This is my first xxxHolic fic, so please be gentle :) Anyway, thanks for reading, love you!

Disclaimer: I do not own xxHolic or any other anime/manga by CLAMP, unfortunately :(

"But, God dammit, I can't do it alone."

- 3oh!3 (I can't do it alone)

Prologue

He woke slowly, a haunting feeling of drowsiness trailing through his mind. The image of Yuuko lounging on the infamous couch blinded him momentarily, from his bed on the floor.

He still wore his kimono, and although he presumed his appearance to be haggard, he still noticed – with extreme, but private pride – that Yuuko's composure seemed to wilt for a moment, before drawing up, as heavy as ever.

Confusion filtered through his mind. His last thoughts being of himself, inside his own home … and now he was in Yuuko's?

Her laugh tinkled through his thoughts. He blinked once, glancing up at Yuuko carelessly.

"It is inevitable," she drawled, "that you would come here,"

Inhaling on her pipe, she bared her teeth to him with a devilish grin. "Clow,"

Clow's gentle face broke into a smile, his eyes softening at Yuuko as she blew out the smoke.

"I always hated you smoking," he commented, standing up and deciding that his questions could wait for a small moment.

Yuuko watched as he dusted himself down and noticed that even when he did that, he was still as poised as ever.

"And didn't I always tell you that I hated it when you ignore me?" he pointed out quietly, his smile fading into a sigh

Yuuko's smile broadened. "Well, I can't please everyone now, can I?"

Clow frowned. "You seem to always try your best to ruin me,"

"Why on Earth would you think that, Mr Reed?" she asked in her utterly unbelieving voice.

Yuuko's question was momentarily ignored.

"Why am I here?" Clow asked, looking straight at Yuuko. "You know perfectly well, that – if requested – I would have come as fast as I could, but instead you kidnap me?"

Yuuko suddenly became very tense.

She slid her feet from under her silk kimono, and placed them on the floor. Her nails were expertly coated with black nail polish; Clow had always admired her perfectionist approach to the most simplest of things.

Clow grew worried at her sudden change. "What's happened Yuuko?"

She couldn't even look at him as she rose to her feet.

It was then that Clow realised that whatever had happened, had terrified Yuuko.

Her head was owed, hair drifting to the floor where it pooled around her ankles. Her ivory skin suddenly seemed pasty, eyes blank, even the red silk of her kimono seemed to hang limply on her body.

Stepping forwards, Clow tried to get her to look at him.

"Yuuko, what happened to make you afraid?" he asked, sensitively.

Suddenly, Yuuko looked at him. She opened her mouth, but found herself swallowing her words.

Clow stepped towards her again, only able to feel worry course through his body. "Yuuko-"

He was cut off by Yuuko, who held up a finger to silence him.

"It's him," she said quietly. "Watanuki, he came here today."

Clow gulped, and looked nervously around, fidgeting uncharacteristically. "H-how is he?"

Yuuko smiled softly. "He's noisy, stubborn but friendly,"

"That does sound like someone we'd know," Clow mused.

"He's a good child," Yuuko admitted, eyes trailing down Clow awkwardly. "He's coming tomorrow too,"

"Of course he would," Clow said quietly. "It's inevitable, remember?"

Yuuko laughed softly, feeling slightly less tense. "Drink?" she asked, walking over to her drinks cabinet.

When she didn't get a response, but rather eerie silence, she turned back to Clow, only to find that he was right in front of her.

Clow smiled wryly at her. "Do you remember the night he was born?"

Yuuko's eyes widened, but she still nodded. "The first of April, you stayed with us all night."

Clow nodded, resting his hand on the drinks cabinet behind her. "We were still so immature,"

Yuuko just looked at him. "We could have taken care of him," she tried to convince herself.

"We did the right thing," Clow answered.

After a moment, Yuuko looked back up at Clow, slight anger scarring her features. "Clow, we can not lie to ourselves. You know that we weren't immature back then. Even if we were, we haven't changed in the slightest, so why did we give him to that couple if we knew they were to pass on when he was young?"

"We both knew he would model into a good person," Clow said calmly, watching Yuuko carefully.

"If we had raised him, he would have been a good person too," Yuuko stated.

"With the blood of a witch and wizard," Clow mused softly, "he would never have been normal."

"He can see spirits," Yuuko mentioned. "He'll never be what you say is normal, Clow, as long as we're still here on Earth."

Clow nodded.

"And I don't think it would be wise for you to see him either," Yuuko went on. "We can't tell him the whole truth … yet, anyway,"

Clow grit his teeth, in a total change of attitude. "I can't see my own son?"

"It's not as if you'll never see him," Yuuko answered sharply. "You just have to wait. When he finds out, he'll be devastated. I don't want to e the one telling him that his dead parents aren't really his biological parents,"

"He needs to know, Yuuko," Clow said sternly, leaning closer to her.

Yuuko stared blankly at Clow. "I would ask why you are so close to me, but I'm not sure if I want to know the answer,"

Clow smirked. "You always manage to change the subject, my love."

"Am I?"

The question was asked so bluntly, that Clow almost dropped his composure for a small moment. Yuuko was looking at him with her dull eyes, her face was almost set in stone.

Clow froze momentarily, before leaning closer to her, watching as her eyelids dropped, and her breathing shallowed. It was one of the few times that he felt in control of her.

His lips caught hers, barely thought; and sparks flew magnificently. He moved a millimetre away, watching Yuuko's head tilt towards his.

"No one else could be," he murmured. "I'll see you soon."

Yuuko's eyes flew open and she was instantly cursing herself mentally.

The room was empty.

And Yuuko, for one of the few times in her life, was confused.

AN: Did you like it? Please let me know what you think! I'm a bit worried I went OOC at parts. Let me know :)

Niamh xx