Coffee

A/N: This is the final part of the little trilogy that began with 'Saying Goodbye' and continued with 'Tomorrow'. When I originally posted this in 2014, it was M-rated. But although people liked it, I was never comfortable with it, so I have re-written. I'm much happier with it now: I hope some readers will like it, too.

Kathryn walked into Mark's apartment and kicked off her shoes, nerve endings jangling. Part of her desperately wanted Chakotay to throw caution to the wind and follow her inside. The other part of her – the rational, sensible part – hoped he wouldn't. It was too fast, surely, too much of a sea change from where they had been this time yesterday morning.

Yet everything about the evening had felt so right, from that first searing kiss to their talk about anything and everything that had honestly felt as if it could go on forever. Kathryn touched her lips, remembering the weight of his against hers, the powerful rush of excitement that had flooded every inch of her at the touch.

Ridiculous, she told herself. Anyone would think you were a love-struck teenager.

Being stern with herself was no help at all. He was in her head, as simple as that, and although there was a certain argument to say that that was how things had been between them for the past seven years, this was different. She knew, now. She knew how he felt, she knew how she felt, and also how extraordinary it felt to let them both express it.

She heard the main door to the block swing shut and stilled, holding her breath. It only took a split second of doubt for her realise that her desire for him to stay overrode everything else. Hopelessly, fiercely, desperately, she wanted him to stay. For a moment, she thought he'd gone. But then came the echo of footsteps in the hallway. Kathryn's heart hitched into overdrive as Chakotay appeared in the open doorway.

They looked at each other for a moment. Then Chakotay stepped over the threshold and looked around.

"Nice place," he said.

His words didn't break the tension, but did help make a dent in it. "Yes," Kathryn said, briskly, turning away and heading for the open-plan kitchen area. "Mark said he bought it so he'd have somewhere to stay when he had to be in town for work."

She heard Chakotay push the door shut and wander across the room towards her. She kept her back to him for a moment, trying to catch a breath that suddenly somehow seemed elusive. Then she turned with a smile. He smiled back, a hint of amusement in his eyes.

"What?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Nothing."

She raised her eyebrows. "Something."

Chakotay shrugged. "This is just… very new."

Kathryn frowned, a whisper of doubt brushing her mind. "You didn't have to come in," she said.

"Oh, but I wanted to," he told her, softly.

She swallowed. Her heart was dancing a strange jig in her chest.

"Coffee?" she asked, to centre herself. Chakotay had moved to the other side of the small room, putting some distance between them. It might even have been unconscious on his part. She'd seen him do it many times before, although on those occasions there had usually been the regulation desk in her ready room to add weight to the gesture. Now there was only Mark's small kitchen table, the low chandelier light that hung above it casting a soft yellow glow into the space between them.

He leaned one shoulder against the cabinet behind him. "Please."

Kathryn turned away to set the filter – Mark had always been one for real coffee instead of replicated muck – and felt Chakotay's gaze watching her every move. Her hands shook slightly as she started to pour cold water into the machine. A moment ago, as they had stood saying good night, she'd thought she had it all under control. But now here they were, just the two of them behind closed doors, and every nerve in her body seemed to be suddenly and truly aware that the only barriers left between them were the steps it would take either of them to cross the room.

She felt as if there was an actual electrical current sparking through her veins, the incoherent fizz of need drowning out everything else. She thought again about their first kiss of a few hours earlier and had to grip the edge of the counter as her legs threatened to turn to jelly. Still she felt his eyes on her, and tried to take a breath. What were they doing? This time a month ago they'd barely been speaking, and now…

She was so wrapped up in trying to regain control that she didn't hear him move. Kathryn suddenly felt him behind her, so close that the heat from his body brushed against her back. A second later she felt his fingers against her cheeks, sweeping back her hair from her face and neck. Her breath caught and she shut her eyes. Chakotay took the glass jug from her shaking fingers and set it down.

"Actually," he whispered, his lips caressing her earlobe as he spoke, "I don't think it's coffee I want after all."

He moved his lips to her neck, kissing her skin with such light tenderness it almost drove her mad. Kathryn leaned back against his chest and turned her head as Chakotay lifted his to kiss her properly, mouth to mouth, their bodies flush against each other. He turned her around and pushed her gently backwards, taking one of her hands in each of his and pinning them against the worktop as he looked down at her.

He is so tall, Kathryn thought, and not for the first time that evening. Of course he had always been so, but still it seemed to her as if somehow Chakotay's stature had increased since he'd stepped off Voyager for the final time. As if he'd been bowing his shoulders for years but now had no reason not to stand as straight as he wanted and as tall as he could. The power and strength she saw in his body now sent a thrill through her core that didn't help make her legs any more steady. Seeing those broad shoulders and strong arms, feeling every ounce of his attention focused solely on her, she finally had an inkling of just how much he'd been holding back, and for how long.

This was Chakotay out from under her command. He'd barely even touched her, yet she could feel herself willingly spinning apart under his careful scrutiny. He was tracing his gaze over her face and his dark eyes might as well have been his fingers brushing over her naked back because it seemed to Kathryn that the sensation was the same. She waited to see what he would do, wanting more of him, wanting him to drag her over the edge of the precipice on which she was poised, quaking with the kind of anticipation she hadn't experienced since her 20s.

Chakotay leaned into her with his hips as he brushed his lips against hers, but the touch was too light and teasing to be the deep kiss she craved. He kept her hands captive as he kissed her again and again with the same infuriating restraint, until she was desperate to claw her hands free just so she could wind her arms around his neck.

"You're sure this is what you want?" he whispered. "You said you thought we should move slowly. We could wait. I can go…"

She shook her head, a single movement that was as coherent as her erratic breathing would allow. "I'm through waiting," she managed. "Don't go. Stay. Please. Stay with me."

He smiled, his eyes growing even darker. Chakotay leaned forward, pressing his lips to the pounding pulse in her neck before speaking in her ear again.

"Kathryn," he whispered. "There are things I have dreamed about doing to you for years."

After that she gave up trying to stand. Her legs gave way entirely, but it didn't matter. He'd already lifted her off the floor. Later, she would try to remember the precise moments that made up the next hour, but always found herself drowning in a tidal wave of sensation signalling a release so great that in its wake she almost felt reborn.

The second time they actually managed to get properly undressed. The third time they made it to the bedroom. The fourth was early the next morning in the shower, as they reassured each other that the previous evening had most definitely not been a mistake.

"Coffee?" she asked a little later, back in the kitchen – this time dressed in her Admiral's uniform.

Chakotay regarded her with amused affection. "If you had to choose between me and coffee once and for all, which would win?"

"Coffee, obviously," she said without missing a beat, pouring two mugs and handing one to Chakotay. Then she added, "but I have no intention of ever having to choose. I shall be very happy to have both of you, side by side, for the rest of my life."

Chakotay blinked, and then raised an eyebrow. "Is that your way of telling me you love me?"

She lifted her mug to her lips to hide her smile. "If you're still in any doubt of that, Commander, you're more high-maintenance than I imagined."

[END]