[Relationship with the Stars]
Lost, Alone, Bitter
He stared up at the stars from the bench. The bench was his. It had been since childhood, ever since he needed a place to escape, a place to be himself, a place to be free, free as the stars. In habit, he subconsciously found shapes in all the stars, ignoring the already created zodiac and astrologer's shapes. He smiled, as the stars created the one person he thought about most. The stars were his friends, his companions, his mind. They always seemed to paint a clear picture representing what was in his head. Maybe it was coincidence, maybe the images in his head painted themselves onto the sky, as he thought about them so often, or maybe they were lost spirits scouting the skies, desperately trying to climb out of a void, solve a problem, find something familiar to grasp onto. He preferred the latter. It's what made him have an intimate relationship with the stars, their familiarities and understanding. Or so he convinced himself.
He rolled over and sighed. He didn't like the direction his thoughts were heading. Inwardly, he laughed at himself.
Intimate...
Understanding...
Relationship...
Words he could only share with distant balls of fire shedding light on the Earth, presumably already dead by now as it took so long for their light to reach the Earth. But he couldn't deny the term 'familiarities'. There were too many. So he stayed in comfort with the stars, respecting their familiarities, assuming they were the only ones who could give him comfort, only ones who could understand his pain and turmoils, only ones who could help him through the painful days of his life - lost, alone, bitter.
The stars... He looked at them closer. They could each represent his friends, his family, his acquaintances. On the eye, they looked fairly close-knit and happy, twinkling with laughter and warmth. In reality, they were millions of miles apart, spread over a large distance and without any luck of ever being close together, or with any understanding of each other, but a need, a want, an intention to do so. This strong need formed an outer illusion of closeness and familiarity, yet in all truthfulness, they were further apart than ever.
They could also represent his feelings. Lost. Alone. Bitter. That's what they were, weren't they? No friends. No neighbours. No comfort. Heated and angry, swirling with smoke, fire... They were raging furnaces of anger, right? Wasn't that what he was? Wasn't that was caused him to become an outcast, depressed, disconnected from humans and their fickle emotions? Wasn't that what made him so different, so inhuman, so evil?
But he didn't believe he was evil. He only did it for the convenience. And because he was forced.
The raging furnace inside his heart roared and swirled to the surface, intoxicating his senses, making him see red, hear a loud buzzing, felt nails digging into his palm, teeth into his lip and taste blood. He knew who the blood belonged to, knew who had the power to overpower his immaculate self-control and make him turn into a raging beast and knew that he could never have his way. Knew he would be forever doomed to walk through life lost, just like the stars or spirits above his head, zooming through space, understanding no one, finding companionship in no one.
He opened his eyes, unaware they had closed. The sun rose above the horizon and peeped into the clearing, a golden coin in an azure sea.
Sea? His expression became bemused. What was a coin doing in the sea? But then again, what was he doing in Easter? What was she doing in his head?
He shook his head and sat up. His finger traced the part on the bench that had his name engraved. He smiled. He was so free as a child... So happy... So unaware of right or wrong. Was he that much different now?
Yes, he thought. But the difference is, I'm aware of right and wrong and I'm still choosing the wrong path.
He rose and swung his treasured violin on his shoulder, the one thing he had left of the person that threw him into the mess to begin with. He left his thoughts of the stars and his more sensitive side alone. He mentally prepared his usual blank character, and plastered on his blank expression. The last thought that registered in his head before he left his bench was,
Amu... I will become worthy of you... One day... Wait for me...
A fate unwanted...
A fate unmoved...
A fate cascaded...
A character to improve...
Disclaimer
I do not own 'Shugo Chara!' or any of the characters mentioned in this chapter, although I may introduce OCs in the future. (Undecided)
I do, however, own the plot and verse, as I don't believe in stealing other people's plots and ideas. I like to be creative and independent. (Hint, hint – don't copy or redistribute, as I may use parts of this in my coursework...)
A/N
*Shocked face*.
Wow...
I'm actually fairly proud of this - pretty good ideas going on there... Good for my work...
I know, it's pretty adventurous for a first fanfic to be experimental, ne?
But I have a pretty uneventful holiday and that's how most of my stories start anyways...
Hopefully an idea will spring to mind at some point.
Suggestions are welcome, although don't be offended if I don't use them.
I just prefer to use my own creativity. XD
It could also be a good one-shot if I give up on it... ne?
I also like my little poem thing.
Sums up the chapter pretty good, ne?
I'll try and repeat them throughout the story...
I like making up little verses – it makes me happy...
Like... COOKIES! (Must find some munchies... Must find some munchies...)
R&R mina-san? ^_^