A/N: Just a quick little story that was dedicated to my friend Katie after she came back from Italy, posted on our live journal community "Rent for bastards".
Disclaimer: Jonathan Larson's.
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Everyone knows Maureen cheats. Collins knows. Benny knows. Roger knows. Even Mark knows, even though he's reluctant to admit it. Collins has witnessed Maureen flirting on several occasions, and one time Benny even saw her about to kiss another man. But no one really had solid proof, just their intuitions and their assumptions. However, Mark was willing to look past all of those "rumors". Or, ignore them. That was something Roger would never understand.
He couldn't get through his skull why the hell Mark would do this to himself. Why he would still be with Maureen, even though she was out with a different man, or woman, every night. But he always just blamed it on the fact that Mark loves Maureen a little too much. And while Roger sits by and watches his roommate and best friend go through all of this, he realizes every day how much he loves Mark. But as long Maureen is here, Roger can never do anything about his feelings.
The feelings that have been creeping up on him since the day he met Mark. It could have been mistaken for friendship that early, and it was. But now, Roger's very aware that it's more. When the rock star is perfectly capable of hitting on anything that moves, he's realized that feelings for Mark are more than just temporary animal attraction.
He's very aware that most likely, Mark doesn't feel the same way. And that is why he's kept his feelings hidden. Either that, or because he's terrified the rest of the group will find out about his confession and never leave him alone about it. He'll tell him some day. Roger has no intention of breaking Maureen and Mark up. He doesn't want to hurt him. So he'll wait.
"Hey guys, I'm gonna head home. I'm kinda tired…" Roger stands up, pushing the stool he was just occupying softly against the wall of the bar and moves backwards, away from his band mates.
"Since when are you ever tired after a show Davis?" Aaron perks up, raising his beer bottle in his shaky hand and pointing it to his lead singer.
"Since you started to get drunk after every one of them. I'm sick of dragging your alcohol soaked ass home every night. So get one of the other guys to do it. I'll see ya tomorrow at practice." Roger dismisses the bass player suavely, then goes over to the corner to find his jacket and exit.
Once the night air presses against his face, he pulls out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one quickly. He always figured he'd start smoking one day once he could access them. His father smoked, and so did all of his friends. It was only a matter of time before he started too. No matter how much Mark assures him that cigarettes will be his death, he continues to smoke. Maybe he likes the danger of fatality. Or he just couldn't get away from peer pressure.
Anyways, he got addicted way before Mark came into the picture…
The concrete hits his shoes just right, creating a rhythm that Roger has stupidly noticed and purposely tried to keep up. Sometimes he realizes how idiotic he's being and laughs at himself, but other times he continues all the way home. It gives him something to do. Roger has never liked being alone, and that doesn't just pertain to dark nights walking home after his show is finished. Sure, getting with random groupies, male or female can be entertaining and thrilling on some nights, but others…it just feels empty.
As he comes closer to the loft, he finishes his cigarette, tossing it into the street and scooping handfuls of air towards himself, attempting to hide the evidence of smoking from Mark. Not like he would notice, considering the rest of his roommates smoke, but tonight Roger really isn't in the mood to get lectured on his health.
Before entering the loft, he brushes off his jacket, running a hand through his hair and making sure he smells at least slightly like something other than alcohol and smoke. But once the door is opened, all coherent thoughts fly completely from his head.
"Ma…Maureen! Wh…" Roger runs the picture of what is happening in his mind over and over again, waiting for it to completely click. Maureen, sprawled out on the couch, a strawberry dangling above her mouth, and a handsome man attached to it. His wavy blond hair falls into his face, muscles clenched and bare, as he's wearing nothing but a pair of boxers. To Roger's delight, Maureen has only her shirt off, and is still covered by a bra. But he'd rather see a fully clothed Maureen.
"Roger…you're not…your show…" The performance artist stumbles off the couch to reach for her shirt, seeming more worried about being a little undressed than having another man feeding her a strawberry while straddling her waist.
"I was tired. I wanted to come home and spend the night with Mark. Fuck, I hope he's not here. Otherwise you've stooped to levels I thought even you couldn't reach." Maureen shoots him a demonic look before looking up at the mysterious man and rolling her eyes.
"He's not here. He went out to film something. He left about an hour ago." She slips her purple shirt over her head, pulling it down to her waist and flipping her hair free. Roger clenches his fists to his sides, resisting every natural urge in his body right now. The urge to kick the shit out of this random guy Maureen decided to bring home. The urge to scream at Maureen for not loving Mark enough. The urge to find Mark on the street, tell him what she's doing and confess his love. But instead he just stands there, keeping his angry stare leveled on the fidgeting drama queen.
"Jason, maybe you should leave…" Maureen faces the man, and he nods slowly, gathering his clothes in his hands and heading towards the door.
"If you come back here I swear I'll…"
"Roger! Leave him alone." Maureen nods at Jason to leave already, before Roger threatens to bash his head in, then sits calmly on the couch, crossing her arms around her body.
"What…the hell do you think you're doing? I mean, sure, I suspected you of cheating, but I never actually fucking thought you were! I can't believe you'd do that to Mark!" Roger screams with all of his anger, frustration and betrayal balled up into one powerful shriek. Maureen sits, pouting, as if Roger is just going to forget about it to comfort her from her troubles.
"I have it under control…" Her eyes stay focused on the floor, afraid that if she looks up for even a second, she will finally realize what kind of pain she is causing.
"Yeah, I can see that. As soon as Mark walks out of the door you have another dick happy to fill his position. Well I won't let you do this to my best friend!" Maureen stands up, walking over to her angry roommate and sneering, no matter how afraid she may be.
"You think I mean to hurt him like this? You don't know the half of it."
"You have to tell him." Roger whispers, seeing as Maureen is about an inch away from rubbing noses with him. She turns away with a scoff, heading to the kitchen to raid the empty fridge.
"Yeah right." She drags out a bruised apple, biting crisply into it then spitting it back out into the sink. "Uch…disgusting!" She yells, shaking her head at the apartment's lack of any food that is actually edible. But Roger isn't worried about the apple, or even Maureen. He's worried about Mark. Mark could have come in, finding Maureen on the couch with Jason at any time, just like Roger did. And he's goddamn happy that he found her, and not the filmmaker. But now he knows something he wishes he didn't.
"Fine. Then I will tell him." Roger can't take another minute of Maureen's ignorant behavior and rushes into his room, slamming the door and sitting down on his bed. He buries his head in his hands, taking in a deep breath and trying to gather the right words to tell Mark about what he just saw.
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"You do?" Roger steps back in shock as Mark washes his hands in the kitchen sink after a nasty incident on the subway.
"Yeah, I mean…I've never really seen her, but I always figured. She's not that great of a liar." Mark clears his throat, drying his hands on a dirty paper towel that has been left on the counter. He avoids Roger's eyes, but Roger wants to see if there is hurt there.
"So…you don't care?" Roger is baffled that his roommate has been aware of this without him knowing.
"I care. I just figure I can't really do much about it. So why even try?"
"Because you love her. And this is completely unfair to you, Mark! I can't believe you're just taking this shit lying down. You deserve an apology from her. Either that, or dump her." Roger tries to give helpful advice, advice that he is almost positive Mark will take, or at least has to take. But Mark just stands there, shaking his head and staring at his hands sprawled out on the counter.
"Roger, you don't know…"
"The half of it, I heard that. But what else is there to know? She's cheating on you, and you're not standing up for yourself." Mark attempts to leave after Roger's last comment, but the rock star won't allow him. He presses his hand to Mark's chest, pushing him back lightly so that they can continue their conversation.
What Roger wouldn't give to tell Mark how good they could have it. Tell him that they could fall in love, and Roger wouldn't do this to him. Roger would be satisfied with just Mark. Just them. But instead he just gets pissed off at Mark for not loving him back, even though Mark doesn't have much of a choice.
"Just mind your own business." Mark tries to leave again, and again Roger stops him.
"Stop trying to leave! Why are you putting up with this? Why are you letting her walk all over you?" Roger removes his hand from Mark's chest, clenching it at his side, before he goes too far. "You can't possibly love her so much that you will let her hurt you like this. You're gonna fuck yourself up!"
"I don't have any other choice." Mark mumbles, and something inside Roger breaks. He can't stand the fact that Mark thinks he's stuck between a rock and a hard place, when he has other options. Options that he isn't even aware of. So he finally takes action.
"Yes you do!" Roger leans forward to Mark's lips, gripping his chin between his thumb and forefinger to make sure he doesn't stop the kiss. But, to Roger's delight, Mark doesn't resist. At first he gasps with surprise, but soon relaxes to Roger's mouth, and the rock star is able to let his hand go limp. The kiss is needing and desperate, yet affectionate. This is what Roger has wanted for nearly a year, and now that he's getting it, he never wants to let it go. And he regrets it thoroughly when Mark begins to pull away.
"I…" Mark backs away, bringing his fingers up to his mouth to brush over his lips, running the picture of Roger with his eyes shut tightly, and a red tint to his cheeks as he was going in for the kill.
"Think about it." Roger doesn't take another breath before leaving for his room, shutting the door just like before, but instead of leaving an uncaring Maureen, he's leaving a very perplexed Mark. And even though he's just gotten the thing he's been imagining for so long, he couldn't feel more frustrated. As for Mark, he simply stands in the kitchen for God knows how long, touching his lips, blinking over and over and over, and trying to make sense of what just happened.
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When Mark comes out from his bedroom the next morning to see Roger with a bowl of cereal in his hands, he's not exactly sure what to say. He's not sure what to think. Roger isn't the same Roger he was before last night. He was a friend, a roommate, someone Mark could confide in. And now, all Mark can think about when the name Roger is mentioned is the incredible kiss that was unexpectedly planted, and unexpectedly enjoyed. But it certainly threw Mark for a loop. I mean sure, he knew that the two men were close, but he never thought that Roger had thought about something more. Nor did he ever think that he himself would consider that. But ever since that kiss…it's all he can think about.
But could Roger actually want to start up something?
"Were you serious?" Mark asks, forcing Roger to turn his head with a mouthful of cereal and wonder. "I mean…were you serious about what you said last night?" Mark finishes his thought after realizing that Roger cannot hear his thoughts.
"Yeah. You thought I would joke about that?" Roger swallows the rest of the food in his mouth as he's speaking, and Mark makes his way over to where the guitarist is sitting.
"Well…you are my best friend Rog…" He sits on a stool next to his roommate, knowing that part of him would give anything to lean over and steal another kiss like the one last night.
"I was serious, Mark. You have to stop putting up with Maureen's shit." He sets down his bowl and crosses his arms over his chest, staring Mark directly in the eye.
"It's…not that simple." Mark shakes his head, telling himself over and over that Roger doesn't know what he's talking about.
"What isn't simple? Mark, she's cheating on you!"
"I know! I know, okay?" Mark rubs his temples, exhaling sharply.
"Then why don't you do something about it? Just letting it go doesn't make any sense!" Mark stands up hastily, pushing the stool he recently occupied away and pointing harshly at Roger.
"You think reminding me of it, rubbing it in my face is making this any easier? You think that the thought of her with another man or even woman is on my mind every fucking time I'm with her? Touching her? Kissing her? Well you thought wrong." Mark sighs when he's done with his rant, and Roger softly stands up, trying to carefully reach his enraged roommate.
"Mark…I didn't…" The guitarist outstretches his arm, touching it lightly to Mark's chest when Mark backs away.
"Just forget it." Now Mark is the one to storm to his room, never looking back. And this time, it's Roger left who is left confused. He's not exactly sure what all of this meant, or if Mark ever really gave an answer to his offer.
But maybe it was a bad idea all along. Roger shouldn't have gotten involved with Mark and Maureen's relationship, no matter how much help they need. It's none of his business. And that was the day Roger decided to ignore Maureen's cheating.