[Bob rolls his eyes, takes Glitch off of his arm, and hands it to Bean.]
Bean: Thank you. [Bean tries to crush Glitch.] OW! I hurt my paw! [puts his paw in his mouth] Herr Doktor!
[A white bunny with a doctor's lab coat smiles and hits a button. The pod comes out of the stage. Bob takes the hint and pretends to be thrown into the pod.]
Bob: [unenthusiastic] Megabyte, you won't get away with this.
Bean: [hopping excitedly] Not now, Bob. [turns to the doctor bunny] Launch!
[Mouse steps up and throws the 'Herr Doktor' bunny offstage.]
Mouse: Wan more step an' Ah'll make rabbit stew!
Dot: [looking at Mouse] That's not the line.
Mouse: [smiles and shrugs] Sounded good at the time.
Animal: [runs on stage dressed as Hex] Woman! Woman! [Mouse screams and runs out of sight with Animal close behind.]
[Bean tries to put his most evil grin on his face but instead ends up as the cutest smile anyone's ever seen. He pushes the button, causing the fake pod to blast off and smash through the ceiling. A rope is attached to the bottom.]
Dot: [looking up] I didn't think that it was actually supposed to take off.
Gonzo: [coming up from underneath the stage] It wasn't, but I thought this scene should have some kick. All it took was some carefully placed dynamite under the pod. Bob should be somewhere over China by now! And in a few seconds, I'm going to be joining him! Ha ha ha ha! [Gonzo, who had attached himself to the pod with the rope, is suddenly pulled up and through the hole in the ceiling, following the pod.] Wheeeeeee!
Clifford: [walks on stage] Well. I guess that's it for tonight. I'd like to thank our wonderful guest stars from ReBoot!
[Everyone who wasn't on stage-- AndrAIa, Enzo, Frisket, Matrix, Ray (Mouse is still being chased by Animal)-- walk up to the rest of the group.]
Enzo: This was Alphanumeric!
[A bottle-shaped penguin walks onstage, with a red rubber glove on his head and a very large remote control in his hand. Feathers looks at Clifford and then presses a button, which opens a trapdoor underneath the Muppet. Clifford disappears into the hole.]
Clifford: Hey! What's going on? [sounds of tinking metal are heard] What's this? Metal pants? [sounds of an electronic machine] Hey! Where am I going? [Feathers looks down in the hole and then walks offstage.]
Kermit: [looks down at the hole] Um... bye, Clifford. We'll see you next time on 'Muppets Tonight!'
[The audience applauds.]
[Kermit is at his desk writing down the details of the show in his journal, when there's a polite knock at the door.]
Kermit: Come in. [AndrAIa walks in.]
AndrAIa: Hey, Kermit. I just want to say, on behalf of all of us from the system of Mainframe, how much we enjoyed being on your show. We had a great time.
Kermit: Well, we had fun having you as our guests.
AndrAIa: [sees a picture of a smiling man with a reddish/graying beard on Kermit's desk and picks it up] Who is this?
Kermit: Oh, that's Jim Henson.
AndrAIa: I think I remember him. There's a picture of him in Gavin Blair's office. He helped get ReBoot started.
Kermit: He was my boss and friend. He's... gone now. I miss him.
AndrAIa: We all miss him, Kermit. We all do.
[They don't speak for several seconds, until Enzo bursts through the office door.]
Enzo: AndrAIa! Kermit! We found Sam the Eagle!
AndrAIa: Really, Enzo? Where is he?
Enzo: Follow me! [runs out]
[Kermit and AndrAIa look at each other, shrug, and then chase Enzo down the hall and into Megabyte's dressing room. Everyone is standing in front of the wardrobe.]
Kermit: Sam? Where is he?
Enzo: [pointing to the wardrobe] In there.
[AndrAIa and Kermit look in and see Sam trembling in the corner, sans feathers. He is completely bald with little United Kingdom and Canadian flags glued onto him. Then, on seeing Kermit, Sam tries to look dignified.]
Sam: Ah, yes! Kermit. Am I glad you are here...
Kermit: Sam, what happened?
Sam: Well, I got in a disagreement with Mr. Byte and he got... a little bit... annoyed.
Dot: Soooo, where is Megabyte?
[Sam shrugs.]
[Back in the studio café...]
Bean: [still in his 'Megabyte' costume] More tea?
Megabyte: Please. You know, Mister... Mister... What was your name again?
Bean: Bean.
Megabyte: Ah, yes. You know, Mr. Bean, I normally can't stand anyone who's so cuddly and fuzzy, but you remind me of someone. If only I could think of who...
[Bean shrugs and adjusts his broom.]
Megabyte: I don't suppose you've ever considered a career in evil?
[Just then, Animal comes running by, screaming.]
Animal: AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Mouse: [chasing after Animal] Come back here, you big furry hunk of man! [The pair runs away down the hall.]
Megabyte: Well, that was rather odd.
Bean: Eh. You get used to it.
[Al's Waiter is on the stage. Al's silhouette is in the background.]
Al's Waiter: Come on, Al. Get out here. We're ON!
[Al begins to walk up into the spotlight when all the lights go out, leaving the binomes in the dark.]
Al's Waiter: Aw, nuts!
Written by MG from a minor glitch
and by Al's Waiter from Al's Wait & Eat.
Inspired by ReBoot from Mainframe Entertainment
and by Muppets Tonight from The Jim Henson Company.
Read by ReBoot geeks from who-knows-where. ;)