DISCLAIMER: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. Sad, but true…
A/N: Thank all of you who have been patiently waiting for this to be posted! And thank those of you who read and review my fic To Sow the Seeds of a Nightmare, which is the prequel to this story. For those of you who haven't, go read it! You can read this one without reading the other, though, for those of you too lazy to read it…
To Look Upon a Rose
- Kurama's pov - Spider-like fingers glide through my hair, and a shudder runs down my spine. My body freezes, remaining unresponsive as I struggle to escape the feather-light touch. But, as always, I remain immobile, unable to even cry out. Each time is the same; I seem doomed to relive this moment until I die, never able to run. The fear coursing through me draws a small gasp from my lips, and the familiar haze of shame settles over my mind as I stand helpless. Why is it that I, Youko Kurama, am powerless in the hands of the icy-eyed ghost that haunts my dreams each night? "You're afraid of me," he murmurs, amused at my helplessness. "Of what my touch can bring." Lifting my head in an attempt at haughtiness, I sneered over my shoulder at the youkai. "What reason do I have to be afraid of you?" I ask, hearing my voice tremble slightly. "I've killed you once before. Who is to say that I cannot do it again?" My mind screams a warning; this was not the way the dream was supposed to unfold… Karasu laughs softly, and I shiver, my fears growing. Something is wrong – Karasu is always alive in my dreams, repeating the threat that, in reality, I'd manage to escape. But now… Now, I couldn't help but feel a sense of dread, as if this was no dream… The curtain of my hair ripples and falls back down around my shoulders as Karasu releases it to run his fingers down my arms, the feather-light touch burning like so many flames. He leans in close, pressing his lips against my neck, and I feel him smile. "You can't kill me," he whispers alluringly, "Because I'm already dead."
I woke up gasping, my hands instinctively moving up to cover my neck. The muscles beneath them rippled as I swallowed, attempting to clear the lump of fear from my throat. My fingers trailed lower, frantically searching out any signs that another's hands had touched me but finding nothing. They moved lower and met with something cold, and I froze, terrified.
I released a shuddering breath as my fingers closed around the hiruseki necklace that rested against the base of my neck, feeling a trickle of embarrassment flush my cheeks. Such nightmares had plagued me often since my battle with Karasu over two years ago, and every one terrified me. Each was the same save this one, and in each one I was paralyzed with fear, fear that usually changed to humiliation and revulsion when I awoke. Worse were the times when Hiei was here during his time away from Mukuro, or when I screamed and woke Shiori. At least Hiei understood the reasons for my fear; my family did not. Either way, my youko pride cringed in shame each time.
But still, I was grateful for the comfort their presence brought. Alone, as I was now, I was afraid.
The nightmares had been coming more often now, and they were no longer mere recollections of the battle. Never before had Karasu been aware of his death. I had taken some small consolation in the fact that the nightmares were all the same; that way I knew they were simply dreams. But now, that consolation was gone.
The reassuring weight of my necklace in my hand, I lay back down and closed my eyes, though I was certain I wouldn't be able to sleep again tonight. My heartbeat gradually slowed, however, and my breathing returned to normal. The dream receded, fading into the shadowy recess I'd banished all the others to, and I eventually fell into a fitful yet dreamless sleep, wishing Hiei was beside me.
x
- Shiori's pov -
"Shuuichi, are you alright?"
A flash of gold swirled through emerald eyes, giving them a feral, almost animalistic look as they stared out the open window at some distant memory. My hand froze in midair, but I dismissed it as a trick of the light and laid my hand on my son's shoulder, gently, to draw him back to reality.
Shuuichi started at my touch, blinking wildly and bringing one hand up to curl protectively around his neck. "Kaasan," he breathed finally, blinking up at me with something akin to relief.
"I'm sorry," I said softly as I sat next to him on the couch. "I didn't mean to startle you." Folding my hands in my lap, I regarded him silently for a moment as he gazed back at me, a frown creasing his forehead. Silky crimson hair had faded to a dull red while wide green eyes had become shadowed and sunken; his features were pale in the harsh sunlight, though he hid it well behind his mask of calm. "Are you alright?" I repeated.
"Yes," he replied instantly, forcing a slight smile onto his face. "I just… haven't been sleeping well." I waited a moment for him to elaborate, but he merely smiled faintly and returned his gaze to the window.
I did not press him further, for I was already aware of Shuuichi's sleepless nights. More often than not, I lay awake in the security of my husband's arms listening to his muffled cries, wishing I could go to him and hold him close. But my arms were never enough; it seemed I had long ago lost my power to banish his nightmares and dry his tears, though he rarely allowed me to see them. After seventeen years of laughter and heartache, I knew my son well enough than to try to mother him anymore. Shuuichi hated to lose control of his emotions, and to do so in my presence would only add to his shame. Though I hated to let him suffer alone, I knew I could do nothing for him.
Stifling a sigh, I followed his gaze out over the garden, Shuuichi's garden. He'd long since taken over its care, and I had gladly handed it over to him. It was the only place I ever saw him truly happy, other than in the presence of Hiei. But, I hadn't seen the silent boy in quite some time, though I suspected this was the time Shuuichi needed him the most.
"You've been neglecting your garden lately," I murmured. "Look, the weeds have almost taken over. Your rose bush is wilting."
Shuuichi straightened at that, his eyes losing their far away look as he frowned at the flowers outside. The weeds seemed to wither under his stare while the roses regained some of their luster. He sat back, his frown replaced with a small, complacent smile.
"It will take more than a glare to restore the garden," I said playfully. "Though you did manage to scare some of the weeds away." Shuuichi laughed at that, and some of the darkness seemed to vanish from his eyes. He leaned over to kiss my cheek before rising, a smile still lingering on his face. "Don't forget, Kazuya's birthday is tomorrow. We're going out to dinner, so don't stay too late at school."
His brows furrowed for a moment, and I thought he would object. But he nodded – reluctantly, it seemed – and forced another smile. "I won't," he promised before turning and walking out of the room.
I was tempted to stop and question him. I knew my son was reserved and private by nature, but that didn't stop me from worrying. He was burdened by secrets – too many secrets – that glinted like shadows in his eyes, secrets that haunted his dreams and turned his laughter into tears. I did not press him though, for I sensed they went deeper than even I could imagine. I would be patient, and when he chose to confide in me, I would be there to listen. Until then, I would keep watch over him in silence.
x
A/N: Phew! You don't know how many times I had to revise this chapter to get it presentable, and I'm still not totally satisfied with it. Not the best way to start a fic, ne?
Anyway. The next chapter may not be out until late May, because I have AP exams coming up and I need to study. It's not easy memorizing all the tariffs and taxes in the US from 1607 up until 1980. Yeah. Just a warning: never take AP US History in high school.
Try to guess where the plot's going. Those reviews are always fun to read. It will give me something interesting to do while I study. u Arigato, minna-san!