Word Count: 650+
Warnings: None
A/N: Pure, 100% banter. My favorite thing.
"Um," Castiel said. His eyes skirted over the empty patch of street before them.
"That's what I've always loved about you," Crowley replied, "your eloquence, your elocution. You should be a motivational speaker."
Castiel rounded on him. "Where's my pickup?"
"Well, cupcake," he stepped up the curb, "it's fair to say it's not here."
"Obviously! Why isn't it here?" The angel spun around, coattails spinning about his legs. Scanning up and down the street, he shook his head.
"I'd wager it has something to do with that." Crowley pointed at a squat, yellow object near his feet.
Glancing down, Castiel said, "The fire hydrant didn't move my truck."
"As you said, 'obviously'. But the city doesn't much approve of folks parking in front of their things. They could move your precious truck."
Castiel stared at him. "You told me to park here. 'It'd be faster,' you said."
"It was now, wasn't it? Saved us a good five minutes walking."
"Now we don't have a car!"
"Yes?" Crowley raised his brows. "And?"
Castiel held his arms out wide from himself. "And how do you suggest we continue our search without a vehicle?"
"Hello? Demon?" Crowley shrugged. "Who needs a car? Terribly slow things, really."
"Not a demon," Castiel said, jabbing a finger into his chest. "I need a car."
"Love, I'll take you wherever we need to go. There, isn't that simple?"
"Until you ran off to wherever it is you disappear to, and abandoned me someplace."
"I wouldn't abandon you for too terribly long," Crowley said with a smirk. "Have some faith. Isn't that what you lot are good for?"
"No."
"That's odd. I've heard angels are full of faith. Faithful, one might say."
"That's not what I…" Castiel rolled his eyes. "I'm not depending on you for transportation. I need a vehicle."
"Fine. Let's go shopping." Crowley gestured at the various cars lining the street. "Anything strike your fancy? Oh look, there's a Mustang."
The angel blinked at him, glanced at the vehicles, then back at Crowley. He yanked his companion's arm down. "We are not stealing a car."
"Why not?"
"These belong to honest - presumably honest - people, who require their cars for their day-to-day lives. It'd be reprehensible to take one."
"Right." Crowley nodded. "Hypocrite."
"What?"
"Hip. Oh. Crit. As in, someone who practices hypocrisy."
Castiel tilted his head. "What are you talking about?"
"Please. Moose and Squirrel have both stolen cars but, let me guess, their actions were justified? For the 'greater good'?" Crowley's lip twisted in a wicked grin when Castiel didn't reply. "And tell me, darling, did you pay for your dear pickup? How about that horrid Continental?"
"I liked that car."
"My apologies," Crowley said, sounding anything but apologetic. "So, did you acquire either of your cars legally?"
"I needed a ride," the angel muttered.
"That'd be a 'no', then?" Crowley nodded. "So, when it's you or the boys stealing cars, it's all right. But when I suggest it, it's 'bad demon, naughty demon, we couldn't possibly'. Again I say, hypocrite."
Castiel scratched his cheek. "There has to be another option."
"I'm open to suggestions."
"The city took the pickup. We can go get it."
"Bird, we were just talking about how you acquired it. Fair chance they checked that out. What's your plan? Walk up and ask them, 'Excuse me, gents, can I get my stolen car?'"
"I don't think that would be wise."
Crowley snorted. "Really, you think?"
Castiel stared into the distance, focusing on nothing. He narrowed his eyes. "I stole it once. Will you help me steal it again?"
"The two of us, engaging in nefarious acts? Why, angel, I thought you'd never ask."
"Don't make too much of it," Castiel replied. "Between your teleportation and my ability to put humans to sleep, we should have no difficulties retrieving the truck."
"Couldn't we have some difficulties? Just a few? You know, to keep it interesting." Crowley raised his brows, a smile playing at his lips.
"You're impossible."
"Incorrigible. That's the word you want."