Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she always knew he'd come back. As much as he hated Newport, she knew he could never stay away forever. But, as the days turned to weeks, the weeks turned to months, and the sadness turned to anger, she slowly began to tell herself that he was gone. Convincing herself that he had left for good was the only way she could move on. Or at least pretend to.
Shetried to throwherself back into the Newport social scene that she had turned from when things escalated with Seth. She went back to the same old parties, with the same old people, soaking in the comforting idea that some things hadn't changed as much as others. Marissa urged her to have a few drinks, get herself back into the dating pool, and reclaim her throne as Newport's most eligible bachelorette. In theory, it was what was best for her. Those times when she was just a typical party girl were so much easier. There was no emotion, no feeling - and plenty of substances to make sure it stayed that way.
But she couldn't do it. He taught her that she deserved better than those people. He made her think she was worth so much more than what they could give. She loved and hated him for that. She tried to go back, but it only reminded her of how happy she was away from it all - how happy she was with him. She missed him.
But no one would know it.
She had Zach now, a perfect escape from what Seth used to be. She liked him. She truly liked him. And in time, she's sure she could love him. But for all the wrong reasons. She stays with him because he's safe. He protects her, he cares about her. She feels like she's betraying him, making him feel something that she could never reciprocate. But she just needs someone there. And he's there, always. He would never leave if she asked him to stay forever. But she knew she never would.
When he came back, it broke her heart to tell him it was over. She wanted to jump up onto that hotdog stand with him when he told her that he loved her. It was the first time any boy had said that to her. He wrote it in the letter that she keeps tucked away behind the liner notes of a Death Cab cd, sitting underneath Princess Sparkles, where no one would ever find it. No one except her when the nights get too long and the sleep never comes. But hearing him say it catches her off guard. The anger she felt for months before his return quickly melts, and she begins to feel the sting of tears in her eyes. She's used to that feeling. She's used to crying over him. She looks at him one more time before she gets into Zach's car and drives away and thinks she sees his eyes glistening as he watches her leave him for good. She looks at Zach, who gives her a reassuring smile, and turns to focus on the side mirror, as Seth Cohen gets further and further away from her than he ever was before. She sees him wave a small goodbye and reluctantly walk away, defeated.
And slowly, she finds herself letting him back in.
But no one would ever know it.