I thought this up in Germany, and planned it out while waiting at the bus station for my bus to show up. ^.^; This doesn't really fit in with any of my current timelines.. and so, with all songfics.. make a new one. *L*
Notes: Shounen-ai, angst. I'm sure you have no idea who these boys are.. there really isn't much I can tell you w/o directing you to a Crashers site. =\ Gomen. It's about two years before Weiß Kreuz, does that help? ^^;;;; This story takes place five years after WK ends, that's seven after Crashers.
More Notes: "Replica" is by the band Sonata Arctica. If you want it, feel free to email me and ask for it! I don't own it, or the Crashers boys, but they just fit so well together. ^.^ First person, present tense, Knight/Yuushi's POV.
*******
Replica
*******
/I'm home again, I won the war, and now I am behind your door.
I tried so hard to obey the law, and see the meaning of it all.
Remember me, before the war? I'm the man who lived next door...
Long ago.../
Sitting on the balcony on a nice, sunny day is one of my all-time favorite activities. Nobody around to bother me, no pressing work, just me, myself, and I on the balcony in the sun. I lean back in my chair and close my eyes, relishing the warmth on my face. This new apartment is really great. I'll have to thank King next time I see him. He's a good guy, even if he -does- bog me down with work for Crashers. Yeah, Crashers is still around, I guess. I'm the only member. Go me!
Anyway. Ran was placed in Weiß, which disbanded five years ago after two of its members were killed. I've heard from him since, a few letters now and then and even some flowers for my birthday. That surprised me. But hey, he used to work in a flower shop, so I guess he learned to appreciate the beauty of nature. As for the other two, Pawn and Bishop, they went off to fight in the war. What war, you ask? Beats the hell out of me. All I know is that half the army was dispatched to go somewhere and fight. Bishop and Pawn jumped at the chance to join up.
But Pawn's supposed to come over today. I heard from King that he got home a few weeks ago, and I sent an invitation to come over via King. Pawn replied the same way, saying he'd love to come over and hang out for awhile. I'm looking forward to seeing him again. Last I saw him, he was only sixteen. Geez, now he's twenty-three. Yikes, how time flies. And.. HEY! That makes -me- twenty-five! ... oh yeah.
I glance at my watch, and a knock sounds at the door. I get up and shake my head, grinning. "Punctual as usual," I say to myself as I go inside. "Hai, coming!" I call. I open the door and nearly drop my jaw. Pawn? I don't -think- so. He never looked this good. Then again, he never got out into the sun much or did much physical work. The boy standing in front of me is nearly as tall as I am, beautifully tanned, and slightly muscular.
"Um," I manage to say. Wow, aren't I brilliant?
"Nice to see you, too, Knight." Pawn says with the same bright smile he used to have. My sharp gaze tells me, however, that the innocence that was in his eyes is gone.
"Right! Um, nice to see you too, Pawn!" I say, looking him over again. "You grew up." I laugh and hold my arms out, and he embraces me tightly. I step back and let him in, and then shut the door. "You're not the scrawny runt you were when you left Crashers."
He grins. "Nah, I ditched my puny body for a nicer one," he says, shaking his head. "You know me and my weird magical powers."
/As you can see when you look at me,
I'm pieces of what I used to be.
It's easier if you don't see me standing on my own two feet.
I'm taller when I sit here still, you ask, are all my dreams fulfilled?
They gave me a heart of steel, the kind that bullets cannot see.../
We sit across from eachother in the living room and I shake my head. "I can't believe this," I say, amused. "You really do look great."
"Thanks," he says with a chuckle. "You don't look so bad yourself, considering that you haven't changed much. Still working for Kritiker?"
I snort. "You know it," I say. "I'm all that's left of Crashers. I still do stuff for them every now and then, but mostly I do my other job."
He raises an eyebrow. "Other job?" he asks. "What else can you do?"
I blink at him, then remind myself that he's been out of the country. "I sing," I say carefully.
Dead silence for a minute. He stares at me, bittersweet chocolate eyes flashing with laughter. Finally, he can't hold it in, and bursts out laughing. "You?! SING?!"
"Yes," I say, wounded. "I'm doing pretty well, if I do say so myself."
Still laughing, he shakes his head. "What do you sing?" he asks, vastly amused.
I make a face at him. "All kinds of stuff," I say. "You haven't been in Japan for long, so I'm not surprised you haven't heard any of my stuff."
That shuts him up. He tilts his head slightly to the left, as he did when he was younger. "No shit?" he asks. "You really sing?"
I nod. "Yeah," I say with a smile. "I really do."
He smiles at me. "I'm happy for you, then!" he says. "I remember that you used to sing with the radio all the time. You weren't half bad."
I grin. "Thanks," I reply. "What about you? What are you doing now that you're out of the military?"
His expression darkens and he lowers his gaze. "Oh, nothing," he says mildly. "I got back in with Kritiker. I'm waiting for an assignment."
"Really!" I exclaim. "Maybe they'll put you back in Crashers!"
"I asked King if he would," he says, looking up. "He seemed to be considering it."
I'm grinning so hard I feel like my face is going to split. I bounce a little on the couch and laugh. "That's -great-, Pawn!" I say, laughing.
His eyes widen a little, then he looks at the floor again. I blink, afraid I've offended him. "What?" I ask. "What'd I do?"
Chuckling softly, he shakes his head. "Nothing," he says quietly. "It's just.. nobody's called me Pawn for seven years, Knight. I ditched that name."
I blink, and realize then that nobody'd called me Knight in just as long, aside from King. I'd been using my real name, too. "Well, what's your name?" I ask.
He looks up and smiles a little. "Naru," he says. "Uhyou Naru."
Well, that's fitting. A beautiful name for a beautiful person. I'd better not say that out loud. "Nice," I remark. "I'm Honjou Yuushi."
"Nice," he mimics. He shakes his head and laughs. "Amazing. We knew eachother for two years, and yet we never knew eachother's real names."
I grin. "King's orders," I say. "Since you technically aren't part of Crashers anymore, I figure I can tell you who I really am."
"Come to think of it, that name is familiar," he muses. "You're a singer, too. Huh. Must be the same person."
I blink at him. "What?" I ask.
He looks at me and grins. "Oh, nothing," he says in a singsong. "I just saw an interview on TV. I could have sworn it was you, but obviously I didn't know your name. I'm glad it was!"
I grin. "Yeah," I say sheepishly, blushing. "Well, when you release a CD and it immediately goes to the top of the charts, you tend to get a lot of attention."
"I guess so," he replies, standing up. He stretches and looks around. "Nice place," he says. I note tension and uneasiness in his stance, and his hand hovers near his waistband. He must have a knife hidden under his shirt. Great. I better not piss him off, then. I gaze at him thoughtfully, wondering what happened to the old Pawn.
"Hey," I say. "What happened? Out there, I mean. You've changed so much." I get up and walk to him. He looks at me out of the corner of his eyes, those beautiful brown eyes that are now dark and haunted with secrets. Eyes that are much too old for the delicate face they're set in.
"Let's go watch the sunset," he says, walking to the balcony. "We'll talk."
/Nothing's what it seems to be,
I'm a replica, I'm a replica,
Empty shell inside of me, I'm not myself,
I'm a replica of me.../
He leans against the railing of the balcony, gazing at the sky. The sun is setting over Tokyo Bay. I walk to him and stand next to him, enjoying the warm breeze. I am -such- a sucker for summertime.
"You know," he remarks, "before I left, I never really appreciated the sunset. You can earn a lot of respect for nature if you think you'll never see it again."
I look down at the street, then focus my gaze on the water again. I'd hoped he wouldn't have to see any fighting. So much for that idea. "What happened?" I ask quietly.
"Bishop was in my unit," he says, gazing over the water. "He and I went out on a scouting mission, since we were the best ones for the job. Because of Crashers, of course. Anyway. We didn't realize that the enemy was also scouting. He was shot before I could do anything."
My eyes widen. "He's dead?" I ask, my voice a bit unsteady.
Naru grips the rail tightly and nods, keeping his eyes on the sunset. "Yeah. He's dead." He looks at me, and the sorrow in his eyes is so vast it makes me wonder if he'll ever be the same again. Probably not. "I am, too."
I blink at him. "Excuse me?" I ask flatly.
He laughs bitterly and looks at the lake again. "If you ever go to war, you'll understand," he says. "Your body lives, if you're lucky. However, your spirit is crushed with despair that you may never get out. Your heart breaks because you see your friends dying around you."
/The light is green, my slate is clean
New life to fill the hole in me.
I had no name last December,
Christmas Eve, I can't remember.
I was in constant pain,
I saw your shadow in the rain.
I painted all your pictures red,
I wish I had stayed home instead!/
"But if you want to live, you gotta put it behind you," he continues. "Try to forget the nightmares. Try to forget the screams of the dying. Try to forget your own pain from injuries."
I feel sick. The sun is sinking lower, and it's taking my heart with it. "You.. were wounded?"
"You bet," he says. "I'm lucky I'm not dead. A bomb exploded in our barricks. It was a stupid accident. Some jackoff left it out in the sunlight, and when it got hot enough.." His voice trails off. "I didn't die because I was the farthest away. Someone else shielded me, took the brunt of it for me. I don't know if she's alive or not. Someone else dragged me and the rest of the survivors away.
"I'm not sure what happened after that. I think I had trauma-induced amnesia. At least, that's what the doctor said. Couldn't remember my name, couldn't remember anything. All I knew was that I came from Tokyo, Japan, and I wanted to go back -so- badly." His voice had remained steady through the whole monologue until the end, when it broke. "I wish I had stayed home, Yuushi."
Well, there's really not a whole lot I can say to that, I suppose. Nothing would sound right. I have no idea what he's talking about, I can't imagine that kind of horror. "I'm sorry," I finally say, the words sounding hollow and lame.
He shakes his head. "Don't be," he mutters. "I'm sorry enough for both of us."
I look at him. His eyes are dry, but very sad. I put my hand on his shoulder, hoping to comfort him. "Anything I can do?" I ask softly.
He closes his eyes, then opens them and turns his head to look at me. "Will you let me stay here?" he asks. "I don't want to be alone. I don't trust myself alone."
I blink, uncomprehending, until he holds out his arm and turns it over. A thin white scar runs from his wrist to his elbow. My eyes widen and I look deep into his pain-ravaged gaze. "Why?" I manage.
"Because I wanted out," he says softly. "Because I didn't think I could take anymore. Unfortunately, some guys from my platoon got me to the doc before I bled to death. I was nineteen then."
"Naru, you.." I can't say anymore. What else can I say to him?! The last time I saw him, he was bright and cheerful, eager to blow things up, to fight and win. The light in his eyes is totally extinguished.
"Don't," he says softly. "I made it. I won. I'm back here now, and I'm sticking around. If.. you want me."
/Nothing's what it seems to be,
I'm a replica, I'm a replica
Empty shell inside of me,
I'm not myself, I'm a replica of me.
Are you gonna leave me now, when it is all over?
Are you gonna leave me, is my world now over?/
"Yes! I mean, um, no. I mean.. dammit!" I turn back to the bay, wishing for once I had some semblence of eloquence. "Yes, Naru, I want you to stay. I don't want you to die. If staying here keeps you alive, then by all means, please. Even if you weren't suicidal, I'd want you here."
He looks at me, surprised. "You.. do?"
"Of course!" I say, looking at him. "You're my friend, Naru. We went through quite a bit together, back in Crashers. Good times. I don't want to forget that. In fact, I'd like it to happen all over again."
The look of sorrow in his eyes slowly melts into one of wonder. "Really?" he asks hesitantly. "You'll let me stay?"
I smile a little and nod. "Yeah," I say. "I'll let you stay."
I'm totally unprepared for him to fling his arms around me and bury his face in my neck. "Arigatou!" he cries. "Yuushi.. arigatou!"
Slowly, my arms encircle him and hold him close. "You're welcome," I murmur. "I'll protect you, Naru."
/Rising from the place I've been,
and trying to keep my home base clean.
Now I'm here and won't go back, -believe-./
Two weeks later, things are going quite smoothly, if I do say so myself. Naru's back in Crashers, and we've done a bit of sleuthing. Nothing major, but enough to keep his mind occupied. He took over his old job - computers - and suddenly seems to have attached himself to it. I grin a little as I pass the office and see him hard at work. I don't care what he's doing, as long as it's keeping his mind off of suicide.
For awhile, he really had me scared. He has nightmares, you see, the kind that you wake up screaming and crying from, and you can't go back to sleep for the life of you. I try to comfort him as best I can, but I know it's not much. There isn't a lot I can do for him, not having experienced the whole thing. He's worlds older than I am, even though in reality, I'm two years older than him. I glance at the clock.. it's almost ten.
He shuffles out of the office and yawns. "I'm going to bed," he says with a smile. "Oyasumi."
I smile back. "Oyasumi, Naru."
/I fall asleep and dream a dream,
I'm floating in a silent stream.
No-one placing blame on me,
but nothing's what it seems to be.../
He's having another nightmare. I race to his room and open the door, nearly tripping over various things on the floor trying to get to him. One thing hasn't changed a bit, and that's the state of his room. I don't care, though, because I'm the same way.
I sit on the bed and shake him. "Naru! Wake up!"
He sits bolt upright and grabs me, throwing me down on the bed and straddling me. My eyes widen and I stare up at him. He gazes down at me, his brown eyes seeming to glow in the moonlight, his chest heaving. "Yuushi?" he asks. He reaches up and brushes his hair from his eyes. "Nightmare.." He drops limply on top of me and I blink at the ceiling again. Hoooo boy. I put my arms around him and he relaxes, trying to calm himself. He's shaking like a leaf. "Sorry I woke you," he murmurs.
"It's nothing," I say, tightening my grip a bit. "Don't worry about it. I've got nothing to do tomorrow, so I can stay up the rest of the night if you want me to."
He chuckles a little, closing his eyes. "Mm," he says. "Could you.. um.. stay like this for awhile?"
My eyes widen again, and I feel my face heating in a blush. "Sure," I manage to say calmly. "No problem."
He laughs a little and raises himself up, propping his chin on one hand. "Your heart's racing," he informs me. "Nervous?"
"No!" I cry, blushing. "You scared the shit out of me, man."
Still laughing, he scoots up and lays back down, resting his face against my neck. "Sorry," he says sheepishly. "Old habits die really, really hard. Especially if those habits could keep you alive."
"I'll bet," I say dryly, putting my arms around him again. "Going to lie still now?"
"Yeah," he says, his eyes closing. "I'm comfortable. Thanks."
I shake my head slightly and gently touch his hair. I meant for it to be comforting, just a brief stroke, but my hand has its own ideas. My fingers twine through the brown silk and hold fast, but nowhere near enough to hurt or trap him. "You're welcome," I reply.
My world suddenly seems to be focused around him. I don't really understand it, but I figure, hey, why question a good thing?
"You've done a lot for me," he murmurs. "I don't know how I can ever repay you."
I raise an eyebrow. "You being here is enough payment," I say honestly. "I enjoy your company." A lot, I add silently. More than I should, probably.
"Good," he says, his breath warm against my neck. "I enjoy being here. More than I should, probably."
I roll my eyes. He's got this uncanny ability to read my mind. "Oh?" I ask.
"Nothing," he mutters, rolling off of me.
I roll onto my side and catch him, pulling him into my arms. "Oh no you don't," I say, feeling him tense. "Relax, Naru, I'd never hurt you."
He slowly relaxes and rolls over to face me, looking into my eyes. "I always had a crush on you, you know that?" he asks.
Well, no, I -hadn't- known that. I know now, though. "I'm flattered," I reply honestly. "I.. well, no offense, Naru, but you were sixteen and I was eighteen."
"I know," he says, amused. "You were sleeping with Ran."
I cough and turn bright red. "That's BESIDE the point," I sputter.
"Sure," he says, laughing lightly. "And now?"
"Now.." I murmur, my eyes locking with his. "I like you a lot."
His smile lights the room, making the moonlight seem envious. "I'm glad," he says. "I like you a lot, too."
Smiling, I pull him even closer. Our lips touch lightly, and he sighs softly, burying his face in my neck. "I've wanted to do that for years," he muttered.
I laugh and give him a tight hug. "Well, you just did," I say. "And you'll have many years to do more."
His arms tighten around me, and we fall asleep, tangled comfortably in the blankets and a warm embrace.
/I'm home again, I won the war,
and now I am behind your door.
Remember me? Before the war.
I'm the man who lived.../
******
The End
******
-- Cheyne
cheyne@musician.org
http://gluhen.tripod.com
5:35 PM 12/30/00
Notes: Shounen-ai, angst. I'm sure you have no idea who these boys are.. there really isn't much I can tell you w/o directing you to a Crashers site. =\ Gomen. It's about two years before Weiß Kreuz, does that help? ^^;;;; This story takes place five years after WK ends, that's seven after Crashers.
More Notes: "Replica" is by the band Sonata Arctica. If you want it, feel free to email me and ask for it! I don't own it, or the Crashers boys, but they just fit so well together. ^.^ First person, present tense, Knight/Yuushi's POV.
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Replica
*******
/I'm home again, I won the war, and now I am behind your door.
I tried so hard to obey the law, and see the meaning of it all.
Remember me, before the war? I'm the man who lived next door...
Long ago.../
Sitting on the balcony on a nice, sunny day is one of my all-time favorite activities. Nobody around to bother me, no pressing work, just me, myself, and I on the balcony in the sun. I lean back in my chair and close my eyes, relishing the warmth on my face. This new apartment is really great. I'll have to thank King next time I see him. He's a good guy, even if he -does- bog me down with work for Crashers. Yeah, Crashers is still around, I guess. I'm the only member. Go me!
Anyway. Ran was placed in Weiß, which disbanded five years ago after two of its members were killed. I've heard from him since, a few letters now and then and even some flowers for my birthday. That surprised me. But hey, he used to work in a flower shop, so I guess he learned to appreciate the beauty of nature. As for the other two, Pawn and Bishop, they went off to fight in the war. What war, you ask? Beats the hell out of me. All I know is that half the army was dispatched to go somewhere and fight. Bishop and Pawn jumped at the chance to join up.
But Pawn's supposed to come over today. I heard from King that he got home a few weeks ago, and I sent an invitation to come over via King. Pawn replied the same way, saying he'd love to come over and hang out for awhile. I'm looking forward to seeing him again. Last I saw him, he was only sixteen. Geez, now he's twenty-three. Yikes, how time flies. And.. HEY! That makes -me- twenty-five! ... oh yeah.
I glance at my watch, and a knock sounds at the door. I get up and shake my head, grinning. "Punctual as usual," I say to myself as I go inside. "Hai, coming!" I call. I open the door and nearly drop my jaw. Pawn? I don't -think- so. He never looked this good. Then again, he never got out into the sun much or did much physical work. The boy standing in front of me is nearly as tall as I am, beautifully tanned, and slightly muscular.
"Um," I manage to say. Wow, aren't I brilliant?
"Nice to see you, too, Knight." Pawn says with the same bright smile he used to have. My sharp gaze tells me, however, that the innocence that was in his eyes is gone.
"Right! Um, nice to see you too, Pawn!" I say, looking him over again. "You grew up." I laugh and hold my arms out, and he embraces me tightly. I step back and let him in, and then shut the door. "You're not the scrawny runt you were when you left Crashers."
He grins. "Nah, I ditched my puny body for a nicer one," he says, shaking his head. "You know me and my weird magical powers."
/As you can see when you look at me,
I'm pieces of what I used to be.
It's easier if you don't see me standing on my own two feet.
I'm taller when I sit here still, you ask, are all my dreams fulfilled?
They gave me a heart of steel, the kind that bullets cannot see.../
We sit across from eachother in the living room and I shake my head. "I can't believe this," I say, amused. "You really do look great."
"Thanks," he says with a chuckle. "You don't look so bad yourself, considering that you haven't changed much. Still working for Kritiker?"
I snort. "You know it," I say. "I'm all that's left of Crashers. I still do stuff for them every now and then, but mostly I do my other job."
He raises an eyebrow. "Other job?" he asks. "What else can you do?"
I blink at him, then remind myself that he's been out of the country. "I sing," I say carefully.
Dead silence for a minute. He stares at me, bittersweet chocolate eyes flashing with laughter. Finally, he can't hold it in, and bursts out laughing. "You?! SING?!"
"Yes," I say, wounded. "I'm doing pretty well, if I do say so myself."
Still laughing, he shakes his head. "What do you sing?" he asks, vastly amused.
I make a face at him. "All kinds of stuff," I say. "You haven't been in Japan for long, so I'm not surprised you haven't heard any of my stuff."
That shuts him up. He tilts his head slightly to the left, as he did when he was younger. "No shit?" he asks. "You really sing?"
I nod. "Yeah," I say with a smile. "I really do."
He smiles at me. "I'm happy for you, then!" he says. "I remember that you used to sing with the radio all the time. You weren't half bad."
I grin. "Thanks," I reply. "What about you? What are you doing now that you're out of the military?"
His expression darkens and he lowers his gaze. "Oh, nothing," he says mildly. "I got back in with Kritiker. I'm waiting for an assignment."
"Really!" I exclaim. "Maybe they'll put you back in Crashers!"
"I asked King if he would," he says, looking up. "He seemed to be considering it."
I'm grinning so hard I feel like my face is going to split. I bounce a little on the couch and laugh. "That's -great-, Pawn!" I say, laughing.
His eyes widen a little, then he looks at the floor again. I blink, afraid I've offended him. "What?" I ask. "What'd I do?"
Chuckling softly, he shakes his head. "Nothing," he says quietly. "It's just.. nobody's called me Pawn for seven years, Knight. I ditched that name."
I blink, and realize then that nobody'd called me Knight in just as long, aside from King. I'd been using my real name, too. "Well, what's your name?" I ask.
He looks up and smiles a little. "Naru," he says. "Uhyou Naru."
Well, that's fitting. A beautiful name for a beautiful person. I'd better not say that out loud. "Nice," I remark. "I'm Honjou Yuushi."
"Nice," he mimics. He shakes his head and laughs. "Amazing. We knew eachother for two years, and yet we never knew eachother's real names."
I grin. "King's orders," I say. "Since you technically aren't part of Crashers anymore, I figure I can tell you who I really am."
"Come to think of it, that name is familiar," he muses. "You're a singer, too. Huh. Must be the same person."
I blink at him. "What?" I ask.
He looks at me and grins. "Oh, nothing," he says in a singsong. "I just saw an interview on TV. I could have sworn it was you, but obviously I didn't know your name. I'm glad it was!"
I grin. "Yeah," I say sheepishly, blushing. "Well, when you release a CD and it immediately goes to the top of the charts, you tend to get a lot of attention."
"I guess so," he replies, standing up. He stretches and looks around. "Nice place," he says. I note tension and uneasiness in his stance, and his hand hovers near his waistband. He must have a knife hidden under his shirt. Great. I better not piss him off, then. I gaze at him thoughtfully, wondering what happened to the old Pawn.
"Hey," I say. "What happened? Out there, I mean. You've changed so much." I get up and walk to him. He looks at me out of the corner of his eyes, those beautiful brown eyes that are now dark and haunted with secrets. Eyes that are much too old for the delicate face they're set in.
"Let's go watch the sunset," he says, walking to the balcony. "We'll talk."
/Nothing's what it seems to be,
I'm a replica, I'm a replica,
Empty shell inside of me, I'm not myself,
I'm a replica of me.../
He leans against the railing of the balcony, gazing at the sky. The sun is setting over Tokyo Bay. I walk to him and stand next to him, enjoying the warm breeze. I am -such- a sucker for summertime.
"You know," he remarks, "before I left, I never really appreciated the sunset. You can earn a lot of respect for nature if you think you'll never see it again."
I look down at the street, then focus my gaze on the water again. I'd hoped he wouldn't have to see any fighting. So much for that idea. "What happened?" I ask quietly.
"Bishop was in my unit," he says, gazing over the water. "He and I went out on a scouting mission, since we were the best ones for the job. Because of Crashers, of course. Anyway. We didn't realize that the enemy was also scouting. He was shot before I could do anything."
My eyes widen. "He's dead?" I ask, my voice a bit unsteady.
Naru grips the rail tightly and nods, keeping his eyes on the sunset. "Yeah. He's dead." He looks at me, and the sorrow in his eyes is so vast it makes me wonder if he'll ever be the same again. Probably not. "I am, too."
I blink at him. "Excuse me?" I ask flatly.
He laughs bitterly and looks at the lake again. "If you ever go to war, you'll understand," he says. "Your body lives, if you're lucky. However, your spirit is crushed with despair that you may never get out. Your heart breaks because you see your friends dying around you."
/The light is green, my slate is clean
New life to fill the hole in me.
I had no name last December,
Christmas Eve, I can't remember.
I was in constant pain,
I saw your shadow in the rain.
I painted all your pictures red,
I wish I had stayed home instead!/
"But if you want to live, you gotta put it behind you," he continues. "Try to forget the nightmares. Try to forget the screams of the dying. Try to forget your own pain from injuries."
I feel sick. The sun is sinking lower, and it's taking my heart with it. "You.. were wounded?"
"You bet," he says. "I'm lucky I'm not dead. A bomb exploded in our barricks. It was a stupid accident. Some jackoff left it out in the sunlight, and when it got hot enough.." His voice trails off. "I didn't die because I was the farthest away. Someone else shielded me, took the brunt of it for me. I don't know if she's alive or not. Someone else dragged me and the rest of the survivors away.
"I'm not sure what happened after that. I think I had trauma-induced amnesia. At least, that's what the doctor said. Couldn't remember my name, couldn't remember anything. All I knew was that I came from Tokyo, Japan, and I wanted to go back -so- badly." His voice had remained steady through the whole monologue until the end, when it broke. "I wish I had stayed home, Yuushi."
Well, there's really not a whole lot I can say to that, I suppose. Nothing would sound right. I have no idea what he's talking about, I can't imagine that kind of horror. "I'm sorry," I finally say, the words sounding hollow and lame.
He shakes his head. "Don't be," he mutters. "I'm sorry enough for both of us."
I look at him. His eyes are dry, but very sad. I put my hand on his shoulder, hoping to comfort him. "Anything I can do?" I ask softly.
He closes his eyes, then opens them and turns his head to look at me. "Will you let me stay here?" he asks. "I don't want to be alone. I don't trust myself alone."
I blink, uncomprehending, until he holds out his arm and turns it over. A thin white scar runs from his wrist to his elbow. My eyes widen and I look deep into his pain-ravaged gaze. "Why?" I manage.
"Because I wanted out," he says softly. "Because I didn't think I could take anymore. Unfortunately, some guys from my platoon got me to the doc before I bled to death. I was nineteen then."
"Naru, you.." I can't say anymore. What else can I say to him?! The last time I saw him, he was bright and cheerful, eager to blow things up, to fight and win. The light in his eyes is totally extinguished.
"Don't," he says softly. "I made it. I won. I'm back here now, and I'm sticking around. If.. you want me."
/Nothing's what it seems to be,
I'm a replica, I'm a replica
Empty shell inside of me,
I'm not myself, I'm a replica of me.
Are you gonna leave me now, when it is all over?
Are you gonna leave me, is my world now over?/
"Yes! I mean, um, no. I mean.. dammit!" I turn back to the bay, wishing for once I had some semblence of eloquence. "Yes, Naru, I want you to stay. I don't want you to die. If staying here keeps you alive, then by all means, please. Even if you weren't suicidal, I'd want you here."
He looks at me, surprised. "You.. do?"
"Of course!" I say, looking at him. "You're my friend, Naru. We went through quite a bit together, back in Crashers. Good times. I don't want to forget that. In fact, I'd like it to happen all over again."
The look of sorrow in his eyes slowly melts into one of wonder. "Really?" he asks hesitantly. "You'll let me stay?"
I smile a little and nod. "Yeah," I say. "I'll let you stay."
I'm totally unprepared for him to fling his arms around me and bury his face in my neck. "Arigatou!" he cries. "Yuushi.. arigatou!"
Slowly, my arms encircle him and hold him close. "You're welcome," I murmur. "I'll protect you, Naru."
/Rising from the place I've been,
and trying to keep my home base clean.
Now I'm here and won't go back, -believe-./
Two weeks later, things are going quite smoothly, if I do say so myself. Naru's back in Crashers, and we've done a bit of sleuthing. Nothing major, but enough to keep his mind occupied. He took over his old job - computers - and suddenly seems to have attached himself to it. I grin a little as I pass the office and see him hard at work. I don't care what he's doing, as long as it's keeping his mind off of suicide.
For awhile, he really had me scared. He has nightmares, you see, the kind that you wake up screaming and crying from, and you can't go back to sleep for the life of you. I try to comfort him as best I can, but I know it's not much. There isn't a lot I can do for him, not having experienced the whole thing. He's worlds older than I am, even though in reality, I'm two years older than him. I glance at the clock.. it's almost ten.
He shuffles out of the office and yawns. "I'm going to bed," he says with a smile. "Oyasumi."
I smile back. "Oyasumi, Naru."
/I fall asleep and dream a dream,
I'm floating in a silent stream.
No-one placing blame on me,
but nothing's what it seems to be.../
He's having another nightmare. I race to his room and open the door, nearly tripping over various things on the floor trying to get to him. One thing hasn't changed a bit, and that's the state of his room. I don't care, though, because I'm the same way.
I sit on the bed and shake him. "Naru! Wake up!"
He sits bolt upright and grabs me, throwing me down on the bed and straddling me. My eyes widen and I stare up at him. He gazes down at me, his brown eyes seeming to glow in the moonlight, his chest heaving. "Yuushi?" he asks. He reaches up and brushes his hair from his eyes. "Nightmare.." He drops limply on top of me and I blink at the ceiling again. Hoooo boy. I put my arms around him and he relaxes, trying to calm himself. He's shaking like a leaf. "Sorry I woke you," he murmurs.
"It's nothing," I say, tightening my grip a bit. "Don't worry about it. I've got nothing to do tomorrow, so I can stay up the rest of the night if you want me to."
He chuckles a little, closing his eyes. "Mm," he says. "Could you.. um.. stay like this for awhile?"
My eyes widen again, and I feel my face heating in a blush. "Sure," I manage to say calmly. "No problem."
He laughs a little and raises himself up, propping his chin on one hand. "Your heart's racing," he informs me. "Nervous?"
"No!" I cry, blushing. "You scared the shit out of me, man."
Still laughing, he scoots up and lays back down, resting his face against my neck. "Sorry," he says sheepishly. "Old habits die really, really hard. Especially if those habits could keep you alive."
"I'll bet," I say dryly, putting my arms around him again. "Going to lie still now?"
"Yeah," he says, his eyes closing. "I'm comfortable. Thanks."
I shake my head slightly and gently touch his hair. I meant for it to be comforting, just a brief stroke, but my hand has its own ideas. My fingers twine through the brown silk and hold fast, but nowhere near enough to hurt or trap him. "You're welcome," I reply.
My world suddenly seems to be focused around him. I don't really understand it, but I figure, hey, why question a good thing?
"You've done a lot for me," he murmurs. "I don't know how I can ever repay you."
I raise an eyebrow. "You being here is enough payment," I say honestly. "I enjoy your company." A lot, I add silently. More than I should, probably.
"Good," he says, his breath warm against my neck. "I enjoy being here. More than I should, probably."
I roll my eyes. He's got this uncanny ability to read my mind. "Oh?" I ask.
"Nothing," he mutters, rolling off of me.
I roll onto my side and catch him, pulling him into my arms. "Oh no you don't," I say, feeling him tense. "Relax, Naru, I'd never hurt you."
He slowly relaxes and rolls over to face me, looking into my eyes. "I always had a crush on you, you know that?" he asks.
Well, no, I -hadn't- known that. I know now, though. "I'm flattered," I reply honestly. "I.. well, no offense, Naru, but you were sixteen and I was eighteen."
"I know," he says, amused. "You were sleeping with Ran."
I cough and turn bright red. "That's BESIDE the point," I sputter.
"Sure," he says, laughing lightly. "And now?"
"Now.." I murmur, my eyes locking with his. "I like you a lot."
His smile lights the room, making the moonlight seem envious. "I'm glad," he says. "I like you a lot, too."
Smiling, I pull him even closer. Our lips touch lightly, and he sighs softly, burying his face in my neck. "I've wanted to do that for years," he muttered.
I laugh and give him a tight hug. "Well, you just did," I say. "And you'll have many years to do more."
His arms tighten around me, and we fall asleep, tangled comfortably in the blankets and a warm embrace.
/I'm home again, I won the war,
and now I am behind your door.
Remember me? Before the war.
I'm the man who lived.../
******
The End
******
-- Cheyne
cheyne@musician.org
http://gluhen.tripod.com
5:35 PM 12/30/00