My first attempt at a One Shot of Stelena, because they are my favourite ;) set after 3x15 :) Enjoy!
He lingered in the doorway, unsure whether or not he should enter. He knew that doing so was going to change things, for him at least, he wasn't entirely sure if it was going to change anything for her.
Tonight had been a night of revelations for him – which was precisely why he had ended up standing in her bedroom doorway. He felt like he finally had some breathing room again. Klaus was finally being forced to face the consequences of staking his entire family, and Stefan felt like he could breathe again - finally. But a small part of him felt that he should still be plotting his vengeance against Klaus. Maybe that part of him would always exist, the burning need for revenge against the man who took everything from him. Stefan felt that nothing could ever ease that ache.
Klaus had said a lot of things at dinner, things that had made Stefan angry but also things that had made him think. Maybe that was why he wasn't so quick to act on his angry impulses, preferring to take a step back and think, as well as look at the bigger picture. When Klaus had said that the worst thing for Elena, was he or Damon the words had cut deep. Deeper than he had expected them to, and bringing up Matt Donovan only added insult to injury. But as Stefan had passed a sleeping Matt on his way up to Elena's bedroom, innocently curled up on the couch in the Gilbert living room he knew that he had nothing to be worried about. That chapter of her life was well and truly closed; he just had to hope that she hadn't completely closed his chapter.
It felt like hours had gone by before he moved away from the doorframe and went to kneel by the side of Elena's bed. She slept peacefully, her breathing strong and consistent but her mouth was pressed into a harsh, frowning line. He could still remember her face when he used to sleep beside her, when they were happy, sometimes he'd stay awake just to watch her sleep. No matter how bad things got, she always seemed to smile subconsciously in her sleep. Those smiles were always more real and genuine than any he had seen her give anyone lately, and he knew that he was mostly to blame for that.
As he knelt down beside her, he swore that he could smell the sunlight that still lingered on her skin. Her scent was simple, perfect, and quintessentially Elena. He brushed a stray hair away from her face but she didn't move in the slightest. He smiled at her sleeping face, thinking that he had never seen anyone more beautiful than her - with her hair fanned out around her head like a halo; he thought that she looked like an angel – like she was too perfect for this world.
As he glanced over at the clock on her bedside table, he realised that he was quickly running out of time. He ran his fingers through his hair, wondering fleetingly if he should really be doing this. This seemed like a desperate way to speak to Elena, but there was no time for a lengthy discussion like this in person and there were too many other interruptions. Living their lives had become an interruption. And there was the small little problem of her hating him. Hate that he had initially wanted her to feel for him, but now he felt guilt for planting that seed of doubt in her. She didn't need one more thing to worry about, especially when it involved him.
Without another thought, he pressed himself into her dreaming state. Elena was dreaming about Jeremy, just like she had done most nights since he had left town. As they sat in the Grill and shared a bowl of fries, she asked him all the usual questions, are you okay? Are you safe? Are you happy?...
Stefan hung back until Elena seemed content with Jeremy's answers, even if they were all formed by her own subconscious, before he started to manipulate her dreaming state. A year ago, he would have never have been able to influence somebody's dreams this way, like the way Katherine had when they had been trapped in the tomb together, quite simply he had never been strong enough. But after drinking human blood for months at a time, a lot of the time it felt like he could do anything.
He stared at Elena's back as she looked out into the sunset. She was dressed in her usual clothes, a simple tank and jeans with her black leather jacket over the top and knee high brown boots.
He cleared his throat and waited for her to turn around.
"Stefan," She said as she turned around to face him. Her voice was filled with equal parts of wary and surprise. "What are we doing up here?"
Stefan had hardly heard a word that she said. He was completely absorbed in her, in the way the light was radiating off of her dark hair and eyes. Her beauty was going to be the death of him.
"Stefan?" She repeated.
"There are some things we need to talk about,"
"So let's talk about them," She nods as she moves away from the cliff face and takes a few tentative steps towards Stefan.
He opens his mouth to say something, but no words come out, and it's in that moment that Stefan really hates himself. Here it is, the perfect opportunity. No distractions, just the two of them and he can't say a thing, not a damn thing – he's too ashamed of the things that he's done. Too afraid of what Elena would think of him if she really knew the truth, the whole truth. He knew the truth was so much worse than anything that she must have imagined in her head.
"Elena I can't."
She stares at him, her mouth slightly agape and her eyes flashing angrily. She knows that she should try to be more understanding, but maybe that would be easier if he hadn't been acting like such an ass for all these months.
"You can Stefan, you're just choosing not to. If you really didn't want to speak to me, then why drag me up here? This place holds so many powerful memories for us Stefan, are you trying to ruin every last good memory I have of you?"
That does it. He drops to his knees and buries his face in his hands, because after everything they've been through, love and loss and heartache - he's finally too afraid to face her. To let her see the real him; not the Stefan she fell in love with, but this new person. This person who did bad things, terrible things, unforgivable things. Things that he'd been trying to convince himself that he'd done for Damon or for Elena, but he always had a the nagging thought that he had done it all for himself, all for the blood.
Elena can't even look at him; she turns away and stares out into the valleys in front of her. The light is fading fast and the pinks and purples of the beautiful sunset are disappearing before her very eyes. Not that long ago she had held Stefan here, revealing to him that she never wanted to be a vampire. She wished that she had known that was going to be one of their last moments together because she would have held onto him for that much longer.
"Explain to me how this works…" Stefan said at last and dutifully Elena turned around to face him. When she looked at him, he still looked like her Stefan, but there was something missing – something in the eyes maybe. They were usually so sparkling green, but now they were empty…like there was nothing behind them but darkness and sadness.
"How what works?"
"You falling out of love with me," He replied blankly.
Elena tilted her head to the side and tried to read his face, to see if he was joking around or playing her. But there was none of that, he truly believed his words and that was almost too sad for her to accept.
"You fell out of love with me because I was suddenly this different person… this person who hurt you, who fed on people and drank their blood and then murdered people because he was bored or hungry or maybe for some other reason entirely. And because of that you fell out of love with me, not because you wanted to but because you had to. You had to protect yourself, and I don't blame you, I don't Elena, I don't blame you..."
"Stop." Elena shouted at him, needing to get the word out. "The self loathing has to stop Stefan, it's pathetic!" Her hands were shaking and her fists were shaking, actually her entire body was just shaking, unable to do anything else. She was mad, furious even. "Do you think that after everything we've been through together that I could just turn it all off? Well, I can't! I don't have that luxury!"
Elena's knees were begging her to give up and just let them fall out from underneath her body so that she could cry until every ounce of pain had left her body, because that seemed like the easiest thing to do.
"God Stefan, I'm not some naïve little girl. You can't scare me away; you can't scare me into not caring about you. I know what vampires have to do to survive and I am perfectly aware of the craziness that I signed up for when I decided that I wanted to be with you."
"…And what about Damon?"
"What about Damon? I thought you brought me here to talk about you and me…"
"Do you love him?"
Now Elena really wanted to hit him. Her hands were ready; they were already wrapped up into tight fists.
"Do you really want to know who I love Stefan? I love the man who saved my best friend when Damon was perfectly happy to drink her blood until she died. That same man who helped my other best friend deal with becoming a vampire, who wiped the blood off of her mouth and told her everything was going to be okay – and it was. Who didn't hesitate in running into the tomb to save my brother, even if there was no guarantee that he could come back out. That same person who was willing to die in place of my aunt… Who was willing to die to save my life, or Damon's life, or pretty much anyone that I've ever loved or cared about. That's what love is! I love him Stefan. I love him. I love that man."
Stefan nodded slowly along with her words. "He isn't here anymore Elena. He died the moment he gave himself over to the blood,"
"That isn't true Stefan. He's still in there. I could feel it the night you called me on my birthday; you didn't have to say a word but I still knew that you loved me. Or when I tripped on the bleachers and you caught me and I could see it in your eyes, it was the only thing I was sure of. Or when you were willing to kill yourself when Klaus compelled you to attack me-"
"There's too much Elena! There's too much to forgive, and you don't even know the half of it-"
"Can you even hear what you're saying Stefan? You expect me to fall out of love with you because you haven't been acting like a martyr lately? Do you think that I don't regret that night? I should have been there with you. I was with Damon but I should have been with you...I think about that night all the time. You needed me too."
Stefan stared at her for a long time, his head hung but slowly nodding, "You're right, I did need you."
Elena took another step towards him, so close that their bodies were almost pressed up against one another. "Then maybe we both have things that we need to forgive the other for-"
"I forgive you…" Stefan started to say his voice low and dark. "-for kissing Damon,"
Twice. He wanted to add, but he knew that it would only make things harder.
"-And I forgive you for the last few months, all of it."
Stefan wasn't sure if she truly meant what she had said, or if she understood exactly how much she was offering to forgive, "It's going to be hard, impossible probably."
She nodded, "Nothing worth having is ever easy,"
"I'm going to piss you off,"
"-And I'm going to love you anyway,"
"Elena-" He breathed out.
She smiled because the way he said her name, like he held it so close to his heart was enough to make her heart ache for him all over again. She completely closed the distance between them and reached up to his face, lightly brushing his hair away from his face.
"I'm not the same person anymore,"
"Neither am I."
He nodded his head, his eyes glazing over as he looked at her. How she could still stand to breathe the same air as him he would never be able to understand.
"This isn't real is it Stefan?" Elena spoke up at last.
He tilted his head to the side and smiled at her softly, "It feels pretty real to me,"
He dipped his head a little, one hand winding around her waist and the other brushing lightly against her cheek as he pressed his lips to hers. He kept it slow and gentle and first, not wanting to hurt her, not ever wanting to hurt her. But somehow he couldn't seem to help hurting her. Elena seemed to have other plans, her fingers gripped his hair and pulled him harder against her, making their kisses become desperate and open mouthed like they were clinging to one another for dear life. Like they were helping each other breathe again. Stefan pulled away first, his eyes shining and his cheeks flushed like she'd just restored the life in him – and in a way, she had.
"I love you," He whispered against her lips, and as quickly as he had appeared, in a gust of wind he was gone.
Elena awoke with a start, her eyes wide; feeling like her breath had completely escaped her. She pressed her fingers to her lips, the tingling sensation that still lingered on them the only indication that he had been here.