A/N:
I don't know what this is, guys.
And I don't own Teen Wolf.
He knows he shouldn't like Peter, not like he does.
He knows he shouldn't trust him, not like he does.
He knows he shouldn't need him, not like he does.
But there are a lot of things he knows that he just doesn't care about, and it's hard to tell himself know when Peter is feet from him and smiling that same smile that lets him know: rules are meant to be broken.
He doesn't drag his feet when Peter asks him to meet him in the woods, and he doesn't try to lie when Derek asks where he's going. For the most part, Derek just lets them be, because he's already lost two of his betas to something bigger than himself.
And this, well, this is bigger than a lot of things.
He knows that, while Peter is good to him, he's also dangerous. He's heard Derek say it, time and again, and he's heard Scott and Stiles when they recall exactly what happened to Peter in the first place. He catches the fear that dances through Lydia's eyes when she thinks of the hell Peter put her through, and it still doesn't stop him.
Why? Because Peter is more than just what he did.
Peter has reasons for what he did, even if they aren't very good ones. Peter always has a plan, and he's not afraid to throw someone else under the bus, even if that someone is close to him. He doesn't know if the fact that he likes this about Peter is normal, or something left over from when he was weak and beaten. All he knows is that he would willing die if Peter planned it, just because that's what you do for someone you love.
And yes, he loves Peter. He knows he shouldn't, he knows that loving someone so wrong is very, very bad.
He's been graced with the full extent of Derek's relationship with Kate Argent, he knows that love has a trigger so sensitive it can be set off by a breath of air, and he knows that Peter is holding the gun. He likes to think that that's why he loves it so much, because it's a constant game to see who comes out first.
He knows he shouldn't play games with Peter, but there's something so rewarding about studying the board and planning his next move.
He can submit, or he can ignore.
He can kiss, or he can bite.
It's all up to him and, of course, Peter plays too. There are times when Peter holds him tight, only to sink claws deep in his shoulder, as if he's been planning just that for a very long time. He never retaliates because Peter's won, just for the moment.
When Peter ignores him, kisses Erica just to make him jealous, he reacts like he's supposed to. He's not one to control his emotions, especially not anger. He's impulsive, and he's got power behind his impulses now, so he reacts like Peter wants.
Peter's got it all figured out.
When he kisses Erica, or Scott, or anyone really, Peter laughs.
When he ignores Peter, Peter kisses Erica or anyone.
He knows it shouldn't excite him that he can't best Peter, but it does.
There's nothing better than being beneath someone. He's decided this and he holds to it, even when he wakes in a cold sweat from a nightmare about his past. Even when he rebels against what Derek says, because that's not the kind of beneath he wants. He can't explain it, not even to himself, but it feels right to know he'll never be on the same level as Peter.
He knows he'll never be an equal, and it excites him.
He knows he shouldn't love Peter, and it excites him too.
There's something delicious about breaking the rules and disregarding what you know for something not right, not good but so, so appealing.