Author's Note
To those of you returning for the fourth season of the 'Total Shuffled' series, welcome back! To those tuning in for the first time, hello! As you may have guessed, THIS IS THE DIRECT SEQUEL TO 'TOTAL SHUFFLED WORLD TOUR', AND THUS TO THE SEASONS THAT CAME BEFORE IT. HOWEVER, AS IT INTRODUCES A NEW CAST, READING THE PREVIOUS SEASONS IS ONLY HIGHLY RECOMMENDED RATHER THAN REQUIRED.
For those of you who are just starting on this series, here's how it works: Way back before Pahkitew Island aired, I came up with the idea of a fanfic reboot of the Total Drama series where the contestants were reassigned, at random, to a new starting series. Twenty-two were assigned to debut in 'Total Shuffled Island'; two more as the newbies in 'Total Shuffled World Tour', thirteen more in this season, and the remaining fourteen in 'Total Shuffled Pahkitew Island' that should come out later this year.
The thirteen characters that make up Shuffled's second generation of characters are...a cast that could only be determined by the random assignment that forms the basis of this series. You'll better understand why when they've all been introduced, but suffice to say I doubt any author among us would have ever intentionally chosen this exact cast for a competition fic under normal circumstances.
As always, I have a lot in store for you all this season.
The pairings I plan to use in this story will have to remain largely secret for now as I don't want to spoil the cast yet. You'll find out what they are as the season progresses.
The update schedule should hopefully be as it was for the last two seasons - expect a new chapter every Friday afternoon (EST). However, as I do expect to get a job soon, the exact time and date may fluctuate a little.
And lastly, a TVTropes page for this series exists, and as per usual with such things, could always use more work. Not that I don't appreciate what's already gone into it, of course - I am incredibly grateful to everyone who has worked on it - but with a new season and new characters, there's going to be a lot of things to add in these next few weeks.
But enough of that. I know what you're all eager to see, so without further ado, enjoy the show.
- Fangren
Episode 1 – Bigger! Badder! Brutal-er!
The scene faded in to a shot of the Earth from space, an astronaut banging on a small communications satellite in the foreground with a wrench. The satellite had the letters 'TDRI' scrawled on the front in black.
"We've been to the movies," the voice of Chris McLean began as the satellite seemed to whir into function, lights on either end of it glowing green. "We've been around the world!" Just as the astronaut gave the camera thumbs-up, the satellite suddenly failed with a jolt of electricity and broke apart, the astronaut palming the visor of their helmet. "And this season," Chris said as the camera rapidly began to zoom in towards northern Canada, "we're going right back where it all began," the camera past through layers of cloud to reach a beautiful morning sky, then panned down to an all-too-familiar island, "at Camp Wawanakwa!"
Chris McLean was already standing just off-center on the dock, right by the 'Wawanakwa' sign – both of which looked like they'd gone through some heavy wear and tear. "I'm Chris Mclean," the host formally introduced himself, "and as you can see, things have changed since we've been away." He walked down the dock to where a male red-shirted intern of southeast Asian descent waited with a coconut drink on a platter; the right side of the camp's sign fell down as he passed by, taking out a small piece of the dock.
"And by changed," the host said with a darkly expectant smile, "I meant gotten really, really, dangerous!" He rubbed his hands together in anticipation, then took the coconut drink from the intern. As soon as he did so a giant pink tentacle rose from the lake with a terrifying roar, and slammed down on the dock – Chris calmly sidestepped it, but the intern and a sizable chunk of the end of the dock were smashed into the water. "Hahaha, good stuff," the host laughed.
"But the rules of the game remain the same," he told the camera, the scene changing to a panning shot of one of the cabin rooms, a cockroach scurrying over the lens. The room itself looked about the same as it had three seasons ago – decrepit and old-fashioned, but boringly so. "A handful of unsuspecting teens will bunk with complete strangers," Chris explained during the pan, the shot cutting to a stained piece of male underwear nailed to a wooden door that promptly opened to reveal the old outhouse confessional within, "air their dirty laundry in our outhouse confessional, and compete in life-threatening challenges all over the island," the camera cut to a long-distance shot of the thousand-foot-high-cliff, zooming in on the gleamingly jagged rocks in the water below it, "and risk being voted off," Chris continued as the shot cut to the clearing, firepit, oil drum, and eleven stump-seats used for Campfire Ceremonies of the past.
"Last one standing wins," the shot cut from the elimination area to a still image of a wheelbarrow overflowing with money, "one, million, DOLLARS!" A short, grand, and victorious tune blared as the shot zoomed in on the prize money.
"Speaking of our cast," Chris said back on the Dock of Shame as a cool rock theme began to play, "here they are now!"
The shot cut to a small but luxurious red-striped yacht where the twenty-four contestants of the past three seasons could be seen more-or-less enjoying themselves. Geoff and Bridgette were making out on the starboard side while Dawn, DJ, and Sammy danced nearby, Amy huffing and looking away from them in disgust. On the stern deck, Beardo beatboxed while Ella sang and danced with Tyler (who had started to regrow the hair he'd lost as a result of the plane exploding last season), Ezekiel and Beth joining in nearby. On a higher sternward balcony, B smiled down at his friends below then gave the camera a thumbs-up, Sierra and Sam played with a smartphone and video game handheld respectively, and Dakota posed for the camera; Shawn dropped down on the group unexpectedly from even higher up, startling all four. And at the bow, Topher and Alejandro leaned coolly against the port-side railing and smiled at the camera, Jo and Lightning arm-wrestled on the railing next to them, Scott leaned out over the starboard rail and spat, Sugar practiced her craptry dancing in front of a rather annoyed and handtruck-bound Scarlett, and Staci sat on the very foremost point of the railing, tail wagging and tongue lolling like the dog she still looked like.
Chris waved at the yacht as it approached...and kept on going, the music scratching to a halt instead of the ship. "NOOOO!" Tyler hollered in surprise in anguish as the boat sailed off-screen, and Chris laughed.
"No, not them," he told the camera as it zoomed back in on him. "This season, we've got all new players, fighting for the million!" he announced as the music turned tense and grandiose. "And here they come now, for real!"
The shot cut to another yacht approaching, similar to the last one but with its stripes a pale teal instead of red. Several teens could be standing along the bow, port-side, upper deck, and stern, and the camera cut to those at the head of the ship – a tall black girl with her dark hair tied back in a short ponytail, wearing an Australian slouch hat, a khaki vest over a white t-shirt, and khaki shorts; and a relatively shorter and definitely scrawnier white boy with thick red hair and the barest minimum of a soul patch, wearing thick glasses, a blue t-shirt with a hamburger on it, a pinkish long-sleeved undershirt, and rather drab pants.
"Meet Jasmine," Chris said, the girl noticing the boy next to her staring at her strangely.
"Uhh, are you and I gonna have a problem?" The Outback Girl asked sternly in a distinct Australian accent.
"Harold," the host continued, and the redheaded boy blinked.
"I've never seen a girl as big as you in real life before," The Dweeb told Jasmine in a wheezy, almost gravelly sort of voice, causing the tallest girl to raise an eyebrow in wary disbelief.
The camera panned to the right, moving away from Jasmine but keeping Harold in frame as he looked forward and casually stuck a finger up his nose. Naturally, this grossed out the next two campers in line – another white boy with a tall head and messily cool black hair, wearing a confident smile, an olive green t-shirt with a black handprint on it, a camo-print long-sleeved undershirt, black pants, and a guitar case slung across his back; and a pale-skinned goth girl, her hair dyed black and teal to match her lipstick and the majority of her outfit – black corset, black skirt, black leggings, blue and green sleeves.
"Gwen! And, Trent!" the host continued.
"Aaaand, I officially can't stand it here," The Loner said, looking away from Harold and slumping down on the railing with her head in her hands.
"Hey, don't be so quick to judge," The Musician told Gwen, turning to her with a calm smile as the shot zoomed in on the two. "I'm sure you'll find something you like here eventually," he added, looking into her eyes.
"Y-yeah," Gwen mumbled, averting her gaze to hide her blush.
"Izzy!" Chris announced next, the white girl in question suddenly and without warning popping up between Trent and Gwen with enough force to knock the two to the sides with startled cries. From the wide grin she was sporting to the bright green eyes to the fiery red hair, everything about her radiated energy; she was wearing what appeared to be a dark green two-piece bathing suit, the top sleeveless and high-necked but with a window in front, and the bottom hidden by a lighter green sarong.
"Oh my gosh, this is so exciting isn't it?" The Wild Child said, speaking rapidly as a hectic tune played in the background. "Like, everything about this is gonna be wild, okay, I can just tell, okay?!" Izzy degenerated into laughter as the camera panned away from her, showing that Gwen had been caught under the arms by an absurdly handsome brown-skinned young man with well-coiffed brown hair, beautiful blue eyes, and a chiseled physique hidden underneath a tight, dark-colored t-shirt and baggy jeans.
"Oh wow," Gwen mumbled in awe, looking up into the beautiful young man's eyes as a dreamy, rapturous, almost shimmering tune befitting of his looks began to play.
"Justin," Chris said, emphasizing each syllable of the boy's name.
The Eye Candy looked at the camera and winked handsomely. "It's great to be here," he told it smoothly as he helped Gwen back to her feet.
The camera panned right again, just enough to keep Justin in frame while still showing the next contestant – a black boy with an eager face and an odd manner of dress. He was wearing a green robe with a simple yellow pattern on the front, a blatantly fake beard, and a tall green hat that was rather wizardly despite its visible patch and sag. "I wonder which of my many spells I'll need first," The LARPer wondered aloud in a high, almost raspy lisp.
"Leonard," Chris finally introduced, "and Noah," he added, the camera panning further right to show the next contestant – a brown-skinned boy with a big head and a bored look, currently focused squarely on the book he was reading. He wore a red sweater vest over a dark teal polo shirt over a long-sleeved white undershirt, and khaki cargo shorts.
"I don't know," The High IQ said dryly without taking his eyes off his book, "how about something that'll convince us not to vote you off first?" Leonard's face went blank at Noah's 'suggestion', then he rubbed his chin in thought.
"Courtney," the host continued as the scene cut to a spot further down the yacht, showing a brown-skinned girl with shoulder-length brown hair and a smile on her face. She was dressed smartly, a dark gray top over an off-white polo shirt paired with green capri pants.
"Hi," The Control Freak waved pleasantly at the camera. "I'd just like to say that, as a former counselor-in-training at a real summer camp, I-"
As she spoke the camera panned away to the next contestant, a light-skinned girl with a flower in her bright-red pigtailed hair. She wore a tube top and several bracelets that matched her hair color, and capri pants similar to the girl before her.
"Zoey," the host introduced.
"Hi!" The Indie Chick waved. "I'm so happy I get to be here, I can't-"
She was interrupted when Courtney walked back into the shot looking rather annoyed. "Excuse me," she told the camera bossily, "you can't just pan away before I've finished my introduction!"
"Oh, I'm sorry," Zoey winced, "it's probably my fault. I hope you're not mad!"
"I'm not mad," Courtney told her angrily, "and even if I was, it would be completely justified!"
"Cody," the host introduced next as a shorter white boy dashed onto the scene, putting himself between the two girls. His longish brown hair was parted down the middle, and he wore a pale yellow polo shirt with single red and blue stripes over a longer gray undershirt.
"Ladies, ladies, don't fight!" The Flirty Geek said in what wasn't quite a suave tone. "We're all friends, right? Just tell me what's wrong, and-"
Courtney cut him off, saying "You stay out of this," as she pushed him away by his face, causing Zoey to cringe.
"Cameron," Chris introduced next, the camera panning up to a short, skinny black boy standing on the upper balcony. He had short hair and large glasses, and wore a red hoodie and dark yellow shorts.
He took a deep breath and smiled. "Fresh air! A real lake! Birds!" The Wide-Eyed Bubble-Boy said, looking around in wondrous amazement until a small flock of pigeons flew past and knocked him over the railing with a scream.
"And Lindsay," the host finished as Cameron landed next to the thirteenth and final competitor of the season – blonde, blue-eyed, well-endowed, and exceptionally pretty, she wore a blue bandana on her head, a short red tanktop over a longer red tube top, an orange miniskirt, and long, fashionable, high-heeled boots.
She looked down as Cameron landed, and gasped. "Oh my gosh, are you alright?" The Airhead asked, quickly bending down and helping Cameron up. "Because you could totally use some new clothes," she said innocently, looking him over.
"Uhh, thanks?" Cameron told her uncertainly.
"Yup!" Chris said as the shot cut back to him on the Dock of Shame. "It's our roughest, toughest, most explosive season ever!" He took out a remote control, and pressed the large central button with his thumb.
The yacht that the new contestants were sailing in on suddenly exploded, sending all thirteen of them flying and screaming in every direction.
Chris took a casual sip of his coconut drink, then looked at the camera and raised a finger high. "Right here," he said as a faint version of the series' capstone theme played, "on Total! Drama! Revenge of the Island!" The shot jumped outward as the title was said, showing Wawanakwa island in its entirety with a few plumes of smoke in the distance marking where the yacht had exploded.
xxx
(Fade to Opening Theme)
[The sequence begins much as it did three seasons ago, with an open into letterbox format as the camera focuses on the tops of a few distant pine trees. A rusty stage light rotates up and turns on; then the shot changes to a cobwebby spotlight swinging down and turning on as well; then a small security camera popping out of one of several leaky toxic waste barrels; then another camera bursting out of a tree hollow, held by an octopus tentacle and dislodging a few bones; then a pair of fair-skinned arms clapping a film slate in front of the camera which switches to a shot of the island, briefly showing a giant octopus looking out of the lake to the right, then flying forward down the dock and past the buildings, passing under a totem pole that Chris was sitting on and which was being carried by a trio of male interns of mismatched heights.]
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;
[The camera rapidly flies through the trees as the lyrics begin, quickly reaching the top of the thousand-foot-high cliff.]
You guys are on my mind!
[It looks down at the ring of buoys in the water below and dives, immediately cutting to an underwater view as the bubbles disperse to reveal Cameron gagging with several vicious-looking fish watching him hungrily.]
Ya asked me what I wanted to be,
And now I think the answer is plain to see!
[Cameron frantically swims up and away from an approaching tentacle, passing another fish wearing a gas mask, and finally grabbing on to the end of an oar. The camera pans up to reveal Courtney as the one rowing the boat; she pulls her oar out of the water and is startled to see Cameron clinging to it, and even more so when the tentacle tries to grab onto him. But with a fierce yet muted scream, Courtney manages to pull the oar away from the tentacle...and in doing so, throw Cameron high into the sky.]
I wanna be...famous!
[The scene lingers on Cameron in front of the sun for a moment, then quick-pans left to Noah reading a book on a stump in the middle of the woods; a falling Cameron abruptly hits him on the back and knocks both boys to the ground. Noah lifts his heads to scowl at the bubble-boy, who just smiles bashfully. The camera pans up and left to Jasmine, sitting on a tree branch and watching the boys below with a smile on her face. Several large eyes suddenly open up in the bark and tree hollow next to her, startling her into falling backward off the branch.]
I wanna live close to the sun!
[At the top of a waterfall, Gwen and Cody float downriver in a canoe. Cody waggles his eyebrows and gives the goth a pair of finger pistols, which only causes her to scowl and look away, and finally spot the waterfall. Both scream as they go over the edge.]
Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!
[The camera pans down to Harold, practicing some kind of martial arts tances on a log suspended across the rocks at the bottom of the falls. Though he does not see the canoe falling behind him, he does see Gwen and Cody as they fall right on top of him, breaking the log he was standing on and sending all three into the water.]
Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;
[Izzy bounds up next to the outhouse confessional and waves cheerfully, and a monstrous shark with arms and legs bursts out of the outhouse with a toothy grin...until they lock eyes, and the shark runs away in fear as Izzy gives chase with a toothy grin of her own.]
I'll get there one day.
[The camera pans to the Mess Lodge, Chef Hatchet's silhouette visible in the window. Zooming in to the room shows him stirring a pot of some greenish slop with a dark grin, and the shot pans over to show Zoey watching nervously, then holding back her vomit as Chef thrusts a spoon full of slop at her face.]
'Cause I wanna be...famous!
[Another pan to the left reveals Lindsay applying her make-up with a powder puff and a compact mirror, then looking back at Zoey – now rather haggard with a bit of either vomit or slop dribbling out of her mouth – and happily using the powder puff on her as well, a cloud of the powder taking of the screen. The powder dissipates as the scene zooms back out of the lodge to the beach, where Trent is calmly strumming his guitar – until a string breaks and hits him in the eye.]
(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)
[The camera pans away from Trent and on to Justin, his shirtless back turned but his profile and the reflection in the mirror in his left hand visible to the camera. He turns his head to look at the mirror in his right hand, the reflection winks, and the camera moves on watch an odd, almost rattlesnake-like gull floating on the water. A bulbous-headed fish jumps out over it on the right and a shark jumps out of the left with its mouth wide open, but the first fish blasts the shark with some sort of laser, turning it into a skeleton which is swallowed by the first fish as it finishes its jump. A tentacle rises out of the water to grab the gull, but it quickly lashes out and bites it with its snake-like fangs.]
I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)
[The camera pans down to the end of the dock to show Leonard, bowing dramatically before taking a few smiling steps back. He reaches into his baggy sleeves and pulls out a wand and a small notebook, raising the former in his right hand while reading the latter in his left.]
I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)
[A sudden splash of water comes down on the wizard, interrupting his 'casting' and causing him to send a frown upward – Chris is hovering above him in a jetpack and helmet, holding an empty bucket. He drops the bucket then flies off, the flames from his jetpack taking over the screen. It becomes night as they peter out, and the camera pans down across the stars and treetops and full moon to Gwen and Trent with his guitar, sitting at a campfire together. As they lean towards each other with expectant smiles they are interrupted and separated by Chef Hatchet, wearing a hazmat suit and holding a glowing green marshmallow between them with a pair of heavy tongs.
The shot zooms out to show the rest of the cast looking shocked, whistling the last few notes of the song – Cameron, Cody, Justin, Jasmine, Harold, and Lindsay on Gwen's side; Zoey, Noah, Leonard, Izzy, and Courtney on Trent's side; and Chris standing next to Chef on Trent's side as well. The shot continued to zoom out until a signboard was shown marking the presumed entrance to the fire pit; it read 'TOTAL DRAMA REVENGE OF THE ISLAND' in block letters, the third word being the largest and the last word relegated to a board tacked on at the end.]
(Fade to Episode)
xxx
"AAAAHHH!" Cameron screamed, the episode fading in to him landing hard on a rock jutting out of the water. "Is this what pain tastes like?" he groaned. "Ughuh, I mean, aaauggh...," he said, pitifully sliding into the water as Courtney swam past in the background.
"I did not sign up to be treated like this," she growled. "I was a CIT, for crying out loud!"
Cody and Noah were shown swimming side by side clinging to a few pieces of driftwood, then looking to the side at the sound of someone coming up behind them. "Sorry boys, comin' through!" Jasmine shouted as she shot past the two like a torpedo, earning an annoyed look from Noah and a dopey grin from Cody.
The camera followed Jasmine as she swerved around Leonard, who was holding his notebook above the water as he slowly paddled forward. "As glad as I am that I remembered to cast my swimming spell," he said, wincing at the splash of Jasmine's wake, "I wish I'd remembered the waterproofing one too."
The shot cut back to Cameron, now flailing his arms as he struggled not to drown. "Gosh," Harold said as he swam up to him, "did you, like, not learn how to swim before coming out here? That was a mistake if you ask me."
"Help me!" Cameron spluttered as he finally sank below the water to Harold's shock, but fortunately Trent quickly swam over and dived down.
"Dude, you can't just stand there while someone's drowning," the musician admonished Harold as he surfaced, pulled a coughing Cameron back up with him. Harold hung his head in shame.
The dreamy, rapturous, almost shimmering tune played again as the camera cut to Justin, smiling at the camera as he swam along. He reached another rock jutting out of the water and pulled himself up onto it as though he was a mermaid, and the footage zoomed in and slowed down as he shook the water from his beautiful hair and the sun gleamed off his beautiful smile.
"Oh, wow," Lindsay said as the shot cut to her and Izzy watching from the water with awe and lust. "He is suuuch a hunk, am I right?"
"He's like a super hunk," Izzy corrected dreamily, before switching to a fierce grin and adding "And I'm gonna make him mine!"
"Huh?" Lindsay said in confusion, Izzy's hectic theme replacing Justin' dreamy one as the redhead swam off towards the beautiful young man.
"Wait, hold on!" Justin said in rising panic as he noticed Izzy rushing towards him, giggling creepily. He quickly dived forward off the rock just as Izzy leaped from the water; with her target gone she was forced to roll forward and jump off the rock as well.
The shot cut to Harold and Trent helping Cameron swim to shore, only for a laughing Izzy to slam into the struggling boy from behind, launching him forward with a terrified yell as the boys who had been helping him gasped.
Cameron, in turn, crashed into Courtney, briefly forcing both of them into the water. "Hey, watch where you're going!" Courtney spluttered angrily as she resurfaced, only to gasp when she realized Cameron hadn't come up as well. "Oh wait, hold on!" she said in concern, quickly diving down as the music finally calmed down.
"Stupid host...stupid boat...stupid show...!" Gwen muttered angrily through her teeth as she swam along. "Why did I sign up for this in the first place?"
"C'mon, it's not that bad, is it?" Zoey asked as she swam up beside her. "I mean sure, I don't wanna be swimming right now either, but they did loads of stuff like this in the other seasons!"
"That doesn't mean I have to like any of it," Gwen snapped, causing Zoey to flinch.
"Sorry," the indie girl said.
"Hey, no need to worry, ladies!" Cody said as he swam up to them with a cheesy grin. "I know it can get stupidly tough out here, but I just want you two to know that I'm always willing to help you ladies out. So if you're ever in trouble, the Codemeister will be here to rescue you!" He pointed at himself cockily, and the two girls exchanged an odd look.
"Gee, thanks," Gwen said dryly while Zoey just looked uncertainly taken aback.
xxx
"Okay, first confessional time, and boy do I have a lot to say," Cody opened with a light laugh in the outhouse confessional. "To make it simple, all the girls here are gorgeous!" he gushed. "And better yet, I'm like the third hottest guy here! Y'know, aside from Chris...a-and Chef...and the interns..." He shook his head to regain his focus, and continued with "The point is, I actually have a shot at finding a girlfriend in the competition, even if I screw up with some of them."
"I think I'll start with Gwen first," he mused thoughtfully. "Hot loner chicks like her are, uh, kinda my favorite, haha," he grinned bashfully.
xxx
"Wow," Zoey gushed in the next confessional, "I can't believe I'm actually in the Total Drama confessional. It's so exciting! Everyone seems so nice!" Her expression suddenly turned anxious and concerned as she continued. "I hope they all like me. I could use a few new friends," she told the camera, her eyes darting around anxiously. "Or...friends, period. Oh...what if they hate me? Maybe this flower was too big," she said, pointing at the flower in her hair as she became increasingly desperate-sounding. "Am I trying too hard? You like me, right?" she asked the camera just before it cut to static.
xxx
The footage resumed with a close-up of a pair of large black combat boots stepping onto the beach, the camera panning up and zooming out to show that they belonged to a rather wet Jasmine. She looked around, then raised her fist in victory. "Alright, first to shore!" she cheered. "Not like it matters, though, unless that was some kind of secret challenge or something."
She looked around again, and quickly noticed a line of bubbles approaching the beach. The background music spiked dramatically as Izzy leaped from the water with a shout and a laugh, landing in the sand on all fours. "Haha, that was fun!" she said, shaking herself dry like a dog. "We should do it again, but with bigger explosions this time!"
"Uhh, how 'bout not," Jasmine said warily.
Justin was the next to shore, standing on the back of an apparently smitten shark as his dreamy leitmotif played. "Hi girls," he greeted Jasmine and Izzy, both giving him dopey, lovestruck smiles.
xxx
The incredibly good-looking boy was looking at himself in a mirror as he began his confessional. "I'm a professional male supermodel," he explained, finally looking away from his reflection, "so I know how to use my good looks to get what I want. I doubt anyone here has ever seen someone with my abs...or thighs...or pecs...or cheekbones...or face! My point is, I'm the entire incredibly beautiful package! These girls won't be able to resist me, and I'm gonna use that to my advantage." He finished with a stunning wink.
xxx
/
Courtney and Cameron were the next to make it to dry land, the former CIT dragging the small boy up the beach on his back. "Okay kid, nice and easy," she said in a somewhat slow and calm tone, laying him down and putting an ear to his chest. He immediately coughed up a bit of water, causing Courtney to flinch away from him in mild disgust.
xxx
"I'm what's known as a 'Bubble-Boy'," Cameron explained, rubbing some lotion onto his hands as he began his confessional. "Growing up my mom was reeeeally overprotective, so I've never gone swimming before. Up until six hours ago, I've never done anything before! Except read, and sigh a lot..." He held his arm and sighed.
"But that doesn't mean I'm not a force to be reckoned with!" he declared confidently just as an orange butterfly flew over him and landed on the outhouse wall. "No way! Danaus plexippus?" he said in excitement, standing up as the butterfly started moving again. "The monarch butterfly?" It landed on his head...and with a sickening bone-crunch, Cameron started to tilt over. "Gaaah! S-so heavy!" he cried in pain, falling over onto the seat under the butterfly's weight.
xxx
The footage cut back to the beach, showing Jasmine, Izzy, Justin, Courtney, and Cameron loitering around a large rock further up the beach and revealing that Harold, Trent, Gwen, Zoey, and Cody had all made it to shore as well. While Harold was busy emptying his sneakers of water on a small rock in the foreground, the other four sat on a few moderately-sized rocks on the right.
"Hey, nice day out, isn't it?" Cody said, looking directly at Gwen as he spoke. "I hope the rest of the competition is like this, right Gwen?"
"Yeah," Gwen said flatly. "That would just be perfect," she said, standing up and walking away. Cody followed her eagerly, and while both Trent and Zoey watched them leave with concerned looks, only Zoey looked back at the beach when a wave and a dramatic riff signaled that another person had washed up.
It was Noah, who propped himself up on his arms and coughed out a small fish. "Well that's not something I'm ready to experience again," he said scathingly.
xxx
"I'll be the first to admit that the physical stuff isn't exactly my specialty," he confessed with an almost bored tone. "But I've seen all three seasons of this show. I know you don't need to win challenges to get to the end. All I have to do is be smart about things and not give my teammates a reason to hate me, and I should be good until the merge. And after that," he shrugged then smirked confidently, "well, let's just say I have a few ideas."
xxx
"So stoked to be here," Zoey said, Trent still sitting next to her and Noah now on the rock Cody had vacated. "I've been watching Total Drama forever! Who knows, maybe I'll even make some new friends?" she said, looking eagerly between the two boys.
"I'm sure you will, honey," Noah told her in a deadpan and almost mocking tone. "In fact, I bet we'll all be one big happy family by the end of this."
"You really think so?" Zoey asked in confusion before furrowing her brow. "Wait..."
Noah just stared at her. "Yes," he said sarcastically, "that's exactly what'll happen. I mean, it's not like we're in a competition for a million bucks or anything."
"Well, you don't have to be so harsh about it," Zoey huffed before the piercing ring of the camp intercom turning on got their attention.
"Attention, fresh meat!" Chris announced, the shot cut to a pair of loudspeakers on a tree nearby, then panning down and right to show that all thirteen campers - including Leonard and Lindsay – were now waiting around on the rocky beach. "See that trail leading into the forest?" the host continued, the camera following the contestants' gazes right as they looked at where the beach, trees, and rocks met. "Race to the end of the trail," Chris commanded, "and do not disturb the wildlife! That would be bad."
"Really?" Jasmine said, looking up skeptically. "I thought all the really dangerous stuff was on another island." She looked to Harold for confirmation, and the nerd nodded his agreement.
"The tiniest sound can set them off," Chris continued. "Liiike...THIS!" He blew an airhorn over the intercom, forcing all thirteen campers to cover their ears.
The camera panned over to the distant treetops on the left, the airhorn fading in to a loud, terrifying roar that startled a flock of birds to flight. The music became tense as one tree was knocked over, then another closer to the beach. Finally, the cast screamed and fled into the woods with Cameron jumping onto Jasmine's back as she ran by.
/
A clockwipe transitioned the footage ahead to an adorable little purplish bird singing on a branch...until a frog-like tongue snapped out of a hollow behind it and dragged the bird into darkness.
The camera panned down to a finish line, just as Jasmine ran up to it with Cameron still on her back. "Alright," the tall young woman said happily, "first again! Looks like I'm doing better than expected, although I think I picked something up along the way." She looked back over her shoulder, and Cameron smiled sheepishly at her.
"Sorry," he said, dropping to the ground. "I panicked and hitched a ride so I could get away from the monster. I'm not very good at running," he explained, taking a few steps away from the mildly annoyed girl.
It was then that Chris rode up on a red ATV, his usual smile on his face. "Bubble Boy, two steps left you're on Team A," he directed, Cameron nodding happily and walking a few steps back towards the finish line. "Wonder from Down Under? Move right, you're on Team B," he told Jasmine, directing her to the right with his thumb; she complied with a frown just as Courtney crossed the finish line, skidding to a stop next to Cameron.
"Miss CIT," the host told her, pointing for her to stay where she was, "you're on T-e-a-m A." Trent slid in next, and looked around with wide eyes. "Dudley Do-Right, Team B," Chris told him.
"Alright then," Trent said with a calm smile, adjusting the strap of his guitar case and walking off to the right. He paused and looked back as a warbling laugh filled the air, and a familiar hectic tune played as Izzy swung down on a vine, clipped the top of the finish line banner, and landed in the dirt with a painful thud that made Trent, Courtney, and Cameron wince.
"Thrill Ride, Team A," Chris told her.
"Woo!" Izzy cheered, standing up and raising her arms.
Justin arrived next, immediately attracting Izzy and Courtney's attention though his leitmotif didn't play. "Man Candy, Team B," Chris told him, and he walked off with a silent smile to both girls' disappointment.
Zoey and Harold arrived next, the indie girl bending over to catch her breath but the dweeb clutching his chest and falling over dramatically. "Zoey the Friendless, Team B," Chris said.
"Hey, I'm not that bad," Zoey told him as she walked past, rubbing her arm anxiously. "I swear!"
"Dark and Gruesome, Team A," the host continued over a shot of Harold finally picking himself up, just in time to get startled upright by Gwen's arrival. She gave him a piercing glare as the host added, "Captain Tactful, Team B."
"Got it," Harold said, briefly casting Gwen a nervous glance before running off to the right with an odd, leaned-back posture.
The camera zoomed out a little ways from Team A just as Cody ran up, a grin on his face. "Casanova, Team A," the off-screen host said, causing the boy to give shoot two finger pistols at at Gwen, earning a groan. "Princess Wannabe, Team B," Chris continued as Lindsay arrived next; she squealed and clapped at her assignment, then hurried off to the right.
"Mighty Wizard, Team A," Chris directed as Leonard arrived next, smiling brightly. As he joined his teammates they all looked back towards the finish line, as Noah finally arrived nearly out-of-breath.
"Would you care for some assistance, friend?" Leonard asked, pulling his spellbook out of his sleeve. "I know many rejuvenating spells."
"I'll pass," Noah panted, collapsing on the ground with a groan.
"Aaand Mr. Witty, Team A," Chris finished with a smile, earning another, louder groan from Noah.
"But seriously," Noah said, getting back to his feet and trudging past his teammates, "what even was that thing back there?"
"I'm pretty sure that cry does not belong to any known animal species," Cameron added in a fearful tone.
"Relax, it'll all make sense eventually," Chris explained, his impish smile quickly degenerating into long, evil laughter that caused the two teams – Leonard, Cody, Gwen, Izzy, Courtney, Noah, and Cameron on the left; Jasmine, Trent, Justin, Lindsay, Zoey, and Harold on the right – to stare at him and look at each other in awkward, nervous confusion.
Chris finally stopped laughing, and wiped a tear from his eye. "Now, this season of Total Drama will be a little bit different," he explained. "For example, in every episode, someone will be eliminated."
The campers gasped, and an ominous chant played in the background. "It's never been that hard before," Zoey remarked in shock.
"I know," Chris told her with a smug grin, "I'm good. But since you're all first-timers, I'm gonna cut you a break and hide this bad boy somewhere in the campgrounds." He held up what appeared to be a small wooden carving of his head, and the shot cut in for a close-up. "A genu-ine McLean Brand Chris Head! Your free ticket back into the game!" The small carving was shown against a radiant white and blue background, an angelic chorus playing as images of Chef Hatchet dressed in a lavender leotard and tutu, angel wings, and a halo flew into the corners of the screen while holding harps and singing.
"Even if your teammates vote you off," he added as Noah and Courtney were shown staring with wide eyes. "Whoever finds it," Chris continued over a shot of Jasmine, Trent, Justin, and Lindsay also watching with wide eyes, "will become the most powerful player in Total Drama history!" Both Leonard and Cody were shown smiling in awe.
The angelic chorus ended as Chris brought the statue in for a closer look, frowning and feeling his own chin. "Is the cleft on my chin really that big?" he asked in concern.
"If you wanna get technical about it, it's even bigger," Harold answered, earning an annoyed glare from the host.
"Moving on," Chris said forcefully, "time for the team names!"
"Ooh ooh! I have one!" Izzy immediately piped up excitedly. "How about Team Fireball?" she said, following it up by miming an explosion.
"Nice suggestion, Izzy," Chris told her, "but, names have already been chosen by moi. Team A, you shall henceforth be known as, the Toxic Rats!" A short but energetic riff played as the screen switch to a green, red, and yellow starburst-patterned background, a green logo spinning up to the front. It bore the image of a six-limbed rat standing up on its hindlegs and bearing it teeth menacingly.
Leonard, Cody, Gwen, Izzy, Courtney, Noah, and Cameron stared blankly for a moment before Izzy giggled and said "Awesome!"
"And Team B," Chris continued, turning his head to the other six, "you are hereby dubbed, the Mutant Maggots!" A different energetic theme played as a teal, yellow, and orange sunburst-patterned background took over the screen, and a red logo spun up to the front. This one depicted the head of a three-eyed maggot, its mouth frozen in a gaping hiss.
Jasmine, Trent, Justin, Lindsay, Zoey, and Harold stared blankly for a second as well, then moved their eyes to the nerd on the end as he spoke up. "Gosh, what's with all the chemical waste references?" Harold asked.
The perspective switched to a group shot as another loud roar shook the area. "It's the monster!" Cameron shouted in terror, crouching down with his hands on his head as the other looked around in shock.
The shot cut to some distant trees, a flock of birds flying away as one fell, then the camera panned to the right as another closer tree fell. Justin, Lindsay, and Zoey gasped in fear, the blonde quickly grabbing the model's arm for comfort, and the camera zoomed in on a bush in front of the last fallen tree.
A small hairless squirrel with big yellow eyes jumped out and looked around.
"All that for a little squirrel?" Courtney said in disbelief.
"Aww, it's kinda cute!" Lindsay gushed...until it blinked sideways, and she cringed audibly.
"Holy crap, what happened to it?" Gwen asked from off-screen as the squirrel happily blinked and looked around some more.
"While we were gone," Chris explained, "I rented the island out to a nice family-oriented biohazardous waste disposal company." As he spoke, the camera cut to a pile of oil barrels stashed in and around a tree. All of the barrels had a hazard sign on them, and most were leaking some sort of foul bubbling green liquid. "Sweet people," the host remarked.
"But," he added as the focus cut back to him on his ATV, "the waste is having a teensy bit of an impact on the flora and fauna." The hairless squirrel was shown again, blinking as a monarch butterfly flew close to it. It snapped out its tongue like a frog, and swallowed the butterfly up.
"Ooh, that's so cool!" Izzy said with an excited grin as Noah and Gwen gave her odd looks.
"Hey, yeah," Cody said, cautiously approaching it with a smile on his face. "It looks weird but I'm sure it's perfectly harmless! Right, little guy?" He reached out to pet it, and it roared the same deep and terrifying roar that had scared them all earlier, then shot lightning from its eyes at the ground Cody was standing on. Cody screamed and ran away, and the squirrel blew him a raspberry before hopping back into the bush.
Chris was laughing hysterically as the shot cut to Cody jumping into the arms of an exceptionally annoyed Gwen in fear. Cody smiled sheepishly, and Gwen promptly dropped him on the ground. The camera cut back to Chris as he stopped laughing, then in an elated and dramatic tone said "Most. Danger. Ev-er~!" as an equally sharp and dramatic tune played.
xxx
"Okay, if Chris thinks he can get away with ruining the environment out here, he's got another thing coming," Gwen confessed to the outhouse camera in outrage. "I mean, seriously? Toxic waste? That so has to be breaking international law or something."
xxx
"Now," the host said with a wide smile as the scene cut back to him once again, "before we start our very first challenge of the season, let's give out some rewards. Jasmine," he turned to the right, "because you made it up here before anyone else, your team gets a trampoline!" A grand tune played as the shot cut to a close-up of the trampoline, and moments later Chef Hatchet bounced down upon it. "And the Rats, get a hacksaw," Chris added, the shot cutting upwards to showing his glowering assistant holding the tool in question.
Chef suddenly lost his balance and fell with a crash; Noah laughed at him and had the hacksaw thrown at his head for it; and Harold laughed at him in turn, and in turn got crushed by the trampoline that was thrown at him. "Gosh..." he groaned in pain.
"What do these items have to do with this bomb?" Chris asked, holding up a square of plastic explosives with a wireless timed detonator attached to it.
"Uhh, he's not gonna blow us up again, is he?" Trent nervously asked an equally nervous Jasmine.
"Who knows," Chris said with a sly smile, leaning in between the two with the bomb. "Find out when we come back!"
(Fade to Commercial and Back)
The episode resumed on a shot of two totem poles hanging from tree branches. The one on the left was a green-marked rat sitting on a toxic waste barrel; and the one on the right was a red-marked three-eyed maggot with a hazard sign on its base and a hatchet stuck in the bottom.
"Those, are your team totems," Chris explained, the shot panning down to show each team standing below their respective totem with the host roughly between them, the entire group standing in front of a river. "You need to cut 'em down, and get 'em in the river, and ride 'em back to the campgrounds," he explained. "First team there gets their pick of the cabins, and barring some freak accident will win the challenge. But hurry! The totems are rigged with bombs that will explode if you don't plant 'em in front of your cabin in seven minutes or less," the shot zoomed in on the timer on the Rats' totem. "Starting now," Chris quickly added, and the timer began counting down from 7:00.
"Okay Maggots, let's move!" Jasmine told her teammates.
"Ooh, I wanna try!" Lindsay replied enthusiastically, jumping onto the trampoline that had been set-up under the Maggots' totem. However, rather than go straight up she bounced off to the right with a startled cry and landed with a painful crash just past a nearby shrub.
/
"It's Izzy time!" the redhead announced excitedly as the focus moved to the other team, grabbing the hacksaw in her teeth and jumping onto the trunk of the tree the Rats' totem was hanging from. Courtney and Noah watched her climb in wary silence, then took a shocked step back when she slid back down almost immediately. "Haha, you're a slippery one, ain'tcha!" Izzy laughed, quickly climbing back up.
"Yeah," Courtney said, her surprise quickly fading into annoyance, "this isn't gonna work. We need a plan, people!"
"Let's see, where's that levitation spell?" Leonard said as he flipped through the pages of his spellbook, earning a glare from the former CIT while Cameron rubbed his chin in thought.
/
"Hmm," Harold said, rubbing his own chin as he looked between the trampoline and the totem pole as the focus cut back to the Maggots. "The problem is that not only does the trampoline have to be in the right position under the totem pole, but the jumper also has to hit the right position on the trampoline to bounce at the right angle to grab the hatchet," he explained, the camera following his gestures to the trampoline, the totem pole, the large rock nearby, the trampoline again, and finally the ax.
"So...can you figure out where everything should go?" Zoey said uncertainly, the shot zooming out to show the rest of the Maggots standing around, Lindsay's face looking scuffed.
"Yes," Harold answered confidently, "but only if I know exactly who'll be jumping. Otherwise, I won't be able to properly take the jumper's weight into account. It's, like, elementary physics."
xxx
"Yeah, I'm pretty smart, and I know about a lot of stuff," Harold bragged to the outhouse camera in what he thought was a cool manner. "I'm pretty much a Jack of All Trades, except that I'm actually like a master in a bunch of areas. The totem poles, for instance," he smiled eagerly. "Did you know that most totem poles are carved out the wood of Thuja plicata, better known as the Pacific redcedar? It's because the wood is, like, really resistant to rot."
He held his grin for a second, then nodded confidently. "So yeah, I'm totally like the biggest asset on my team."
xxx
The footage cut back to another shot of the Rats' totem, Izzy uttering a battlecry as she frantically scrambled back up the trunk, and nearly reached the branch the totem was hanging from. However, just as she paused to catch her breath, she began to slide back down the bark, her eyes wide.
"Well, if she can't climb it," Gwen said, the camera cutting back down to the forest floor where she, Courtney, Cody, and Noah were looking up, "then I doubt any of us are gonna be able to."
"We have to do something," Courtney countered, "the Maggots are taking the lead!"
"Well it's not like we can just stack ourselves up and reach the rope that way," Noah said.
"Actually," Cameron said in near exhaustion as he dragged a long, flat log in from the left, "I think we can if we can just launch ourselves into the air with the right force and trajectory. It'll be difficult since none of us is large enough to act as a counterweight by ourselves, but it should still be doable."
"Good," Courtney told him, taking the log from him, "let's get to it."
xxx
"Somebody needs to lead this team to victory," Courtney explained in the confessional, "and I'm clearly the best choice for the job. Of course, it's not like anybody else is qualified. Cameron is smart but nothing else, Cody won't stop flirting, Noah and Gwen just stand around and complain all the time, and Leonard thinks he can do magic. And don't even get me started on Izzy. Meanwhile, I'm a natural leader. The others will fall in line once they realize it, I'm sure, and then maybe I'll be able to guide this pathetic bunch of misfits to a win."
xxx
A close-up showed Harold giving the trampoline's position a few minor adjustments, then smiling and standing back up. "Okay, you should be good to go!" he told Jasmine, who was now standing on the large rock that was behind their team.
"Right," Jasmine nodded. A tense challenge tune began as she jumped down onto the trampoline, then straight up to the totem pole. She grabbed onto the hatchet buried in the wooden carving and tried to pull it free, but it didn't budge. "How is this stuck in here so deep?" she grunted, swinging her legs up so she could brace them against the bottom of the totem pole.
"Crap," Trent said, the camera panning down to him and the rest of the Maggots looking up. "I don't think this is gonna be enough, guys," he told the others before looking back up at their tallest comrade. "Jasmine, I think maybe one of us should, I don't know, grab on too or something! Maybe the extra weight could-"
"Don't bother!" Jasmine called down to her teammates, pausing to try and pull the hatchet out with another grunt. "I got this, just gimme a second okay?"
xxx
"Okay, so I don't really like taking orders from other people," Jasmine admitted to the outhouse camera, her height forcing her to bend forward to face the camera better. "I'm not proud of it, but I know what I'm doing when it comes right down to it. Another person would've just made it harder for me to climb up and cut the rope."
xxx
"Okay," Cameron said, adjusting the long, flattish log that had been propped up on a moderately sized rock like a seesaw, "Gwen, you're next." He stood up and reached off-screen to the right, pulling the Goth into view and leading her onto the lower end of the log.
"Fine," she sighed in annoyance as Cameron ran off to the left. He met up with Courtney and Izzy who were waiting by the high-end of the seesaw, and jumped onto Izzy's back.
"Okay, again!" he commanded, and the two girls jumped onto the high end, their weight plus Cameron's causing Gwen to catapult into the air with a scream.
She landed with a grunt on Cody's shoulders, and the camera zoomed out to show him leering up at her. "So...fancy meeting you here! Haha...," he grinned.
"Not really," Gwen replied.
The camera zoomed out even more to show Leonard at the bottom of the stack, his eyes closed and his wand at the ready. "Balanceus, superius!" he intoned dramatically, earning odd looks from the two on his shoulders. "That was a balancing spell," he explained.
"Right...," Gwen said, rolling her eyes. A sudden scream caught all three's attention, the camera panned back up just as Noah landed on Gwen's shoulders.
"This had better be worth it," he grumbled.
"You're telling me," Gwen added.
/
The challenge music resumed as the shot cut back to Jasmine hanging from the hatchet, still trying to pull it out. "Almost...got it!" she said, finally freeing the ax then grabbing a short branch below the totem as she started to fall back down.
"Woohoo! Yeah!" Lindsay cheered down below, Trent and Harold and Zoey all joining in.
"Watch out!" Justin said suddenly, pointing up at the branch Jasmine was hanging by one arm from as a hairless squirrel emerged from a hole in the trunk with an annoyed chitter. "It's one of those weird rat things!"
The squirrel seemed to take offense to that, and its eyes began to glow red. It suddenly shot eye-lasers down at the male model, who jumped away with a yelp of "Not the face!" The squirrel did not let up, however, and kept sweeping its laser-gaze across the panicking Maggots below.
/
"Izzy, you're next!" Cameron told the wild child, Courtney standing at his side by the high end of the seesaw.
"Alright! Time to load up the Izzy!" she said, enthusiastically jumping and flipping into place.
"Ready?" Courtney asked the bubble-boy.
"I think so," Cameron replied, and the two jumped onto the high end and launched their teammate into the air. She flew towards the tree with a wild laugh that only stopped when she slammed into the trunk, and bounced off it onto Noah's shoulders.
"You okay up there?" Courtney called up with a hint of anxiety in her voice.
Noah looked up at the giggling redhead, then back down at his unseen teammates. "She's fine!" he told them. "We just need one more person and we should be good!"
"That's me then," Cameron gulped, grabbing the hacksaw and running back towards the far end of the seesaw-catapult.
"Wow, I think we might actually pull this off!" Gwen commented with a smile as the shot cut back to the stack.
"Well yeah," Leonard told her, "I did cast that balancing spell on us after all."
"Yes, I'm sure that's the secret to our success," Noah replied sarcastically.
"I know, right?" Izzy told him. "We're like unstoppable with a wizard on our team!"
Noah looked up at her, then groaned in exasperation.
/
The hairless squirrel was still attempting to zap the five grounded Maggots, forcing them to run about in terror.
"Alright," Jasmine frowned as the shot cut back to her hanging from the branch the squirrel was on, "that's about enough of that. C'mere, you little rascal!" She slammed the hatchet into the trunk, startling the mutant squirrel just long enough for her to grab it in her empty hand. Its eyes immediately turned red again as it prepared to fire its laser, but Jasmine just pointed it up at the higher branch the totem was hanging from – the blast snapped through it, sending the Maggots' totem pole crashing to the ground.
"Alright!" Trent cheered with the other members of the team as Jasmine landed next to it, on her feet and no longer holding the squirrel.
"Celebrate later," Jasmine told them, quickly pushing the massive carved log over onto its side, "we gotta move!"
/
"Okay, I can do this," Cameron breathed heavily as he waited on the lower end of the Rats' makeshift catapult.
"You better!" Noah called down to him.
"Yeah," Izzy added with what almost sounded like panic, "we only have like three minutes left!"
The bubble-boy gulped. "It's now or never, Cameron," Courtney told him, preparing to jump. "Now get up there and saw!" With a mighty leap she launched the small, screaming boy into the air, and the dramatic music peaked as he sailed through the air. A close-up showed him screaming, then the perspective inverted to show the tree he was about to hit...until a pair of arms shot up and grabbed him out of the air.
"Quick!" Izzy barked at him, the shot zooming out to show her holding him up. "Cut the rope!"
"R-right," Cameron gulped nervously, turning around and sawing through the rope holding up their totem. A few seconds later, the totem landed on the ground earning a cheer from the seven Rats.
xxx
"Okay, so for a second there I totally wasn't sure Cameron would be able to do it," Izzy admitted with an almost laughing tone, "I mean, he's like half my size, okay. That's tiny! But then he did do it and it was awesome!" She laughed a little before continuing. "But seriously, how awesome is my team? I'm totally getting, like, really good vibes from them, uh-huh, and I usually have a pretty good sixth sense about these things." As she spoke she put her fingers on her eyelids and stretched them out, presumably to emphasize her point.
xxx
The challenge music resumed over a shot of the rocky river, whoops and shouts of excitement coming from upstream. The camera panned up just as the Mutant Maggots floated by on their totem – Jasmine in front, followed by Trent, Harold, Zoey, Justin, and Lindsay in back. The Toxic Rats floated by soon after, Izzy at the head followed by Courtney, Cameron, Gwen, Cody, Noah, and Leonard on the end.
"They're gaining on us!" Harold shouted in alarm after looking back.
"I think we have bigger problems," Zoey said, pointing forward, "look!"
The perspective briefly switched to reveal that the river they were on was heading over a cliff, and the Maggots gasped. "Alright team, no big deal" Jasmine said, "it's just a little waterfall!"
"Just a little big waterfall!" Justin corrected in rising panic.
The shot zoomed out to show the top of the waterfall, the six screaming teenagers shooting over it on their totem pole and falling into the forest below. Unseen branches snapped as they plummeted, but the camera cut to the ground just in time to show them landing on the shore of the waterfall's basin on the broadside of the totem pole, and after a bounce that jostled Lindsay from her seat they began to slide down a hill.
"WAAAAAAH!" Lindsay screamed, hanging on to the back of the fast-moving pole with only her hands.
"Hold on Lindsay, I got you!" Justin told her, quickly turning around and grabbing her arms. "Don't worry!" He easily pulled her back onto the totem, and gazed deep into her eyes. She instantly stopped screaming. "Haha, you had me worried there for a second," he told her. "Maybe you should just hold on to me from now on just in case."
"Heeheehee, sure!" Lindsay giggled, quickly wrapping her arms around the male model's waist and leaning in to his back. Justin looked at the camera, and flashed a wink and gleaming smile.
Back at the top of the waterfall, the Toxic Rats shot out into the air with screams of their own. As with their rivals, the sound of crashing branches preceded the thud of their landing, and they whooped and cheered as the camera cut to them sliding down the hill.
"Lean forward!" Izzy commanded in a surprisingly vicious tone that took her teammates off-guard.
"Wha-" Courtney spluttered in the beginnings of outrage before she felt Cameron leaning forward behind her as well.
"She's right, lean!" he said, and the other five promptly did so. The camera zoomed in on Cody in particular, who was giggling with his face right next to the bare skin of Gwen's lower back. The shot zoomed back out to show the Maggots passing the Rats, and a glowering goth reaching behind with her left hand and whacking Cody on the side of his head.
"Now they're in front of us!" Harold shouted in alarm again.
"Then lean!" Jasmine commanded, and the six leaned forward as well.
/
The music stopped abruptly as the scene moved to Chris and Chef, lounging in short white deck chairs outside of the cabins – the one on the right looked just as it had in season one, but the one on the left had been replaced by what looked like a larger and much fancier two-and-a-half-story house.
"Ahh, feels good to be back," Chris said, leaning back in his chair while Chef read a book.
"Too true, man," the hulking man added as he turned a page.
The sound of panting prompted the camera to pan to the right, and none other than Tyler ran up. "Dude, hey, Chris," he said, "the boat wouldn't stop for some reason!"
"Oh look, it's former player Tyler," Chris told the camera, "who's not competing this year!"
Tyler nodded eagerly and waved at the camera, then said "So I swam back over here to-" He paused, blinked, then widened his eyes in realization. "Dude, what?! I'm not competing?!"
"I'm afraid you and the other 'classic players' have outlived your usefulness," the host explained. He briefly looked at the camera, then added "Chef?"
"On it," the hulking man said, stepping forward and planting a bomb similar to the ones on the totem poles on Tyler's chest.
"Oh no," Tyler said in growing horror as the light on the bomb began to blink, "not again!" He turned and fled, but the host smiled impishly and eyed the button on his remote.
The scene cut to a long-distance view of the thousand-foot-high cliff as Tyler's screams were followed by an explosion that launched him into the air, visible even from afar.
Chris and Chef were laughing hysterically as the shot cut back to them, but they stopped as soon as they heard the laughs and cheers of a team approaching from the forest. The camera cut to the foot of a hill on the edge of the woods as the totem bearing the Toxic Rats slid down, and came to a stop just before the host and cook as a victorious tune played.
"Yes! I knew we could beat those guys!" Courtney cheered, raising an arm in celebration.
"Tick tock," Chris told them, tapping on his watch. The bomb's timer was shown counting down from 0:15 to 0:14, and the camera panned back up to a nervous Courtney and Gwen.
"Quick, grab the good cabin!" Courtney commanded, and the shot cut to the two cabins – a flat stump occupying the area between them – as the seven teens carried their massive totem over their heads, grunting with the effort.
They managed to place it upright on the stump, and the timer stopped at 0:05 seconds. As it flashed and beeped the Rats cheered for their victory...that is, until the sound of approaching screams caught their attention.
The music turned tense again as the Maggots finally arrived at the bottom of the hill, hitting a small bump in just the right way to send their totem flying into the air. All six fell off it, and to the mute shock of Chris and Chef it crashed into the second story of the better cabin. The timer on it counted down from 0:03, to 0:02, to 0:01.
The explosion that followed blew the entire two-and-a-half-story building apart, leaving behind nothing but smoke and splintered boards.
"Too bad," Chris told the Toxic Rats as the camera panned right to the seven shocked teens standing around their totem pole, "it had an eight-person hot tub and air conditioning! Looks like you lost it and the challenge." They all groaned in disappointment.
"This is ridiculous!" Courtney turned and raged at the host. "This has got to be against the rules!"
Chris gave her a look of amusement and shrugged. "Hey, I said the first team here would win unless a freak accident occurred," he told her, "and I'm pretty sure one just did. So as the only team with a cabin still standing, the Mutant Maggots win the first challenge!" He pointed to the other team, still recovering from their sudden fall. They cheered and celebrated, though in a strained and hurting manner.
"So where exactly am I supposed to sleep?" Courtney asked the host.
"No worries," Chris told her with a dismissive hand wave as the sound of a helicopter rose up nearby. "We've got a back-up cabin for you. It's every bit as nice as the one you lost." As he spoke, the show's red helicopter was shown bringing in the cabin in question and lowering it into the scattered rubble of the old one...revealing that the new one was basically identical to the older model the Maggots had gotten stuck with.
The Rats groaned again as it landed on the ground and one of its doors fell off its hinges.
"Team Rat," Chris told them as the camera panned back to the right, "I'll see you at the campfire for the first elimination ceremony of the season." He laughed, then high-fived Chef.
The seven losers grudgingly made their way to their new abode, and the camera focused in on Gwen near the back of the group as she was tailed yet again by Cody. "Hey, don't worry, Gwen!" he told her as he caught up to her. "It's just one loss! I'm sure we'll still have all season to get to know one another."
"Great," she deadpanned, and the geeky boy shot her a pair of finger pistols before dashing ahead. She sat down on the steps of the cabin, and sighed in aggravation with her head held in her hands.
She looked up just as Leonard arrived, the smiling boy giving her a wide wave and a lisping "Salutations!"
"What do you want?" Gwen asked in annoyance.
"I couldn't help but notice the imp that has been pestering you," he said, sitting down next to her. The camera zoomed in as he leaned in to whisper "Might I propose an alliance between alchemy and alabaster so that we might vanquish him?"
"Uhh...," Gwen said, recoiling in wary skepticism.
"Ooh!" came the sudden and energetic voice of Izzy as she leaned down between them, the shot zooming out as both let out startled gasps to show her hanging upside-down by the edge of the cabin roof. "Sounds fun! Can I join?"
Gwen stared at her, then buried her head in her arms and knees and groaned again.
/
The footage skipped ahead with a dramatic beat, a full moon now shining over Camp Wawanakwa.
"The votes are cast," Chris said as the camera panned down to the campfire pit, the seven members of the Toxic Rats sitting among the eleven stump seats – Cameron and Courtney in the front row on the far right; and Noah, Izzy, Leonard, Gwen, and Cody taking up the entire back – and Chris in position at the oil drum podium. "Those who receive a regular marshmallow can stay. But this season," the shot cut in closer to the host as the faintest beginnings of the series' deep and tense elimination music played, "one player will receive a very special marshmallow. A marshmallow you do not wanna eat." He motioned to the side as Chef walked up, wearing a hazmat suit and carrying a thick metal box marked with a hazard symbol.
Chef flipped open the lid of the box, revealing a single marshmallow with a bright but sickly green glow to it. "Whoever gets the Marshmallow of Toxic Loserdom," the host explained, "is out of the contest. Which means, you can't come back! Ev-er." He paused for a brief moment, then smiled and picked up the first normal marshmallow from the tray resting in front of him.
"The following players are safe," he announced. "Gwen," he tossed the first bit of white to the goth, who caught it quickly and without flinching from her stern yet annoyed expression.
"Cameron." The second was thrown to the bubble-boy, who caught it in his hand only for them to immediately strain under the weight.
"Noah." The lazy brainiac got his next, though he failed to catch it and scowled in pain and annoyance as it bounced off his left eye.
"Courtney." The former CIT caught her prize with a cocky smirk and a haughty, self-assured humph.
"And Izzy." The wild child caught hers in her open mouth and happily began to chew it.
"And the Marshmallow of Toxic Loserdom goes to," Chris announced as the music began to rise. The camera cut to the back-right corner as Leonard and Cody stiffened up, and Gwen looked from one to the other with her marshmallow still in her hand. As the tension in the music continued to build, close-ups of each boy were shown – first Cody, then Leonard – as they began to tremble and sweat. The Marshmallow of Toxic Loserdom was shown glowing in a pair of tongs held by Chef, and finally the camera cut back to Chris as the music peaked and he said...
"Cody."
"C'mon, seriously?" The Flirty Geek said, standing up in shock. "I'm out already?" The glowing marshmallow was tossed at him, but he backed away with a quick yelp; a few dark notes played as the toxic sweet burned a hole into the stump he'd been sitting on. He hung his head and sighed. "Well, I guess it's the Dock of Shame for me, then, right?"
"Actually," Chris told told him, "we came up with something new this season! You'll looove it."
/
The screen rotated around itself, the scene cutting to the torch-lit dock where, of all things, a large catapult had been set up. Cody was sitting warily in its bowl, while Chris, Chef, and his former teammates watched nearby.
A short but grandiose fanfare played. "Say hello to the 'Hurl of Shame'!" Chris introduced excitedly, the series' sombre farewell tune beginning in the background. "Patent pending."
"Well Gwen," Cody nervously told the goth girl currently glaring at him as Chris walked past him to the catapult's lever, "I guess we'll have to get to know each other some other time, heheh."
"Yeah, no thanks," Gwen replied tersely.
"Aww, really?" Cody said, disappointment covering his face just before it was replaced by terror as he was catapulted into the air. "Love hurrrrrrrrtttsss!" he called as he hurled off into the distance over the lake.
"One down, twelve to go," Chris told the camera with a grin, the series' capstone theme starting up. "Who's next in line? Find out next time, right here," he pointed downward, "on Total! Drama! Rrrevenge of the Island!"
The camera jumped outward with each part of the title as usual, ending with a long-distance shot of Wawanakwa with the moon's broken reflection shimmering on the surface of the lake.
(Fade to Credits)
Author's Note - Post Script
And now for a pun I've been itching to make since before season one. Ahem.
'Revenge of the Island'? More like 'Revenge of the Nerds', am I right?
But seriously, just as the first generation cast was overloaded with villains, so is the second generation cast overloaded with nerds. Cameron, Cody, Harold, Leonard, and Noah? That's nearly half the cast! But despite it being so imbalanced in that respect, I think it's gonna work. There's a lot of potential humor in this group of misfits, as I hope you've already discovered.
Also of note is the fact that only two are from the season's canon cast - Cameron and Zoey. Although they were, of course, on the same team and good friends in canon, I decided to split them up so they could develop individually, and so the Rats could have a sort of canon 'anchor' character.
So...let's talk about that first elimination, shall we? It begins with me starting to think up the teams for this season back in season one. I ended up sorting them out according to what I thought would be good subplots and interactions, and while they did end up kind of imbalanced on the physical side, I figured that would still work. There was only one person left over, who I had decided would be the seventh member of the losing team, and thus the first boot.
That person was Leonard. Yes, like so many people back then I was ready to write him off as natural first-boot material, even more so considering this cast. But...then the Ridonculous Race came out, and Leonard was set to be in it. I began hoping that he'd actually get developed a little beyond his wizard persona, but alas this was not the case. And as some of you who frequent the TD Writer's Forum may remember, at around that time I decided that I would give my own version of Leonard a better wrap.
Thus, I needed a new first boot. By then I had already decided that Leonard would be on the Toxic Rats, as that seemed like the most humorous idea. I didn't want to change the teams around, so I decided to boot one of the other Rat boys instead. And between Noah, Cameron, and Cody, Cody was clearly the most expendable. I'm honestly not really a fan of him to begin with, and since his role in the story was basically going to be that of his canon season one nuisance self anyway, I figured it would be easy to justify his elimination. His constant flirting with Gwen annoys her enough to join forces with Leonard and Izzy, and with the other four not unified in their votes the group of three was able to get the first nerd out of the cast.
I am aware that, for whatever reason, Cody is pretty popular in the fandom, and I expect some anger at him being the first boot, but I'm fine with that. There's plenty of other fanfics where Cody is the star; today is his turn to be voted out first, and Leonard's turn to survive. After all, having done such good jobs with Ezekiel, Beardo, and even Staci, I can't exactly abandon Leonard when he's the next most underused.
Anyway, that's all I have to say for now. This is the first thirteen-episode season so I expect thing to go a bit faster pacing wise, but who really knows.
Actually, wait, I just remembered (and came back to edit this after already uploading)! Since the cast of Total Shuffled Pahkitew Island can now be determined solely by process of elimination, I figured I'd just reveal it outright: Anne Maria, Brick, Dave, Duncan, Eva, Heather, Katie, Leshawna, Max, Mike, Owen, Rodney, Sadie, and Sky will be the cast for the Shuffled series' sixth and probably final season.
I look forward to reading all your reviews and opinions and thoughts, so until next week!
- Fangren
Appendix: TSROTI Eliminated Contestants
Cody - (13th Place)