Chapter 1: A 'Situation'

A/N: Yo, peeps of the fanfiction world! I'm UltimateOtakuGirl100, here with my first Hetalia fic~!

I'd planned to post a Hetalia fic a long, long, looooong time ago, but I was hesitant due to the characters' personalities that I'm not entirely sure how to get in-character (seriously, I think the only easy((ish)) personalities will be America and Japan) and my morals, which include no yaoi, and no cursing. (…Don't hurt me, yaoi fangirls! *cowers*) But recently, I went on deviantart, and I saw something. Something amazing. Something magical. Something called…

AWESOMENESS.

(Haha, JK.)

Well, it's basically a fake guide for ordering a Hetaloid, or a robot Hetalia character. In terms of Vocaloid, it'd be an UTAUloid, but meh, it's got two meanings. (The link to the picture of the guide is on my profile, along with my personal description. ^.^)

So… long story short, I got a plot bunny off of it, decided to write a fanfic about it (with the artist's permission of course), and BOOM, here it is~ My MASTERPEICE.

Uh… yeah. *coughs* Well, so, since my most popular stories are either self-inserts or OC romances, I decided to write this self-insert right here—

HEY, DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE!

I swear, it's good! …At least, I think so. Even though I'm probably a little biased due to me being the author, sometimes I write stuff that I think is total crap and then people are like "OMG THIS IS SO GREAT! AAAAAUGH!" and I'm just like O.o Are you serious?!

So, yeah. If I think it's good, then it freaking better be, or else I'm going to go kill something with my bare hands. (…Probably my younger brother.)

Anyways, I'm sure most of you skipped all this anyway, so I should probably cut this off here.

Enjoy~

(P.S.: Free virtual cookie for anyone who actually read all that. You guys are awesome. Like, PRUSSIA awesome.)

In the words of Germany: "I found myself in what you'd call… a 'situation'."

I blinked, long and slow.

…What… the…

A large cardboard box sat on the floor in front of the door, several letters and a bag almost the same size as the box next to it.

And inside of the box…?

America, curled up in an almost-fetal position, using a folded-up USA Flag as a pillow and sleeping soundly.

~~Flashback~~

"You sure you're going to be okay at home all alone? I don't know how long we're going to be gone for…" my mom questioned for the millionth time, hesitating once again.

I held back an annoyed sigh, my impatience level increasing. "Yes, I'm sure, Mom. Besides, you've already bought the plane tickets, so it's kind of too late to change my mind."

"I know, Gabi… but I'm still worried. Remember what number to call in an emergency?"

"Yes… 911…"

"And who do you call if you need something?"

"Abby's mom… her number's on the fridge…"

"Right. And remember: don't answer the door, don't talk to strangers, no parties, don't leave the house unless absolutely necessary, no boys, no drugs—"

"MOM! I know! I'm not seven! And I don't plan on ever doing anything like that!" I exclaimed, irritated that she had so little faith in me. …Besides, it's not like I could ever even HAVE a party, considering I have, like, zero friends… I mentally added, heaving an internal sigh. Which isn't entirely true—I DO have friends, but none of them are very close. And the extremely few friends that are close live waaaay far away. Some of them are in other states entirely.

Depressing…

…Ahem. Anyway.

Mom opened her mouth to continue her incredibly boring and redundant lecture, but then my dad yelled from the garage, honking the horn, "Honey, c'mon! We're going to miss the flight!"

She sighed. "…Alright. Take care, Gabi."

I nodded impatiently. "I will, I will. Now hurry! Go!"

My mom nodded in agreement, then hurried into the garage, joining the rest of my family in the car. I followed her, ready to shut the garage door behind them when they drove away.

All four of them, consisting of my mom, my dad, my younger sister, and my younger brother waved to me as they pulled away. I smiled and waved back. I continued waving until they were out of sight.

There was a brief silence as I stared out into space. Then I wordlessly pressed the button on the garage, listening to the noisy sound of the garage door closing before it shut completely, making the last of the sunlight disappear. I slowly backed up, closing the door behind me. I stood there, leaning on the door, still not making a sound.

"…YYYYYEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!" I screamed, giddily dashing away at a ridiculous speed. "FINALLY, THEY'RE GONE! WOOHOOOOOOOO!"

This was going to be the most awesome time of my life! There were no parents. No siblings. No rules (that I would actually have to worry about breaking)! THIS WAS AWESOME!

There was a reason my family was going on a trip and leaving me behind all alone (obviously). …I just wasn't listening when they explained it. I think it was some way to make money or something, but I hadn't really paid close attention. As soon as I heard "going out of town", I immediately jumped into action, using my awesome persuasive skills to convince them that I was old enough and responsible enough to be left at home alone. And they agreed!

"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" I squealed in excitement, grinning before throwing myself onto the couch, grabbing the TV and Wii remotes, and turning both of them on. I clicked on Netflix, hearing the familiar tune swell as the Wii zoomed in on that channel, then pressed the 'Start' button. I settled into the fluffy couch pillows, still grinning as it loaded, before scrolling down and clicking on Hetalia: Axis Powers, ready to watch it all from the beginning.

"THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME!" I squealed again in excitement.

…At least, so I thought.

It was incredibly dark out, ridiculously so in fact. The only light I had was the illumination produced by my computer screen. I squinted tiredly at the brightness of it, my left hand under my chin being the only thing preventing my head from falling onto my desk. My right hand, of course, was shifting slowly between the mouse and keyboard as I stifled a yawn, forcing my eyes to stay open. Must… stay… awake…

Yeah, I'm weird like that. Deal with it.

Yawning again and stretching a little, I drowsily typed in a lazy review for a story before X-ing out the tab and going back to my email, reloading the page despite my exhausted fingers' protests. My eyes started to slowly close, my head nodding sleepily and starting to lean off my hand before I caught myself and quickly straightened, quickly setting my arm down as it finally finished loading.

A lone message appeared in my inbox:

[ New PM ] from HetaliaLovahLOL46

I paused, my hand hesitating over the mouse as my eyebrows shot up to my hairline.

Oh, crap, not HER.

SHE was this one chick whose story I reviewed once, and after that she wouldn't leave me alone. Not that I was upset or anything, she was really nice, but SERIOUSLY! She talked about NOTHING but Hetalia. As much as I liked it, she took it just a liiiiiittle too far. Even when I tried to change the subject, within two messages she somehow managed to get the topic back onto Hetalia. Seriously. One time, I was all like "hey, how's your day been?" and her response was "lol OMG! It's, like, totally awesome! lol I got to watch another episode of Hetalia: World Series today. Russia's so hawt ^.^"

…

…Really?

Just, really?

…Well, anyway, I'm off-topic again.

Hoping that something else would magically show up, I quickly reloaded it several times, but to no avail. With a sigh, I reluctantly clicked on it.

"Hey, Gabi!

Sooooo… I was wondering. If you could get the characters from Hetalia to live with you, with no cost, would you do it?

Peace out!

-The awesome Heta :3"

I frowned. What kind of stupid question was that?

She really was weird…

Oh, well. Might as well play along, even if she WAS really overwhelming.

"Haha that'd be so awesome! Just as long as Germany didn't kill me. Or Britain tried to cook for me. That wouldn't be fun. XD"

I stifled another dramatic yawn. Now going to bed didn't seem like such a bad idea…

Not really expecting anything, I reloaded my email. To my surprise, despite only about fifteen seconds passing, another PM showed up from her. I slowly blinked, fighting off exhaustion. Shrugging in dismissal, I clicked on it anyway.

"Haha IKR! *lol* Yeah, neither of those options sounds very good, huh? Let's just pray that doesn't happen! XD

Anyway, you should probably go to bed now. It's really late, and you'll need your sleep for tomorrow! ;3

Hope you enjoy your gift in the morning~!

Ja ne!

-Your friend, Heta :D"

In any other situation, I would've found that incredibly creepy. Even in my half-awake state, I found it… odd. But I was too tired to really think much of it. Heck, I could hardly even read the words on the screen! So, shrugging again, I wearily closed the laptop, stood, and shakily staggered towards my bedroom. I didn't need to worry about changing into PJs, since I'd changed long before, and went straight towards my bed. The instant that the lights were out, I forgot every word of the conversation with Heta.

I was out cold before my head even hit the pillow.

That night, I had a dream.

What about, you ask?

Honestly? I have no idea. Mostly I just like hearing myself talk.

But in any case, I DO remember some random flashes of myself talking to someone but I couldn't see who it was, or what I was saying. And after a while, what I imagined Heta's voice to sound like whispering eerily, "Hope you enjoy your gift, m'dear…" followed by some evil, maniacal laughter.

Yeah… I know.

My dreams suck.

…Getting off-topic again.

Anyways, after that slightly disturbing dream, I blearily opened my eyes, not really wanting to get up but unable to stop myself from returning to consciousness due to the light streaming in through the window and glanced at the clock.

It was 12:43.

…

…

…

Ugh… did I seriously sleep in that late?

Mom's gonna kill me…

…

…

Wait a second…

Mind processing… memory refreshing… reboot nearly completed…

"…THEY'RE NOT HEEEEERE!" I squealed in excitement, drowsiness gone immediately as I sprang out of bed. I had a feeling I wouldn't get over it for several days.

I didn't have to change into day-clothes, but just because I felt like it, I changed anyway into a navy blue tunic and skinny-jeans, which I normally don't wear, but because I was in a good mood, I dressed like that. (A/N: When I'm in a good mood, I'll dress up fancy-ish. If I'm in a bad mood, I'll either not change at all and just lounge around the house all day in my PJs or throw on something completely lazy and boring. Don't ask why.) Then I brushed my hair… and my teeth… and ate breakfast… and—

Why the heck am I going over my entire morning schedule? You don't care about that…

…Anyway. After all that fun stuff, I eagerly went in the direction of my computer, intending to read and/or write some fanfiction, but a sound made me practically jump out of my skin.

DING-DONG!

The sudden noise raised abrupt alarm in me, so much so that I yelped and tripped on the tile floor (curse you, socks!), and just barely prevented myself from slamming my face into the hard floor. But, unfortunately, despite my avoidance of destroying my face (oh, my beautiful face! AAAAAAUGH!), I still smashed my entire side against the floor. Hard.

"…Owwwwwww…" I whimpered, hissing a bit in pain. Now THAT would leave a bruise…

I just laid there on the floor for a little bit, letting the pain die down, before finally deciding to get up. Wincing, I slowly stood to see what was the source of the noise that caused me so much pain.

I cautiously approached a window, slightly lifting the blinds; just enough to see a truck with a logo for some company I'd never heard of on the side of it drive away. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. …Huh?

Letting the blinds fall again, I abruptly stood, flinching and gripping my sore side as the sudden motion re-triggered the pain. After recovering, my eyes strayed to the door.

…Should I open it?

I mean, Mom told me strictly NOT to answer the door under any circumstances.

But… what if it was a package…?

Then Mom would want me to open the door and bring in the package, right? If it was something important, it's not like Mom would want me to just leave it there for weeks on end until they came back…

No… I couldn't open it… what if someone tried to kidnap me or something?

…Okay, that's the most paranoid thing I've ever heard and I know it. Why the heck would someone come to someone's house on the first day that I was home alone just to kidnap me? There really wouldn't be any point to kidnapping me or anything. We were all pretty broke, so it's not like they could hold me for ransom. Mom's paranoia was rubbing off on me. Now I was just being ridiculous.

And maybe the reason I'd never heard of the logo on the side of the truck was because it was some fancy furniture company that cost thousands of dollars. Maybe Mom bought something important that she'd saved up for. Maybe it was really important to her. Maybe she'd be overjoyed with me if I brought it in and didn't let it collect dust for who-knows-how-long.

Or maybe I was just making excuses to satisfy my curiosity…

In any case, eventually my curiosity won out and I cautiously crept to the door. I squinted through the crystal-like windows, but could see no one. So, finally, I opened the door.

On the ground outside the door, there was a large cardboard box with the same logo that was on the truck on the side. Now I could read clearly what it said: Mechta Corp.

…Huh.

Yeah, never heard of it.

On top of the box, there rested several letters, a decent-sized bag, and a… black sheet of some sort. I picked up one of the letters first, frowning, and flipped it over.

It was addressed to… me.

Not my mom.

Me.

Who would even bother sending me letters, anyway?

I never got letters, unless it was my birthday or Christmas. It was neither.

So… why…?

Intrigued, I grabbed the other envelope and black sheet thing and brought them over to the desk that had the computer on it and set the stack down. Then I turned back to the large box. "First things first," I muttered to myself. Hesitantly, I back to it and tried to lift it.

I gasped and nearly fell over from the exertion. Holy crap, this thing is HEAVY! It was easily, like, three hundred pounds.

Sighing, I took a step back, rubbing my left hand against my temple as I thought, observing the box. It was only about three or four feet tall, and about the same wide. Not nearly big enough to fit a couch or anything big like that. Maybe it could fit a coffee table or something. But what coffee table weighed over three hundred pounds?

Imaginary curiosity meter: rising.

I put my hands on my hips, frowning as I surveyed the box. I guess I'm kinda-sorta on the stronger side (not half as strong as America, though… *sweatdrop*), but there was no freaking way that I would be able to pick up something so heavy. At the very least, I wanted to get it indoors before I opened it (I was 'letting money fly out the window', as my mother would say about the air conditioning). So, with a sigh, I collected myself and, with one short burst, picked up the underside of the box and managed to drag it over the metal doorstop thing and onto the tile before my momentary strength failed.

"Ughhhh…" I moaned as my aching side acted up again, clutching it gently. After catching my breath and letting the pain die down again, I finally closed the door. I then turned back to the papers stacked neatly on the desk. My intrigue level increasing again, I grabbed the stack and used my thumbnail to tear the envelope open of the first letter. I slid the folded-up paper out of the envelope, unfolded it, and curiously read it.

Dear Gabi,

I know you must be very confused right now.

Don't be. If you get over your shock and disbelief quickly, then that will make the coming events much easier on you.

I'm not telling you why I'm doing this, or who I am. Just consider it an experiment for the curious mind, no? At first, I'm sure you'll be rather angry and frustrated, but you'll get over it eventually.

Enclosed with this letter is something that will help you in the coming times. Take it. All expenses that you could ever have will be funded through this, and if you ever run out, it will be refilled by yours truly.

I hope you enjoy your gift.

I blinked. I was now thoroughly creeped out by this whole thing. They didn't even sign their name!

And there was no return address on the envelope, so I couldn't send any questions to this mysterious creepy person.

Wait…

Did they say 'funded'?

What the heck?

Increasingly befuddled, I set the letter down and looked inside the envelope. I froze, then pulled it out, doubting what I was seeing.

A credit card, with my name on it. And seven hundred-dollar bills.

My jaw dropped.

"…Holy…"

What purpose could anyone possibly have for sending me a crap-load of cash and a credit card that I didn't even know how to use (I'd never even used an ATM in my life!)?

Confusion swirled endlessly in my mind, and my heart thudded irregularly in my chest. I quickly dropped the letter on the floor next to the box, slammed down the money and credit card on the desk, and frantically tore open the other letter.

This is what it said:

Hello, valued customer!

We at Mechta Corp. thank you for ordering. However, due to the overwhelming amount of purchases on such a short notice, we are unable to fulfill the entirety of your order. We offer our sincerest apologies, and hope that this Hetaloid will hold you over until we are able to send the rest of your shipments.

If you are dissatisfied with your new Hetaloid, you can return it and trade it in for another, or get a refund. Please note that if you chose to keep your Hetaloid, it is strongly recommended that you pay strict attention to the guide on how to take care of it, which is included with the package.

We hope you enjoy your Hetaloid!

- Mechta Corp.

…Hetaloid?

Why did that name sound so familiar…?

…

…

Oh, well. I could think about that later.

The thing I should focus on now is…

"BUT I NEVER EVEN ORDERED ANYTHING!"

Yep. Freak-out time.

My breathing became slightly erratic, and glancing at the black sheet on the desk and realizing with a start that it must be the guide mentioned in the letter, I dropped the letter, snagged it, and hastily read the top.

Mechta Corporation Hetaloid Project: 1P

Thank you for ordering from Mechta Corp. We hope you enjoy your new Hetaloid. Following are instructions for care, use and important information regarding pairings. Enclosed within this package is also a certificate of authenticity and a lifetime warranty.

Warning: We are not responsible for the destruction your Hetaloid may create. Once you've ordered your Hetaloid, it is your responsibility to take care of them.

After reading the top and then proceeding to glimpse at the image below it, my eyes popped out of their sockets. Choking on air, I spun around, still clutching the guide tightly in my shaking hands, dashed to the kitchen, and frantically dug through a drawer before pulling out a box-opener… knife… thing. Running back to the box, I stabbed the tape sealing the box and loudly dragged it through the tape, tearing it apart. Then I flung open the box.

There was a large bag inside, which I promptly grabbed. I began searching through the inside of it, but when I happened to glance up and realize there was something under the bag, I instantly froze. The bag slipped from my fingers and hit the ground with a soft thump.

~~End of Flashback~~

And that's why I was standing there, motionless, staring blankly into the cardboard box with a sleeping America inside, limply clutching the guide in my hands.

I slowly blinked.

I blinked again.

…What… the…

"WHAT THE HEEEEEEEEECK?!"

A/N: Aaaaaaaand CUT! XD

…Well? Was I right? Is my writing awesome?

Well, if you actually read the whole chapter down to here, then I guess it must be…

And I didn't even have to work on any canon character's personalities in this chapter!

Yay. ;3

Haha. Okay, I'll be serious. Kinda.

I LOVE ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO READ MY STORIES. Seriously, you peeps are awesome. Without the support of everyone who reads my stories, why would I keep writing? You guys are the incentive that keeps me going.

…Yeahz.

Anyways… whether you've been following my stuff since the beginning or just barely found this in the Hetalia section… Peace out, love y'all, review and follow! WOOOHOOOO!