Doppelgangland:
Once More, With Creeper!
By Sparrowlight
AN: So here's the long awaited sequel to Paparazzi! This takes place a couple of months after Paparazzi. For the BTVS timeline, this takes place before season 3. This obviously takes place back when Anya was a vengeance demon (so the BtVS half is pretty AU). I hope that made sense. Oh, and I gave Anya dark blonde hair. She dyed it so many times during the show that I wasn't sure if I should give her blonde or brown, so I went with dark blonde. i know this is technically a crossover, but i'm just going to post it under Astro Boy since you can read this without having to understand BtVS. But if you're confused about Anya, then PM me or you can go to wikipedia for a character analysis.
The title is the name of an awesome episode of Buffy. "Once More, With Creeper" is a twist on the name of another episode of Buffy (called Once More, With Feeling). Now, kids, what do you think is my favorite show? Lol.
Disclaimer: I don't own Astro Boy, Alyssa Christine (my real life best frannn), Shakespeare, Bad Romance by Lady Gaga, Michael Jackson, Crazy Frog, Sex Therapy by Robin Thicke, Anyanka Christina Emmanuella Jenkins from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Hans Landa from Inglourious Basterds, and "What is this Feeling?" from Wicked ("What is this feeling so sudden and new?").
Chapter 1: Wishing, Creepers, & Cactuses
Aaaaaaaaaand cue music!
*Curtains open*
Once upon a time, in a town 7 minutes away from Metro City—fittingly called Seven-Minutes-Away-from-Metro-City-Ville— a very downtrodden Alyssa Christine was brooding.
Things had steadily gotten worse since she'd left the big city. The creeper was beginning to lose her will to creep.
Inside a very crappy looking apartment, it was obvious who was living there. Porno magazines and empty tubes of cherry Chap Stick littered the floor like, well, litter. The depression in the air hung so heavily, it was affecting the almighty Authoress's ability to pun.
"Oh, Astro…" brooded Alyssa. She was standing before the dirty window, gazing at Metro City like a dieting fat man walking past a buffet. "Wherefore art thou, fair Astro?"
We know things are bad when thou creeper doth speaketh Shakespearean.
Alyssa stepped away from the window. She began to tilt backwards, with intentions of leaning against a wall. But with Alyssa's luck, she didn't stop tilting when she should've.
"I''tfallAlyssa…" Her words came out in a slew of verbal vomit. "Crap…" said Alyssa flatly as she landed painfully on a large pile of dog food and sex toys. She looked around at the pile. "I'm glad this stuff was here to break my fall."
"ALYSSAAAAAAAAA!" came a shrill voice from below, all the way up the stairs, and outside of Alyssa's flat. The creeper pulled herself to her feet and padded to the door.
She yanked the door open so hard that it came unhinged. "Damn it," muttered Alyssa, dropping the door onto the floor.
"ALYSSA!" yelled the old woman at the door.
"What do you need this time, Peggy?" groaned Alyssa. Beneath her crappy apartment, lived an old troll, I mean, grandma, Nazi—no-lady called Peggy McCabbage. She had bugged out gray eyes that always made her look like she'd just watched the Bad Romance music video for the first time. And as her name suggested, she always smelled like cabbage.
The woman's voice changed from sounding like an angry gym teacher to Michael Jackson on laughing gas. "I was wondering if you knew a good song to…set the mood?" Asked the woman, her voice thick with implication.
Alyssa's limbs grew rigid. Her eyes began rolling in opposite directions. She looked like Crazy Frog's third cousin twice removed as she lapsed into an emotionally scarring mental image.
To put it lightly—the dark. Mrs. McCabbage. Sex Therapy by Robin Thicke.
Alyssa fell on the ground and flailed like a demon being driven out.
"I'll take that as a no, dear," chirped Peggy. She turned and flounced away from the convulsing Alyssa.
The creeper watched as the old hag knocked on her neighbor's door.
Half-heartedly, Alyssa pulled herself to her feet. She picked up the door and shoved it back into place. It crashed to the ground, causing Peggy McCabbage's wig to flop off. After 19 failed attempts, the creeper managed to lean the large wooden door against the frame.
She sighed noisily and walked dejectedly over to her crappy apartment's equally crappy bed. After tossing away a blood stained baseball bat, an abnormally shaped feathery hat, and some chips she'd won in a game of strip poker—you don't even want to know—the exhausted creeper plopped onto the mattress. It made a strange noise, like a nubby-tailed dog when one steps on said nubby tail.
Alyssa closed her eyes, planning to drift off and dream about her beloved Astro.
But instead, a loud knock and the sound of the door crashing to the floor interrupted her.
"Peggy…" growled Alyssa under her breath. "I'm not home!" she called to the mystery person or the MP, as some call it.
"I can see you," snapped the MP.
"Fudgy buddies," cursed Alyssa. She sat up and glared at the MP. "Hey…" her glare melted into confusion mixed with awe. "You're not the troll, I mean, grandma, I mean, Nazi—no—old lady!"
"Thank you?" it in fact wasn't the troll, I mean, grandma, I mean—oh, you get it already. It was a girl, who Alyssa placed at about eighteen.
"Who are you then?" Alyssa asked as she dragged herself out of bed and across the room.
"Anya," said the mystery person—I mean, Anya.
Alyssa looked the girl up down appraisingly. "That's an interesting necklace," she commented. For it was indeed an interesting necklace. It was bizarre and ancient looking, and important to the plot.
"Thanks. It's an old family treasure."
Alyssa nodded her approval.
"Well, since you're here, Anya—was it?" began Alyssa, looking down at the large wooden door that once again rested on the floor. "You wanna give me a hand with the door?"
Anya grimaced, then somehow managed to turn her grimace into an annoyed smile. "Suurrrrrrrrreeeeeeee." She rolled her hazel eyes.
The two girls bent down and picked up the door. With more effort than it should have taken, they managed to life up the door and lean it in the doorframe.
Once it was in place, Alyssa leaned against it, crossing her arms like the cool gangster she was. She sighed loudly. "So, what brings you to Seven Minutes Away from Metro City-Ville?"
Anya, who was standing just inside the creeper's apartment, was luckily a quick thinker. "Oh, I just moved here from Fourteen-Minutes-Away-from-Metro-City Township."
"I here it's nice there," muttered Alyssa. "But why'd you leave Fourteen-Minutes to Seven-Minutes? Is there really a difference?"
Anya twisted a dark blonde wisp of hair around her finger. "I have no idea."
Alyssa narrowed her eyes, staring down the new girl. "Well, okay then!"
Anya looked away from Alyssa penetrating brown gaze. The creeper's eyes were beginning to make her uncomfortable. "What about you? Why are you here?"
"Funny you should ask that!" laughed Alyssa. "It's a long story."
Anya shrugged. "I've got time."
"That's true. Well, let's see…where to begin…" Alyssa hypothetically stroked her hypothetical beard in hypothetical thoughtfulness. Anya hypothetically pretended she wasn't in the presence of a weirdo. "It all started with this robot, see."
Anya raised her eyebrows. "A robot?"
"Yes. Anyhoo—it all started with a robot. A robot boy, specifically."
"Is this gonna take a while?" asked Anya flatly.
"Yes. You might wanna pull up a chair."
Anya sighed, and plopped down on Alyssa's creaky mattress. It let out the usual resounding creak. "Continue."
"So this said robot boy's name was…" Alyssa paused for dramatic effect. "Astro…" Whenever Anya would retell the story of how she'd met Alyssa the infamous creeper, she'd swear that little animated hearts appeared in Alyssa's eyes when she said the robot's name. "And naturally, being a super cool robot, he lives in Metro City. And maybe it's true, I did kinda, maybe, stalk him—but just a little bit! Well, anyhoo, I went to Metro City to offer him a night of sexual pleasures and…"
Anya wafted in and out of consciousness over the next hour, as Alyssa relayed the tale of her previous misadventure in Metro City—leaving out the transvestite, of course. Alyssa had, after all, sworn to the pact of the SSTKSETSS, and hell be damned if she broke that swear. Who knows what the blonde would do to her then.
The blonde, as I'm sure you all remember, was an unnaturally sadistic teenage girl with a penchant for driving a hearse and messing with corpses.
"And that, is why I live in Seven-Minutes-Away-from-Metro-City-Ville," finished Alyssa.
Anya's hazel eyes snapped open. "What an inspiring story," she said dryly. She ran her fingers across the strange looking necklace wound around her neck.
"It is, isn't it?" sighed Alyssa dreamily. Her voice sobered. "I wonder what he's doing right now…"
"Who—Asteroid?" asked Anya as she rose to her feet.
Alyssa opened her mouth to respond snappily, but took a deep calming sigh. "It's Astro, Anya. Astro."
"Right, him." Anya waved her hand dismissively.
Alyssa narrowed her eyes.
"Do you ever—oh, I don't know—wish he was, say…different?" Anya stared at Alyssa probingly.
Alyssa shrugged. "I don't know."
"Oh, come on! You can tell me!"
"Wellllll…" said Alyssa, pursing her lips thoughtfully. "There is one thing…"
"Yes?" pried Anya. She sounded strangely eager.
"I guess I wish that…"
"Yes?"
Alyssa laughed humorlessly. "I guess I wish that he was different. Like he'd want to sleep with me, you know?" Alyssa paused and looked down at her purple high-heeled leather boots. "But he's just too…too good. So, I guess that's my wish."
Anya didn't say anything.
"Why'd you want to know…" Alyssa's voice trailed off as she looked up from her boots. "Whoa," she squeaked upon seeing Anya's face.
The hazel eyed girl's face looked disfigured, covered in vein-y creases that seemed to form a pattern across her forehead. The skin was discolored—it had changed from a delicate pale to a yellow-ish brown color.
When Anya spoke, her voice sounded as if it dropped an octave. "Done."
Alyssa's brown eyes opened slowly. She cautiously surveyed her surroundings, just incase any veiny demons might come popping out.
But alas, she was in her crappy bed in her crappy apartment in crappy Seven-Minutes-Away-from-Metro-City-Ville. From the light streaming in through the dirty windows, Alyssa assumed that it was morning.
She sat up slowly, stretching her thin arms up over her head. "I feel like I had the strangest dream last night," she informed her pet cactus, Phillip.
Phillip was a large sequoia cactus that sat in a terra cotta pot on a table at the foot of her bed. He was a very good listener and rather enjoyed Alyssa's tales of creeping.
"There was some weird girl named Anya. And I was telling her about Astro, and then next thing I knew she told me to make a wish. So I did, and then poof! Her face got all veiny and bumpy!"
Phillip stared back at her expressionlessly.
"You're right, Phil. It was just a dream." But despite her words, Alyssa couldn't shake the niggling feeling that her dream had been reality.
With brisk energy, Alyssa pulled herself out of bed, and over to the dirty window she spent so much time brooding.
"Hm…" mused Alyssa, fixing her eyes on the window. "Something about Metro City looks…different…" She narrowed her eyes in perplexity. "I just can't seem to put my finger on it…"
Something about Metro city was indeed different. For though the sun shone over Seven-Minutes-Away-From-Metro-City-Ville, the light didn't quite reach the city. Instead an ominous darkness hung over the usually luminous city like a dead raccoon on the side of Route 66. The buildings looked rundown, and a mysterious red glow emanated from the center.
"Beats me," shrugged Alyssa, turning her back to the haunting scene outside.
Phillip internally shook his little cactus head, for the creeper was truly not the brightest bulb in the box.
"Well it seems like a nice day…" commented Alyssa. "No use staying inside brooding all day—people might start to think I'm weird."
'Says the girl talking to a cactus…' thought Phillip.
"I know what you're thinking, my fine friend, Phillip," said Alyssa. "You're thinking that I'm going to go to Metro City," Alyssa paused to throw in an over-exaggerated phony laugh. "But, au contraire, my fair Philly. Because I have a little something called willpower. Uh-huh, I've got it."
She was beginning to ramble more than Hans Landa about his apple strudel. And he likes his apple strudel.
Alyssa strayed from the window, moving closer and closer to the door. "So I'll just be…" She seized her leather jacket off of the tiny kitchen table and pried the door open. "Bye, Philly!" With those hasty words of goodbye, Alyssa sped off like a speeding bullet.
Phillip internally rolled his cactus eyes, sighing a cactus sigh.
In a matter of 29.7460448 seconds, Alyssa found herself on the sidewalk just outside of the apartment complex.
Smoothing back her brown hair, Alyssa set her eyes on the horizon. With a determined pace, the creeper set off for her wonderland—Metro City.
The seven minute trek from Seven-Minutes-Away-From-Metro-City-Ville to Metro City itself felt like the longest seven minutes of Alyssa's life.
As she neared the once-shining city, she experienced a grip of anxiety. The grip was so strong that it actually caused her to cease walking.
Alyssa's brow furrowed in confusion. "What is this feeling?" she sang. "So sudden and new?" Alyssa stopped singing and got serious. "No seriously, what is this feeling?"
Creepers—especially the renowned Alyssa Christine—don't get anxious. Could it be that she was actually nervous to see Astro again?
But Alyssa remembered her objective, and the confusion melted away, bringing the anxiety along with it. So with a renewed sense purpose, the creeper continued walking. Upon nearing the city, Alyssa noticed that it the sky got darker and the reddish glow grew brighter.
The creeper hummed happily as she skipped through the fields leading to the city. She didn't realize that she was skipping right toward—
"An iron fence?" wondered Alyssa aloud, standing just inches away from the wrought iron spikes protruding from the ground. "Since when is Metro City a gated community?"
But little did she know, there were more surprises in store. Surprises far more severe than a simple gate around Metro City…
*Cue evil laughter*
Oooh!
What do you think will happen?
Do you even care?
I apologize for the lack of Astrizzle, but he is coming, don't you worry!
Also, sorry if the ending feels rushed.
Anyway…
I will try to update ASAP, I promise!
I love you.
~Sparrow.