After Luke and Lorelai break up, Lorelai is pregnant, but Luke has already made good on his promise to leave town, and she doesn't know how to contact him. Will their child ever know his father? AU, but it kind of coincides with canon in its own weird way.
Returning
By: Hopeful Writer
CHAPTER 1
It had been three weeks.
Three weeks since their last kiss. Three weeks since the last time they had made love. Three weeks since she had last had a sip of his delicious coffee. Three weeks since the screaming match that had ended with her yelling, "I can't deal with this anymore! We're through!" and him storming out of the house without so much as a backwards glance.
Three weeks was 21 days. 504 hours. 30240 minutes. 1814400 seconds. They had been together for ten months. And then, suddenly, they weren't.
Lorelai had regretted her words the very next day, and she had set off for his apartment at dawn to fix things. Undeterred by the 'Gone Fishing' sign in the window, she had reached above the door for the spare key only to find it missing. Her heart sank. Was he that mad at her that he was going to shut her out so completely? He had to be hiding up there somewhere.
Maybe he just needs time, she told herself, remembering their first break up and her subsequent promise not to push him when he needed to process. Fine. She could deal with time. She had never thought of herself as a patient person, but she could be for him. When he reopens the diner, I'll go talk to him. I can wait.
The diner had been closed for three weeks. By the end of the first week, she had left him forty messages. She had gone to his apartment one night and banged on the door and threw rocks at the window until Mrs. Slutsky threatened to call the police.
By the time week two started, Lorelai began to accept that he wasn't coming back anytime soon. Lane admitted that Luke had left a message on her cell phone telling her that he was giving her a paid vacation for a few weeks, until he could make arrangements for something more long term. Meanwhile he had advised her to start looking for a new job.
Lorelai's broken heart kept her occupied for the next week, as getting up each morning became more and more challenging. She missed Luke more than she ever wanted to admit, though she fought to hide it behind a cheery "I'm fine," and a smile. She broke down once in front of Sookie, who, for all her good intentions, looked awkward and uncomfortable and wasn't nearly as good at comforting her as Luke was.
At the beginning of week three, the letter had come in the mail. The letter, Luke's letter. The letter that told her that he was making good on his promise to Taylor, the one that said he'd leave if they ever broke up. He was closing Luke's, packing up, and taking off. There was no return address and no contact information. Just the note, and a big empty space in Stars Hollow where Luke should have been.
The letter had sparked the beginning of the vomiting, which lasted all week. Every morning without fail (and some afternoons and evenings), Lorelai was on her knees in front of the toilet, throwing up whatever she had eaten in the last 24 hours. She attributed it to stress and heartbreak, but she could tell Sookie was worried about her.
But the first day of week 4, Lorelai ate an apple. She took fourth bites without noticing anything out of the ordinary. Upon taking the fifth bite, everything that was wrong with this picture snapped into focus, and she dropped the apple like it was on fire.
In a blind panic, she jumped in her Jeep and drove with startling speed to Woodbury.
45 minutes later, Lorelai's Trix Rabbit timer rang, startling her from a deep daydream about the future. She stumbled unceremoniously into the bathroom and picked up the stick that had been resting on the sink. After a moment's examination, she dropped it, tears streaming down her cheeks as she managed to stagger back to her bed. She fumbled in her purse for a moment before coming up with her cell phone. Speed dial 2. It rang twice before she heard a clipped, "Hello?"
"Rory?" she managed weakly, ashamed of the break in her voice.
"Mom?" Rory's voice, on the other hand, was laced with concern. "What's wrong?"
"Rory, I'm—" She stopped to collect herself for a breath, then blurted, "I'm pregnant."
CHAPTER 2
The silence on the other end of the phone terrified Lorelai, and she implored her daughter, "Rory? Say something? Please?"
"Are you sure?" Rory's voice was torn between confused and stricken.
"I took a test," Lorelai admitted shakily. She was still crying.
"And it's Luke's?"
"As opposed to my other MIA ex-boyfriend?" Lorelai snapped back, regretting it when she heard Rory's sharp intake of breath. In a softer voice, she continued, "Yes, it's Luke's."
"Wow..."
"What am I going to do, Rory?" Lorelai wanted to cover her ears to block out how pathetic she sounded, not least of all because she was crying to her daughter, who should never have to deal with this.
"You're going to have a baby," Rory told her firmly.
"Luke's baby," Lorelai whispered, less to Rory than herself. She was trying to wrap her mind around the fact that a little hybrid of her and Luke was developing in her uterus. "He should know," she stated dully, fully aware that she had no way to contact him.
"And he would if he hadn't run away," Rory replied savagely. Where Lorelai had grown sad after Luke's departure, Rory became mad. When she first found out, she had stormed around the house, calling Luke every synonym for coward she could come up with until she had almost made herself physically ill. Though the initial rage had abated, a slow anger still burned, and Lorelai could not talk her out of it.
Rory sighed loudly. "Are you still getting voicemail on his cell phone?" she asked. "You could leave it in a message."
Lorelai shook her head even though she knew Rory couldn't see her. "Never mind the fact that that's completely inappropriate, but he must have disconnected it. I tried calling earlier this week and got that really annoying recorded lady telling me this number is no longer in service."
Rory ignored the fact that Lorelai had called yet again. "Well, there's not much you can do. You can tell Lane and Liz and maybe one of them can reach him." There was a pause, then, "Mom?"
"Yeah, babe?"
"Congratulations."
Lorelai gave a dry, humorless laugh. "Thanks, kid." She hung up, feeling more heartbroken than before. It was supposed to be different this time, she thought with a sob. She wasn't supposed to have to do it alone. Luke would be an amazing father; he deserved to know that he would have a kid. She deserved to have a partner. Rory deserved to have a stepfather, and this baby deserved to have a father. Nobody deserved this mess.
Lorelai spun around the room aimlessly for a moment before her eyes landed on the stuffed cat on her couch. Luke had given it to her on their one month anniversary. "In honor of your not-spinster status," he had told her as he presented it with the most adorable blush on his cheeks. "it kind of sounds like you. It kind of does that squeaky purring thing you do right when you—"
She hadn't been able to box it yet, believing that as long as it remained out, Luke might come back. Now, devastation rivaled with anger, and she picked up the cat and hurled it at the wall, where it emitted an indignant squeak and fell to the ground. Not pacified, she gave a frustrated scream, a sob breaking in her throat. She kicked the stuff cat, sending it flying, the tears now unchecked. She lashed out at the wall, wishing it was Luke that she was beating.
When at last she collapsed to the floor from exhaustion, her tears dried out, she took a deep breath. She was does pining over Luke Danes. Rory was right. If Luke didn't know about his baby, it was hi own fault for running away. This was pathetic. She had raised Rory without any help at sixteen, she could raise another child with Rory's help at 37. She was stronger than this, and she needed to start proving it.
Starting with work. She had been sorely absent from the inn lately. In fact, she couldn't remember the last time she had spent the full day there. First thing was first. Put together and outfit, brush teeth and hair, and go run her business. One day at a time.
CHAPTER 3
Being pregnant gave Lorelai a distraction. Despite her best efforts, she still found herself missing Luke more than she was comfortable. But between work, the baby and Rory's summer vacation, three months pass before she even realized it.
Everything hit her one morning in August when her shorts wouldn't button. It had been a bad week. Two of the maids at the inn quit, and a guest had tried relentlessly to ask her to dinner every night of his four-day stay. The shorts were the final straw.
"I don't want to be pregnant!" she yelled at Rory, who was living in her room for another two weeks before she went back to Yale for her last year.
"Tough," her no-nonsense daughter replied. "There's nothing you can do about it now."
"I could invent a time machine and go back in time and warn myself against unprotected sex until I'm wearing two rings and a wedding dress," Lorelai shot back weakly.
Rory shrugged. "Just don't go to far back or I'll never be born." They were silence a moment before Rory said, "Mom? If you really, really don't want this baby, maybe you shouldn't have it. Without Luke around, the baby's going to feel unwanted enough without actually being unwanted, you know?"
Lorelai felt inexplicably guilty. "It's not the baby that's unwanted," she assured her daughter. "It's the pregnancy. It's the situation.. But never the result of the situation. Not now, not 22 years ago. I love you with all my heart, kid, and I'm going to love this little one just as much. But just like I hated getting pregnant at 16, I hate being pregnant without Luke here. You understand?"
"Yeah." There was another pause. "Mom? I miss him too."
Lorelai smiled wistfully. "I know you do, kid. And I'll bet he misses you."
"Hey, let's go shopping for maternity clothes tomorrow," Rory suggested, changing the subject just slightly to dodge the serious issues. "I hear they're really cute nowadays."
Lorelai had to smile at her daughter's attempt to cheer her up. "Sounds good. Why don't we bring Sookie and Lane and have a girls' day of it?"
Rory smiled back. "Sounds perfect."
CHAPTER 4
Rory went back to school the last week of August, and Lorelai was sadder to see her go than she had been since freshman year. She was still slightly too skinny for her maternity clothes, but her hormones were raging as she entered the fourth month. She didn't crave apples like she had with Rory; instead she took to sucking on lemons and adding lemon flavoring to everything. Sookie actually gagged when Lorelai dumped a spoonful of lemon juice into her chocolate milk.
Surprisingly, with Rory gone, Kirk provided the most comfort of all her friends. He was still feeling the pain of Luke's departure, and his blunt, unassuming manner forced her to deal with her issues instead of hiding from them. In the beginning of September, he actually made dinner for her and Lulu, and neither of them gagged when Lorelai put lemon juice on her spaghetti.
Rory and Sookie alternated between taking Lorelai to doctor's appointments, and Jackson volunteered to go into the delivery room with her, "since I have so much experience and birthing completely freaks Rory out."
It didn't quite fill the void Luke had left, but it was getting there.
For a while, Lorelai didn't want to know the sex of her baby. The thought of either one was painful because she could equally imagine Luke being a great father to a little boy or a little girl. But when the urge to decorate the nursery hit her in October, she caved and schedule an ultrasound so she could see her baby.
She went to this appointment alone ,in spite of her friends' insistence that she shouldn't be driving. Like always, she shuddered slightly when the spread the gel on her stomach, unable to completely banish thoughts of the full body massage Luke had given her one cold February night. Then the picture was up, and Lorelai swore she could actually see some physical features of her baby. Including... "Congratulation, Miss Gilmore. It's a boy."
She was proud of how well she maintained her composure until she got to the car. A boy. A son. A mini-Luke who would play baseball and run track and eat healthy. A little boy with Luke's serious eyes and her hair and Rory's sense of humor.
She cried for twenty minutes in her car before she was able to collect herself enough to drive. She put her hand on her still only slightly distended stomach. "A son," she whispered aloud, liking the feel of it on her lips. "My son."
CHAPTER 5
"Have you thought of names yet?" Rory asked on Halloween, while they handed candy to Bradley, Damon, and about six of their friends.
"Some," Lorelai admitted. "I don't want to name him Luke, but I'm keeping it in mind for a middle name."
"What about William after his father?" Rory asked.
"Again, as a middle name maybe."
"You should name him Bradley," Bradley suggested, sticking his bag out for Rory's generous handful of assorted chocolates.
Lorelai chuckled. "I'll keep it in mind," she assured him.
They shut the door, and Rory continued, "Okay, what else were you thinking?"
"Well, I actually was thinking of Bradley, but I don't think Luke would have liked it. I also liked Paul."
"Because it's Bono's real name," Rory supplied understandingly.
"Right. And David, after Bowie. And Rory, after you."
"'Cause that wouldn't be at all confusing."
"After I got done with all the names Luke would hate, I thought of Peter, Thomas, Elliot, and Samuel. Ooh, and Cody. And Sean."
"No Sean. We're not Irish. And not Peter. It's too Little Rascals for me." At Lorelai's questioning look, she explained, "Petey? The dog?"
"Oh, right. Well, do you have any suggestions for your little brother?"
"How about Laurie? Then he fits right into our family of L names."
"Like from Little Women?" Lorelai demanded. "I don't think so."
"Um... okay... how about Nathaniel?"
"I hate Hawthorne, Rory."
"Jacob? Brett?"
Lorelai paused. "Where are those from?"
Rory blushed. "The Sun Also Rises. Jake was the main character, and Brett was the woman he loved but couldn't be with because he was impotent."
"You want me to name my son after an impotent Hemingway character? No way. Besides, isn't one of the Banyon boys named Jacob?" At Rory's horrified look, Lorelai continued, "However, I do like Brett."
"Okay, so we have Brett, Samuel, Thomas, and... and..."
"Elliot."
"Right, Elliot. Ooh, I like that one."
"Yea, that's one of my favorites too. Elliot Lucas."
"Oh, God, that sounds perfect, Mom."
Lorelai smiled. "It's either that or Thomas William. But I think Elliot's winning."
Rory thought it would kill her mother to use Luke's name, even as a middle one, but Lorelai seemed okay with it, maybe even looking forward to it. Rory was looking forward to it too. She'd been seriously thinking about her future, now in her final year of Yale, and children were a consideration. Her new baby brother would help her get a sense of whether she wanted any. Plus, he had the added bonus of making her mother smile again.
CHAPTER 6
Lorelai was so surprised at being asked out near the end of her second trimester that she accepted before she fully realized what was going on. His name was Tim Johnson, and he stayed at the inn every time he did business just about anywhere in Connecticut. He was fairly young, at the early end of 30, with curly blonde hair and green eyes. He looked a little like Christopher, and he was completely enamored by her. And she was still skinny for five and a half months pregnant, and lonely, so she agreed and didn't cancel.
He picked her up at seven and met Rory, who was torn between her loyalty to Luke and her desire to see her mom happy again. She was nice enough, though, and she didn't miss Lorelai's giggle as Tim said, "I'll have her home early."
She had a good time, though she had trouble admitting it. She was straight with him: she had badly ended her relationship with her baby's father and she still missed him like hell, but she was moving on. She wasn't ready for a serious relationship, but she liked him and wouldn't mind spending more time with him as long as he understood that she wasn't in it for the duration. And above all, her kids came first.
Tim understood and agreed with her terms. He would like to be in a serious relationship with her, he admitted, but seeing her on a semi-casual basis was better than not at all. He liked kids, and he'd like to meet Rory a little better, if she didn't mind.
They began to hang out more, sometimes just Lorelai and Tim, sometimes all three of them. On the third date, Tim kissed her. She squashed her initial reaction to run and kissed him back, and she found she didn't hate it. And so they remained well into Lorelai's seventh month of pregnancy, when she suddenly became huge.
At first, Tim had been a perfect gentleman, respectful of her space, her inability to commit, her body, and her pregnancy. But two months of kissing was wearing him down, until he finally snapped after another rebuffed attempt to get her into bed.
"Jesus, Lorelai, this is ridiculous!" he exploded as she jerked away from his wandering hands. "I can't do this anymore. Either we have sex tonight, or we don't have it at all."
"That sounds suspiciously like an ultimatum," she warned, pushing farther away from him with distrust in her eyes. They were making out in his car, which was parked in front of her house.
"That's because it is," Tim replied quietly, the intensity of the moment hitting them both at the same time.
"I'm sorry, then. I can't, Tim. It doesn't feel right." Tim looked stricken, but Lorelai refused to feel guilty. "I've had a lot of fun with you, but I can't be the girlfriend you want or deserve. Not when I'm still in love with Luke."
"He left you after a stupid fight while you were pregnant, and you still love him?" Tim asked, his tone slightly sneering.
Lorelai laughed bitterly. "Believe you me, I wish I didn't. Then I wouldn't hurt so bad." She sighed and focused her eyes on him. "You took away some of the pain, and I will always be grateful to you for that, but it's not good for either of us to be in this relationship anymore." She saw the devastation that crossed his features. "I'm so sorry, Tim. But you knew what you were getting into with me."
"I did," he agreed sadly. "I guess I just hoped it would change."
She leaned forward and kissed his cheek, right near the corner of his mouth. "Thanks for a great two months, Tim," she said as she slid ungracefully out of the car. "Don't be a stranger at the inn."
"Goodbye, Lorelai."
That was the last time she saw Tim.
CHAPTER 7
Lorelai went into labor during the first week of her eighth month, three weeks before she was due. Rory was just back at school after her winter break, Sookie and Jackson had taken the kids to Jackson's sister's house, and Kirk and Lulu had gone antiquing in Woodbury for the day. She wasn't talking to her parents because her mother insisted on calling the baby "that thing" and her father wouldn't take her phone calls. It would take too long for Christopher to get there, and she felt startlingly guilty having him be there while Luke's baby was delivered.
When the contractions were five minutes apart, and she was fairly sure this wasn't a drill, she finally called Lane to drive her to the hospital. From the car and between contractions, she called Rory, Sookie, and Kirk, all of whom chastised her for not calling sooner.
Jackson and Sookie arrived just as she was about to go into the delivery room, and Jackson suited up to join her. Rory showed up not even a minute later, just in time to freak out and wish her mother luck.
Jackson held her hand and coached, barely grimacing when she squeezed hard enough to hear a bone crack. He smoothed her hair down soothingly when she cried out for Luke, and he skillfully cut the umbilical cord when the wailing baby boy finally popped out.
Lorelai mentally counted his fingers and toes when they placed him in her arms. Like a switch was flipped, the baby stopped crying and stared at his mother with big blue eyes. "Hey, Elliot," she whispered through her tears, holding him close. "Welcome to the world."
Jackson put a hand on her shoulder. "He's beautiful," he said sincerely.
She didn't want to let her slightly too-small baby out of her sight, but they needed to clean him and dress him. Jackson hugged her gently, mindful of her soreness. "You were great," he praised, and she smiled weakly.
"Tell me honestly," she implored. "Was I better than Sookie?"
When they returned Elliot to her, she invited her friends in, starting with Rory. "Hey, babe," she greeted her slightly hesitant daughter. "Meet you little brother, Elliot Lucas Danes."
"Danes?" she asked, clearly taken aback as she shifted her gaze from Elliot to Lorelai.
"Yeah." She had thought about this a lot. "It doesn't seem right to name him Gilmore."
"But... you named me Gilmore." And my father was around, was left unspoken.
"I know. And I stand by that. If you had been a Hayden, there would have been a whole new field of expectations for you that I wouldn't be able to protect you from. Chris's parents didn't want anything to do with us, and I didn't want to put you in that position. It's different with Luke's family. Do you understand?"
"I guess. Won't it be weird for him though? To be named after a father he doesn't know?"
Lorelai gazed adoringly at Elliot. "I hope not. Think of it this way. This last name and some physical features are all he'll have of his father. Even though Chris wasn't around much, you still had more than that."
CHAPTER 8
Rory adored Elliot, and Lorelai suspected the feeling was mutual. He was a good baby, fairly quiet and a good eater, but he had this curious streak that Liz said reminded her of Luke before their mother died. And, God, he was cute. His hair was dark, like Lorelai's, but his eyes and mouth looked like Luke's.
And he was observant. He would sit in his infant swing and track her with his eyes, following her as she cleaned or danced around him. He would gurgle appreciatively when she sang silly songs to him. He, as corny as it sounds, gave her a reason to smile every morning.
It wasn't that she had stopped missing Luke, not by any means, and everyday she faced regret that he wasn't there to see his son grow up, but things moved so quickly that she no longer had time to think about him. Before she knew it, two and a half months had passed.
The knock on her door at 8:00 at night startled Lorelai. She had just gotten a very fussy Elliot to bed, and she was already dressed in her pajamas – flannel pants and a button-down pajama top. Oh, well, she decided. Whoever it is can deal with my pajamas.
Another impatient knock. She raced to the door, knowing another knock would wake the baby. "My God, what?" she demanded, throwing the door open. She froze, blinking at the person who could surely not be standing in front of her. "Luke?"
It had been a year since the last time she had seen him, even in pictures. He looked exactly the same as she remembered, down to the flannel shirt and blue backwards baseball cap she had given him all those years ago. She couldn't believe he still had that. "What are you doing here?" she asked, stumbling over the words and feelings. "Where... what happened to you?"
Luke looked helpless and deflated. "I'm an idiot," he simply said, as if it were a day since they'd last seen each other, not a year.
She had to smile slightly, if only because it was the first time she'd heard his voice in 12 months. "That's a good start," she replied.
"I didn't mean to be gone so long," he continued as she stepped back to let him inside. "I didn't even mean to be gone a week. But one day turned into another and it got harder to come back and I was terrified to see you because then I'd know exactly what I screwed up and then there was the coma and the physical therapy and then I had to try to buy a car and—"
"Wait, what?" Lorelai interrupted. "Did you say coma? You were in a coma?"
Luke nodded, and only then did Lorelai notice how old and tired he looked. "For seven months," he admitted. "Some jerk in a Hummer knocked my truck into oncoming traffic and my head went through the window. I was in physical therapy for the last three months."
"Jesus, Luke..." And just like that, all the anger she had been holding against him felt petty and shallow.
"God, Lorelai, I'm so sorry. I got scared and... there was so much going on..."
"What was going on?" Lorelai asked, suddenly confused. She didn't remember anything out of the ordinary, although she did recall Luke being more distracted than usual.
Luke put both hands on his hat, a nervous habit of his that Lorelai remembered. "Lorelai, I.." He was struggling to met her eyes. "I have a kid," he choked out.
Before that moment, Lorelai had never known the meaning of the phrase, 'My blood ran cold.' "You what?" she demanded, uncertain if her whisper would escape despite the sudden painful lump in her throat.
Apparently it did, because Luke answered, "I have a daughter. She's 12. Her name's April." He looked so nervous and miserable and proud that Lorelai wasn't sure what to think. "I didn't know about her until she came into the diner for some science fair project—she was testing to see who was her father—and I went to the fair and there it was in black and white."
"Hence the distraction," Lorelai realized, suddenly shockingly cold. She wrapped her arms around herself for warmth. "Why didn't you tell me?"
She hadn't meant for the words to come out like an accusation, but Luke flinched like she'd slapped him. He hung his head, now completely unable to look her in the eyes. "I didn't know what to do," he admitted, his voice heartbreakingly pitiful. "Things were so good, and this little girl came out of nowhere. And then you accused me of not caring about you, and you said we were through, so I went to Woodbridge to find April. I only meant to be gone a few days, just long enough to sort things out so I could focus better. But things were always so confusing, and it got harder to call, especially when I had nothing to tell you, so I chickened out and sent you a letter that was only half true because you seemed pretty certain we were done."
"I left you like a million voicemails contradicting that statement," Lorelai protested, clinging to the least unsettling details of his story because they were all she could digest. "Didn't you listen to any of them?"
Luke had the grace to look embarrassed. "I actually left my cell phone here. And after I didn't pay the bill, they disconnected it, I'm sure."
"They did," she confirmed, remembering the first time she had received that recorded message.
"And then, just when I was starting to get the balls to come back, the accident happened, and I didn't want to call from the hospital because, well, I didn't want the first time you heard from me to be when I couldn't move in the hospital. So I waited until I got released this morning, and here I am." He finally met her eyes, albeit shakily. "I'm so sorry, Lorelai. I was an idiot to leave, and I should have called, and I screwed up so much. I just needed to come back and explain, even if it doesn't mean anything at this point."
"It always means something," Lorelai whispered. She wasn't sure he heard her until his head snapped up, the hope blindingly obvious in his eyes. She couldn't analyze it, though, because something was dawning on her. "When did you wake up from the coma? Three
months ago?"
He looked taken aback by her change of topic, and the expression was oddly comforting in its familiarity. "About two and a half months ago actually," he replied, confusion furrowing his brow.
"January 9th."
Now he was gaping at her. "How did you know?"
Lorelai swallowed convulsively. "Follow me." She took his hand without thinking and led him up the stairs.
She heard him swallow hard. "Lorelai?" His voice was light and tentative.
"Shh..." She couldn't hear anything but a roaring, whooshing sound. She led him to the nursery and stepped inside. As if sensing her presence, Elliot began to squirm in his blue baseball onesies. "Luke?" Lorelai began hesitantly. "Meet your son, Elliot Lucas Danes."
CHAPTER 9
"What?" Luke's voice was no more than a whisper, his eyes locked on the baby, who was staring back at him. "You were..."
"Pregnant," Lorelai supplied, taking a little cruel delight at the pained expression on his face. "Elliot was born on January 9th."
"I left you when you were pregnant?" Luke looked horrified, and Lorelai began to regret her sadistic pleasure.
"You didn't know."
"I should have," he replied stubbornly. "I should have taken my phone. I shouldn't have left." Lorelai was shocked to see Luke—her tough, manly Luke—blinking back tears. "I was supposed to be here, Lorelai. You weren't supposed to have to do it alone again."
"I wasn't alone," she replied quietly. Although a part of her wanted to make Luke suffer just a little, she knew that he already felt like the world's biggest ass without her help. "I had Rory, and Sookie and Jackson, and Kirk and Lulu."
"I should have been there."
Lorelai snapped. After seeing Luke for the first time in a year and hearing him bemoan his lack of involvement in her life, she lost her patience. "Yes, you should have!" she exploded. "You should have, but you ran away. I wanted you to be here, Luke. I wanted it so badly. Rory actually suggested giving up the baby because I was so miserable being pregnant without you. You're the only person I've ever imagined having kids with since my obsession with Robert Redford calmed down. I love you so much, and the last thing I ever wanted was for you not to be here. But you weren't, so I handled it. And now you know, so what are you going to do about it?"
She bit off the words, her cheeks hot and her break in gasps. He stared at her for a moment before his attention was diverted by Elliot's whimpers. Lorelai spun away from him to heft her baby into her arms. "Shh..." she whispered, bouncing him gently. "It's okay. I'm not mad at you."
"Lorelai?" Luke's voice was awed and vulnerable all at once. It was a tone shed never heard before, and it unsettled her. She looked up at him questioningly. "Can I... may I... hold him?"
It was enough to break Lorelai's heart, and she stepped closer to him before she really realized what she was doing. "Of course, Luke," she replied, holding the baby out. "You don't have to ask He's your son too." The look on Luke's face spoke volumes as he delicately lifted Elliot from her arms.
"He's amazing," Luke breathed, staring at him in adoration. Lorelai swallowed hard, knowing that nobody except her would ever look at Elliot that way. Suddenly Luke's eyes were on her, big and serious, and she was drowning in them. "I want to be a part of his life, Lorelai," he said flatly.
The warm feeling she had from watching Luke bond with their son all but disappeared. "I would never keep him from you, Luke," she snapped, offended.
"I know," Luke assured her, "but I want to be in your life too. I really screwed up, Lorelai, and I know that. But I want to be more than the father of your child. More than Christopher. I want to help you, not just show up and take the kid out for a few hours and buy him presents."
Lorelai gaped at him, trying to compose herself. "Boy, you have some nerve," she managed finally. Luke's face fell. "You left me, Luke. This has nothing to do with me being pregnant. You just took off, made it impossible for anyone to get in touch with you, even your own sister. Now you come back and expect me to take you back with open arms? I don't think so. I'll never keep you from Elliot—just like I never kept Christopher from Rory—but that's it, Luke. We're not going to run off and get married just because we have a child."
"I don't want to be like Christopher," Luke snapped. "I want to be a part of my son's life."
"You can be! I'm not stopping you. You can see him whenever you want. Everyday, if you want. He can sleep at your apartment sometimes. You can go to his baseball and soccer games. Be a part of his life, Luke, please. He's going to need his father. But don't think we're going to be anything more than co-parents. You walked away from that opportunity a year ago."
"And I was an idiot!" Luke exploded. "You don't think I regret every second I spent apart from you?"
"You could have come back anytime—"
"No, I couldn't! I was in a fucking coma, Lorelai. I know it sounds like an excuse, but until a few weeks ago, I couldn't get out of bed. Until last week, I still needed an escort to go to the bathroom. As far as the two months before the coma, I was an asshole for leaving the way I did. I was confused, my whole world was turned upside down, and I reacted badly. But I was getting there before the accident." He paused and took a deep breath, staring right into her eyes. "I love you, Lorelai. And I've waited too damn long to let the face that I'm emotionally retarded screw this up. If you really don't have feelings for me, I'll walk away tonight and be nothing more to you than Elliot's father. But if there's even a chance you feel half as much for me as I feel for you, then we can work this out. I know you don't trust me, but give me a chance to prove that you can. Please, Lorelai."
Lorelai was pretty sure he'd never said that much in one speech before. Luckily, she was spare from answering by Elliot, who squirmed in Luke's arms and cried out, moving his mouth pitifully. Lorelai reached out for him, plucking him gently from Luke's arms. "He's hungry," she explained, the anger drained from her voice.
"Should I... should I go?"
Lorelai shrugged, already unbuttoning her pajama top. "Whatever. You've seen it all before."
Elliot latched on and began suckling immediately, and Lorelai tried to pretend Luke wasn't staring in undisguised interest. She was still reeling from his earlier words, the feelings she had been suppressing now back with a vengeance. She knew she had to say something, had to decide what she wanted.
"He's so amazing," Luke whispered reverently. "He's perfect."
"Yes, he is," she replied hollowly, switching Elliot to her other breast. She was waiting for something. More than the words, she needed something to prove that he was for real.
"Can I make you something to eat?" Luke asked after another minute of silent observation.
That was her Luke, her Mr. Fix-It. She managed a weak smile at him. "I don't think I have much in the house," she admitted. "I was going to go grocery shopping tomorrow."
"What about macaroni and cheese? You always have macaroni and cheese."
Unexpectedly, Lorelai felt her heart jump. He knew her so well, knew her better than she knew herself. She looked away as she answered, "Okay. Macaroni and cheese would be nice. Thank you."
Luke left, looking just a little too eager, and Lorelai sighed, taking comfort in the warm pressure of her baby boy. "Oh, Ell," she whispered. "What do I do, huh? Should I be madder and strong and petulant? But all I want to do is forgive him and forget about this." Elliot released her with a pop, smacking his lips and staring up at her as if trying to answer her. She flipped him up to her shoulder to burp him, a thousand unanswered questions in her mind.
CHAPTER 10
By the time she got Elliot settled again, she could smell the macaroni and cheese. Luke handed her a bowl, and she smiled at him, albeit weakly. "Thanks."
He watched her dive into it, commenting, "It's nice to see some things haven't changed."
Lorelai ate silently for awhile, listening to the argument between her stubborn side and her far too lenient side over the Luke Issue. Joe and Sally were fighting over which path to choose, until Sally suddenly pushed Joe over and ran off in her direction in triumph. That's when Lorelai made her decision.
She looked up at Luke, feeling her breath catch at the realization that he was in her kitchen, making her dinner, in her life again. As she looked back down at her bowl, she whispered, "I never stopped loving you."
She heard Luke's gasp over the clang of the pot lid he dropped. "Lorelai..." His voice was strangled, his eyes shining with trepidation, confusion, and just the barest hint of hope.
There was no turning back now. Lorelai set down her bowl and stood up, striding purposefully until she was barely a foot away from him. "Even when I was heaving into a toilet, wondering why I had morning sickness in the afternoon, even when I couldn't see my feet and I felt like a house, even when I was giving birth with Jackson and crying your name, even when I hated you, Luke, I never stopped loving you. And if I haven't stopped yet, I don't think I ever will." That spark of hope was growing. Very seriously, Lorelai continued, "Luke, if we try this again, you can't run away. It's not going to be easy, it's going to take a long time for me to trust you again. But I want to, Luke, and I always get what I want, so be patient, okay?"
Luke was staring at her with the oddest mixture of adoration and exaltation. "Lorelai, if you asked me to wait forever for you, I would," he admitted hoarsely.
Lorelai knew she was being too lenient on him, but she had already been without him for a year and she didn't want to be without him anymore. So she took half a step closer and leaned in, pressing her lips gently against his. She heard Luke moan. She couldn't believe how good it felt to simply be kissing him.
Luke pulled away after a minute, an irrepressible smile on his kiss-swollen lips. "Just like that?" he asked incredulously.
"Slowly," she replied, leaning in to kiss him again. He laughed against her lips, closing his arms around her, one in her hair, one clamped onto her waist. She rested hers on his neck, drawing him closer, drinking him in, falling in love with him all over again.
When they pulled apart, he rested his forehead against hers and breathed in deeply. "God, I missed you," he whispered. She wriggled as close to him as possible, afraid that if she let him go she'd wake up. She surreptitiously pinched her arm behind his back. Nope, not a dream. He really was in her house and in her arms. He pulled away slightly, planting small, soft kisses against her cheeks and forehead as he did. "I should go," he said sadly. "It's late."
"No, don't," Lorelai protested before she knew what she was saying. He looked surprised, and she continued, "We need to talk. Stay for awhile."
He dropped his arms from her waist to take her hands in his, and she immediately missed her warmth. "Okay," he replied, releasing one hand and leading her to the couch with the other. "Let's talk."
CHAPTER 11
Neither of them got much sleep that night. They stayed up as late as they could talking and tending to Elliot and kissing occasionally just because they could. When Elliot woke up at 2 in the morning to have his diaper changed, Luke reached him first. "Tell me how," he implored, lifting the baby from the crib and setting him carefully on the changing table.
So Lorelai taught Luke how to change a diaper, even though her nerves were stretched to the breaking point and the intensity of the night was giving her a headache. The first one he put on fell right off when he picked up the baby, but the second try held fast, and Luke looked absurdly proud of himself.
They passed out on the couch around 4:00, Lorelai's head nestled into Luke's shoulder, and Luke's arm around her waist. It was the best night's sleep Lorelai could remember getting in a year, and it only lasted three hours until Elliot's wails woke them at 7.
Lorelai was feeding him, and Luke was raiding her kitchen cabinets for something to make for breakfast when the front door opened, and Rory's voice echoed throughout the house. "Mom? Are you awake yet?"
"Living room, babe!" Lorelai called back, motioning for Luke to hide deeper in the kitchen. She needed to talk to her daughter before Rory saw him.
"Morning," Rory chirped, surprisingly awake for 7 in the morning. "Hey, Elliot, how's breakfast?"
As if in response, Elliot released Lorelai's breast and smacked his lips, making a gurgling baby laugh. Rory grinned. "That good, huh?"
"Rory, can I talk to you for a minute?" Lorelai asked as Elliot took a breath and latched onto her again.
"What's wrong?" Rory demanded instantly.
"Nothing, it's just... Luke's back."
"What?"
Lorelai nodded seriously. "He's in the kitchen. He came back to... where are you going?"
Rory was off the couch and moving towards the kitchen before Lorelai could finish the sentence. "To do what I always swore I'd do if he came back," she replied venomously.
"Rory..."
But Rory wasn't listening anymore. She had frozen at the entrance of the kitchen, trying to take in the scene that should have been so familiar. Luke's hands were in his pockets; he looked both terrified and determined. "Rory," he greeted quietly.
A dam inside Rory broke then, and she blurted, "What are you doing here?"
"Rory, I—"
"You promised, Luke. You promised you were going to be here. And you left, just like my dad would have. Just like all the guys Mom's dated. Things got hard, and you let her push you away." She was building up steam now. "You're a coward. You were supposed to be the one, Luke. And you ran away at the first sign of trouble."
"Rory—"
"And the worst part is, you didn't even talk to me." Suddenly the tears were flowing, unbidden, down Rory's cheeks. "You were supposed to come to me when things were confusing, remember? We made a pact. We were going to talk to each other, so that things would never get weird between us. You didn't even talk to me; you ran away and left Mom to tell me that you were gone." She took a deep, sniffling break, wiping her eyes impatiently. "Well, we don't need you. It's always just been me and her, and now we have Elliot, and we don't need you. So you can go back to wherever the hell you were and leave us alone. Because We. Don't. Need. You."
"Rory, please let me explain," Luke begged. "Then you can decide to throw me out or whatever, but just let me explain everything to you."
"Why should I?"
"There is no good reason," Luke admitted. "But I'm asking you to. And I know that doesn't hold much water now, but it's all I've got."
Rory studied him through misty eyes. "Fine. Go ahead. Explain."
Luke told her everything he'd told Lorelai in as much detail as he could remember. Rory listened impassively until he admitted he had a daughter that he only found out about a year ago. Quickly, so quickly that if he'd blinked he'd have missed it, her face crumbled until she could compose herself again. But when he told her about the coma, she couldn't keep her cold exterior.
"You almost died," she whispered, looking traumatized.
"I'm okay, though," he replied, taking his first brave step towards her. When she didn't back away, he continued walking until he was next to her. "It'll take more than a car accident to get rid of me."
Suddenly Rory was crying in his arms, clinging to him. "I'm sorry, Luke," she sobbed, struggling but failing to regain composure. "We do need you, and I don't want you to go, and, well, I do wish that you'd talked to me when you found out about your daughter, but I understand why you didn't, and I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing," Luke ordered, looking as close to tears as Rory had ever seen him. "None of this is your fault, and you have nothing to apologize for. I deserved everything you said and more."
"But—"
"No buts, Rory." He hugged her as she sniffled and wiped her nose on his shirt. "We can make this work. You, me, your mom, Elliot. April and Anna. All of us."
"Okay."
"Okay?" For the second time in less than 24 hours, Luke was taken aback by the Gilmore girls' benevolence.
Rory smiled at him shyly. "I'd say being in a coma for seven months is enough punishment for having left us, don't you think?"
He had to laugh, even though there was a lump in his throat the size of Texas and his eyes were stinging. "You and your mom are amazing, you know that?" He hugged her tightly to him, and she leaned up to kiss his cheek.
"Of course we are," she told him matter-of-factly. "We're Gilmore girls."
Lorelai cleared her throat at the threshold of the kitchen, Elliot in her arms. "Can I come in?" she asked hesitantly, her eyes darting back and forth between them.
Rory stepped away from Luke, nodding. "It's okay," she answered. "It's gonna be okay, Mom."
Lorelai smiled at her, smoothing Rory's mussed hair with a nod. "It will be," she agreed, locking eyes with Luke, who looked again more emotional than she could ever remember seeing him.
Elliot reached out suddenly for Luke, who accepted him without hesitation, much to Lorelai's delight. Her stomach did a little flip as he kissed his son's head and smiled at her, and she truly believed Rory's words. It was going to be okay.
CHAPTER 12
It was not easy, but none of them had believed it would be. They fought often for the first few months, hateful words being thrown back and forth. In one particularly memorable argument, Lorelai had accused Luke of lying about the coma so that he could account for most of his time spent away. Two hours after he slammed the door to her house shut and retreated to his apartment, he returned in tears, saying that if she couldn't at least believe him about that, there was no way they could make this relationship work. Lorelai assured him that she trusted him, at least to tell her the truth, and that her angry words were nothing more than angry words.
From that point forward, their arguments changed. Each was more careful about what they yelled, even in the highest points of their anger. Their fights became fewer and farther between as Lorelai cautiously began to trust Luke again, and Luke began to open up more to Lorelai.
Lorelai met April three weeks after Luke's return. She was immediately impressed with the precocious young girl, who took to Rory and Elliot easily and quickly.
April's birthday was a turning point for all of them, when April begged to be allowed to have her party at the diner. Lorelai helped Luke with the planning, and for a few days they were completely in synch with each other. The party was a huge success, and April proclaimed Lorelai to be the "coolest Dad's girlfriend" in the world.
A little over a year and half after Luke returned to Stars Hollow, on the eve of Elliot's second birthday, Luke proposed and Lorelai accepted. Two and a half months later, on the anniversary of Luke's return, they were married.
THE END