The Freedom Pals were the Avengers of South Park, a young vigilante group that once battled the evils in their podunk town with foam swords and 'whooshing' noises. As the town saw years past, so did the valiant children of this group. They raised the stakes and sought crimes that suited their growing capabilities. Fake toys became real weapons as they forged blades in their yards with crafty tools they stole from their parents. They practiced fighting techniques from around the world in classes hosted in Eric Cartman's basement, since he was the only one with access to the best trainers in Colorado. By night they took to the streets where their hard work paid off in the form of delivering justice and liberating those in need. The kids that played superheroes for fun in the past were honing in their skills to shape a better future for themselves and the town.
And with the responsibilities of a part time hero came the expenses of new weapons and chemicals to help them maintain their powers. The meth lab in Kenny's garage became their private chemical workshop, after the dead bodies of the previous owners were dragged out by the police force. This was where they tampered with the ingredients for their powers. Human Kite's laser eyes, Super Craig's strength, Mint Berry Crunch's- no, those ones were real, my bad.
It was no surprise to anyone in South Park that these experimental mixtures lead to actual heroic powers, so they continued to work in Kenny's garage, as long as they paid their rent. That was yet another expense of being a hero.
"Why is being a hero so fucking expensive?" The Coon hollered at their long meeting table. No one sat at the head of the table due to the franchise problem back in elementary school, but that didn't stop Eric Cartman from leading the group discussions as he so pleased.
"This is why we needed a Netflix series!"
"You ruined that remember?" Human Kite interjected.
"Ay!" The Coon smacked his hands against the table, his claws scratching its surface, causing the rest of the group to groan from the sound.
"He's right you know," Super Craig added.
"Yeah, Fatass," Tool Shed decided to throw his two cents in as well.
"I'm like, so seriously guys, I hate you all."
The Coon plopped down in his swivel chair which spun from the table's edge when he did. The rest of the group returned to the matter at hand: What to do about those finances.
There was a large blueprint of ideas spread across the table and all of the members had white markers to use but they sat idle in their seats with those markers capped.
It felt as unproductive as their school news meetings they held on Tuesdays. Unfortunately, drugs weren't an option because it went against their moral code. Except alcohol, they had to accommodate for Tool Shed's drinking habits if they wanted him on the team, despite Human Kite's objections. Besides, now that they were high school freshman, drinking was a common thing for them. There had been a day or two when Mysterion missed important meetings for S.H.S, as they called it. Serious Hangover Syndrome. It was the after effect of binge drinking Stan under the table, a challenge usually rewarded with a nasty hangover and perhaps a dose of pride if anyone could remember if they beat him or not. Mysterion took that challenge more than anyone else for various reasons, but we'll save those for another day.
"Well?" Tupperware had been drawing on his containers with the marker in an attempt to stimulate his brain with something other than the ringing silence.
"Any ideas?"
A collective 'no' was passed around the room. Mysterion rested his chin in the palm of his hand and closed his eyes. The boredom of thinking like they were in classes could have put anyone to sleep.
The Coon leaned over the table once more for a dramatic effect as he began his speech.
"You guys! You guys! I know this is going to sound crazy-"
"That's not surprising," Human Kite muttered.
"Shut up Kyhal!" The Coon shouted.
"As I was saying before Human Kite so rudely interrupted me-"
That received several eye rolls and a round of soft sighs.
"-Why don't we look outside of South Park?"
"I-isn't that, Agh! T-too dangerous?" Wonder Tweek asked.
"No!" The Coon waved his arms in his defense. "No, hear me out, really you guys, this is the greatest idea ever!"
"We're listening Cartman," Tool Shed groaned.
"Think about it. If we took missions from places outside of South Park like, uh, New York! If we took a mission in New York we could make a fortune! New York is where all the rich people live!"
No one wanted to admit that as dumb as he made it sound, he had a point, somewhere in that mess of bullshit. Tool Shed and Human Kite exchanged glances at one another from across the table as if they communicate telepathically like Doctor Timothy. After sharing a mutual nod, they turned to the rest of the group who were still discussing the possibility.
"You can't actually be serious about this you guys," Human Kite pleaded with his team. "There's no way we can get some rich guy in New York to ask a bunch of kids for help."
"Ah, but that's where you're wrong Kahyl," The Coon teased.
"If they're desperate enough, they'll want help from anywhere, even a group of kids."
"Why does this already sound like a bad idea that involves you causing problems that the rest of us have to solve?" Human Kite asked with his eyebrow raised in bitter distaste. Tool Shed placed a hand on his shoulder to hold him in his seat.
"We might not need to create the problems."
Everyone stood as Doctor Timothy entered the room from his den and graced them with his presence. They sat down after providing a spot for him at the table. He examined the map, his fingers pressed to his temples as though he were absorbing the scribbled information.
"I see," he concluded. "Are there any objections to seeking out greater disturbances?"
"You mean, we're actually going to look for crimes outside of South Park?" Human Kite asked in surprise.
"I mean that I want us to try. There's no harm in bettering the world for everyone," he replied.
This put Human Kite in his place among the rest of the dumbfounded team as Doctor Timothy wheeled himself into his den.
"I'm in," Mysterion was first to tally his vote on the blueprint page.
"I'm in," followed Tool Shed, Mosquito, Tupperware, Captain Diabetes, Wonder Tweek…
"I'm in if Tweek's in," Super Craig said as he tallied his vote.
"A-aw C-craig, Agh! I m-mean Super Craig!"
The Coon marked his vote and threw a sly grin in Human Kite's direction.
"Well well well, looks like The Coon swipes again."
"Don't get too full of yourself fatass, if this plan fails then it's on you," Human Kite's bite was restraint as he humbly tallied his vote.
"That looks like everyone," Mysterion noted.
"Then what do we do first? Zzzt."
"Well of course, Mosquito, we're going to have to find a mission!" The Coon announced.
"One that pays," Super Craig added.
"Exactly. Human Kite, you're in charge of the database, I want you compiling all of the information we find online and sifting through the best deals."
The Coon paced around the table as he assigned roles to each member. Human Kite, reluctantly, went to their supercomputer to start his job.
"Mosquito and Tupperware are on public advertisement, I want you to find out what's happening in South Park. What gossip is crawling through the streets and what are the people looking for."
They nodded.
"You'll report back to Super Craig and Wonder Tweek who will work on our campaign both online and in town. I want posters, flyers, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. Get in touch with Call Girl and see how she can help, just don't tell her that we actually need help or anything. We could totally do this without her if we wanted to, she just makes this easier."
"Wh-why us? Gah! Th-that's a lot of p-pressure!"
Super Craig rested his hand on Wonder Tweek's back to sooth him with a gentle rub while The Coon rolled his eyes.
"Duh, you work at a coffee shop with your parents. You know a thing or two about campaigning. And lets not forget about Craig's little School News stunt. I don't care if half of the town is drinking gallons of cough syrup when you're done. I just want to the town to know what we're doing!"
"Got it," Super Craig said as he guided Tweek to the corner where they could meddle with the printer.
"Tool Shed, Mysterion, you two are in charge of night patrol. Tool shed gets the early shift and you get the late one. Just because we're expanding, it doesn't mean we're free from our duties here in South Park."
"And what will you be doing?" Mysterion asked, crossing his arms as he waited for a genuine response.
"Me?" The Coon placed his claws tenderly across his chest.
"I'm the mastermind," he told him, "I'm going to be supervising everyone from headquarters."
"That doesn't seem very fair," Tool Shed gathered. He joined at Mysterion's side.
"It is fair," The Coon insisted. "If it wasn't fair then I wouldn't be doing it now would I?"
"Just leave him be," Mysterion grumbled.
"This is the first time he's had something decent to add to the team. We might as well take advantage of it while we can."
Tool Shed agreed and they left to arrange what they would need for their shifts that night.
The Coon sat in his chair and kicked his feet up on the table to relax to the sweet sounds of everyone working under his command. Then, without warning, Human Kite pulled on the back of his chair, causing him to dip so far that it slid out from under him and he crashed to the ground.
"What the fuck was that for?" He growled.
"That's for being a lazy fuck," Human Kite retorted. "You don't get to lay around while the rest of us slave away."
"Careful Kyle, you'll offend your Jewish ancestors with that attitude. They were all slaves you know."
"Shut up Cartman," Human Kite grumbled, "Just get up and do your part. If you want to be a leader then lead."
With that, Human Kite returned to his station, leaving The Coon to pick himself up off the floor. He muttered a few choice words under his breath before checking in on his busy bees, periodically, between his own paperwork he had to do.
It was well into the next morning when they all regrouped for a consensus. They greeted one another with tired eyes and sleepy groans as they drug their feet to their chairs. Wonder Tweek brought two holders of coffee to share but the group avoided it like the plague. The secret ingredient in Tweak Bros. Coffee was not a secret to them and they decided they would rather rest their heavy heads on the chair than wired themselves with drugs.
Super Craig leaned on Wonder Tweek's shoulder which calmed his partner's nerves while Mysterion used his cape as a pillow, Tool Shed put his head on the table and Human Kite balanced his chin on his hand. The other members were in the same sleepy state, their half lidded eyes threatening to whisk them away to their dreams. Except for The Coon, who had yet to arrive to the meeting he called to order.
"You guys!" He called to them as his feet pounded on the staircase.
"You guys I've got it! I've actually got it!"
He waved a sheet of paper around above his head while he ran to his seat, then he slapped it on the table, causing everyone to jump in their seats.
"This is it! This is going to be our first outside mission! It's going to pay bank you guys."
He turned the paper so that everyone could lean in and see the long line of 0's behind a bolded number 1.
"Is that a million dollars? What the hell Cartman? Where did you find this?" Human Kite pointed to the digit as though he were afraid to touch it with his bare hand.
"Up to a million, it says," The Coon clarified.
"And we got first dibs."
"But from who? Where did you get this?" Mysterion asked, snatching the paper to read it through for himself.
"That's for me to know and care about as the leader of this mission," The Coon stated proudly.
"And as leader of this mission, how do you expect us to get to Tahiti?" Mysterion questioned as he slid the paper to the center of the table. The rest of the group crowded around it to see exactly what Mysterion was talking about. The Coon seemed taken aback by Mysterion's doubt. After all, why should anyone question The Coon?
"I have a plan Mysterion and there are tickets on hold, if we take the mission, which I say we should," The Coon said as he circled his beady eyed team.
"What do you all say?"
The group hesitated but they knew they needed the money to tip off Kenny's parents and the other local stores that supplied them with their hero needs. Their miscellaneous jobs at coffee shops or Raisins weren't enough. Human Kite, to everyone's surprise, put the first tally vote on the sheet.
"You better not be fucking with us, or I will personally sneak into your room at night and burn your costume," he threatened.
The Coon flashed him a wicked grin.
"How could you say that? I wouldn't do that to you, would I, Kyle?"
This is an interactive Fanfiction! As the reader it's up to YOU to decide where it goes! Throw some suggestions/ideas in the comments below as the story progresses and see if your input changes the course of the story.
(OC's may be incorporated as needed and are welcomed in your suggestions)
Note/Disclaimer: All suggestions given are at subject to be used as the author sees fit.
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