You still love each other
First of all, I'm sorry for any grammatical error you see here. English is not my first language, so yeah, any mistake here is my fault.
I don't own VicTORIous nor anything related to it.
Chapter one
She's gone.
It hurts. It hurts and it will hurt as long as you stay in that house, and you know it. You see her everywhere. There is no safe place in the house for you, and the knowledge of that pains you; it makes you feel so uneasy, so uncomfortable. It makes you conscious of your past actions.
The sandy-colored walls reminds you of her. And why wouldn't they? She was the one to pick the color, declining your choice of color: a dark green that had always reminded you to a foggy day in the dark forest. She had said no, telling you that she did not needed to be in a scary forest. Scary. After all this time the word used makes you huff in amusement. You clearly remember making fun of her for that. But the amusement morphs to pain, leaving nothing but a faded memory of the feeling.
You try to recall why she is no longer here, and your teeth sinks on your bottom lip. Your eyes shut close at the pang of guilt and pain that assaults your chest. You feel weak. A quivering breath leaves your lips, and a sob escapes your throat. You realize now that you are crying, for her, because you miss her, and for you, for being so stupid and stubborn.
Why was so important that discussion, that fight? What had made you take things to the edge? Whatever the answer is, you hate doing what you did. You threw your relationship away, you let her walk out of your life… you made her leave, little by little, you kicked her out of you life. Unconsciously, of course. In your right mind you would never let her leave.
But that was the problem: you were not. You had obsessed over the fight, trying to get the upper hand at any cost. But there was no upper hand. There was not winning nor losing to that fight. There was just, in the end, losing or getting even. There was the option of stopping all that, forget it, and continue with your happy life with her. You clearly didn't pick that one.
You picked an option where none of you won. You lost, but you lost her. You lost the person you love most, and all thanks to your flaws. Those same flaws that captivated her in the begging. Maybe your love was not that strong, or maybe one loved most than the other, who knows. But the losing end fell on you. No, no. It felt on both. The sheer pain in her eyes was overwhelming. Of course you didn't cared at that moment. Your anger and shock was so much to notice or think about anything else that wasn't the fact of the love of your life walking away, both from the house and your life.
And then it dawned on you.
You rose to your feet and sprinted to your room, tripping and almost falling. Removing the black-stained tears from your eyes you search on the heap of clothes you have in the corner, searching for something, your hands moving hastily to try and find something. You grip tightly a black coat, and you throw it to the bed. You slip a hand in a pocket that is placed on the top of the coat. Nothing. Growling in discontent, your hands pat every single place of the coat frantically, your breathing now fast and heavy. Your movements stop when you hear a sound. Desperately, you undo the button of the pocket and slide out the folded paper.
You smile ruefully. How could you forget it? With trembling hands, you unfold it. It's a letter from her. The tears brim your eyes once again. You cover your mouth with your hand, muffling the sounds of your cries. Your eyes pass over the handwriting, analyzing every letter, every word, every sentence. You berate yourself for taking so long to remember the letter.
Rushing to the front door, you turn the knob, before stopping and patting your hand over the pockets of your pants. Cussing under your breath you search the house for your car keys, leaving the letter over the small table where the phone is.
You smirk as you pick the keys and shove them to your pant's pocket. Stopping by the table where you left the letter, you stare at the phone. Maybe you should call first, see if she's still up to it. If she is still willing to accept you back in her life. Your lower lip quivers and your chest hurts as you imagine her telling you she doesn't wants you anymore, that she has moved on with her life.
You swallow spit as you try to not cry again, and you pick the phone, your pale finger pressing the numbers you know so well. You shift your weight from one foot to another as you wait nervously for a certain voice. The phone beeps a fifth time, and you decide to hang up.
"What do you want?"
You smile a bit as you hear her sister's voice.
"Well… I was wondering… is she there?" Your voice is so small and you are shaking.
"No, she isn't you jerk."
You flinch at the sharpness in her voice, and, mustering al the courage you have, you speak again. "Are you sure, Trina? I–I know I hurt her, and I'm really, really sorry, but—"
"I told you she isn't here!" Biting your inner cheek, you start to fiddle with the letter.
"Then… when will she be?"
Trina growls in the other end of the phone. "And how the heck am I supposed to know?! Maybe she will never be here! And it's all your fault!" Your eyes start to water again as you hear Trina's sobs.
"What… what do you mean?" You ask with a trembling voice as you refuse to accept or even think again about that thought that crossed your mind.
"What does it sounds like to you, Jade?! She is not here! And I blame you for taking her away from me!" Trina hung up after that, leaving you mouth-open and in tears again.
The phone slips from your grasp as you let yourself fall to the floor, your legs pushed against your chest as your head rest between them, your hands balled into fist pressing at your temples.
"No… she can't be… she isn't…" A loud sob makes its way up your throat, as you feel dizzy and your stomach churns. "She can't, she can't, she can't, she can't! She. Can't!"
As you grit your teeth, the tears fall freely across your cheeks, leaving more black trails. Your nails dig in the palm of your hands, a burning sensation making its presence in those places where your skin is being harassed by your own nails.
Inhaling a deep and shaky breath, you press your lips together, trying to tone down the spasm that rocks your body as well as trying to muffle your sobs.
'But you so can't be, Tori Vega.' You think angrily, the anger more directed to yourself than the woman you still love so much. You exhale slowly. 'Dare to be death and I…'
You look at the letter lying on the floor as the words written there flash in your mind.
Jade:
I'm leaving. Probably you already know it by now, but I want to tell you to not take it in a bad way. I love you, and you know it. I'm sorry to leave you alone. I really am.
It hurts to walk away from this house. From our house and home. I beg you to understand why I can't stay here. I just can't take this anymore. All this yelling that has been going between us is killing me inside. Is the bad kind of pain, you know? I just don't want to be hurt more than what I already am. I'm sorry if I look like a coward to you. But I'm not, I just prefer to leave things how they are rather than make it all worse.
I don't know what I'll do once I cross the threshold. But I assure you that you won't find me that easily. This stupid argument between us is really hopeless. I thought this had already been talked about, about this obsession of yours to have the reason.
I know, I know. I'm rambling right now. So, I just wanted to let you know I gave up. Not to us, no, don't think that. I still love you immensely, trust me. But this… Sorry Jade, tears won't let me write more. So, I'm leaving, for how long I don't know. Maybe forever if this is how we are going to be always…
I'm sorry again, Jade. I love you, don't forget.
- Tori.
You chest is hurting from the pain, and your eyes sting from all the tears that have escaped from them. You bare your teeth in anger at your own foolishness for ignoring the sad and disappointed looks Tori had before she left.
Your nostrils flare in anger as you took the letter and read it again. 'Dare to be death, Vega, and I'll follow you to hell itself if its necessary to have you back. Then I'll kick your ass before kissing you senseless.'
Again, sorry for all the errors there might be. And of course the lack of variety of words. As you can see my knowledge of words is very limited. Sorry if anything sounds weird.
Next and —probably— last chapter might take some time, 'coz school sucks and also does the homework… Well, hope you enjoyed it.