A/N: I don't know what it is, but I just cannot like Riggs/Palmer, I'm gonna keep on pulling for Riggs/Cahill, even if it can't happen... yet ;)
This was written after (and as a result of) viewing episodes 1-14 'The Murtaugh File' and 1-16 'Unnecessary Roughness'.
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters belong to Shane Black, Fox, and other folks who aren't me.
The Only Way Is Ethics
It wasn't professional.
Dr Maureen Cahill always prided herself on her ability to maintain a good set of ethics, a steady moral compass. She couldn't waver, she didn't dare. The damage it would do, and not just to her career, but to her patients. It was never worth the risk, never worth veering off the righteous path. Then she met Martin Riggs.
From the get go, she knew he was going to be an interesting and complicated case. The sadness and the pain he brought into her office each day was enough to break her heart. The danger and peril he threw himself into was almost frightening. He had no sense of self-preservation, no want or need to live. Maureen did her best to help him deal with Miranda's passing, to see that the future was not as bleak as it seemed, and she did her job well.
Things changed when he stopped drinking. Much of Martin's circular problems were fuelled by alcohol. When he broke that cycle, thought more clearly, allowed himself to live a little, it all got a little easier for him, and yet, it made it so much harder for his 'doc'.
It was simple enough to keep her distance from a patient who was so broken. A man still so in love with his deceased wife that he could see no way to ever love again, to even live again. When Martin found a way to be himself, a man who lost his wife but not his life, he was happier, easier, lighter. He smiled more, and the look was genuine. It reached his eyes, and it made Maureen's breath catch in her throat.
Of course Martin Riggs was attractive. A blind woman would notice it. He had one of those faces, one of those bodies, one of those irrepressible personalities with in-built disarming wit and charm. Such a man was impossible to ignore even if she wanted to, and Maureen didn't want to.
Still, she had to be professional, had to keep her distance. At least, for the most part. When an ex-patient drove her latest boyfriend off the road and planned to come after her next, she needed help. Riggs took it upon himself to be her guardian angel, and Maureen couldn't hate that. Having him watch over her, rescue her, be everything she needed, it felt good. Crazy really, because she wasn't the damsel in distress type, but sometimes things get to a point where a woman just needs a hero.
He literally saved her life. That night when he threw his body over hers, ran them both to the pool and dived in head-first, never letting up his hold on her. You could call it White Knight Syndrome, if it had started then, but the rescue was only the catalyst that made her admit the truth to herself. Maureen had been falling for Martin from Day One, and it had to stop.
The only problem was that it couldn't. There was no way to switch off feelings like that. You could try to ignore them or find some compelling reason for not having them, but it wouldn't make them magically disappear.
There was no way he could reciprocate. Even if he did, anything happening between them would be morally reprehensible. Not only would Maureen lose her job, she would lose all self-respect for herself if she let such a thing happen. Besides, if he liked her, it would only be the Florence Nightingale effect. She was trying to help him with his problems and it was working, so she was the saviour of his fragile emotional state, at least, he might see it that way.
Standing on the balcony and threatening to jump if she didn't continue their sessions had to prove something. Mostly, it proved to Maureen that she was going to have to get over herself, try to be professional in spite of herself. It was that or risk something awful happening to a man she now knew she was at least half in love with.
It might have been okay, if not for Agent Palmer. She had an interest in Riggs long before he was ready to dive in. Now, things were different. Now, he was in a position to feel and to act on those feelings. It was a good thing, a positive step forward, Maureen told Martin as much, even as her fingers worked quickly to assist him in patching up his head. Leaning in so close to him, speaking as she was of his getting close to a woman again, it brought thoughts unbidden to mind, and feelings even more unwelcome in such a moment.
And when he looked at her and smiled like that, she thought he knew. She thought maybe he was about to tell her that Palmer was just a distraction, a mistake, a means to an end. What he really wanted was standing right in front of him.
She could imagine him taking hold of her again, looking into her eyes and pulling her close, laying those smiling lips of his onto her own and kissing her breathless. She could imagine, but she tried not to.
Instead of making a fool of herself and ruining what relationship they did have, she admitted nothing. She said something vague about being happy for him and left as fast as her feet would take her.
"Stupid, ridiculous fool!" she muttered to herself as she headed down the hall, slapping her palm against her forehead as she reached the elevator and stepped inside.
She would blame that for why tears were filling her eyes before she ever got back to her office, but that wasn't true.
What kind of psychologist lied to herself about her feelings anyway?
It wasn't professional.