Response to Tricia's green challenge on perfectlyplum, both prompts. 1. "I'm not eating (or drinking) THAT— it's green." -OR- 2. "You want to turn WHAT green?"
Disclaimer: Not mine, not making any money. Characters belong to Janet Evanovich.
Could be from the TC universe.
Green Day, a St. Patty's Day Story
By Dee
"I'm not drinking THAT – it's green," Lula exclaimed, taking the top off her cup and peering inside.
I set the cardboard holder from McDonald's on Connie's desk. "Lula, it's a shamrock shake. They only come once a year, and it's important to drink your fill before they're gone."
"Yeah," Connie put in, grabbing a cup. "They're the best milkshake ever. They're the best thing about St. Patty's Day, well besides the green beer. We'll have to go out after work for that."
"I've never had green beer," I told the girls.
"WHAT?!" Lula shrieked. "Are you kiddin' me?! You went to college! Everyone knows that's what college kids do on St. Patty's Day. Drink lots of green beer."
"Well, I could never drink it. The color of it was just too… green."
"See," Lula said. "That's why I'm not drinking this here shamrock shake."
"Just try it, Lula," I said. "It's really yummy, a delicious milkshake with just a hint of mint. I guarantee you'll love it."
Lula watched me as I sucked on my straw, making little nummy sounds as I tasted the shake.
"Tell ya what, white girl. I'll try a shamrock shake if you promise to come out with us after work and try some green beer."
"Okay, deal."
Lula sucked on the straw, and I could see the light enter her eyes as the delicious concoction hit her mouth.
"Oh, holy Jesus, I think I done died and went to heaven!" she exclaimed. "That is GOOD!"
"See, what'd I tell you."
We all drank, and a few moments later I heard Lula's straw suck air. She'd finished the whole thing in record time. She must have the suction of a Hoover, I thought, sucking hard at my straw trying to get more of the thick shake.
"So," Lula said, wiping off her mouth with the back of her hand. "Meet us back here at five o'clock and we'll go on over to Shorty's for your introduction to the pleasures of green beer."
oOo
Later
"You were so right, Lula," I said, waving my arms for emphasis. We were sitting at the bar at Shorty's and I was on my third green beer, feeling just fine. "This green beer is great stuff. But I think it's time to hit the head. I'm kinda sloshing here."
"Oh, Steph, there's one thing we didn't mention," Connie said. "You probably don't wanna look when you're finished."
"What? Whadda ya mean?"
"Take my word for it. Just reach behind you and flush. Don't look."
Of course I had to look. Omigod! Green pee!
I couldn't stop giggling as I walked back out to rejoin the girls. Jeez, maybe I oughta stop drinking if a little green pee was making me laugh uncontrollably.
"You looked, didn't you," Connie stated as I fell laughing onto my bar stool.
I was laughing so hard that Connie and Lula began laughing too. Our giggling fits were finally beginning to subside when they both stilled. I felt a hot body skimming my back and a warm arm snaked around my waist.
Steamy breath caressed my ear. "What's so funny, Babe?"
"Oh, hey Ranger." I turned to look at him, leaning my head away a little to focus. "It's a green day today. Ha, Green Day, get it? Don't wanna be an American idiot," I sang tunelessly.
"Babe," he said.
I babbled on. "We had green shakes and green beer, and I just…" I stopped. I might be a little tipsy, but I wasn't so drunk I'd discuss bodily functions with the hottest man in New Jersey.
"Babe, I think it's closing time for you. Need a ride home?"
"Closing time," I sang, "you don't have to go home but you can't… stay… here…"
Ranger's arm was still around me and he drew me off the bar stool, supporting me as I swayed. Wow, I guess that third beer was the killer.
"Ladies," he said to Connie and Lula, and ushered me out the door and toward his Turbo, parked in a primo spot right by the door. Of course.
I snuggled into the leather seat of the Porsche, still singing softly under my breath. "I know who I want to take me home. I know who I want to take me home. I know who I want to take me home, take me ho—oh—ome."
Ranger pulled into his parking spot and as we exited the car he grabbed a bag from the backseat.
"Wuz that?" I asked him. "Did you bring me something to eat? Cuz all that green beer made me hungry."
"Green food, Babe. Salad."
"Well, I'm starved." My stomach growled to confirm my statement. "I could eat some green food. To tide me over while I'm waiting for a pizza to be delivered."
"Babe."
He half carried me to the elevator, and kept his arm around me as I wobbled woozily. When we reached the apartment he began dividing the salad into two bowls as I called Pino's and ordered a large pesto pizza in deference to the green theme of the day. Plus I knew Ranger would like it, as opposed to my usual greasy pepperoni, which he refused to touch.
By the time we polished off the salad the pizza was there and I grabbed a slice.
"Mmmm," I moaned as the first delicious bite hit my palate. "Pino's makes the best pizza, even when it's green."
Ranger's eyes were very dark as he watched me chew and swallow. As I brought the slice to my lips for another bite a glop of pesto sauce slid off and landed on my chest, sliding down toward my cleavage.
"Oops," I giggled, reaching for a napkin, but Ranger was too quick for me. Before I knew what was happening I was reclined across his lap, his arm supporting my shoulders and his tongue between my breasts licking up the pesto.
Omigod! Tingles ran up and down my whole body, and my panties were instantly soaked.
"Babe," Ranger said, unbuttoning my blouse. "You'd better stop eating. I think I'm going to need the rest of that pesto sauce."
"For what?"
"Edible St. Patrick's Day decorations. I'm going to paint you green. All over."
"You want to turn WHAT green?"
"You, Babe. Do you think you can take it?"
"I can take anything you can dish out, Soldier."
His eyes dark, he swept me up into his arms, grabbed the pizza box, and headed for the bedroom.
Holy shamrocks!
The end.