Anime Invades Cedar Point

by Sainte Matthewe

(thrilling title, huh?) Three original characters spend time at a local amusment park, only to find everyone has started to act like animals.

Anime Invades Cedar Point

By Sainte Matthewe and La Atressa de la Mente

Sainte Matthewe stood admiring the early morning blues and greens from her car door. Already she could tell it was going to be a long, hot day from the hazy way the morning sun was shining through the smog over Sandusky Bay. A pair of seagulls were squabbling over a scrap of dropped food, and third circled high overhead. Over all, it was a peaceful morning at Cedar Point, for the great unwashed masses had yet to throng the place.

The young writer was tugging her baseball cap over her braid, and considering entering the park when a young man sprinted by, temporarily shattering the peace. He was dressed in black and the pair of sunglasses perched on the bill of his black baseball cap was bouncing in time with his stride. A long braid of brown hair streamed out behind him as he ran for his life.

Following closely this first runner was another, wildly brandishing a dagger. This young man's black hair was slicked back into a short ponytail, and was obviously intent on harming the first youth.

In a close third, another boy, with aviator goggles resting on a messy mass of platinum blond hair, sprinted. He was trying to persuade the second boy from his mission of harm to the first. For the moment, the blonde's efforts were in vain, as the raven-haired lad ignored him.

Behind this strange exodus, a brace of lads strode confidently in the direction of the gates. One of the two, a tall, slim wisp of a teenager whose bangs appeared to defy the laws of physics was stoically explaining something to the other boy, as he nodded, one matted lock of unkempt brown hair flopping in his face.

Sainte stared after the departing quintet for a long moment. Then, she mentally kicked herself. If she didn't hurry, she was going to be late, and the excuse of looking at the scenery probably did not apply to staring after guys, however scenic.

She made her way up to the gates with her pass and purse in hand. The security guard, already bored before the day could even begin, looked at her card and at her, and then moved to allow her entrance.

Once inside the gates of Cedar Point, she wandered down the midway, to behind the carousel, and sat down on a bench. A glance at her watch told her that she still had a minute or so before her friends arrived.

"I wanna go on Disaster Transport!" announced a youthful, but deep voice.

Sainte's head snapped up. To her surprise, she found the odd assembly from the parking lot standing, grouped near the concession stand. They were trying to decide what to ride first.

"No! Iron Dragon!" exclaimed the dark-haired Chinese boy who had abandoned his attempt to kill the lad with the long braid who spoke his opinion first.

"Um, can we ride the swings instead?" asked the blond pacifist, looking to the boy with the gravity-defying bangs for support, who just shrugged.

The fifth boy ran his hand through his disheveled hair, and said, "Why don't we ride something we all can agree on. The Millennium Force, for example."

"Yeah!" cried three of the other four.

"Um. I don't know." mumbled the blond, uncertainly, which renewed arguments.

Sainte was so enraptured by what she saw, she did not notice La Atressa walking up behind her, until she spoke. "Taking in the 'sights', eh, Sainte Matthewe?"

The girl jumped and yelped at the sound of the voice. Once she landed, she turned to face her friend, with a sheepish look on her face. "I. Uh. Yeah."

Atressa giggled. "I thought that was Elenni's job."

"Yeah, well." Sainte coughed and covertly stole a glance behind her. "Is anyone else joining us?"

A huge smile broke out across the pale girl's face. "Oh, yes! Vincent's gonna be here any minute.and I'm pretty sure Elenni's coming too..with Sephiroth none-the-less!"

"You sure that's a good idea, amie?" Sainte inquired cautiously. "I mean, he's not gonna burn this place down or anything, is he?"

"Oh, goodness no! He's on his medication now, and should be stable, er, more or less!"

"Well, that's good, I guess.."

"You guess?" The red-head grinned, then looked aimlessly around the park, her large blue-green eyes eventually settling on the tallest, newest hill in the park. "Wow, whadda ride that looks like!" Sainte responded by merely rolling her eyes. "Look at the DROP on that thing...and I hear it takes the car only 30 seconds or something to get to the top! Quite an improvement over Magnum in that regard..but the suspense won't be the same now will it be...and it's different! I don't think I'll ever think any less of the Magnum, for whatever it's worth. How about you, Sainte?"

"Huh?" Sainte shot out of her daydream state and looked blankly at the other who made a low, disgusted growling sound in the back of her throat. "Sorry, 'Tressa. I.I'm just not a big coaster fan, y'know."

"Really?" The unexpected deep voice caused Sainte to fall once more off the bench while Atressa giggled.

"K'so!!" The white haired girl turned to see Vincent standing next to Atressa, his normal-hand extended to her. "When did you get here?!" she demanded as he helped her to her feet.

"A minute ago. Sorry for startling you."

"The reaction was CLASSIC though!" the red-head smirked childishly. "You honestly didn't know he was behind you?"

Sainte rolled her eyes at the stupid question. "Duh." She then proceeded to scoot over some so that the newcomer could sit next to his 'accomplice'. "Anyhow, to answer your question, no, I DON'T like coasters..at least not all that well."

"You will ride Millenium with us, won't you?!" Atressa prodded hopefully.

"Yeah, come on!" added another feminine voice behind the trio.

"Nice try, Elenni. That joke's getting old." announced Sainte, without turning around.

"Oh, really?" asked another, deep, masculine voice, as someone laid an icy hand on the white haired girl's bare shoulder.

The girl stiffened visibly, as her eyes grew wide. "Eeep!" she managed to squeak. Sainte turned to face her assailant, as all began laughing. On accident, her long braid smacked the silver-haired man kneeling behind her.

"Ow." the man said, rubbing his nose.

Covering her mouth, Sainte exclaimed, "Oh! Sephiroth! I'm so sorry!"

Standing up, he replied, "That's okay, but you really should have that hair registered as a lethal weapon."

"What's that you were saying about that joke getting old?" Atressa asked, still giggling.

"Alright, alright. Very funny." Sainte sighed. "You got me. I suppose I'll go on the Millennium with y'all." She stood and shoved her hands into her pockets.

"Hey! Where'd those cute guys go?" Elenni wondered, looking around.

"I dunno, but we'll pro'ly run into 'em later. Why?" answered Atressa. Elenni grinned sheepishly and began to whistle. "Uh-huh. I see."

"Well, they looked sorta like BSB.."

All the others turned and glared at her. "You DARE compare Gundam pilots to those talent less hacks?!" Sainte growled as the other girl's eyes grew huge.

"Not that BSB.um.I meant uh.. the Bishonen Shrine Babes!"

"Bishonen Shrine Babes?!" Vincent looked confusedly at Atressa who rolled her eyes and shrugged. Sainte, though, seemed to accept the answer for she simply nodded.

"Ey, is that Louis guy comin.or Armand?" Sephiroth spoke up suddenly.

Elenni looked shocked. "You know them?"

"Yeah man, I love the Vampire Chronicles!!!!!" The silver haired man's face shone with a smile. "How about you, Vinny?"

"DON'T CALL ME VINNY!!!!"

"Er.. Vincent?"

The dark man, now totally calm characteristically swept his crimson cape behind him. "I cannot say I've ever read them." he replied tranquilly.

Sainte cut in at this point, from her position several feet down the midway. "So, you wanna do Millennium first er last?"

"Nani?" asked Sephiroth, blinking in confusion as he turned to face her.

"To avoid ungodly lines, you wanna go now, er wait 'til the park is almost closed?" she asked, hands on her hips.

"Well." Atressa began, glancing at her companions. "Don'cha think we should go now, before the unwashed ones get here?"

All nodded, as Sephiroth added blandly, "You never did answer my question."

Sainte just shrugged. "Who the Hell knows? I don't even think the writers know what's going on."

"Oh." the ex-SOLDIER muttered, striding down the midway with the group.

"So what shall we do first?" Atressa inquired of the group. "Raptor? Magnum? Milennim Force?" And grinning at Vincent, "Chaos?" At this, she cracked up laughing while her dark friend rolled his eyes with a sigh. "Or we could do karaoke.if we had the money."

"Karaoke? Where?!!!!" Elenni screeched, hopping up and down excitedly. "I like karaoke!"

Sainte stared at her friend. "Well now, isn't that obvious?"

"Why yes! I should think it is!"

Sephiroth cut in at this point. "Hey! That's nifty!"

"What?" the others replied in unison.

"The invisible dog! Oh! Look at those crazy hats with the chickens on them! I want one!" The whole ensemble stopped and stared at the ex-warrior- now-childish-weirdo. "Well, they ARE pretty neat."

"If you say so." Atressa said, a look of disgust mingled with shock and confusion on her face. "Still, we havn't decided what to do!"

"Since we're here, why don't we go on that coaster over there?" Vincent suggested, his eyes wandering to an older looking machine, on the tracks of which ran car-shaped trains.

"Oh! Yeah! Wildcat! And the wait looks pretty nice and short too!" the red-head smiled. "Anyone else?"

"Oh look! The cute Gundam guys!!!" Elenni interrupted shrilly, pointing to the pig-tailed kid was chasing the boy with the braid, once more, only now with a Swiss army knife.

"COME BACK HERE, MAXWELL, SO I CAN BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH THIS SPOON!!!!" the raven-maned lad was yelling furiously, the aforementioned spoon glinting non-threateningly from the compact tool.

"That's....odd." Sainte commented once they had passed by.

"Extremely. But back to our original question.." Atressa said passively.

Unfortunately, only Vincent was listening. The other three were giggling helplessly at the ridiculous incident that had passed them by. Atressa cleared her throat loudly, and the two girls and the ex-SOLDIER looked up. "As I was saying, does anyone else wanna go on the Wildcat with me and Vincent?"

"YEAH!" the three chorused, and ran to get in line. Vincent and Atressa followed, less hurriedly.

Once they were in line, they massed together to while away the five-minute wait with idle chatter. The group was almost to the front of the line, when a soft, cultured, almost effemate voice intruded upon the conversation. "Um, excuse me, but do you mind if I ride with one of you?"

All five turned to face the newcomer, and recognized him as the blond that was with the group of Gundam pilots. "Hey! Cute Gundam guy!" exclaimed Elenni just before Sainte could clamp one hand over her mouth.

The boy blushed, and looked down at his shoes. "The others are on the Millennium Force, and I don't really wanna go on it."

"Yeah, sure you can ride with us." Sainte said over the growls of her captive. "Hi. I'm Sainte. I'd offer you my hand, but that would lead to dire consequences. at least for you."

Lightly insulted, Elenni tried to glare at her captor, but succeeded instead in glaring at the newcomer. She muttered something into Sainte's hand.

"Oh, right! Where are my manners!" the writer exclaimed. "And this." she began, indicating her prisoner, "Is Elenni."

The blond bowed slightly. "Hello to you both. My name is Quatre Rabara Winner. And the rest of your group?"

"I'm Sephiroth!" the bright-eyed warrior exclaimed, cheerily offering his black-gloved hand to the boy.

"My name is Atressa..." the other writer began. "And this is Vincent." She finished, indicating the tall, dark gentleman standing behind her, and resting his real hand upon her shoulder.

Once more, Quatre bowed. "Nice to meet you all."

"NEXT!" shouted the very bored operator of the ancient roller coaster.

"Likewise," Atressa smiled as they stepped up to the loading platform, half- watching the mad rush of Elenni to sit next to Sephiroth in the front seat, while Sainte took the back seat and gestured for the newcomer to sit next to her, which he did. The bars were lowered and checked by sunburnt attendants, and the first four of the group went on their way. This, of course, left Vincent and Atressa all alone with no one to chastise them. He turned to turned to his dear companion and gazed deep into her aqua eyes, and. "Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!" The coaster had begun its first descent, as Quatre and Elenni began to scream, shattering the dark man's and the writer's romantic mood.

Further annihilating their frame of mind, a little boy, roughly four years old, crept up on the couple, and tugged on the rifleman's cape. "Hey, mister! Kin I have my pitcher taken wit'choo?"

Vincent sighed, and gazed disdainfully down at the lad. "I do not work here." he said, as the child's mother came up behind him, rummaging in her purse.

"So, how much are the photographs?" she asked, without looking up.

"Ma'am. I do not."

"NEXT!" proclaimed the operator, saving poor Vincent from having to explain himself to the overbearing mother. Instead, he and Atressa quickly boarded the car and were off before the bratty boy could get another word out edgewise.

"Wasn't that Ash Ketchup?!" the dark man asked the girl as they started up the first hill.

For a moment, she could only stare before she broke down laughing. "Ketchum, Ketchum! And no, that was Tata, the brat who took Frog's medal!"

"If you say so."

"I do! And, hey! Here we go!!!!!!!" Excited, she threw her hands into the air and closed her eyes as after a slight dip, they roared down the first hill of the Wildcat.

"Ok..so this is your off-duty day then?" Elenni was smiling coyly as she hung simultaneously on Quatre's and Sephiroth's arms. "How many more of those do you get in a year?"

Sainte, skulking behind the trio sighed and rolled her eyes, only to jump 5 feet straight up as something cold tapped her shoulder. Turning once she hit the ground, she scowled as she panted at the duo that looked at her amusedly.

"My, you're jumpy today." Vincent commented, a smirk on his pale face.

She shrugged. "Eh. lingering effects of what happened the *last* time we all hung out together."

Hearing this, the eyes of La Atressa brightened up and little cat ears appeared on her head. "Yea! Hojo's dead! Hojo's dead! Hee hee!!!!!!!!"

"Cat ears?!" Vincent exclaimed her outburst completed. "The.."

His friend grinned up at him, a little sheepish. "Yep. Anime lycanthropy!"

"If you say so."

"I do. Now, where to next?"

Sainte and Vincent were the only ones listening to their feline- wannabe friend, who with a shrug suggested that they ride the Millenium Force, as it was next up.and made the statement that she "absolutely abhorred the Mantis and would not go on it!" Vincent agreed with her leaving Sainte outvoted and a bit miffed. "But whadda bout Iron Dragon?!"

Atressa shrugged. "Well, um..I'm really not all that fond of that ride, y'know....HEY! You guys? What do you wanna do?!"

The trio of chatterers turned, their faces resembling that of a deer in the headlights. "Um." they said simultaneously.

The red head rolled her eyes. "Great response. Anyhow, what do y'all wanna ride next, ne?"

Sephiroth was first to speak. "Millenium! Millenium!" he chanted until Sainte stuffed a sock in his mouth, much to Atressa's glee. Quatre wasn't quite so keen on the enormous coaster, and stated so with Sainte quite agreeing.

"In that case." Atressa started, "As much as I'd LOVE to see you on the Force, Sainte, maybe you and Quatre can ride Iron Dragon...and Vincent, Sephiroth, and I can ride Millenium. 'Lenni, it's up to you which one you ride. Or, there's that godforsaken, horrid, painful, wretched Mantis.."

"You don't like it at all?" Sephiroth inquired with a grin, and Atressa responded by vehemently shaking her head.

"Well," Quatre began shyly. "That'd be great with me, if you all don't mind.."

Sainte cocked her head at the statement, and raised one brow. "Mind what, precisely?" she inquired.

"Well, um...taking me with you all..."

"OF COURSE NOT!!!!!" Quatre stifled a small shriek as Elenni suddenly latched onto his arm, not unlike an overly affectionate leech. "We don't mind, not at ALL!"

"I uh, yeah, um..." The pilot's huge, innocent eyes seemed to double in their size at this strange display, and it took all his strength to wrestle his arm back from the girl, and that was even when she was partially distracted by an Nsync song that came blaring over the loudspeakers.

Sainte, in the meanwhile, had come to face the consequences. "I suppose you're coming with us, eh Elenni?" The other girl giggled impishly and nodded. "Great, well, um...I guess I'll see the three of you later, then?"

Atressa was still staring at Elenni, with a Spockish expression on her pale face. "Hm? What?"

"C ya later?"

"Oh! Um...wheredya wanna meet?"

The haloed one blinked then surveyed the surroundings. "Well, um..how about by that big Millenium Force sign?"

Her red-headed companion nodded. "Righty-o, then. Seey'all!" And so saying, she and her two male companions headed off towards the colossus of roller coasters. Sainte made the mistake of watching them for a second, and then had to jog to catch up to her group, already engaged in a 'deep' conversation.

"That is SOME hill!" Sephiroth breathed, peering up at the great, blue mountain of steel from under the nylon 'sun guards' that covered the corrals. "I mean, look at that! Geesh! I can't begin to imagine what that one in Japan must look like!"

"Big," his raven-haired companion replied bluntly. "Really big." Sephiroth rolled his eyes at the answer.

Atressa in the meanwhile had been studying the sights of the crowd, which, fortunately for them, was still miniscule as it was early morning. Only a 15-minute wait the sign afront of the corral had declared, which for this ride, new and as popular as it was, was almost unheard of. The fact it was a weekday during the typical school year was certainly helping their cause. Even so, there were already a great number of oddities in the group that huddled like cattle in the appropriately named structure that kept them in an organized line. One, a tall, spiky-blue-haired girl with a sarcastic smile seemed to float above the ground, talking seductively to a sadly plain and overwhelmed boy. On his other side, a pretty girl with carefully done purplish hair smiled prettily. (1) All of a sudden, an argument erupted between the two females, and much to the delight of the uncivilized men in the corral, a catfight resulted.

Sephiroth laughed at the spectacle, even more so when the poor boy tried to separate the duo and practically got thrown out of the corral. It eventually took him and a spiky-red-head with a strange and terribly modern looking machine to literally pull the two apart, still frothing as if hydro- phobic. (2) "What a crew," the silver-haired one smiled as he quoted Rufus Shin-Ra's immortal line. The two enemies now were stuck on opposite sides of the boy who looked more bewildered than ever, seething with anger.

"So very childish." Vincent commented quietly to Atressa, who nodded her agreement.

"And over what? THAT? Geesh! He's so.teenagerish!" The red-head's comment caused her dark-haired friend to chuckle in his usual, unobtrusive manner. "Sad, sad, sad. One might even say it's pitiful!"

"Oh well." Vincent replied as they began up the ramp to the loading dock. "Each to his own, I suppose.

BACK AT THE IRON DRAGON.....

Sainte found herself distractedly watching the antics of a gangly, blond man in a long, red trench coat as he danced from foot to foot, obviously bored with the unduly wait of a whole fifteen minutes (3). She began to giggle as the blonde's priestly companion punished him for acting like an idiot (4). This was all suitable distraction from feeling like she was in elementary school, again. Taking the "Buddy System" to the extreme was Elenni, hanging on poor Quatre's arm, and cooing something intelligible. The object of the girl's attention was, in turn, hanging on Sainte, and trying to remove himself from Elenni's overzealous grasp. Sainte took a moment to glance disdainfully down at the two extra appendages she had acquired, then back up at the geek in the trench coat, whose bizarre expression of irritation as he returned his friend's gesture started her laughing, again.

Elenni tore her gaze away from the young pilot, and looked up at her friend. "What are you cackling about?"

Sainte snerked, and looked down at the ground, as the dork and his cohort continued to bicker, posture, and preen for a pretty girl farther up in the line. "Uh, nothing."

"Hah. Right. What's so funny, then?"

"Nothing, never mind." Sainte began to giggle again, as she watched the pastoral companion trip the dweeb in red in order to claim the seat next to the pretty girl on the roller coaster.

AT MILLENIUM FORCE

"I still can't get over that short a wait for this ride!" Atressa muttered as they moseyed into the final set of corral gates.

Her raven haired companion shrugged his broad shoulders. "Early I guess.."

The primary coloured car had just pulled up to the loading platform, and the trio of three was preparing to enter in, when a loud buzzing sound resonated from the controls in front of them. "What was that?" the red- head looked about nervously. "That didn't sound normal!" She and the two men stared at the control panel where a bored employee was blinking out of her reverie and realizing the situation. She was pressing some buttons when there was a roaring noise from behind and a car, filled with passengers came flying up to the platform. The brakes screamed and slipped and it seemed as if the car was going to crash into the one in front of it. Sephiroth leaned forward, as the dyad grabbed the other's hands and watched in fearful anticipation. Nearby, the plain teenage boy and his harem and watched wide mouthed.

Just as catastrophe seemed inevitable, there was a shrill shriek and the emergency brakes set in, all too effectively stopping the car. Inertia carried the passengers to a sudden and really rather painful halt, but not knowing of this abnormality and flushed by the excitement of the ride, they stumbled out of the small seats laughing nervously and praising the great machine. None tried to tell them otherwise.

Immediately after their departure, the platform became a bustle of activity. Mechanics appeared from nowhere, each chewing out the other. "I thought you said you'd fixed it!" one man screamed, waving a wrench in the air.

"I did!" the other shouted back, exasperatedly. "And it wasa working fine! There must be some more water in it!"

"ARGH!" the original growled. "Howa many more times must we clean out thesea brakes?"

"So appropriately a named!" Still arguing, the duo went off to inspect and repair the breaks. (5)

Meanwhile, the girl at the control panel pulled the microphone up to her mouth and broadcasting to the whole crowd said, "Ladies and Gentlemen. Due to a malfunction, the Millenium Force is inoperable until further notice. At this time, there can be no approximation of time for repairs. If you choose to leave, you forfeit your place in line. I repeat, the Millenium Force in inoperable until further notice.." At her words, a loud groan rose up from the crowd. From their elevated position, the trio could see a great mass of people leaping out of the line and heading for a presumably shorter wait.

"Whatcha think?" Atressa inquired of her buddies after observing the masses. "Wanna wait, or go?"

Sephiroth gave her a look of pure bewilderment. "Whatcha mean, go? Hell, we're next in line! I aint going nowhere!" To emphasize his point, he decided folded his arms across his chest and faced the actual car itself.

The other man looked apprehensively at Atressa. "Are you sure it'll be safe?" he inquired in a near whisper. "With the breaks failing and all?"

Rather to his surprise, the girl shrugged. "I've heard it does this. Since the wheels are plastic and all, they're more slippery and everything is magnetic or something. Therefore, if there's water, the fields are lowered and things don't work quite right. It rained a lot last night, so I guess that's where the problem is coming from."

"The mechanics seemed to know what they were doing," the silver-haired one chipped in. "I don't think it'll be a long wait."

The red head nodded her agreement. "Yeah. The worst'll be waiting for them to finish the test runs..to make sure it's safe."

"Stupid safety codes..."

Vincent looked at Sephiroth with a cocked brow. "Actually, I'm glad they do it. I don't exactly want to be a guinea pig.not anymore!"

Seeing his point, the other man smiled. "Yeah, guess not. Still.."

"Oh, quit grousing!" Atressa cut in, with semi-mock annoyance. "And look! They're beginning the testing now!" Sure enough, the car before them was moving, and shouts were head as the attendants relayed information back and forth.

The green-eyed man broke out into a goofy grin seeing this. "All right!" he exclaimed excitedly, once more leaning on the railings, eager for his turn. His attention occupied, Atressa turned to Vincent and broached the conversation she'd been meaning to have all morning.

"Um, Vincent?" She started hesitantly.

"Hm?"

"Well, um.er..."

A tension set in. "What is it?" he prompted, his attention rapt upon her, ruby eyes looking as best they could into her soul.

"I..I have a problem.." Glancing at him, she blushed slightly then continued. "You see..they have the best junk food here, and I love so darn much of it! But if I eat it all, I'll be as sick as a dog!...you'll help me out, won't you?"

Vincent couldn't help himself from chuckling. "Oh, is that all? Well, I uh, guess."

"It's a serious matter!" she retorted with a deadpan expression. "What will I do if I don't get my yearly supply of junk food?!"

"Um...I wouldn't know.."

"Be miserable! That's what!" If she was joking, Vincent thought, she certainly was showing no signs of it.

"So, um..what exactly is it that you're wanting here?"

The girl was silent for a moment, lost perhaps in thought, perhaps just lost. "Well, definitely some of those 'Dipping Dots', and maybe some frozen custard."

"That sounds good.."

"And of course, there's funnel cake.in so many flavours! We'll have to get one of each! And there's hot chocolate, and Elephant ears, and corn dogs, and cotton candy, and Belgian waffles with toppings, and flavoured pretzels! MMM those are good..and slushies, and snow cones, and ice cream bars, and french fries.." The thought of all this food was making the tall man a little uneasy. "Hm...oh, and there's FUDGE! We'll need 2 pounds of that..."

"TWO POUNDS?!"

"What's so odd about that? And...hm...taffy, Lollipops, sausage burgers, hamburgers, ice cream cones, frozen bananas.."

"I thought you hated bananas!"

"I do! But we'll have to get one anyhow! I want to eat one of EVERYTHING in the park...no, TWO of everything!" For the first time since her littany began, she looked up into her friend's face, and found it rather green..not to mention he had an expression of horror, apparently assuming she'd gone insane. "Don't like that idea, eh?"

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Um..why not?" He just stared at her. "I do suppose it's a bit much.." she said, grinning impishly. Vincent nodded vehemently. "Well, how about just the 'Dipping Dots', some pop....and maybe a funnel cake?"

"That." he said when he finally found his voice. "Is more reasonable."

She smiled at him. "Ok. That'll be cool!" Then, seeing him still looking at her apprehensively, she gently shoved on his shoulder. "Oh come on! You know I wasn't being serious!"

Her friend rolled his eyes. "Made a bloody good impression of it!" he grumbled.

"But..when was the last time I was serious?!"

Vincent was silent for a moment. "Good question," he finally replied. Then, seeing the quirky yet miffed expression on her face, he grinned. "You know I wasn't being serious!" he mimicked.

"..." she replied, but soon both broke down laughing at the stupidity of the whole conversation.

"What?" the third part turned, suddenly reaware of his two companions. It was then that the car pulled up to the platform, and the gates opened. "YEA!!!!" Sephiroth screamed aloud, forgetting the other two once again and leaping into the front row seat. "We're going!"

With less enthusiasm, Vincent and Atressa climbed into the space behind him. When the passengers were all loaded, the lights dimmed, and with a sudden jolt, they were off at an alarmingly fast rate. For the first time since when the breaks broke down, Sephiroth ceased to smile. "Um...maybe this wasn't such a good idea..." he whispered to himself as the Earth fell away beneath the car.

OVER AT IRON DRAGON.

The wait and the ride itself passed uneventfully. With ears still ringing from the combined screams of Elenni and Quatre, Sainte stumbled off the coaster as best she could with her two companions still clutching at her. "Guys, we're on the ground, now. You can let go of me." she said, while considering acquiring a crowbar to remove the unnecessary attachments.

Two pairs of wide eyes looked up at her, and then down at the ground. Their owners' grip loosened as the trio walked over to the big Millennium Force sign.

"That's where we're supposed to meet, right?" Elenni asked, pointing with one free hand as a giant stuffed moggle waddled by, with an animatronic cat bouncing on its head (6).

Quatre followed the strange bipedal being with terror-filled green eyes, and renewed his grip on the braided girl. "What was THAT?!"

"Quatre.! Too tight.!" Sainte gasped, eyes wide, and the colour draining from her face.

The blond blushed brightly, and released his two captives. "Sorry." he muttered as the haloed girl bent over, long braid flopping in her face, trying to catch her breath.

"For your information..." The blond leapt high into the air with a shrill shriek at the unexpected, lupine growl from behind. Confused and amused, Red 13 watched the boy fly through the air to land on top of a doofy looking guy with a hideous Paul Phoenix hair cut, done in blue. (7) "A bit jumpy, isn't he..." the wolfish-lionish whatcha-ma-callit commented as the poor young pilot was thrown back across the midway, landing with a loud crash against the Mantis sign. Little Gundams floated around his head as he drifted between the waking world and unconciousness.

"Heya, Red!" Sainte smiled, glad to have someone to talk to. Already Elenni was running over to check on the youth. "Wazzup?"

The scarlet furred creature shrugged his shaggy head. "Ah, I came here with some of my AVALANCHE friends. Sadly, I think I'm more a hindrance to them and I sadly believe that they are regretting bringing me..."

"Why on earth would that be?"

"Well.." Shyly, the creature looked around to ensure no one overheard. "I get motion sickness when I go around in circles...and all Cloud wants to do is ride the Merry-Go-Round and Calypso..."

Sainte sniggered at this sad statement. "Whadda bout Cait?"

"Ah, he's only interested in getting people to guess his weight, age.you know. We just returned from the Buggy to drop of the first ton of prizes he won. He tried using me to win more items, but surprisingly they guessed my true age repeatedly.."

"Damn guidebooks." Sainte muttered, much to the lionish thing's confusion.

The two friends turned, as somewhere behind them, there was a loud scream, "MOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Looking up at the great hill of Millennium Force, they could dimly discern some poor, terrified soul with long, silvery hair plunging down the incredible slope.

"You're here with Sephiroth then, I take it?"

Sainte nodded. "He went off with Vincent and Atressa to ride the Force."

"I'd love to ride it, but for the lamentable fact that I don't easily fit into the seats." Nanaki sighed.

"Never thought about that..." Sainte muttered as she watched Elenni attempt to revive the unconscious Quatre. "So, what else you been up to?"

The creature shrugged. "Not much. I went on the Cable Cars. That was thoroughly boring. Haven't been here more than a hour..so besides following Cait around out of morbid curiosity, not much."

The girl nodded. "We only went on the Wildcat and Iron Dragon."

"Ah, I see...say, who is that strange blond boy with you? Is he a relation of Cloud?" Nanaki inquired, eyes motioning towards the youthful blond who was slowly gaining his footage with the aid of Elenni.

Sainte smothered a giggle. "That's Quatre Winner. He could be a relative of Cloud's, but I seriously doubt it. Unless, Cloud happens to be of Arabian descent."

The red furred creature's one eye nearly popped out of his head. "That kid.that incredibly anglo-saxon looking blond guy is Arabian?!!!!!"

Again, the girl covered a giggle. "Yep. Complete with a harem of sisters, and a bunch of funky-smelling guys in fezzes who like to follow him around and call him 'Master'."

The lupine-like animal eyed the young pilot, and looked doubtful. "Are you sure?"

"Yep. I asked him once, and got a really loo~oong lecture about it."

"OHMIGOD, that was sooo neat!" The two turned to face the returning trio of friends, Atressa in the lead, half leaning on Vincent's shoulder. "You really should've gone on it, Sainte! It was like flying!!!..Hey! Nanaki! What's up?"

"Nanaki?" Vincent echoed. Seeing his old comrade in arms, the raven- haired man smiled a welcome. "It's good to see you!"

"Likewise! And really, Atressa.not much at all is up. Not much at all......Is that..."

Following the gaze of the creature, all turned to see a man with his long silver hair sticking straight up and frizzed, not unlike the 'hair' of Marge Simpson. His green eyes were huge and unblinking. Approaching where the four had formed a sort of circle, he let out a long sigh then in a husky whisper said, "Now That..was cool."

"Was that you screaming?" the haloed girl said with a devilish grin. "Mommi, I believe it was.."

A big red mark smacked across the warrior's usually pale cheeks and large drops of sweat beaded off his head. "Me? Mommi? No...that must've been some kid behind me..er, yeah!!!!!!!"

"It sounded a great deal like you.." Nanaki commented.

"Gee! Must be Sephiroth voice impersonators about, eh?" He laughed embarrassedly he tried fruitlessly to straighten his hair.

A look of concern suddenly replaced the slight smirk that Vincent had on his wan face. "Ah, may I inquire why that Quatre boy is leaning on Elenni's shoulder, wearing a head bandage?"

"Nani?" Sainte turned. "Oh, um. The scenery surprised him."

Nanaki managed a lupine smile. "He was unprepared for my unexpected appearance, and the passing of Cait Sith."

"Oh!" Atressa said excitedly. "Cait's here too?"

"As is all the rest of AVALANCHE!" the red creature said with a toothy grin. "We even managed to get Reeve out of that damned office of his for some fresh air!"

As an overly stylish woman with a cigarette walked by (8), Sephiroth wrinkled his nose. "Define fresh," he grumbled.

"Well, that's great!" the red head replied to Red. By this time, the battered Quatre and his cooing escort had returned to the group. "Hola, Uds!"

"Hola!" Elenni replied distractedly. "Hey, um..Quatre and I are going to the IMAX so he can rest a bit."

"Ooooo..what's my number?" the blonde displayed some of the difficulties all members of his looks faced when having suffered a trauma, such as seeing Nuriko without 'her' clothing on or being pounded on the head by a huge axe. Or in the case of this unfortunate blonde, being pounded into a sign by a testy superhero-in-hiding.

The girl patted him on one fair shoulder, as she led him away to the theater. "You are pilot zero-four." she told him gently.

Still messing with his hair, the ex-SOLDIER cheerfully asked the group, "So, now what?"

The members of the group all looked at each other blankly. "Well.um..you want to go the IMAX....right?" Elenni nodded vehemently, as Quatre was too dazed still to reply. "Ok..Who wants to go with them?"

"Do you know what it's about?" Vincent inquired of the red-head.

Shrugging, she continued. "No clue. Aliens, I believe, but.if I wanna see aliens, I just hafta look around here." Her words were enforced as a typical freak, this one wearing dark robes, a pointed hat, and broken glasses, walked by. In his hand, he held a little green alien toy, similarly dressed. (9)

"Good point." Elenni mused.

Vincent nodded slightly, then looked at Atressa. "So..what do you want to do, 'Tressa?"

"Well, gee..I dunno...what do you wanna do?"

"Guys.." Sainte interrupted just as the mushy music picked up. The duo blinked as if awakening, then blushed as crimson as the man's cloak. "Yeah, well..seriously...right here, we've got Mantis."

"Evil!!!!" the red-head hissed darkly.

"Um..and the train."

Quatre's eyes lit up. "I like train!" he exclaimed childishly.

His escort hugged him as if he were a teddy-bear. "I know! I like the train too!"

"Good grief.." Sephiroth grunted as he finally managed to set his hair straight by threatening it with a major and very sudden haircut. "Much better." he muttered.

"Well.right now we aren't doing much of anything.." Red said quietly. The ones of the group who were consciously listening nodded. "So, do you want to start heading down towards..say.frontier land?"

"Sure!" Sainte shrugged. "Let's take the trail! I wanna get some candles!"

Watching her start off a second, Sephiroth's face took on a puzzled expression. "What does she mean by that?" he asked of Nanki.

He shrugged. "I don't know. I suppose they have vendors."

"Oh..Hey, Sainte!" Elenni called out after the disappearing writer. "We'll come too! I betcha Quatre wants to pet the cute little animals!"

The halloed one raised one hand. "Whatever you two wanna do!" she called back.

Dragging a bemused Quatre behind her, Elenni hurried to join her friends. As they crossed the rail-road tracks, she paused to stare after a horribly grinning man in black, whose glistening white teeth were filed to piranha-like points (10). She shuddered as his evil, beady, obsidian eyes focused upon her and her dazed companion for a nanosecond. "What a nasty man." she muttered, and looked away.

They had just reached the outset of the trail, when a certain shop caught Sainte's eye. "Antique Photos" a sign hung over the door read in old fashioned lettering. "Hm..." The haloed one murmured, slowing her pace.

"There's a place up here that sells funnel cakes!" she heard Atressa say as she and her escort approached. "They're not as good as the elephant ears they sell some distance up from here, though. And of course, there are all sorts of ice cream, but better than all of that, there's frozen custard!!! THAT'S good...But as for real food...errrrr..." The white- haired writer turned in time to see the girl shrug. "Only the restaurants where you sit down in air conditioning and pay big bucks are all that good..unless you like greasy, cony food.." At this, Vincent made a face, and the other giggled. "Exactly! So, I guess it's big bucks......unless someone brought a picnic lunch...."

"Hey guys!" Sainte interrupted Atressa's musings. "Speaking of big bucks...wanna blow some?"

The red-head looked at her sardonically. "No, I do not..."

"On Antique photos?..."

The girl was quiet for a moment, with a skeptical look on her face as she peered first at Sainte, then at the building mentioned. "...Well..what do you think, Vincent?"

"Ah...what are antique photos?"

INSIDE THE ANTIQUE PHOTO BUILDING PLACE....

"So, do you have any ideas for the picture?" Sainte asked, grinning as she watched Sephiroth paw through the costumes.

"Well, we could pick out whatever we want and do a conglomeration of the whole." Atressa replied from behind where she was studying a 'high style' scarlet ball gown of sorts. "Or..we could do individual or mini- group shots..."

"Or do a Rocky Horror type thing." Sephiroth amended absent mindedly, much to the disgust of most the others.

For all save one, Red's reply summed up all of the attitudes; "I don't even want to know." said he. But Elenni wasn't of the same mind. Her eyes danced playfully over the still dazed Quatre and a cute pink dress bedecked with many a frill and ruffle. She started to giggle. Around her mirth, she was able to spit out, "How do you think that dress would look on Quatre?"

"Whadda pitty dress." mumbled the still stunned blond pilot.

Sephiroth's eyes lit up with child-like enthusiasm. "Yeah! What a neat idea! Cross-dressing!" He promptly went over to the rack, looking for a dress that would suit his tall frame.

"No." came the chorused deadpan answer from Nanaki, Vincent, and a member of the party behind them.

"Aw, c'mon, Heero! It'll be fun!" a cheerful voice exclaimed (11).

The first group turned to find the same cute Gundam pilots they'd seen repeatedly around the park. Of the four, only one had a smile on his youthful face. "Duo, no." the boy with the freaky bangs said simply.

"If you try..." the most normal looking growled menacingly.

Duo looked a little hurt. "Oh, you guys are no fun." he grumbled.

"Is he being serious?" Nanaki whispered to Vincent who shrugged.

"Sounds like it.."

"I know!" Elenni exclaimed suddenly. "Those who want to can, and those who don't, don't have to!" Duo and Sephiroth nodded excitedly while the rest of the two groups stared at them in absolute horror. "I mean, wouldn't it be really funny?"

"What a bunch of women!" Wu Fei growled after a moment, furiously storming out of the photo shop. Shaking his head, Heero followed suit.

Trowa looked around the room, and then focussed on Duo. "You do what you want," he stated as he turned and moseyed after the other two.

"Hey, now wait a minute....Oh, whadda buncha spoil sports." Duo pouted and folded his arms grouchily. He stared after his departed friends, and then brightened as he noticed Quatre. Grinning, he sallied up to the blond, and wedged himself between his friend and the annoyed Elenni. "Quatre ol' buddy! You'll dress up with me, won'cha?"

"Wha a pitty dess."

The braided pilot's grin broadened. "I'll take that as a yes." Then, turning to the rest of the group. "Hey, you don't mind if I'm in the picture with ya'all, do ya?"

"Nope!" replied Elenni as she elbowed the boy out of her preferred place by Quatre's side.

Meanwhile, the slightly more sane people gathered there continued to stare. "Dearest Gods..they're serious!" Nanaki murmured, eye wide. "They really are..."

"This is so weird." Atressa shook her head. "Oh well. Each to his own I suppose." Behind her, Vincent nodded in stunned agreement. After watching the three oddities pick out their 'charming outfits' for a moment, the red head finally shrugged. "Anyways.Let's make the most of this loony bin, huh?" She smiled at the duo with her. "What exactly is the point of this anyways?" Vincent inquired as she began thumbing through various costumes.

"To have fun, of course.and the give the park big bucks so it can build a big new ride and up the prices."

"Must you always be so cynical?"

Turning, she smiled. "Why, what fun is life without a bit of cynicism?!"

"Piddy dress.." Quatre muttered yet again, fingering the delicate frills about his neck. "Piddy lace.."

Duo threw a green-robed arm over the stunned boy's shoulders. "Ain't this the greatest?!" he exclaimed as he flipped a fan about his face. "Can't say we get to do this everyday!"

"Why you want to in the first place still alludes me." Sainte muttered.

The youth just continued to grin, as an unimpressed park employee began to set up the picture. "You, in the black cape!" he shouted at Vincent. "You stand here..and the lady in the red gown." Atressa nodded. "You stand..beside him I guess, and." He looked around, his eyes falling on Sephiroth, wearing a can-can dancer's outfit. "You stand next to her.."

"Yeah!" Sephiroth flounced over and struck a 'beguiling' pose, causing the red head to snigger into her fan.

"Ok..You next, lady," he said to Sainte, positioning her somewhat in the center. "And the guy in green can go next to you."

"Oh joy," the white haired lady commented grouchily. The photographer then continued to place Elenni to her right, and Quatre to her right, with Nanaki to the left of Sainte.

Once everything was just right, the attendant crawled behind the camera. "Say Limburger!" he grumbled. Only 4 of the group responded. There was a click and a flash, and almost immediately the attendant was back to his usual place of boredom. "Please put the garments back on the hooks where you found them while your photo develops." He grumbled methodically.

Later, Outside on the trail.

"Lemme see! Lemme see!" Elenni shrieked, nearly ripping the picture as she snatched it from Sainte's hands.

"Hey!" the white haired girl exclaimed. "Go easy there!"

The shaggy-haired drummer was in no mood to listen though as she cooed over the photo. "Awwwww! You're so cute in this, Quatre!" she exclaimed.

"Huh?" The blond scratched his head and blinked hard. "Man, I have a head ache!"

Elenni nodded understandingly "Oh! You poor dear!!!! Atressa, don't you have some advil? Atressa always has advil!"

"¿Perdon?" la Atressa inquired, a bit miffed that her conversation had been interrupted.

"Advil! Do you have some?"

"Of course."

The girl grinned. "See? I told you!"

Quatre didn't seem to hear her as he saw for the first time, and mentally worked out, the black and white photo in Elenni's hot little hand. "...Why am I wearing a dress?" he inquired, more than a little worried to ask.

"'Cause!" The blond looked suspiciously at the grinning Sephiroth.

"You look good in a dress." Duo added.

Quatre blinked. "Hey...how'd Duo get here?" he asked.

Meanwhile, lagging slightly behind the group, Atressa shook her head. "That had to be the oddest thing I've seen in a while..."

"Nah." Red disagreed. "I'd say that thing coming towards us is MUCH weirder."

"Nani?...Oh...Agreed." They tried to hide their stares as a thing that looked like a spiky haired freak with an intertube around his neck came sidling by. (12)

"Hey!" All eyes fixed on Sainte. "Where are we gonna go next?"

"Um....." the group said in confused but perfect unison.

"I know! The petting zoo!" And before anyone could disagree, Duo was already on his merry way.

As she loped along with the rest of the group, Sainte reclaimed the photograph from her friend's hands. "Oi, Nanaki. Did you see the print?"

Elenni pouted, her prize stolen, and the great scarlet creature striding beside her nodded his head. With a slight lupine smile, he answered, "Yes, I did. It was quite an interesting result."

The haloed girl snorted. "I'll say. but you and Vincent looked pretty sharp in those costumes, right Atressa?"

"Huh? What? Oh, quite yes." she was much more interested in the real thing, rather than a mere photograph.

Meanwhile, Sephiroth bounced past Sainte. "Hey! Waddia think of me? How did I look?"

"Uh. very. uh. girly?"

"Weird."

"I didn't ask for your opinion, wolf boy!"

Nanaki nodded his head, trying hard not to laugh allowed. "But I still give it for free. And that's a price you can't beat."

Sephiroth shook his silver mane. "Yeah, yeah..and what exactly do you mean by girly, Sainte?"

Before the girl could reply, from over by the petting zoo there came a horrified scream, succeeded by a tremendous splash and after a second, peals of laughter. Among the hooting and hollering was a wailing sound like someone crying. "What in the Stars?!!!" Nanaki exclaimed as he darted up the path a bit more so as to be able to see. The rest of the group quickly followed.

"What is it?!" Elenni inquired excitedly as the rounded the bend. She needn't have said anything. There, in the middle of the murky waters of a pond sat an emaciated girl with extremely long, blond hair that was done up in high pigtails. Her extremely short skirt was in an obscene position, her knee-high socks essentuating her bird-like legs, and from her oversized eyes poured a waterfall of tears. (13) All around her in the water floated goat-feed, which the greedy animals were scarfing up. One, a particularly bold and pregnant female was chewing mindlessly on the edges of the girl's sweater. Too upset to care, she ignored the offers of help from an extremely good looking man with a furious blush on his face who was holding out his hand to her. (14).

"Serena! You're making a scene." The young gentleman whispered harshly to the girl.

"I don't care!" she sniffed in reply. "THESE #$%*^ GOATS!!!!!!!!"

"Serena, PLEASE!!!" the man hissed, growing red under the smirking stares of onlookers. "Just, come on!!!"

"They got me all wet!" the girl cried. "LOOK at me! I'm a sopping mess! And their hooves! THEY PUT THEIR LITTLE GOATY HOOVES ALL OVER MY NEW SKIRT.AND THEY'RE COVERED WITH GOAT POOP!!! WAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

"SERENA!!!!!" The girl, evidently a bit startled by this outburst quit sobbing and looked at him. "Will you PLEASE quit with the tears and come on!!!?"

"But but.my.."

"Serena!!!!!?" Without further ado, the man grabbed the girl's carefully manicured hand and pulled her out of the goat pond. Nearby, the strange looking blond in a long, red trench coat grinned pervertedly from his position on the ground. His amusement was interrupted when the 'priestly' black-haired gentleman with a cigarette dangling from his lips hauled the geek in red to his feet. They both stood, staring after the pig- tailed blond with profuse interest.

"I'm gonna sue them!" Serena muttered as she and her comrade began brushing her clothing up. "Them and their #&*$%*$ goats!" Her words came out between sniffs.

"That's just their nature!" the man grumbled exasperatedly. "Now, please! We'll go...go get some ice cream."

"Ice cream?! Oh, I love ice cream!" As if it had never happened, the girl latched onto his arm, and, still soaking wet and covered in unspeakable stuff, dragged him along to the nearby ice cream parlour.

From their spot on the trail, the group could only stare for sometime. It was Sephiroth who eventually summed up their feelings. "Well, that was...interesting."

"Aye..albeit fascinating." The red-headed girl cocked her head to the side, thinking, but after a second shrugged. "Would make an interesting cameo in a story, ne?"

"Yeah, well.Oh! Oh! Look at Duo!" Elenni screamed suddenly. All turned to see the braided-boy waddling after a large flock of ducks.

As the youth dived after a bit of bird food with the rest of the avian creatures, Vincent cocked his head to one side and asked, "What is he doing?"

Duo waded into the small creek, but quickly jumped out and glared at the water once the hungry carp began nibbling at his legs. Quatre watched the whole escapade with confusion written plainly on his face. "I don't know."

"That looks like fun!" exclaimed a voice behind the blond pilot. Sephiroth bounced past the group to join the boy in his mockery of the geese.

Watching with mouths on the ground, the group stared as the two, one an overly optimistic Gundam pilot, the other a once dreadfully serious warrior, acted like total and complete morons. "Are they..what in the.."

Nanaki shook his shaggy head. "There must be something in the air.."

"Or there's something goin on we didn't know about.." Quatre added. The others there shook their heads.

"Anyhow." Atressa said after a few minutes of watching them. "You said you wanted to procure some candles, right Sainte?"

"Nan..? Oh. Yeah! Um." Turning to the 'children.', she called out, "HEY! YOU GUYS COMIN?!!!!!"

The two looked up from their respective "projects", and the young pilot yelled back, "Wait! We didn't get to see the petting zoo!!"

Sainte shrugged and sighed. "Alright. we'll go to the petting zoo." She turned to face the rest of the group. "I think we'd better indulge them a bit. at least until the nice men in white coats get here."

With that, they made their way up the path to a nearby barn, with Duo and Sephiroth merrily leading. Reaching the door, the two idiots cheered and scrambled inside.

Once the rest of the less-than enthusiastic group entered the barn, they were met by a most peculiar sight. Sephiroth and Duo were continuing their avian antics by tormenting a flock of chickens. In one corner, another park-goer, this one with bangs that seemed to defy gravity appeared to be having a serious conversation with a barn cat. In another corner, Duo's buddy, Heero was having a glaring contest with a pig and in the middle of it all was WuFei. A large number of chicks perched contentedly on his shoulders, arms, and head, and he was not happy about it.

"I suppose I could ask what's going on." the girl with the white braid exclaimed as they entered into the cool shade of the building.

The oriental pilot's dark eyes shot at her, and he replied only with a "BUCK BUCK!"

Elenni laughed. "Aw, Wuffie! You're so kawaii! I wish I'd brought a camera!!" And so saying, she danced over to him and tried to scoop a chick off of his head, but was met with a scowl and a slap from him. "Hey!" she squawked angrily. "No need to get all hung up over this!"

Quatre sighed. "Wu-Fei, put the chicks down before you get in trouble! There are probably rules against."

La Atressa cut him off suddenly though, pointing concernedly at the cedar point attendee flapping her arms around as if trying to mimic a nearby sparrow. In fact, everyone in the barnyard was acting like an idiot, copying every behavior of some of the various animals.

"Is this a joke?" Vincent demanded after a few moments. Then, frowning, he looked at the red head. "It's not April 1st or something, is it?"

"No.." she replied absentmindedly while watching a strange looking little boy with genie-like garb and a staff way too tall for him who was trying to steal some deserted fries from a murder of crows. (15) This seemed to restore her to action, and scowling, she stormed over to the person closest to her, the strange guy in red, and slapped him. Hard.

With a loud and nasal "Ow!" the guy turned, and looked over the rim of his granny-style sunglasses. "What was that for?" he whined. Behind him, the black-garbed man's ink-blue eyes twinkled, and his cigarette twitched in a monumental effort to keep from laughing.

The girl relaxed, visibly. "Well, at least we can snap you guys out of it."

"Er..outta what?"

The man in black this time didn't bother concealing his mirth. "Vash, you were acting like an ass a minute ago.and not your usual self.the creature!"

Before Vash, as apparently he was dubbed, could reply, Elenni called out from the corner, "Whatcha mean?" All there turned and watched as she sharply kicked Trowa, who replied with a hiss and tried to bite her leg.

Quatre gulped visibly. "This doesn't look very good." Tentatively, he stepped over to Hiiro and shook his shoulder. "Hey, Hiiro! Snap outta it, will ya?" The morbid pilot replied with an irritated squeal and a scowl then returned to his current game of fighting with some other pigs, sparrows, and sparrow-mimicking employees for the remnants of some popcorn.

"This is too weird, even for here." Sainte proclaimed, observing the entire occurrence. She walked up to the man in black, and gazed up at him from under her baseball cap. "Hey, mister, do you have any clue what's going on around here?"

He looked down at her through his cigarette smoke, ignoring his companion, who was poking him in the shoulder, chanting, "Yeah, Nicholas, what's going on? What's going on?"

At last, Nicholas punched Vash in the nose, and answered Sainte. "I don't know what's going on. Vash and I followed a pretty girl in here. She disappeared, and the next thing I knew, he was acting like that blessed donkey." The red-garbed one growled as his companion calmly flicked his cancer stick.

"Pretty girl?" Atressa replied dryly, hands on hips. "Oh gee, what a splendid reason. Blonde, I suppose?"

"Well..er.." Nicholas replied with a rapscallion grin, "Um. No, actually. She had long black hair, done up like that whiny blond bird that was outside."

"Whiny blond bird.?" Vincent repeated in disbelief.

The man with the cross grinned and nodded, "Yeah. she looked like she had tried to make pigtails and forgot to pull her hair the rest of the way through."

For a moment the group was speechless, trying to decipher his cryptic message. Nanaki finally solved it. "Aahhhhhhhhh!!!! That Serena lady."

The most of the rest of the group giggled at this revelation, though Atressa and Sainte's faces remained stolid and thoughtful. "Who could that have been?" the one inquired of the other.

"Well..... It does sound familiar.. black udangos.Hn." Sainte began to stare up at the raftered ceiling. "Uh.could it be Nephrenia?"

Atressa couldn't help but be confused. "Who?" A little explanation on the other girl's part enlightened the bemused redhead. "Okay, but why would she.?" The girl looked over at the two geeks, Nicholas and Vash, as they snickered amongst themselves.

The haloed writer got the gist of the question, and replied with a shrug. "You got me."

Vincent was utterly lost all of this and turned helplessly to Atressa, who shrugged. "Don't look at me. I'm no Sybil."

"So um..are we gonna do something about this?" Quatre interrupted suddenly, half staring as Elenni stroked Trowa's head, the pilot making loud purr-like noises as he rubbed against her legs. "Or...sneak out the back way while no one's looking and leave it to someone else?"

"What kind of attitude is that?!" Nanaki shot back angrily, his tail erupting almost in his anger. "Of COURSE we're going to do SOMETHING.. Not sure what yet.."

"I think the first problem we try to solve." Vincent cut in, "is why WE weren't affected! And why you guys." He looked pointedly at the giggling geeks, "are able to be roused from this state while others are not."

Vash blinked. "Huh? Whadhesay?"

"Stupid!" The priest 'poinged' the blonde's nose again, an evil smirk on his stubbly face. "He SAIIIID, why are we able to snap out of it!" And to emphasize this, he clicked his fingers right in front of the red-garbed one's face, causing him to flinch. "Hah hah!!!!!"

"Shaddap!"

"Both of you, shutup! Now..what's the idea here..and are they really the only ones able to come out of this trance?" Atressa looked expectantly at the others who were all staring blankly at her, save for Sainte and Nanaki who were already testing other standers by with no effect.

"Doesn't look like it." Quatre muttered as the last person in the petting zoo was shoved by the red-furred beast, promptly retaliating with a lowered head and roaring of a bull. Nanaki yelped and dashed behind Vincent, who, using the edge of his cloak as a matador's cape managed to trick the "bull" into running into a wall. The force of the collision knocked the unfortunate into the other realm of consciousness.

"That was...fascinating." Elenni said from the corner. The others nodded in agreement, all staring at the fallen, marveling at the strange hair-style if nothing else.(16)

"Well..anyways.." Sainte said a minute later. "What are we going to do? We keep asking this question to no effect..."

"I say we leave this area," Nanaki cut in, "and see if others are under this...influence."

The others shrugged. "A good a suggestion as any." Vincent stated coolly.

"And what about those guys?" the white-haired girl inquired, pointing to their friends, all making literal jack-asses of themselves. "We gonna just leave 'em here?"

"What other choice have we?" Atressa replied wearily. "I can't imagine dragging Duo-duck or Wuffie-Rooster around the park!"

"I like that! Duo-duck....and his sidekick, Wuffie-Rooster!!!!!" The idea sent Quatre, Vash, and Elenni into a fit of hysterics.

"Yeeeeeeaaaaah...anywho..."

Between chuckles, Elenni suddenly spoke up. "I know!" she exclaimed brightly. "Quatre and I can stay here and make sure these dumbasses don't hurt themselves!" Despite her imploring grin and puppy-dog eyes, the other members of the group were skeptical.

"I dunno.." Atressa said after a minute. "Is splitting up a good idea?"

Sainte looked around the barn, then peeked out the door to watch a lanky blond guy, with sunglasses, and a weird blue trench coat follow a bold heron through the stream where Sephiroth and Duo had made idiots of themselves earlier (17). "Are you sure you wanna go out there?"

Looking outside with her friend, the redhead replied, "Not really, but what else can we do?"

"I'm not sure, but splitting up does not sound like a good idea to me."

Elenni crossed her arms and pouted. "Why?" she whined.

The haloed girl eyed the blond heron. "It just doesn't sound safe."

"We don't really have much of a choice." Vincent declared softly. Absently, he wandered over to scratch Trowa behind the ears. As the pilot began to purr, the dark man continued, "I also think that we should have three groups, if Vash and Nicholas-san would care to join us." The two named preened a little and nodded. "Okay, then. Elenni and Quatre can stay here. Atressa, Nanaki, and myself will continue through Frontier Town, while Vash, Nicholas, and Sainte head back towards the midway. Then, we will meet back here in about an hour or so?" Finishing his little speech, he looked to Atressa for support.

She nodded. "Sounds okay."

The lupine Nanaki cocked his head in such a way, he met Vincent's eyes. "A logical course of action."

At the foolish grins of the two new recruits, Sainte grumbled, "It looks like I'm babysitting, again, but its better than remaining in one big clump and an easy target."

Elenni glared at the other girl. "Waddia mean, 'again'?!"

The white-haired girl merely grinned enigmatically. "Never mind!" she giggled.

"Did she just insult us?" Vash inquired of his friend.

"Huh? Oh, no.only you."

"Did not!"

Sighing, Atressa turned to face them. "Are you two done arguing?"

"Um.yes?"

"Good. Now, we really need to cooperate and work together.and not act like children. We'll leave THAT to all the other bozos in the park."

"Aw, but what fun is."

"Elenni, please!"

The drummer cocked her head curiously to the side then after a long minute nodded. "Yeah, Ok. We'll behave. Right, Quatre?"

"Huh?" The blond pilot looked up from where he was joyfully feeding Hiiro some leftover popcorn. "Oh, ohyeah. We'll behave!" he said with a grin.

"I can't say I feel sure about this." Vincent muttered as he took Atressa's hand and started towards the door of the barn. "But I guess we have no choice."

The red-head nodded understandingly. "Right, well.we'll see y'all later, I guess."

From her place in the corner, Elenni smiled and waved. "Righty-O! Good luck, guys!"

Sainte nodded to her and the blond then grabbed her team by their coat sleeves. "Come along, children. Let's go find some clues."

"Blue clues!" Vash amended with a cackle, followed by a long "OWWWWWWWW!!!!!" as Nicholas firmly bashed his head.

"Well.it's not an isolated case of craziness." Nanaki commented dryly as the trio surveyed the Frontier town, which was full of people bouncing like bunnies, flapping their arms like birds, or wallowing on the ground like beached carp. "I still wonder why we didn't.contact it?"

"Hmmm...were we doing anything different when all this occurred?" Vincent inquired. "Wearing anything unusual? Eaten anything abnormal?"

The all stood there a minute as people paraded by, not unlike some grotesque charades game. "I sure can't think of anything." Nanaki sighed after a long while. "And also, why come some people like those two dweebs snapped right out of it but others won't?! I just don't understand!"

"That makes two of us." Atressa grumbled as she threw a stick across the cement, much to the delight of a little, overly cute girl in a ruffly dress. (18) The bit of wood rattled to rest in front of a gaping open doorway into a pseudo-saloon, just tapping the boot of a rather desolate looking man with shocking red hair who was leaning mournfully against a pillar. As the little girl skittered to a halt right in front of him, his dark eyes glumly eyed her over. She made a strange barking sound, then rested back on her haunches, her tongue hanging lopsidedly out of her mouth. The man sighed and glacier-slow picked up the stick and tossed it far off with a strong backhand. With a yip, the little girl went chasing after it, running right past the startled trio.

Nanaki was first to react. "Hey! Are you sane?" he called out bluntly.

The red-haired man looked up as if there'd been a gun-shot. "Huh?!" he replied most eloquently.

"You're sane? I mean, you aren't wallowing in the mud or anything, so.."

The stranger gained his feet, warily eyeing the odd group. "As far as I can tell." he replied cautiously. "Who are you?"

"I'm Nanaki, Son of Seto, Guardian of Cosmo Canyon," the wolf-lion thing said with a bit of a formal pitch. "And these are my friends, Vincent Valentine and La Atressa de la Mente."

"Just Atressa, please.." the girl said with a small smile. "And you are.?"

The red-head looked them all over good before quietly replying, "Call me Aya."

"As in.Aya Brea? The police officer?"

"Who?!"

"Ah.never mind." The girl in a nervous gesture folded her arms tightly and looked up into the sky. "Any theories on what happened?"

Aya shrugged. "Not a clew. You?"

"We're pretty much at a loss ourselves." The girl sighed and returned her stare to his stony face. "We're here with a group.and out of 8, 2 are acting like the rest of these blessed idiots!"

Vincent amended, "The only possibility we even could think of was Nephrenia.have you ever heard of her?"

"Neph-whonia?"

"Guess not." the dark man sighed. "Well, y'wanna come with us and see if we can scrounge anything else up?"

After some heavy considering, the red-haired man shrugged. "Why not? Sitting here and watching 'the show' sure isn't getting anyone anywhere."

MIDWAY

"Y'know what this reminds me of?" Vash commented as he helped himself to some dipping dots.since the attendant was rolling around on the ground like a goldfish. "Reminds me of that one Pokemon episode I saw where the Alakazam hypnotized these guys but it did something screwy so all the kids were acting like their pokemon! And Misty was sitting around barking like a OWWWWWWW!!!!!! Willya stop doin' that?!"

"Will you stop being an idiot?"

"Children! Please!!" Five minutes, and already Sainte was tired of their shenanigans. With a sigh, she calmly said, "Vash, we really don't need to hear about Pokémon, and Nicholas, please refrain from bapping your friend upside the head. That's my job." She then proceeded to smack them both. Over the pained protests, she proclaimed, "Now, behave!"

"Yes ma'am."

With a minimum of mayhem, the trio passed the railroad tracks, where a number of park employees were mimicking various rodents. Of those chittering nearby, a young boy of messy brown hair and clever brown eyes scampered up to Nicholas to beg for a treat (19). Fast on the youth's heels was a lanky man of eye-searingly red and messy hair, tied back with a blue scarf (20). Bewildered, the priestly gentleman simply stood there looking blank, while behind him, Vash giggled uproariously.

"Aw.. How cute! Hee hee hee. Feed 'em, man!" the geek in red managed around his mirth.

Nicholas's reply was a disgusted look, and another bap on the head.

"Owww." This time, Vash's whine was accompanied by more mirth from an unknown source. With a look around by all three, the source revealed itself to be a bespeckled guy garbed in green, with a small white dragon, mantling slightly on his shoulder.

Calmly walking around the strange group, Sainte approached the merrily laughing stranger, and asked, "Are you human?"

The gentleman paused in his laughter, and smiled down at the much shorter girl. "Nope, but I am certainly not acting like an animal for no apparent reason, if that's what you mean."

"Yeah, okay." Sainte was startled by the odd response. "Um. why is it that you're not affected, and."

"Goku and Gojyo are?" the man shrugged. "Beats me."

"Uh-huh." The girl glanced back at her two companions, who were taunting the two mimicking squirrels with some 'Dipping Dots'. "And your name is.?"

"Hakkai. Yours?" Another sunny smile.

"Sainte." She sighed and shook her head as she watched the two dorks complain loudly after getting bit by the boy. "Oh, brother."

Hakkai laughed. "You look like you have your hands full."

"Heh. No kidding?"

"Want some help?"

There was a long pause, as the girl recovered from her startlement. "Uh.sure, but what about your friends, Gecko and Gucci?"

"Goku and Gojyo." He corrected sweetly. "They should be fine. Sanzo's around here somewhere."

"Sanzo?"

One green clad arm motioned to where a blond in monk's robes was fighting with various scavengers over a discarded funnel cake. The Haloed girl sighed sadly and shook her head. "This is so incredibly depressing..." she grumbled. "A monk, acting like a monkey!"

NEAR THE GEMINI

"In other words, anything. Hypnotism still seems a strong possibility, but I wouldn't rule out anything at this point." Nanaki concluded as the quartet took a brief break under a shady tree, discussing their options and the state of things..coming to no definite or truly useful deductions, but at least feeling like they were trying a more intelligent method of detective work.

"If it IS hypnotism." Vincent stated, "then.who, how, and why?"

Silence prevailed for a few minutes. "Well.how is difficult in its own right. Someone who could hypnotize a majority of a park full of people with a single blast is pretty damn powerful." Atressa mused, more to herself than anyone. "They'd also have to first know the art itself, which is not difficult to learn but certainly to use.."

"And why aren't we affected?!" Aya interrupted. "That's what's bugging me the most."

"Well, not all people react to hypnotism." Vincent explained mildly. "I know I don't..and apparently, none of the rest of us do either. As for Vash and whatsisname the 'preacher', I guess they weren't held particularly deep in a trance."

The red-haired florist\assassin mused over this. "I must admit that seems a good explanation..so how?"

"I have no clue." Nanaki shook his head mournfully. "I know nothing of the art."

The red-headed lady interjected, "Well, there are many ways, but mainly there's the one you see in cartoons, staring at an object, um.."

"Concentration or a really heavy duty meditation." Vincent added. "I'm not sure how ANY of those though can affect such a mass of people, though."

"What about like a noxious gas of sorts?" Aya suggested. "Some sort of hypnotizing powder?"

The others looked at each other and shrugged. "I'm not ruling anything out." Nanaki said decidedly. "With what knowledge we currently have, it could be anything from a nuclear explosion on Mars to a subterranean colony spritzing the planet with a Hypnotism ray."

The assassin sighed with great melancholy. "Well, let's say we keep going, then? Try to find some sort of clue?"

NEAR MATTERHORN....

"So we're kinda thinkin' it's Nephrenia.right guys?" Hearing no reply from the duo loco, Sainte turned with a sigh but found herself facing nobody. "Huh?"

"What's wrong?" her companion inquired, turning likewise. Realizing the answer, he unnecessarily said, "Where are the goofballs?"

"I don't know!!!" Sainte shrugged. "Probably we don't wanna know.." A high pitched, off key howl startled them both, and locating it, they located their 'friends' as well. Vash was perched on the top of the car outside the 1950's diner, howling like a sick dog while his friend was holding his stomach and looking a bit ill. "I suppose I could ask."

Nicholas looked up at her with a bice-hued face. "Ugh...He's back in the insane asylum.and I feel horrible!"

Soothingly, the man in green came over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "What do you feel like?"

"Sick."

"Well, yes but."

"Like I ate a rock."

Meanwhile, Sainte was just staring at Vash who was now jumping around barking excitedly and chomping on the car's tires. After a few minutes of this spectacular spectacle, she slapped him furiously. "Snap outta it!" she commanded testily.

"Woof?" the gunman asked, as he blinked and something dawned in his aqua eyes.

There was a long, quiet moment. Then, at last, the girl peered up at the lanky blond. "Vash.?" she whispered.

Instantly, he turned green, and held his stomach. "Oooooh. My tummy hurts." he whimpered just before loosing all the food he had gorged upon, including a thin tire behind a bush. (Which really isn't food, but was in his stomach, anyways. ()

Looking vaguely green herself, Sainte asked, "Please tell me you did not attempt to eat that tire."

"Okay, I did not attempt to eat that tire."

"Vaaa~aaash!"

"But I didn't attempt it. I succeeded!"

The haloed girl looked pained. "I cannot believe you." She looked over to where Nicholas was moaning. "Okay. If his problem was the entrance of rubber into his system, then what's your problem?"

"Overly greasy food."

The girl considered this then nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense enough.." Then, she turned back to Vash. "And just what the Hell were you doing?"

The blond blinked. "I was doing something?"

"Runnin around like a bloomin' idiot and barkin' like a dog! Don't you remember?"

Blinking profusely, Vash shrugged. "Oh. Ok. If you say so."

"I know your memory is awful, Vash, but for God's sake...." moaned the un-preistly priest.

"No, seriously!" he quipped back. "I really don't know! I was acting like a dog? Whatever..."

"I still wanna know how you ate that tire.." The guy in green muttered.

At the Stable

"Gee, we shoulda gone with someone." Sighed Elenni who had quickly tired of teasing the 'animals'. Importantly, Trowa crouched down in front of her and demandingly squawked. Absentmindedly, she ruffled his hair and he replied with strange purring noises and rolled around on the floor, pawing the air. "This is getting boring, real fast."

Quatre looked at her surprised. "Really?!" Shoving another piece of a purloined elephant ear in his mouth he shrugged. "I'm havin' a ball! Look at all this free food!!!!!"

"Oh, like, gag!" she replied with a grimace. "It's so greasy...d'ya think you could get me an ice cream cone?"

"Why don't you get it yourself?"

"Well.." They both cast their eyes on the thin Heavy Arms pilot who had laid his head in her lap and was 'purring' contentedly. "I'm kinda busy.."

The blond sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, ok...flavor?"

"Oooooooooo what a decision.." she murmured. "Well, how about one scoop of chocolate.."

"Ok." And he began to stand.

"One of vanilla, one of mint choc chip, one of black cherry, one of pimento, one of ginger, one of butterscotch, one of java jive, one of mocha delight, one of moose tracks, one of.."

After restoring his jaw to its correct placement, the blond interrupted, "I don't ah, think they have all of those...."

"They don't? Oh...well, in that case, I'll just take one scoop of everything they have....Ok?"

"...you realize you'll probably get really sick...all that lactose?"

The girl shrugged. "Oh well!"

"And are you sure it's really moral? I mean, we are stealing..."

The girl groaned. "You did it yourself, y'know!" As he blushed furiously, she continued haughtily, "and it's not like they'll ever miss it! 'Sides! We'll probably be commended as heroes for saving everyone!!!!"

"Well...."

"Why're you so squeamish now?! Will ya just go get it?"

Quatre shook his head but shrugged. "Fine. Be back in a few.D'you think the others would care...."

"JUST GO! I WANT ICE CREAM!!!!!!"

Without another word, the blonde turned and sprinted away while Trowa hissed at the loud voices. Then, sighing, he curled back up once more.

MAGNUM

"I'm really rather surprised there aren't more sane folk around." Atressa commented as they turned a corner and saw the same odd conditions as before. "We aren't particuarly all that special or anything...and if it twer hypnotism, at least 25% of the people here would be 'normal'..."

"I guess it's not hypnotism then." replied Aya with a shrug.

They continued on for a few minutes quietly. Then, Red stopped dead in his tracks and bright eyed looked at his group, who also halted, curious. "Have any of you had anything to eat?" he suddenly inquired. "I know I've not.not in the park, anyways.."

"Ah, well, neither have I..." Atressa replied hesitantly. Aya and Vincent also shook their heads. "Are you thinking...in food?.....But then why would Sephiroth and Duo...."

"You forget that Sephiroth wasn't with you when you first came in the park." Replied Nanaki with a nod. "I saw him, hogging out with a blue- haired friend of his at the German place at the front of the park before any of you arrived...and we only just met Duo.......I bet that of his group, Quatre was the only one who didn't eat anything..."

"And Vash...one easy way to find out!" Deftly, Vincent pulled the cell phone from his jacket and dialed something. After a second, he greeted. "Hello, Sainte? Question for you...what did you and your guys eat, if anything, before the..ah, incident...?" After a sec, he turned to the others who anxiously hung on his every word. "Nicholas, a bite of the fudge that Vash ate...Vash, fudge, hotdogs, Belgian waffle........a TIRE?!!!!!!!!!!"

"What?!" Aya exclaimed while Atressa collapsed into hysterics and Nanaki blinked.

"Of course....What? Acting like a dog.....?............

.........Nicholas sick....after eating Dippin' Dots...I see..Oh? And him? Nothing? This hypothesis is falling right into place!" Vincent exclaimed. "There must be something in the food..some sort of tracker maybe that..yeah! Is being controlled! Still, we haven't the foggiest as to how or why..Yeah, that's true. Well, keep us informed. You wanna call Elenni and Quatre or...ok. You do that then. Adieu!" And he hung up.

"Well?"

Vincent shrugged. "Apparently our idea is at least on a correct track, maybe.. Everyone was fine who didn't eat anything...though I'm not sure how this fits in with Vash..."

"He seriously ate a tire?" Atressa interrupted. At Vincent's nod, she laughed and shook her head. "Whadda nut......y'know, I bet that tire absorbed whatever is in the food!"

"There's more too!" he replied excitedly. "Nicholas and Vash both ate some Dippin' Dots. Not long after, Nicholas was very sick to his stomach, and Vash was acting like a dog..."

"Nicholas must not have been hurt because he's a man of the cloth." Nanaki stated confidently, though the red headed lady snorted. "More likely 'cause he smokes all the time." she grumbled. Red grinned in a lupine manner while Aya took up the shell.

"Anyways.. Let's move on, see if we can find any more clues..."

Agreeing, the quartet moved on down the road. After a few moments, they passed a middle-aged man in khaki trousers, a worn flight jacket, with a pair of goggles resting on locks of greasy blond hair. He pecked almost delicately at a hotdog bun along side a flock of seagulls, which seemed to accept him into their group.

The lupine Nanaki looked up at Atressa with a mischievous glint in his good eye. "What was that theory?"

The girl made a face and swatted at the scarlet creature. "Never mind." she grumbled. "Then frankly I don't know why Nicky didn't get sick.er, well, more deranged than usual."

THAT 50's DINER

"This is just simply fascinating." Hakkai grumbled as they all rested for a moment or two, waiting for Nicholas to recover a bit more. "Someone drugged the damn food! Somehow.but why?!"

"We still don't know if that's really true.." Sainte reminded him.

"I hope not." Vash cut in. "It's lunch time, and there's tons of free food lyin' around, and we can't eat any of it for the remote possibility that we'll all." His words were cut short by a loud human roaring followed by alarmed shrieks, and seconds later, Quatre rushed by on all fours, being chased by a monstrous creature in a helmet and short skirt who writhed along with its mouth hanging open.(21)

For quite some time, all the quartet could do was stare after the fleeing duo. At last Vash broke the stunned silence. "Did I miss something?"

One hand belonging to Nicholas rose to harm the tall dweeb in red, but Sainte beat him to it. "Obviously! Now, c'mon, guys. We gotta follow them."

Hakkai paused in the middle of feeding his dragon an abandoned fry. "Why?"

The girl rolled her eyes. "Because..THAT was Quatre being chased!"

"Who's Quatre?"

"An annoying wuss who she was hanging with." Vash quipped, ducking another swat from Sainte.

Nicholas groaned as he pried himself off of the kitchy car. "I wonder if that other girl is ok." he grumbled.

But Sainte had already thought of that and had dialed the number on her phone. A minute later, "Hello? Elenni? Yeah it's Sainte. What's up with Quatre?...Whaddya mean wazzup with Quatre?! He's running around like an imbecile like all the rest!....he....Food again! Yeah, yeah, I know..Yeah, well, we're coming to the terrifying conclusion that someone is drugging the food..right..well, it's not MY fault you didn't eat breakfast!!!!!!! Yeesh! Right. Yeah..well..ok. Ok...OK!!!!!! Right! Well, why don't you stay there..NO! Don't eat ANYTHING!!!!!!!! Not at least til one of us gets a clue as to what's goin' on in specific.. Oh, quit whining! We're hungry too, but it won't do anyone any good if we all succumb too.no, there are no guarantees..Elenni!!!!!! sigh ok, ok. Right. Stay there. We'll keep searching....oh, fine. What did Trowa try to do?........ ......THAT'S BLOODY SICK!!!!!!!!!! Sigh Ok. Bye." At last, she hung up. "Well, I'm sure that won't take too much explanation from me." she said as she turned to the others.

"Whatcha mean?" Vash exclaimed, much to her annoyance looking more than a little confused. "Whatchee say?" Since he wasn't looking, he received a well-placed blow to the back of the head from Nicholas.

"Can't you read between the lines?" the priest grumbled. Then, turning to the more 'with it' of the group he said, "And where to next?"

Hakkai was first to respond. "Follow those two morons outta the park? Looks like where they're headed."

"A good an idea as any." Sainte muttered. "Wanna comply?" The priest shrugged, and so they began in that direction, Vash hop-skipping along behind whining, "Ok, ok! But what was Trowa doing that was so sick? C'mon! You gotta tell us!!!"

BY THE SCRAMBLER AND MATTERHORN (again)

"In a way." Atressa was commenting as they arrived in the area between the two older rides, "I really wish I had a camera. Think of all the money we could make selling these pics to the National Enquirerer or something!" Aya and Vincent grinned at the thought, more so as Squall went racing by with an old shoe in his maw, but Nanaki stopped dead in his tracks. "What?"

"......Could.......Could that be a motive?"

"What do you mean?" Aya blinked.

"Someone trying to get a hold of all these 'tough' people acting like morons... pictures, or something like that?"

The others considered this. "Well..." Vincent said after a moment, "I must say the thought had crossed my mind..It just seems so....base, though.."

"Yes, but the kind of people who would do this sort of underhanded thing in the first place are pretty base," replied the lupine creature. "Just a question of...."

He was suddenly interrupted by a shrill and angry voice from somewhere behind them. "And just what is that supposed to mean?" it demanded. Spinning in unison, the quartet found themselves face to face with the antichrist herself, Brittany Spears with her demonic handmaidens by her side. (22)

THE EXIT

"Well," Hakkai grumbled as a spell to destroy the force field failed. "I guess that answers that question."

Vash, in the meanwhile was being his usual idiotic self, running around in circles and panicking. "OHMIGOD, WE'RE TRAPPED IN CEDAR POINT AND WE CAN'T EAT THE FOOD!!!!!!!! .OWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! Why're you guys always hitting me?" he whined as he received blows from the exasperated other three members of the troupe.

Instead of answering, Sainte offered him a withering glare, and turned away. "Why would anyone want to poison the food and seal all the people within Cedar Point?" she wondered aloud as she glared down the midway.

"More importantly, who?" Nicholas offered.

"Maybe we can help answer that, handsome." cooed a sickeningly sweet voice, with a heavy British accent.

As she turned around to view the offensive creatures dressed in overly bright and revealing clothing (23), the haloed girl groaned. "Gods and Ancestors!! Can't I hang out with my friends just once without being plotted against by annoying pop stars?"

"You know you can't." said the one with wildly curly hair and possible African descent.

Absolutely disgusted with the whole situation, Sainte rolled her eyes. "And I suppose this is quote-unquote revenge for what we did to the Backstreet Boys?"

The curly-haired one nodded, as the innocent-looking blond simply put her finger near her mouth and asked, "Uh. what was the question?"

In the meantime, Nicholas nudged his cohort. "Hey, Vash. Put black pig-tails on the redhead, and waddia get?"

The outlaw blinked his turquoise eyes, and looked long and hard the stranger, although her clothing threatened to blind him. "Oooooh. it's the chick. damn, and I'm out of tomato juice!"

"Forget about it, man. She'd never go out with you." Nicholas whispered hoarsely back. Sainte overheard, though, and could not help but turn and just STARE at them with a look of disbelief and terror in her eyes.

"You..them......!!?"

"Yeah." spoke up the first slut. "And why Tomato juice? That's all icky!"

"YeaH! Icky!" the other 4 echoed. Then, all was silent for a few tense moments until the 'eloquent' girl with geometrically-cut black hair took the floor. "Like, guys, um....I guess, y'know....?"

Here, the frizzy head suddenly let out a sharp, knowing shriek. "Oh yeah!" Then, she leaned forward so that everyone could see clearly down her Frederick's Of Hollywood leather bustia with a simpering smile on her heavily made up face and whispered huskily, "I bet YOU guys wanna know what all this is about." At their opponant's hearty nods, the girl cackled. "Well, I can't tell you!"

Now, the smile took over Hakkai's face. "Then we'll have to interrogate you!" And, with a single fluid leap, he had the dithering floozy head pinned before she could blink her false lashes. Over her and her comrades' crude protests, he called out, "Nicholas, will you do the honours?"

Slowly, the man in black approached and placed his mighty weapon on the ground and stared into the girl's falsely coloured eyes. "Now, now.y'know, like, I can get you guys arrested for rape so this'd better be good!" she growled at him. Meanwhile, the rest of the five huddled in a tittering and confused group.

"C'mon, be a pal!" called the blond. "Our friend 'aven't done nothin' personal to you!"

"I give you any STD you want if you let her go!" cried the one most garishly dressed. "Oh wait.I guess that's not an incentive, is it? Well, I'll give you a picture of me in the buff.I guess that's not one either, is it.."

The Holy man just ignored these 'offers' though and began his inquisition. "What is your name, my child?" he asked calmly of the slightly struggling shrieker.

"Name? Name.....Oh! Scary!"

"Yes it is.now what's your name?"

"Scary!"

Trying to stifle not only Vash but a giggle, Sainte explained to the priest the nature of the 5 women. "Ah, I see...Very well then..Scary...What in the name of the Holy father did you put into the food of the park?"

"Me? I didn't put it in!"

"Well, who did?"

"Um......no clue!"

Shock.. he thought. "Well, who is your boss?"

"Um........................What? Oh! Hey! There's that cutie guy who told me off when I didn't do my job! Hi Mr. Cutie!!!!!!" All present turned in the direction of Scary's upraised hand to see a very cross- looking individual. "See? We got them! Well, they got me, but..that's, like, fine, like, right?"

But from the figure there came no response, only a flick of a finger, and suddenly a multitude of the people-turned-animals came running, making a horrible combination of sounds as they swarmed the non-teenyboppers and threw them to the ground. Then, though they tried to fend off their attackers, they had no chance of avoiding a sudden wave of magic power that left them all paralyzed though conscious. Almost immediately after their fall, the animal\people turned tail and scampered back to their games while the 6 evil ones laughed in typical baddy-guy triumph.

"Get these back to HQ and put'em in the backroom," the leader growled.

"Aye aye sir!" And then, the 4 were forced to listen to the girls' vapid conversation all the way to the Pagoda store.

"Oh, like, that paralyze powder stuff should wear off in like.I dunno...1\2 hour? 1\2 day? I can't remember, but like, whatever!" the one apparently called Posh managed to spit out after Sainte and her companions had been thrown unceremoniously on a hard floor in a dark room. "And um.like, I guess, like, that's um, y'know.all for now....Bye!" And with a slamming of the door, she was gone.

They weren't alone too long, though. Minutes later, Vash could not help but grunt loudly as some heavy mass was unceremoniously thrown on his gut. Another vapid speech and the girl went on her way. For a few minutes then, there was only silence in the blackness. Then, a cross, masculine voice growled, "Take over the world by taking over a single amusement park.what a nut!" There was the sound of scuffling when a hand suddenly brushed against Sainte's arm, moved by, then came back. Within seconds, the being seemed to realize he had company of somesort and with a few sharp sounding words, a dim light appeared in the cell revealing a tall, well built man of handsome features hidden by a mask in part hovering over them.

"Well..there are more besides me.." he murmured quietly, seemingly to himself. Then, after peering one by one into their stony faces he said something under his breath. A soft, healing light surrounded each of them in turn and to their delight, the paralysis vanished.

"Wow, that was so cool!!!" Vash exclaimed happily, hugging himself while the three more 'with it' members turned and looked at the stranger with a mixture of thankfullness and suspicion.

"Who might you be?" Nicholas soon inquired.

The man nodded politely. "I am Guile.a magician. You?"

The others made their introductions, and once more a pause before Sainte broached the topic most on their minds. "Do you have any clue what's going on?"

THE MATTERHORN

"Look! Look!" Jennifer Lopez screeched excitedly as she raced towards her master. "We caught the traitors without your help!" Exuberantly, she pointed eagerly towards where Brittany and Christina sat exhausted on a mainly red and black hued heap of people. "I just LOOOOOOOOOOVE that Paralyze Powder! How DO you make it?"

"That's a secret."

"Oooo, I can keep a secret!"

"Sure you can."

"Well, that's what I said!

"That's SARCASM!!!!!"

"Oh! ...What's Sarcasm?"

Rolling his eyes, the man stomped over to his other two servants. "Nice. Get these losers in with the others. We'll brain wash them later."

"I guess I still, like, don't quite get it!" Christina exclaimed.

Spears giggled as she gibbed, "Well there's a shock! Okay, like, I'll explain, like, again!! We're going to. OW!" She rubbed the back of her head after being hit by the evil man, with the cruel glint in his eyes.

"Don't even think about opening your fat mouth in front of the good guys." he said harshly.

Oblivious, Christina blinked her guileless blue eyes. "Like, how do you 'ow'?"

In wordless reply, the man smacked her upside the head, and grinned darkly as she whined, "Ow. Oh."

"Now," he said, still grinning. "Toss them in with the others."

"YESSIR!" the trio of popstar bimbos chorused as the sketched a hasty salute.

ON THE WAY TO THE BAD GUYS' HEADQUARTERS

(Otherwise known as the Pagoda Shop)

Even though she was paralyzed, Atressa had serious trouble keeping her breakfast down as she was dragged along by the now singing Brittany Spears. What horrible noise! she thought, as somewhere near her, a creature made gagging noises. If she was twisted around a certain way, she found that she could see Vincent and Aya as Christina and Jennifer hauled them, respectively. It was Aya who had made the noise, for his captor was attempting to hit on him.

"So handsome, like, what's your sign?" the airhead asked the obviously nauseated assassin.

"No parking." He managed hoarsely, his German accent (24) becoming very blatant in his helpless misery.

"Oh. I'm a Sagittarius (24a). You suppose we're, like, compatible?" The poor man choked while the red-headed girl laughed mentally at the ineptness of the ditzy girls. "Like, though, y'know.why is such a hotty hanging out with such weirdos?"

"Hey! You got s'more!" a hyper active voice interupted her suddenly. "Oh, and wow! Like, GOTHS!!!!!!! Wow, this is so sweet!"

Christina snarled at the voice, "We caught 'em, so they're ours!"

"Yeah right! Da Boss had to help you get them 'cause you're so powerless!"

"He did NOT!"

"But you used 'is powder. So You didn't catch'em."

Keep your mouth shut, #*$%*!!!!!!"

"You call me a.."

"QUIT BICKERING!" the male voice rang out over them all. "Get these losers in the back room and meet at the front register."

"Ok." the girls all said in vapid unison. As the quartet were dragged into the building, they could see for the first time, the owners of the voices- Baby Spice and none other than Rufus Shin-Ra.

"What are you doing?!" Vincent managed to call after him, but to no avail for the white garbed one didn't stop walking. Thankfully, his airbrained captor was more than willing to explain.

"Him? Oh! He's gonna be the new leader of the BSB, y'know, so like, he's gonna get everyone here to worship him, then spread it 'round, like, y'know?"

"Why.animals.?"

"Oh, gee like, 'cause I dunno! Something to do with soundwaves that Profy Gee made up for some weird machine, but, like, we stole it!" the girl crowed.

"Profy Gee?" Vincent repeated.

"Yeah! Like, he's the little scientisty dude, with like the big nose and the like mushroom hair (25)"

"Uh-huh." The rifleman wasn't quite sure he believed her. After all, it seemed like such a silly plot. But then.they were talking about Rufus and who had HE hired but the biggest bimbos in history? Well, some of them anyhow..

"Oh, well, here y'are! Have fun!" And with some serious grunting the girls managed to shove the quartet into a darkened room before they slammed the door. What they were too vapid to realize though was that just as the door hit the jam, a metal rod just barely poked between the two, causing it not to close but stare just slighty ajar. The girls were far too concerned with their childish banter to notice as they headed back towards the front of the Pagoda Shop.

After their annoying voices had died away, Guile relit his magical light in order to view the newcomers, who were instantly recognized by the majority of the group. "Guile!" Atressa exclaimed brightly, but her face fell as she saw the rest of the people occupying the storeroom. "Oh... Everybody's here."

"Yea! Party time!" The spiky-headed one's comment was met with a well timed slap from Nicholas.

After rolling her eyes, "Not everyone! Elenni's still out there!" proclaimed Sainte, trying hard to look on the bright side.

The red-head wasn't so optimistic. "Aye, and what can she do alone, exactly? Eh? And I'm afraid I don't have any paper with me.I assume you don't either.?"

"Um...No........."

Guile interrupted at this point, gesturing with a well formed hand towards the sliver of light shining through the crack between the door and the jam. "Actually.we're free as well." All present turned and stared at the freedom then at Guile who nodded simply, though he had some trouble hiding the pride. "When they weren't looking." he said blandly.

Rising to his feet, Aya tiptoed to the door and peered through the crack. Seeing nothing apparently, he gently pressed at it till it moved an inch, creaking loudly over the suspended breathing of the group. Again, he peered out, this time even daring to stick his head out. After a tense moment, he pulled back into the closet and shook his head. "Nobody around."

Those within let out a sigh of relief, some more audibly than others. "What's the scene?" Vincent inquired after a minute, quietly gaining his own feet.

The assassin\florist peeked out again. "It's a storage hallway. There's a big door down to the right, and some more little doors to the left, dotting the hall," he answered quietly.

The cloaked dunpeal joined him, listening intently. "Voices to the right," he eventually commented while those who didn't know him gave him a 'look'.

"You can hear voices?" Vash said worriedly, and this time it was Atressa to slap him one. Meanwhile, Vincent just breathed deeply before taking his seat once more besides the girl.

Once things had regained a relative peace, Sainte spoke. "What are we going to do?"

"Well, what's our goal?" Hakkai stated.

Atressa nodded. "If one of the three of us could get our hands on some paper," she began, implying herself, Sainte, and Elenni, "we could maybe warp out of here. Then we could get outside help."

"I've tried that," the white-haired girl replied. "Well, not that exactly, but there's a big force field around the park, so we can't just leave."

The red-head blinked and shook her head, looking frustratedly at the floor. "How DO we get into these situations?" she growled.

"I don't know!" Sainte said, smiling and once more the band fell into silence.

"I wonder how many of them there are." Hakkai murmured after a moment "We know of what.9 so far?"

"And they have a sort of paralyzing substance." Nicholas added. "But YOU knew something to counter it."

The lavender-mained magician nodded subtly. "A Purify spell."

"Is there any way you can change it into a protective spell?" Nanaki inquired.

Guile thought this over before shaking his head. "Maybe, but I do not believe we have the time nor most the materials."

"Maybe we should first go and find out what all this is about.?" Vincent suggested. "Spy on them a bit first."

The bespectacled demon cleared his throat suddenly and announced, "Ya know, I think I could."

All eyes turned on him, and Atressa inquired, "Could what?"

"Counter that paralyzing stuff."

From his position next to the door, Aya shrugged. "That's all very well and good, but first, we should find out more of what's going on." He then pulled the door open farther, and padded down the hallway.

Hakkai got up to follow him, but because of his faulty eyesight and the uncertain lighting, he ran into the doorjamb. "Ow." He whined, rubbing his nose as he corrected his course, and exited.

Sainte snorted her amusement. "My hero."

"No, that's that morbid guy with the crazy hair." Atressa corrected. The other writer stared at her for a second to see if she was joking, but the red-head merely blinked at her. "What?"

"Nothing. C'mon. Let's go."

ELSEWHERE IN THE PARK.

"This is so not fair!" the drummer whined as she paced back and forth in the holding pen. Nearby, Trowa was chasing the park employee who despite her every attempts was unable to take flight like her comrades. In his chase, he nearly tripped over Hiiro who was basking contentedly in the sun and snorting while Sephiroth and Duo tried without luck to float on the mucky water, greatly puzzling the carp and carp-wannabes with gaping mouths. "I'm bored, bored, bored.not to mention hungry! And I can't eat anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sighing, she plunked herself down on a stone fence and rested her head in her hands. Wu-Fei stalked about nearby, pecking at the ground, then looked up at her blankly. Then, clucking, he cautiously approached her and began beating his head against her shoe. "HEY!" Sparing no energy, she kicked at the bird-brained pilot who leapt back, looking ruffled and indignant. He made some evil sounding noise at her then stalked off to find less combative food.

After sitting in that position for a while, the girl groaned and stood, stretching her back inch by inch. Wobbly from the change in blood pressure, she then wandered out of the farm and onto the trail way, blinking as down the road aways there came angry feminine shouts in English. Someone else had escaped the whatever-it-was. Excited, the girl jogged down the path but stopped dead as rounding a corner she found herself 10 feet from the Spice Girls. Thankfully, the ditzy quintet hadn't noticed her, as they were far too busy arguing over whether or not it would be safe for their hair-dos if they went on the merry-go-round. Suppressing her initial desire to run over to them in order to get their autograph, remembering all too well her last run in with teeny-bopper bandlings, the girl ducked behind a well manicured bush, swatting away the flying creature that seemed to think she was a mosquito (26).

"Yes, but, like, you know."

"She's so right! If we go on it, our 'air will be ruined!"

"Yes, but, like, y'know it'd be so like, fun!"

"Whatever. 'Ey, say we get something to eat?"

"Eat?"

"Yeah, y'know.like, food?"

"...OH!!!!!!!!! But won't we turn, like, all crazy?"

"Stupid! We use this!" Risking being seen, Elenni peeked out from behind her bush, and saw Geri waving about what appeared to be a small vial of something.

Posh blinked. "Heroin?"

"No, dumby! This special stuff Rufy gave us!, y'know?"

"Oh! Yeah! So, like, what's here?"

"Um...well, there's a tree, there's a building, there's a."

"'ere, as in the park itself, Baby."

"...OH! I knew that! *tee hee*"

"They don't have like, a salad, do they?"

"I 'ope so! I just lost that ounce I gained from eating those fries a week ago!"

"You gained a full ounce?! No wonder you couldn't fit into your size .2 leather leggings!"

While the mindless banter continued, Elenni tried to hide her excitement. At last! A way to eat without fear!

PAGODA SHOP

"Should we split up?" Atressa suggested as she always did.

Now noticing that he had companions, Aya turned around and blinked at her.

"What?!" the writer demanded indignantly, and was immediately quieted by Vincent at her elbow.

Recovering some bit of dignity, the assassin replied, "I'm not too sure. I work not well with others."

The girl flickered her storm-hued eyes. "And that answers my question how?" she inquired.

"Um......."

"Uhhuh...What do the rest of you guys think?"

"Well, it is easier and less conspicuous to move about in smaller groups." Guile chimed in.

"But it's also easier to be caught and cornered." Hakkai finished for him.

"Tough decision." amended Sainte. "Perhaps we should split up to a limited extent. At least we should split up when we're in small spaces. I'm feeling a little claustrophobic." She looked pointedly up at the much taller Nicholas and Vash. "Can't you guys give me a little breathing room?"

"No!" came the unison answer as the two dweebs crowded the girl a little more.

"Arg! Help me!"

"Guys, this isn't the time for that!" the red head hissed spinning on her heel. "So, grow up, willya?"

"But like Sainte was just saying," Vash retorted with a snicker, "I AM grown." A strange feeling suddenly came over the gunman's mouth, and it took him a moment to realize his mouth was glued shut.

Amid mumbled protests, Guile explained, "Your blathering is going to give us away!" as the rest of the crew stifled giggles.

"Say we get a move-on, then?" Nicholas suggested shaking the wide- eyed Vash off his coat sleeve. The rest of the group nodded, and so tentatively they started towards the sound of the voices.

SOME PLACE ELSE IN THE PARK

Elenni nearly fell asleep listening to the endless argument about the merry-go-round, and trying to ignore her stomach's endless complaints. The group she was spying upon continued on bitching at each other, oblivious. She was contemplating something drastic, when a boy with a real tail (27) mimicking a chipmunk of all things crept up to her to beg food.

She was about to shoo him away, when the word "Distraction" popped into her mind.

PAGODA SHOP PLACE

On tip-toes, the strange group reached the end of the hall, with inevitable muffled remarks from Vash. "You sure you can't stifle his voice box?" Hakkai had asked the lavender-haired mage along the way, who replied with a sorrowful shake of the head.

The raven-haired gunman (Nicholas, right?) was first to round the corner. A nod to his comrades, he flew around the barrier, gun drawn and loaded. Still hidden, the other watched him intently, surprised when he blinked and lowered the weapon. "No one here," he whispered, stepping aside so they also could enter this new corridor.

There were the voices, though, coming from somewhere so that they could echo in the hall. Vash was first to notice the grating in the ceiling, but thanks to his condition it took him to nearly yank off the priest-man's head to impress upon him the same revelation. As Guile used his magic to levitate up to the metal-mesh, Vincent grumbled, "How very.unoriginal. MORE crawling through air vents."

"Well, that's why they call them crawl-spaces, I guess." Hakkai commented receiving in return a disgusted groan from the others.

IN THE OTHER PLACE

Elenni dug a handful of popcorn from an upturned box, and showed it to the boy, whose tail twitched in anticipation. She giggled silently at his expression, and tossed the handful of buttered popcorn on the horrifying troupe of bimbos. The lad with the tail chattered his thanks, and raced to claim his prize from the quintet, screeching their dismay at the grease staining their expensive threads.

Once Geri had tossed the little white vial up in the air in her frantic attempt to remove the oil from her clothes with her hands, Elenni dove to prevent it from shattering on the ground. She was lucky. She caught it. Bottle safely in hand, the shaggy maned writer stood, spared a glance at the quintet, and crowed, "Takes a lot of money to look that cheap, huh?" She then made herself scarce.

Posh turned at the sound of the voice in time to see the frumpy, brown-haired girl scramble away. " 'Ey!" she called after her, the youth with the tail still munching the popcorn at her feet. "Like, that's not nice!"

Behind her, the dangerously thin blond wailed, "Like, I got butter on me clothes!! WAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!"

"Shut up, Baby." Scary growled, producing a pacifier from nowhere, and forcibly pushing it into the blonde's mouth.

"Mnmfs mmmmf" came the reply, followed by sucking noises.

The frizzy haired woman glared at the others in her group, and in a fit of maliciousness, kicked at the kid with the tail. "Looks like we missed one." As if remembering something, Scary turned to the red-head. "Geri, like, do you still have that vial?"

The other woman's eyes became round under the frizzy-haired woman's scrutiny. Frantically, she searched the few places the object in question could be. At last she looked back up. "No."

"Shit."

AIR VENT

"Can't you just knock him out?!" Nicholas whined to no one in particular as Vash whimpered loudly, apparently from an attack of claustrophobia.

Hakkai, somewhere behind the priest, shook his head mournfully. "I would," he replied, but there's no space to turn around here." So saying he bent down, looked through his knees at the blond, last in line, and hissed "SHUT-UP!!!!!!!"

"Quiet, all of you!" Atressa's voice came from ahead. "Y'don't want to give us away, do ye?"

"Did you ever notice you get weird accents when you're nervous?" Sainte noted absentmindedly.

Indignant, Atressa shrugged as best she could in the tiny space and whispered back, "Is there somethin' wrong with that, eh?"

"No.. just interesting..."

At this point, the masked magician interrupted. "Listen!" Even Vash fell silent as voices bounced distortedly off the walls of the air vent.

"I'm still not sure I understand your plan," a cultured and rather snotty voice exclaimed disdainfully. The group in the crawl space recognized it as that of Rufus Shin-Ra. "You take over a single foolish park, turn the people to animals, and expect people to hand you over a whole nation.one of the most powerful on this pathetic planet, for their lives?"

Answering came a very strange chuckle and a voice none of those present recognized. "Of course! They want their citizens and non-citizens safe, no? I know how this lousy place works; if we kill one person, especially a foreigner or woman\child, the whole country will go berserk. With the shield, not even their most powerful weapons.an oxymoron I'll add, not even those can harm us. It will take the certified gurantee of that imbecile the people instated as their leader.. And his Congress, to dislodge us from this park and into that pathetically tiny place called the White House."

"What an exciting name." Rufus sniffed. "And if it happens..."

"Quit being so pessimistic. It will happen."

"....Right. What are you going to do with the place? Yeah, it's rich in comparison to most the places on this rock... but what do you want with it?"

A cold, dark laugh that contained absolutely no humour followed Rufus' question and made the eavesdroppers' blood chill in their veins. "To take out the garbage." The voice chuckled. "After all, the power of death is intoxicating."

"What about me?" Rufus whined. "There won't be any fans left to celebrate my superiority if you kill everyone."

The only answer the whiny villain received was another one of those heartless laughs. Thankfully, it was half drowned out by Vash's increased whimpering. "We said." Hakkai began with greater annoyance than before but Nicholas interrupted.

"Holy God...Legato!"

SOME FOOD JOINT

"I hope this stuff works." Elenni muttered as she stuffed a much craved hamburger in her mouth and gnawed on it savagely. After a few minutes without any strange urges to scratch in odd places or chase the pigeons that milled around her hoping for a scrap she sighed in relief and pocketed the vial reverently. "Well," she said to no one in particular as she downed the last of her purloined meal some minutes later, "I guess I should go see what exactly is going on." Stooping to pet an affectionate boy with overly spiky hair under a redish bandana and huge blue eyes (28) she retied one of her shoes and headed down past the Gemini. She didn't realize she was being followed. Sorta...

AN EMPTY ROOM CONNECTED TO THE AIR VENT

"Ok, so Legato is a psychopathic killer with the power to manipulate the mind. Sorta like someone we used to know, eh?" Vincent rolled his eyes at the grinning scarlet creature.

Nicholas nodded. "Yeah, and ruthless too. Kills for the hell of it as far as I can tell."

"And eats while he does it!" Vash finished dramatically. "He's the sickest SOB on the planet, a raving loony! He hangs out with my brother."

"What else is there to be said?" Sainte grinned. "Anyways. What in the name of the Goddess are we gonna do about it?"

"If we go up against him," Atressa mused, "we're likely to be turned into whatever he feels like making us into. And I'm sure it would be neither pretty nor comfortable. What advantage, if any, do we have against him?"

"Well," began the painfully optimistic Sainte Matthewe, as she tucked her overly long bangs under her baseball cap, and crossed her arms with a smile. "We have two Authoresses, one dunpeal, one mage, one demon, one florist-assassin, one gun-toting, chain-smoking priest, one Nanaki, and Vash the Stampede. What else do we need?"

As the other girl glared at her friend, Vincent arched one graceful eyebrow, and a faint smile played on his lips. "Are you sure you're not related to that Duo boy?"

The white-haired girl frowned. "That's not funny, Vincent."

PASSING THE MAGNUM

Elenni suddenly had the distinct impression that someone was following her. The feeling increased as she walked. Irked, the percussionist paused in her journey, and spun around, hoping the catch the perpetrator. Much to her disappointment, there was no one behind her, except for the regal gentleman with the platinum hair that fell boyishly into his face as he bent forward to pick at some fries with the seagulls and the middle-aged, khaki wearing man of greasy blond locks (29). "Maybe I'm just being paranoid," she muttered as she finished off the last of some purloined potato patties she'd taken from one of the many side-walk vendors.

A 100 yards or so later, with the feeling still hovering over her, the girl spun round once more, but again saw nothing unusual. Shivering mentally, she in vain tried to shake off her uneasiness and continued on down the path.

She was coming to the fork where the midway met the loop when it happened. With a wild shriek the horde of the underdressed over made-up teeny-bopper ladies all charged Elenni, Gerri Spice in the lead. The drummer screeched and jumped backwards right into Jennifer Lopez. "Oof!" the latina loser exclaimed as the force of Elenni's body snapped the one strap that held her dress together. It took her a minute to realize her condition, but when she did, Lopez screamed and jumped behind a convenient bush.

"Oh, come on, Jenny!" Christina shouted as she lunged at Elenni brandishing a chocolate covered banana in a threatening manner.

"You're not that innocent!" Everyone took a minute to uniformly bop Brittany. "Like, what was that for?!" the anti-Christ whined.

Posh considered this a minute. "Like what was like what for?"

"...Huh? Whaddya mean, like, what was like what for.Oh, QUICK! GET HER!" Elenni, taking the opportunity of confusion on the part of the 'singers' had once more sprinted down the midway towards the row of shops and the park exit.

"Oh no! What're we gonna do?!" Baby cried as she worried the hem of her too short dress. "She's gonna get away and then the cutie guy will be all angry at us and we won't get our Galactic recording contract!"

"We gotta get her! C'mon! We gotta chase her!" Sporty was already on her way to doing so when she heard a loud WHUMP behind her. Spinning, she gasped. "Ohmigod! What happened?!"

Scary, on top of the pile of singers grinned sheepishly. "Um...well, Gerri tripped over her feet, and then Posh tripped on her..um...like, y'know?"

"Oh..."

"Sporty!" Lopez, still in the bushes interrupted. "Go on! We're counting on you to save us!"

"Um...where do you want me to go again?"

"Oh, come on!" Brittany screamed. "Are you really that stupid?"

"Um..yes?"

"I wasn't looking for an answer, you imbecile! Get that girl! I wanna eat!"

BACK ROOM PAGODA SHOP

"Isn't there ANYTHING that could harm Legato?" Atressa finally exclaimed. "I mean, that we could get close enough to administer?" The rest of the group looked blankly at one another. "This is utterly hopeless."

"Maybe." Aya began, "maybe..is there a power center? We could shut off the power and leave them in the dark."

"I suppose we could." Guile mused, "But the point of that would be?" The red-haired man shrugged.

"Land them in a state of confusion?" Vash suggested.

"They're already there."

"Sainte, please..."

"And thank you." Atressa just 'looked' at the white haired girl who giggled. "Sorry."

"Umhm....well.......I guess if we got off the power.....maybe we could down the shields! Y'know? And then we could get the Hell out of this place and get outside help.call out the marines or something."

"Yes, but do you know where the power is located?" Vincent asked.

The red head considered this. "Well, not off the top of my head..but if we could get our hands on a map we could make a slightly more educated guess."

Nanaki added, "But of course to get a map, we'd have to leave this room."

At this, Vash stood up suddenly. "Great! My legs are cramped anyways! Let's go!"

"Hold on a minute," Hakkai grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back. "We need some sort of cover to ensure we get out without a struggle."

The group looked at each other for a minute, and then with a wide smile, Vash exclaimed, "ARF!"

OUTSIDE THE PAGODA SHOP

Elenni, not hearing immediate footsteps behind her, ducked behind the corner between the Pagoda shop and a little outdoor boutique of jewelry. Sporty Spice was back by the Scrambler, urging the rest of her little gang to come over and ride it with her. Baby was already running over to her, with the rest following fairly close behind. Only Brittany was still yelling and pointing but was being pooh-poohed by the others. "You're no fun, Brittany," Elenni could hear Scary's voice over the breeze. "Y'know she can't get away."

"We'll only ride it once." Posh added as she climbed into one of the seats. "Now, be a dah-ling and press the go button, will you?"

Brittany stormed over towards the ride and out of Elenni's line of sight, and so laughing to herself, the shaggy-haired girl was enabled to catch her breath and think up a new plan. She hadn't thought much before she heard a scuffling noise behind her. Spinning quickly she found herself tête-à-tête with Vash who was on all fours. "Huh? Wha.."

"Arf?"

The girl sighed and promptly slapped him. "C'mon, snap outta it, willya."

"Whatcha mean? I AM snapped outta it!" pine-needle head snapped back.

"Cluck, cluck.awk!" Not watching where she was going, Sainte tripped over Vash, in a brilliant move.

"Ooof!" proclaimed the blond outlaw, as Elenni giggled at the tangle of limbs at her feet.

"Can you warn me before you do that again?" the white-haired girl grumbled as she tried to extricate herself.

Vash's reply was muffled, as a merrily whistling Hakkai tripped over them both. "Hey, what are you doing on the ground with Tongari?"

"I wanted a new perspective. Now, please, get off of me."

With a shrug, the green-eyed demon complied. Regaining his feet, the youkai turned to help his two fallen comrades, as behind him, Atressa spotted her friend. "Elenni! What are you doing here?"

"Hiding from frightening pop stars and laughing at needle noggin, Sainte, and the nerdy looking dude." came the a-matter-of-fact reply.

The other authoress appeared to be at a loss for words. "Oh."

"We're escaping from the Pagoda Shop, and we just found out this Legato person is to blame for the park being in the grip of oddness." The bespeckled demon in green informed the percussionist, nonchalantly.

" 'In the grip of oddness'?" wondered Nanaki as he emerged from somewhere behind the group.

Hakkai simply shrugged. "It works, ne?"

"Legato, hm?" Elenni murmured as she mulled over the situation in a typical "Thinker" type stance. "He's that hot creep-o, huh?" All present nodded, as the girl continued to think. All of a sudden, a light bulb appeared over her head, glowing brightly. "He~ey! He's supposed to be all- that cool, right? Waddia wanna bet the guy can't stand pop music?"

THE SCRAMBLER

"Like, wow, this is so much like, fun, y'know!!!?" Baby breathed as the ride came to a stop again.

"Yeah, ent it?" Geri nodded.

In the meanwhile, Posh turned to Brittany. " Dah-ling, could you set it up again?"

"When am I gonna get to ride?" the virginal-slut whined. "You guys have all the fun and it isn't fair!"

"Well, yeah but like you get all the fame so you need to y'know, pay us back?" Scary replied. "Now c'mon and set this thang in motion!"

Brittany was apparently going to say something when from around the corner stepped a strange man in a black turtleneck and blue jeans. Mirrored sunglasses hid his eyes. "Hello, ladies," he said in a heavy German accent.

"Oh wow, like, a hottie!" Jennifer Lopez sighed, allowing the scarf she'd wrapped around her bust to drop a bit lower.

Christina studied his delicate face, framed by long bangs on either side. "He looks familiar...Have we met?"

"I believe so.I am Ran Avay..record label holder. I was wondering if you ladies would like to record an exclusive CD for the park."

"You...you're offering us a gig?!" Baby screeched excitedly, leaning dangerously from her seat on the Scrambler. "Ran" nodded. "Oh, this is sweet! Whaddia say guys?"

"Depends on what you're paying us..." Christina said delicately.

"Well, that depends on what you want, exactly.how sounds a whole truck of ice cream, any flavour you desire?"

The poor guy was nearly smothered as the girls grabbed him in a huddling death grip. "Oh that sounds perfect!" Scary exclaimed. "Lead on, McDuff....what does that mean, anyways?"

"YES!" The rest of the group around the corner stared anxiously at Atressa. "They fell for it and they're following him to the karaoke place." The other exchanged grins or hugs in the case of Needle noggin and a rather upset Nicholas.

THE PAGODA SHOP

"Where are those drated girls?!" Legato grumbled as he stormed into the control room. "I told them to be back by four."

"Um.." Rufus replied intelligently, sweatdropping. "They aren't exactly the brightest bulbs in the firmament, y'know.."

"Still...I gave them express orders...I guess I shall have to punish them." So saying, the blue haired hunk, grinning evilly, left the store leaving the red-head to shiver in solitude.

KARIOKE JOINT

"Ok." the chic-looking "Santa Mateo" said. "You all stand here..are we set yet, Va..I mean Bob?"

"Um...are we all set, Hank?" The man in green continued to fiddle a minute before turning and giving the thumbs up sign. "Yup! All set!"

The white haired girl nodded approvingly. "Ok, very well then. Now, we're gonna play some music and you can sing along!"

"Just like we always like do!" Baby murmured.

"Right...Teresa, Vicente.we set over there?" The red-headed girl nodded from behind the window while her raven-haired comrade stepped out into the room.

"What sort of songs would you like to sing? Ones of your own or someone else's?"

The girls looked at one another. "Well...I've always wanted to sing one of Shania Twain's songs..." Baby said after a moment.

"Oh yeah, like she's so cool! And could we sing Sonique's song too?!" Posh begged. "Or maybe something by a boy-band..N'Sync?!"

"They're so cute!" Jennifer breathed. "And then what about Hanson's Mmm Bop?! It's so cute!"

"So I get the message then you don't want to sing your own songs?"

"We've sung them so many times." Geri whined. "I just don't want to do it again." The others nodded in agreement.

"Very well.." "Vicente" returned behind the scenes and discussed this with "Teresa". A minute later, he returned. "Right. First up is "Mmm Bop," as requested, followed by "The Varga Boys". "Bye Bye Bye", "Your Love", "Man, I Feel Like a Woman", "Don't be Cruel", and "Blue" will follow. We'll get the lyrics themselves on this screen for the all of you."

"Can we sing "She Bangs"" Christina inquired as he turned to go into the back room.

"I'm sure it can be arranged. Now.on our signal." The girls nodded enthusiastically as the raven-haired one ushered the rest of his comrades into the crowded back room. "We all set?"

"Teresa" nodded. "Yep. Starting in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.."

"May god be with us." Nicholas murmured as the first beats of the annoying Hanson song started up.



AT A RESTURANT.

Rufus stood, awaiting Legato's order in a flowered apron. "Um, I think I'll have a chili-dog and an iced tea to start." The blue-haired evildoer said at last, after studying the limited menu.

"Very good, sir." The ex-president took the menu and turned as the first strains of a poisonously catchy tune began to blast over the nearby speakers.

"Oh, and Rufus? Turn that off."

"No, wait," the blond began. "I like this song."

"TURN IT OFF." Repeated the cool voice behind him. The next thing Rufus was aware of was the remains of a hidden speaker sparking in his hand. Despite this, the incessant music was barely dimmed.

"Huh?" The blonde's expression at his action was surprisingly similar to that of a stranded fish, as chorus of feminine voices began to croak out the dangerously catchy song.

"What are those. things doing?!" Gold eyes narrowed at the shattered speaker in Rufus' hand.

"Sounds like "Mmm Bop"."

AT THE KARIOKE BOOTH.

"Hank" leaned over to watch "Santa Mateo" do something incomprehensible with the dials on the soundboard. "Do you actually know what you're doing?"

"Actually yes. It's just like the equalizer on a stereo." Came the sharp reply, as the music came to an end. The girl played with the dials a moment more, as the offensive creatures on the other side of the glass congratulated themselves for such an excellent performance. "Heh-hem! Excuse me," she said at last. " I hate to do this."

"Hey! Its okay!" proclaimed the emancated blond, around her pacifier.

"No. I *really* hate to do this, but there's a funny glitch on the playback. You're going to have to do it again."

"What?! NO! That was our *best* performance *ever*!" whined Baby.

Posh pouted. "RAN! Do something!"

The morose redhead standing behind "Hank" and "Santa Mateo" failed to look up.

"RA~AN!" Scary and Geri added their voices to the chorus of whining.

Still, the man did not look up. It took a sharp jab in the rib cage from "Teresa" for him to realize he was being whined at. He cleared his throat and began. "Uh. well, she is the expert. So, if she says you need to do it again, you need to do it again." He shuddered, and sat down.

More complaints ensued, but were quickly silenced by the reprise of the opening to "Mmm Bop".



It was funny. Normally, Legato was absolutely incapable of outright fury. Messy emotions lead to messy murders, and that was intolerable. Right now, he was livid, with a snarl curling his lip. What were those stupid bitches doing? Trying to screw up everything? Not only did they allow prisoners to escape, they decided to slack off?! Insufferable wenches. To make matters worse, that twit he had hired was actually enjoying the nose those idiots were making.

At last, bullion-colored eyes alit upon the karaoke booth. He stormed up to the door and threw it open. "WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Legato shrieked.

Scary pouted. "Oh great. We're going to have to do *another* take."

"ANOTHER TAKE?!" Legato's left hand went through the glass.

"Eep!" Baby squeaked, as her frizzy-hared companion glared back at the blue-maned bishounen.

"We are, like, so not intimidated, babe." The woman sniffed.

Geri came up behind her. "Yeah!" she exclaimed, her knees shaking a little. "You're not our boss anymore!"

A very graceful blue eyebrow arched poisonously. "Oh?"

"Yeah!" was the weak declaration. "He is!" All pointed to the figures behind the glass of the sound booth, who sweatdropped.

"And *who* is he?" Legato's carefully articulation degenerated into a low growl.

"Heh-hem, uh, I am Ran Avay, head of Project Weiss Records."

Behind the infuriated villain, Rufus' eyes lit up. "A record company.?!" he breathed. Immediately, he pushed his boss out of the way, and rushed into the studio. "A RECORD COMPANY!! Can I get a record deal, too? Please?!" he pleaded. "I can sing ever so much better than those bitches!"

"Ran" looked startled, and from his position on the ground, Legato glowered up at his former minions and the pseudo-record exec. "You cannot leave. I will make you rue this day."

Rufus tossed his hair in an arrogant gesture. "Yeah, right." He looked down at his well-manicured hands, as a glowing green orb appeared. After a moment, he looked back up. "There. It's done. Now, you leave, you twisted bastard, before I sic the crocodilians on you."

Glowing gold eyes narrowed. "You'll rue this day, Shin-Ra." the villain growled as he slunk away.

The rest of the group watched them go, the girls whining about how they'd never see Mr. Cutie again while Atressa leaned over and whispered something in Sainte's ear. After a minute, the latter's eyes turned bright, and she nodded enthusiastically.

"'Hem.well, this is quite well done, ladies." the white haired girl said, muffling a laugh. "But frankly, I don't think this studio has the exact means we need to flawlessly record your..um.accomplishments."

"Well, where DO we go, then?" Christina shot back angrily.

"If you would be so kind as to lower the gate around the park and tell us how to revert the people here back to their original states.I will show you."

"But...but...I don't know how to do that!" the 'singer' wailed. "It's all written down on the desk in the pagoda shop...and..and I can't read it!"

"Yeah, Legato's handwriting sucks," muttered Rufus. "And what about me? Can I get a label too?!"

The red-headed lady in the back nodded enthusiastically. "Of course! Now.you said there's a handwritten sheet..."

The entire crew of good guys were still laughing as they left the Interworld Prison, where up in the top floor in maximum security (soundproof wise, that is) the 8 girls and their new lead male singer were screeching away into a mike at the hastily improvised 'sound studios'. "I still can't believe they fell for it! I've never seen anyone that dumb!!!!...well, ok...maybe I have but.." Nicholas was saying.

"They're teeny boppers!" Elenni retorted, rolling her eyes. "Whatcha expect?"

"Aren't you...a teeny bopper?" Vash promptly got his nose sproinged by the irate drumber.

"No...I just like some of their music! Y'know..the ones they don't actually sing but have their synthesizers and backups singing for them!"

"Geesh! Sorry!!!!!!!!"

Meanwhile, nearby...

"Um..Hakkai.no offense but I don't think Jiip will fit all of us." Sainte said cautiously. "I mean...you and your friends have trouble fitting in it.."

The lawyerly man smiled broader than usual. "Oh, ye of little faith."

"Still.."

The authoress turned suddenly at a tap on her shoulder. "Um.." Aya began intelligently. "Are we going to go to this...ice cream place you mentioned?"

"Yes..ASSUMING EVERYONE GETS OVER HERE!!!!!!"

"Nani?!!!" Atressa, Guile, Nanaki, and Vincent said in surprised unison.

"I said, GET OVER HERE!!!!!!!!"

"Well, there's no need to scream," the red-headed girl said as she and her circle strolled over. Suddenly, she stopped dead. "Oh no...here they come!"

"Hm?" Sainte turned, and felt a hand of dread pass over her heart as towards them ran all sorts of people with notebooks, strange hats, and a hungry look. "THE PAPARAZZI!!!!!" she screeched, jumping into Jiipu and into Aya's lap (by accident?). The red haired man gasped, but not for long as the others, equally terrified, all piled in, miraculously with enough room that they could at least breath.

"I guess this means we're heros.." Vash muttered. Next to him, the masked mage nodded. "Fascinating."

"By the way.." Hakkai said, "Where are we going?"

"Just keep going this way...." Sainte directed.

"Walk this way..." Elenni hummed from the front seat.



Epilogue

"Wow, like, that was, y'know, so like, cool..." Posh said. "What next...how about...um...."

"I know!" Jennifer Lopez exclaimed. She grinned at Rufus who returned the smirk and then began to 'dance'.

"Shake your bon-bon shake your bon-bon shake your bon- boooooooooon...." the motley crew began.

~Okay, so its not War and Peace, but hey, its an idea. Rewrite it if you want. Ya know, I think this needs an epilogue. Wanna write it?

Nods What's a crocodilian?



Yea!!!!!!!

~~There ya go. I set it up.

I don't have time to write it in, but I have an idea.

Elenni comes up with the idea that if it's Legato we're facing, then because he's so cool and charmingly good-looking, maybe he can't stand Teeny-Bopper music. So they go over to the Spice Slut\Evil Trio and tell them they've got a concert all set up for them. The girls of course are all excited so we take them over to the karaoke place and have them sing, broadcasting it at top volume all over the park. This does bother Legato.cause him to scream in agony, sink down on the ground..whatever. But, it's an idea.sorta. Rufus would be like, way cool and dancing to it so the whole coup would fall under. I dunno....





Footnotes:

1 Obviously, this is Ryoko, Tenchi, and Ayeka, respectively.

2 This is Washuu and some crazy invention of hers.

3 This is Vash the Stampede from Trigun.

4 His "priestly companion" is Nicholas D. Wolfwood.

5 The first is Mario, the second Luigi.

6 This footnote isn't really necessary. We both know its Cait Sith.

This is Red, inappropriately named, from Saga Frontier

Cindy Campbell, an evil lady from Saga Frontier

This is Harry Potter, and he has an absolutely adorable toy that Cedar Point sometimes sells.

The evil Randall Flagg. Mebbie he'll team up with Diamond and Trieze later, or something? *vague plot idea?* (Um...who's Randall Flagg?)(A really *nasty*, very insane type bad guy from The Dark Tower series and The Stand)(Oh)(Think perhaps we need a better title?)(Maybe. I just thought we should do SOMETHING!. For whatever it's worth, my one friend loves that title.)(Eh. I just thought it was kinda boring, but hey, it's a good a title as any.)

Guess who! Yep! That's Duo Maxwell, alright!

Yeah, all you FF3 fans! It's Kefka! VWEE HEE HEE!!!!!

Meatballhead (aka Serena, aka Sailor Moon) (don't get me wrong! I love ClAMP's art, but Serena's kinda a loser.)

Darien. Duh

Poor Guru Clef!!!! (From Rayearth)

This is Gustauf, from Saga Frontier 2.he has these strange curls like a butterflie's antennae sorta, caused by his 'anima' or magic.

Youji "the Wire" Kudou from White Cross

Chibbi Chibbi!

Saiyuuki's Son Goku (aka "Monkey-boy")

And Sha Gojyo, with Cho Hakkai laughing at him

K, K, I changed it. This is Zoah from Chrono Cross. Get ready for more references to this great game as I get more and more obsessed!

These would of course be Christina Slutulera and Jennifer Lopez.

Ah!! Run!! It's the Spice Girls!!

I made that up. I haven't seen the anime, yet. I just imagined he would have an accent that would really come out under stress. 24a: I made that up, too. I haven't the foggiest idea what her real birthsign is. Nor do I care.

Professor G is the creepy scientist who designed Deathscythe, and Deathscythe Hell, not to mention punched Duo in the stomach a number of times. Certainly cuts down on brain damage, huh?

Finn Fish from Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne

Zidane from FF9

Serge of Chrono Cross

Zechs Marquis from GundamW and Cid Highwind, again, from FF7.