Musings Of Life, The Universe, And Everything In Between
By: Neko-chan
A/N: Just... Yami Bakura rambling, talking about a variety of different subjects. Sometimes cynical, sometimes angry, frustrated, mischievous---this boy can feel them all! ^_~ Sooo... Um, yeah. Anyway, enjoy!
WARNING: May or may not contain hints of shounen-ai. It all depends on whether or not I want to do it and if people WANT me to hint at it. So, folks, your votes DO count in this election! *acts like a politician* ^_____________^
DISCLAIMER: *pokes* Blackie-chan!! ^_^
BM: Neko-chan does not own Yu-Gi-Oh!. Extremely rich people in Japan do. Fortunately, Neko-chan will never BE rich and famous, so all anime characters can breathe easy. And, as much as she wishes she owned ANY anime...she doesn't. Too bad for her. D
..._
Claustrophobia.
No one ever really thinks about it, right? Well, it's real. Really, really real. You feel like you're suffocating, the walls around you coming ever closer, falling down on you, burying you forever and ever. And no one will ever know where you are because no one can find your body. You're just...gone. Enclosed in a small space. And no one ever really cares. It doesn't matter if you were buried underneath thousands and thousands of tons of rock and earth because--NO ONE is going to go out and look for you.
It's an empty feeling, don't you think?
Aaah... Now you know what it was like living in that damn Sennen Ring for so many years. True, I want to collect the Sennen Items--I WILL rule the world, after all--but part of the reason why I'm so adamant about collecting the Items is so that feeling will never come to me again. I hated it. Year after year, feeling the same thing. Like I said: I hated it. And I refuse to feel that ever again. Nothing will ever change my mind. I refuse. Iie.
I know that the Pharaoh no Baka probably felt the same things...but he doesn't matter, so how cares? I certainly don't. All I want from him is his Puzzle. He and his hikari-twerp can die tomorrow and I won't bat an eyelash...just as long as I get my Sennen Puzzle. It's mine and I refuse to be told otherwise. There's another thing about Pharaoh no Baka that I despise (among a long list of things, that is): His determination to find his 'lost' memories.
They aren't lost, the fool. They're buried within all Sennen Items. Only by collecting them all will he get his memory back. But what do I care? I certainly _don't_ care. His memories happened in the past, and the past is gone. Who cares what happened in the past? The present is now and if you don't pay attention to it...you'll die. Life is as simple as that and he's just too stupid to understand that particular aspect of it. Oh, well. That just means that he'll die. Once again, I don't care.
All I want is that Puzzle.
I know that Yuugi-tachi wonder why I spend so much time out of the Sennen Ring and am in control of Ryou's body. Especially considering the fact that Pharaoh no Baka spends most of his time in his own Sennen Item or talking with Yuugi in spirit-form. I _hate_ being in my Soul Room, stuck in the Sennen Ring. Everything seems muted and not real. As if there's a muffler between me and the real world. I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! ...and then the feeling of the walls closing in on me. I hate it all. I would much rather be in control of my hikari's body, feeling things as they were meant to be felt, experiencing things as they were meant to be. My Soul Room is my cage and I refuse to be caged up. No one can stop me. I want to live.
...and, as much as I despise him, sometimes I wish I had Pharaoh no Baka's ability.
Not his Shadow Game powers, I have my own. Probably not as powerful as his, but I'm sneaky enough and smart enough to cheat, outsmart, and beat him. I don't care about honor--all it does is just get you killed. So...what? The one ability of Pharaoh no Baka that I envy the most is his ability to just simply...forget...things. I envy him his memory loss.
I know that he's on a quest to find his lost memories, but I think that it's not such a smart thing to do. I wish that _I_ had the ability to just simply forget. A lot of the pain and bitterness that I carry would finally be washed away. In a very real way, I would be free. Free of past obligations, free of death, and pain, and anguish... I would give anything to have this happen to me. After all--all of my memories ARE filled with death, pain, and anguish. Sometimes, I wonder just what would I be willing to give up to be finally rid of these memories.
Memories of being a Tomb Robber, the nightmares of opening sarcophagi, only to be presented with freshly-wrapped bodies. The stench of the embalming chemicals floating up to make me gag. I hated it all. All of my childhood dreams and hopes--all gone. Like a cloud; no more. In the beginning, I had thought that I would finally become rich. I was wrong. If anything, I became poorer--in materials and in spiritualistic stuff.
I regret it all.
But there's nothing that I can do now, is there? Nothing. All of that regret, the ashes of dead dreams and hopes, the pain of knowing that I was desecrating my ancestors' graves... Ra, how I hated it all. Ra... How I hated _myself_. Full of self-loathing. Full of self-hatred. I still am, even today--here, over three thousand years later. Why can't I stop hating myself?
And this 'modern day world'... What am I to think of all of THIS?
*~To Be Continued...~*