Chapter One:

Drowning the Soul

My stomach wakes me with a revolt of the liquid its been subjected to. I stumble out from beneath the covers woozy and unsteady on my own feet as I yank the bathroom door open and proceed to puke my guts out. Easing back from the toilet bowl to sit with my shoulders digging painfully into the cold wall on the bathtub, I shudder for breath.

Jackhammers roar in the not to distant area, in the section of the house that used to be my bedroom. After Toby was born, they asked if I'd be okay with relocating to this room and of course I agreed. Not like I could say no after all, there wouldn't be any reason to deny.

What I didn't mention was the burning I'd felt in my stomach at the request, or the way I felt like things were fall out from underneath me. One night when I'd slipped out for a drink, I overheard them discussing what they were planning to do with my old section of the house. They're planning on turning my old room into a personal playroom for their own kid.

Yeah, little Toby is so special that Mommy and Daddy will give him an entire bedroom that could dwarf two normal sized one with ease as his personal disaster area while I have to be moved out of the way.

Why does that kid need all that space anyways?

I know it sounds crazy to be this upset about being moved a hallway down, but that room was mine. The first bedroom I ever had that felt like it belong to me and now it's gone... It made me feel like I was a permanent fixture in a way, that I was so important to Dad that he made an entire space just for me. One that is just a memory of what used to be.

And on another note, what the hell has that idiot contractor been doing all this time? The stupid room was supposed to be completed months ago.

"Ow..." I grumbled, rubbing my throbbing temples. I'm too far out at the moment to be contemplating this mess, but that dumb room had sentimental value to be, dammit all!

Another pulse through my skull forces a wince as the wailing drills echo through the hall and the crunching of falling drywall is near deafening. How could anyone think like this? A trying feat that would be. Living in this section of Avengers Tower is like living in hell, only with less flesh burning floors and more hate and frustrations.

Curling my lip at the clatter against the hardwood floor in the other room, I shakily haul myself to my feet.

Why Dad never thought to make these bedrooms soundproof is beyond me, it would be an excellent idea. Stumbling back to the bed, I crawl under the covers, grab the first pillow I see, and cover my face with it in hopes to drown out the construction crew.

I only succeed in nearly suffocating myself.

The pillow ends up across the room, taking a hanging mirror down with it. Reaching beneath the mattress, I pull out a small purple with pink and orange floral print flask out and take a swig once opened. The scotch burns something fierce, but the numbing effect takes hold soon after.

Maybe I'll drink myself into a coma to put myself out of this misery...

Now pulled in a sitting position, I swipe my cellphone off the nightstand and check the messages. Not surprisingly my best friend Rae has sent at least a dozen different messages and texts. She's been acting like a helicopter parent since the-incident-that-shan't-be-mentioned and glides around me like I'm one stone throw away from shattering.

I'm a tough enough to deal, she should realize that by now.

Just as I'm about to send a reply text, Pepper's voice cuts across the floor and over the roar of power tools.

"Panic!"

The flask is returned to its hiding spot as I get up from the mattress and pull on a pair of jeans thrown haphazardly over a creme colored sitting chair and pull out a high-low brown top from the closet. Making sure to swipe the jean jacket hung on the rack on the door, as I heft my bag up. Not really wanting to deal with this hair today, I pulled it all back in a low ponytail, I open the door.

Stepping out into the hall, I glide soundlessly through the weaving halls until I reach the stairwell where a fuming strawberry blond stands. Pepper Stark nee Potts has certainly seen better days. Under her eyes are ringed dark like a raccoon, her eyes are alight with irritations, and her face is fixed in an irritated scowl. In simple terms, she looks awful and exhausted.

Probably up all night with Toby, I conclude. Since the kid was born, I've notice the tension between her and Dad. They much more snippy and hostile that before and their used-to-be-banter was harsher now. As a means of avoidance, I intentionally ignore it and stay out of the way.

"What do you want now?" I reply, resting my hands on my hips.

Pepper's expression darkens. "I've had it with your attitude missy! I don't know what's going on with you but we're all sick of it. I have enough to deal with between Toby needing constant supervision and your father, not to mention the entire company I run. The last thing I need is your snarky teen angst to add to the mix."

I shoot her a harsh glare. "Hate to break this to ya, but someone has too. No one wants to hear you incessant bitching at seven in the morning. Try not to pop a gasket would you, at your age you can hardly afford a heart attack at your age!" I fire back, already fed up with her entitled attitude. It's not my fault she decided to have a kid after all, it's her responsibility after all.

Her face takes on a whole new shade of red and anger ignites. "You cannot speak to me like that, I'm the adult here. You will apologize to me, that is completely unacceptable behavior, I though you knew better."

"'Though I knew better' that's laughable, you don't know anything. You didn't raise me."

Pepper took a deep breath, tucking a stray hand behind her ear. "No, no I did not. However, I have been apart of your life since you came here and I've done my best to be there for you and I know that things have been difficult for you recently. After what happened..." I flinched, but she skirted around the incident. "While I sympathize, I cannot allow you to behave anyway you want. I'm responsible for you."

Looking her over, I scoff. The pounding in my head putting me on edge. "No you're not, your husband is..."

Pepper jerks her head up at me, looking very much like she's lost at sea with now way back and no way forward. There's nothing left to say, so I start down the steps. Barely brushing Pepper as I pass on my way to the open elevator door on the main floor.

The door closes and I lean back against the wall, still not believing the words that just came out of my mouth. Part of me knows how harsh and unfair it was to say that, but the other part is telling me how truthful it was. Pepper has had to deal with a lot of shit, from dealing with Dad for all these years, to having to play parent to his illegitimate kid, to having one of her own, it's impressive really, but sometime she gets to be too much for me.

Time like this is when she reminds me to much of my own mother. It bothers me in a way and comforts me at the same time.

How she asks how my day went when I return from school, or how she makes sure I eat three times a day, and how she fuses over my homework even if most of it goes right over her head as I take mostly senior year college level courses in math, sciences, and engineering to keep me engaged.

It those things that make me care so much for her, but they also make me want to lash out. She acts too much like she's my mother when she's not. It reminds me how I'll never see my own every again, it dredged up my guilt.

The bing of the elevator opening draws me from my deep thoughts. Shaking myself, I step out into the crowded streets of New York. The roads are bustling with activity and it looks like a sea of movement. People dressed in business suits holding briefcases and woman in expensive look dresses. Ducking so people can't see my face, I slip from the building and make my way through the crowd.

Reaching school doesn't take me long, but I can't help but dread the coming hours. Students stand huddled together in their little cliques, gossiping about each other no doubt. I shove my backpack into my locked and pull out a water canister left inside.

Taking a sip, I remember that it's not water. Whiskey.

Damn... It way to early for this, especially with my head about ready to fall off as it is. I put the canister back in the locker and slam the door closed, gritting my teeth at the slamming of metal. There's still half and hour before classes even start and with the way my stomach been today, I'm not really in the mood to chow down on cheap school food.

The Auto Body Shop is open, at least it'll be somewhat quiet and near the back of the building. Decided, that where I head.

Working on cars isn't my specialty by any means, Dad's more into that than me, but it's the only course here that allows me to really work with machinery so it's not too bad. At least I get the satisfaction out of working with the motor and reworking the engine. It's certainly better than being stick in a stuffy classroom with twenty other kids where the teacher just lecture the whole day away.

Silence greets me as the door to the Auto Body Shop shuts behind me. The room is complete void of habitation as the cars are lined up as we left them the Friday before. The stale scent of grease and metal eases my irritation and soothes my shot nerves. Stepping over a oil leak, I lift the hood of the car nearest me and take a look under it.

Third Person POV:

Pepper Stark stood absolutely stunned, confused, angry, concerned, and frankly a little hurt. All these feelings she felt at the same time. Three months have passed since they'd managed to rescue Panic and Toby from the clutches of Jedidiah Stane and his minions. Ever since Panic ended the life of the woman who resembled her mother she's been spiraling out of control.

Panic has always been a rather complicated girl, no doubt about that.

With her troubled past as a major marker in her development it seems like she would have a most hostile nature, Pepper knew that this was inaccurate as Panic's always been very likable. Sure she had a wit and sarcastic quips to match her father, but she was always more manageable than Tony was. More mature in certain aspects.

Ever since the incident, she's been hostile, nasty, and downright hateful. Usually these incidents end with Panic spitting horrible words at any and everyone, mostly Pepper as she's made it her job to watch over the child.

Pepper had married Tony making Panic her step-daughter. Not that the step aspect matters any, Panic may as well be her own daughter as she's always seen the child that way. She worries immensely for Panic and grieves at what she went through down there in those dark holdings. It's her job to nurture the girl, given the nature of her relationship to the girls father, which has been rocky.

Even more so since the incident in Sokovia and the Accords the were filed, she and Tony have been butting heads more than usual recently. Not to mention the fact that they were both exhausted, caring for a newborn was more difficult than anything else she'd ever done before. Considering she pretty much babysat the child father most of the time, it was quite an accomplishment.

How Vanessa Wallace, Panic's mother, could have dealt with a baby all on her own was beyond Pepper. She couldn't imagine how scary the must have been, to be pregnant and completely alone. Pepper shook her head.

That was the past and nothing could be done about it. Pepper wasn't alone, she had her child's father to help and while Pepper doubted that Tony would have stayed around and married Vanessa if she'd told him about Panic, she didn't doubt that he at least would have sent checks. Tony hadn't be into serious relationships, but even he wouldn't have been able to completely abandon a child he fathered.

Perhaps the two wouldn't have had a nice father/daughter relationship like they do now, but he wouldn't have left them broke. Tony might not have been apart of Panic's life and that might have been worse. Panic would have hated him for knowing she existed but never wanted to participate in her life and instead only sent money to appease her.

Like a trade off. He'll send money if she stay out of his life.

No. As bad as it is now, Panic is better off now than she would be if Tony had indeed know of her. Tony loved her, she saw it in the way he described whatever new tech he was working on as his daughter leaned forward, fully enraptured. The problem was that Tony was completely oblivious of how much his daughter was hurting and how desperately she needed her father.

Having a new baby had put quite the strain on Pepper and Tony's relationship, and she's pretty sure it's done the same with Panic's relationship with her father. Panic might act like she's unaffected, but Pepper knows how insecure she can be at times.

If Panic keeps up like this, she's gonna collapse.

Nothing Pepper did seemed to work. The harder she tried, the harsher Panic lashes out while using her words like weapons and push everyone away while she helplessly tries to hide her wounds. Too stubborn to ask for help, she just like Tony.

She didn't like to feel weak and refuses to show it much in the same manner as her father.

Speaking on Tony, she needed to have a word with him about his daughter anyways. Pepper climbed down the staircase and headed towards the lab. Tony was currently working on something, Pepper had been busy with the companies finances at the time and hadn't paid much attention to what it was. Just that he was rather excited about it.

"Tony, are you down there?" she calls, knocking on the glass door by the lab before stepping inside.

"Hey Pep, what's up?" Tony replies from where's he's currently seated. A long lab table covered in various parts and coils. He looked much like she did, fatigued with dark rings as proof. They've both been having sleepless nights, Toby's been sick and the two of them have been taking shifts to take care of him. Even so, that didn't stop Tony from tinkering with his project.

His face was sweaty from using a welder, his hair disheveled, and his hands, clothes, and face daubed with grease stains.

Crossing the floor to meet him, Pepper sighs. "We need to have a serious talk with Panic."

"What about her, she seems fine to me. Plus if this is about the whole where babies come from talk, I don't think she needs it. Not to mention how uncomfortable it'd be to have that discussion with my only daughter."

"What, no! Not that talk. Haven't you see her lately. She looks awful, like she hasn't been getting much sleep and her attitude has been awful. Even the construction crews afraid to get to close."

"Maybe she's just having a rough time y'know. Or maybe it hormonal, kids deal with that stuff a lot. It's probably nothing to worry about."

"Hormonal, really? After what she said to me this morning, I doubt that."

"What'd she say?"

"She stated that I was a rather unpleasant person to deal with in the morning, using more colorful words. I think this is a much bigger issue than her being angry Tony. I mean, she killed a woman who resembled her deceased mother. That guilt must be weighing upon her. I figured you of all people would be rather concerned with Panic's well being."

A dark look flashes across his face. "Hang on, a minute. Of course I care about Panic, but I don't feel like forcing her to discuss something she clearly doesn't want to deal with is the best way to go. How dare you accuse me of not caring about my kid."

"I'm not accusing you Tony, I just find it strange that I'm the one down her pestering you about this and seemingly more concerned with her well being then you are and I find it quite the hassle to have my concerns disregarded without proper consideration. I'm worried about her."

"Well if it's such a hassle to deal with then don't. She's not your kid!"

The words echo loudly like and gunshot, hanging in the air.

Which grows heavier with every passing second. Pepper is frozen, her body feels cold as if dropped in liquid nitrogen and is one good shove away from shattering entirely. Tony and Pepper stare at each other, neither wanting to break the tense silence. There's nothing left to say. Pepper breaks it with a sharp turn as she briskly walks away.

Tony was right.

No matter how much the words ached like a knife wound, it was the truth.

Panic wasn't her kid, Toby was. Pepper couldn't help her own feelings on the matter though. Regardless of the accuracy, she couldn't help but worry over Panic like she did with baby Toby.

That pain in the ass girl sure as hell felt like she was...

A/N:

Here we go everyone, I finally am back to work. So I'm a bit annoyed with this chapter. I had it all finished but then my computer crashed after freezing, lucking I only had to rewrite a small section from Pepper's section, but I liked the way I had it before and am sad to see it gone. Oh well, this rewrite wasn't as bad. Anyways, I'll be working on chapter 2 soon!

Oh and I know I mentioned that the person who took Panic as someone else, this connects to the changing I'm going to be making as I rewrite the story so don't worry about that.