The Bitter Price of Victory
~The Last Time Lord
Disclaimer: Doctor Who is not mine. It's sad, but true. Copyright goes to BBC.
A/N: … Sigh… So, I don't know what possessed me to do so, but I reblogged a prompt-challenge on Tumblr asking my rp-partners to write the word 'dead' in my inbox if they wanted my character's reaction to their character's death.
Now, I role-play as the Ninth Doctor, and I have a good friend who role-plays as Rose. My good friend, whom I shall name by her Tumblr URL, apinkandyellowgirl was also the one to prompt me. I warned her that I was an angst-monger. She told me to bring it, so I did.
Jus' so you know, this an AU world, post Parting of Ways where the Doctor didn't regenerate after returning the Heart of the TARDIS back to his blue box, so Jack is immortal now.
Here come the feels. Brace yourselves, and enjoy.
This is dedicated to apinkandyellowgirl.
It is said that victory comes with a price, and the Doctor probably knew that fact better than any other being in the whole of the Cosmos.
And yet, for everything he'd done for the Greater Good of the Universe, he thought that the Fates would give him a break every once in a while.
He was never that lucky.
And today's victory - he felt - was going to cost him more than it should have.
"No. No, no, no, No, NO!"
The Doctor rushed over to where Rose's dying eerily still body lay, ignoring Jack's ravings about the injustice of it all, and pulled her into his arms. Simultaneously, he pulled out his sonic and took her vitals. The results he got confirmed his fears: she was fading, long before her proper time.
He rebelled against what the Universe was revealing to be its hand. He wouldn't have it. He scooped Rose up in his arms, and ran faster than he probably ever had in his long life towards the TARDIS, vaguely aware of Jack trailing behind.
"Please, Rose, 'ang in there a little while longer. Jus' whatever ya do… please, jus'… don't die on me." Even as he uttered those words, he could feel her life fade away from the present into Eternity.
It was denial that kept him hoping, but that one little flame of hope was brutally snuffed out. When he'd laid her out on a cot in the med-bay, she was gone. He still tried. In vain desperation, he fought against the inevitable. For twenty minutes he'd given everything he had to reverse this terrible outcome, but the loud, shrill, monotonous sound of the heart monitor flat-lining wouldn't change.
Jack had had to forcefully peel the Doctor away from Rose's corpse (because "No - I can still save her! I'm the Doctor -/the/ Doctor! I promised I'd keep her safe, Jack. Promised! I can't let her die; she can't be dead, she jus' /can't/!"), and restrain the desperate alien until the Doctor finally came to terms with what had happened. When Jack had tentatively released his grip on the Time Lord, the old alien crumpled to his knees in utter defeat.
When Jack had let go of him, his legs would not support his weight at first, which resulted in him falling to the floor.
There was no bringing her back.
The Doctor felt tears prickle at his eyes, as the guilt, and the grief, and the ire, and the frustration crashed down on him. Something in him snapped. He jumped to his feet, then let out an angry, savage cry as he gave a vicious kick to the cot.
"'S NOT /FAIR/. I FIX EVERY BLOODY PROBLEM THAT YOU THROW IN MY WAY, AND YET ALL 'M REWARDED WITH IS DEATH, DEATH, DEATH, DEATH, DEATH!" He yelled in his rage at Destiny, at the Universe. The anger and grief became more and more apparent in his voice as he went on.
"YA DIDN'T LET ME KEEP MY HOMEWORLD, NOR MY PEOPLE WHEN I ENDED THE TIME WAR. COULD YA AT LEAST HAVE LET MY ROSE /LIVE/? AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YA, COULD YOU AT LEAST'VE LEMME HAVE THAT?! COULDN'T SOMEONE ELSE PAY THE PRICE OF VICTORY - JUS' THIS ONCE? JUS' THIS ONE BLOODY TIME? BUT NOOOOO! 'S ALWAYS GOTTA BE THAT /I/ HAVE TA BE THE ONE WHO PAYS." He accused bitterly. Tears were slowly streaming down his face, but he was too angry with the World to notice.
"FINE GRATITUDE THAT IS! HOW MUCH MORE DO I HAVE TA LOSE, EH? IS IT GOING TA BE MY LIFE NEXT? THAT WOULD BE KIND ON YOUR BEHALF, THOUGH AND YOU'RE NEVER THAT MERCIFUL." Sarcasm was dripping from his voice, harsh and cold and unforgiving.
The Doctor leaned heavily on a nearby coral column, his yelling tirade done, feeling spent of all of his energy. He sobbed, loudly and uncharacteristically. He felt the tears now, but he didn't even try to restrain them. He didn't care anymore. His hearts were too broken at the moment to bother.
He walked over to her cot, took her cold hand in his for the last time.
"You were fantastic, Rose Tyler - absolutely fantastic. Thank you… Thank you for believing in me even when I wouldn't. 'm jus' sorry, it had ta end this way. 'm so, /so/ sorry." It was barely a whisper, scarcely audible.
The TARDIS hummed sadly.
The Doctor wasn't the same after that day. He'd lost too much: Gallifrey, the Time Lords, Rose... And all in the same regeneration. It had severely affected him. He was darker, moodier, more reckless than he had been prior to that dark day, and snarkier than ever before (Jack hadn't thought it was possible). It was doubtful he'd ever get better, not in this regeneration anyway.
Jack was the only reason why the Doctor hadn't been pushed to insanity (everyone has their breaking limit when it comes to grief, and the Doctor had reached his), and the Doctor was grateful that the good Captain had decided to stick around. He kept fighting, though. No matter where he went, the Doctor fought for Good, in Rose's memory, Jack right along with him.
Rose's death had changed Jack as well, though. Not drastically - he remained Captain Jack Harkness: he still flirted with every one and every thing that crossed his path - but there was hint of sadness in his eyes, the same kind of sadness that the Doctor had etched into every line of his being. The kind of sadness that told of an age beyond reckoning (even though Jack himself wasn't that old yet), and that spoke of an understanding of the fact that everything had its time and died.
The Captain kept the Doctor in check, making sure the daft, old alien didn't overstep his boundaries. The Doctor repaid his friend by showing him the wonders of the Universe, as though to remind Jack - and himself - that despite the injustice, there was still beauty in the Universe.
And every year, on the anniversary of Rose's death, the TARDIS's hums would have a melancholic note to them, and the Doctor would disappear by himself into the inner workings of the TARDIS (Jack had learned the hard way not to follow him). There, he would mourn the loss of the pink and yellow girl who had given him so much hope.
-Finis-
THERE. Now, excuse me while I go bawl my eyes out now… Thank you for reading!