So you sailed away, into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to say, love can be so boring
Nothings quite the same now
I just say your name now...
For being the most fabulous ball of the year, it sure did have it's downsides.
One of them, of course, was the fact that she was here. Of all the places in the world, our paths had to meet at the punchbowl, her spiral emerald eyes glancing discretly upwards at my face. Of course, she pretended not to notice me. I shouldn't have been surprised, considering...
It isn't like she ever cared, anyway.
So, there I was, chugging spiked punch like there's no tomorrow, leaning against a wall in the darkest, gloomiest corner of the ballroom. Dark, gloomy, and a breeding ground for couples who can't seem to get a room. I was really not in the mood for this...
I stepped away from the wall, taking the last swig from the empty paper cup, crushing it in my fingers. My eyes scanned the room, and of course, there she was, spinning in the middle of the dancers, laughing at something her marvolous partner must have said. "Princess or not, she doesn't deserve to be so damn happy," I muttered.
She should have been ugly, considering everything that had happened. Her soft blonde hair should have turned brittle and green, her smooth skin should have grown warts, and her sweet smile should have seemed sinister. She should have been changed as drastically as I had been, I thought, pushing the dark sunglasses I wore constantly now farther up my nose.
But she wasn't. And despite everything, I still loved her.
Well, it's not so bad
You're only the best I've ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had
I watched him from the center of the room, my eyes whipping in his direction for every spin I took. He was leaning against a wall, drinking more than I've ever seen him drink before. And as much as I wished it was because of me, I knew it couldn't be.
He never cared... He never, ever cared about me.
The only thing that I ever did was keep one little secret. And really, he should have known better, considering the odd times that we had to meet, and the secret places that we had to find where I wouldn't be caught. He really, really should have known.
But he didn't, and now when he looks in my eyes, I see hatred and bitterness and anger, and it makes me want to cry.
I could feel myself start to tear up again, and knew I needed to get out of there. "Excuse me..." I said quietly, breaking away from my dance partner and rushing through the crowd, heading for the large balcony off the left side of the room.
"Princess?" someone called from behind me, but I kept walking.
"Rikku?" my cousin, Yunie said as I brushed past her and kept my eye on the prize, the freedom of being outdoors and away from this claustrophobic place.
"Sorry," I whispered, leaving them all behind. My shoes clicked quickly as I hussled in the same direction, and finally I reached my destination, far away from everyone.
Only then, in my own little santuary, did I let the tears fall.
So you stole my world, now I'm just a phoney
Remembering the girl leaves me down and lonely
Send it in a letter...
Make yourself feel better...
It's not so bad
You're only the best I've ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I've ever had
I watched her stride across the room, all confidence and authority. She brushed past everyone, her advisors, her fans, her dance partner, and even her cousin, muttering simple apologies and leaving it at that.
Funny how she's never apologised to me.
Drink makes people do funny things, and I was no exception to the rule. With my shoulders held high, I cut through the same path she did, except this time, I certainly wasn't going to apologise. Instead, I let the look on my face and the stomp of my boots on the floor do the talking, and the crowd parted like the Red Sea and let me move on.
Finally, I reached the balcony on the left side, the famous place where every single member of the royal family had been proposed to ever since time began. Well, that wasn't going to happen today, I thought, as I pushed myself out into the open.
The first thing I noticed were the cascading lilies covering everything. Then, my vision moved from the things closer to me, to the very important thing farther away.
"Princess..." I said quietly, and she moved from her spot on the wall, turning quickly to face me.
I could trace every trail her tears traveled with my fingertips, and I couldn't see any joy inside her eyes. My heart broke for her, but I knew I had to be strong. Nothing would ever, ever change what happened, no matter how much I loved her.
"Don't call me that," she whispered, turning away from me again.
"That's who you are."
"No, it's not!" she exclaimed. She turned back towards me and closed the final few steps between us. "It's a title, and an unimportant one at that. Say my name, Auron. Say it."
"You're the princess. There's no reason for me to even bother," I replied, feeling more confident with every word I said. "You have a choice between your county and me, and we know what you're going to pick, because you already picked it once."
"What are you talking about?" she hissed. "I never picked anything over you, Auron."
"You picked Gippal."
And it may take some time to patch me up inside
But I can't take it, so I runaway and hide
And I may in time find that you were always right
You're always right
"Gippal?" I sputtered, looking up at Auron's face in shock. Well, actually I was staring into the glare of the sunglasses that he never takes off these days, instead of actually seeing his face. It annoyed me to no end. "How much have you been drinking, Auron?"
"Not enough to make me wrong about this," he said, his voice rising slightly. "I wasn't supposed to find out about your engagement, was I, Princess? The whole world was talking about how Prince Gippal and Princess Rikku were to be married, and you never told me."
"I said NO," I screamed, clutching my hands to my sides in a last ditch effort to keep myself from punching him in the face. "We stood on this very balcony, Auron, and he got down on his knee and asked me to marry him, right where you're standing. But no matter how much my parents wanted me to, and no matter how often I've dreamed of that happening to me, I said no."
"That's not what I heard," he said quietly, his confidence faltering slightly the louder I became.
"Well, SIR Auron, you can take your rumors and shove them where the sun doesn't shine, because it's obvious that you don't trust me."
With that said, I turned away from him and walked back to my spot on the edge of the balcony, waiting to hear his boots tapping away from me again.
So you've sailed away, into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to say, love can be so boring
What is it you wanted?
Could it be I'm haunted?
I stood in shock at her admission, and watched her turn her back on me. But I knew that this time, everything had to come out, or else nothing would ever be right again.
"You can go away now," she whispered, still refusing to face me.
"Tell me what happened, Rikku..." I whispered back, coming up to lean on the balcony beside her.
She was quiet for a few moments, and I almost thought that she wasn't going to answer me. But then, her lips started moving... "He asked, and I saw your face. But it's not important anymore."
"I... I don't know what to say," I stuttered slightly, the drink taking advantage of me.
"An apology would be nice," she said quietly. "I'm probably not going to accept it, but that doesn't mean that it would go unnoticed."
"I apologise from the bottom of my heart," I said truthfully, turning to face her.
It's not so bad
You're only the best I've ever had
I don't want you back
"And I don't accept it," I said just as truthfully back to him. His face fell slightly, but I knew I had to be strong. "You don't trust me or my judgement, Auron, regardless of what you feel for me. What sort of example would that be for us? For our children? To have you screaming at me every single time someone spread a rumor? It would be worthless to even try, and I don't have enough faith in you to do so."
"Rikku..." his voice had a strangled tone to it. "Rikku, I'm saying your name, not your title this time. And I know you're telling the truth, okay? I won't ever do this again, I promise you."
"What, attempt to drink me away?" I said flippantly, turning away from him. "I doubt you will, considering you'll forget me after tonight."
"I could never forget you, Rikku. I..."
I turned back in a whirl, my hair flying in all directions, my eyes wild with... Hope? Love? Or maybe fury was more present than usual. I'm not really sure what I was thinking right then, but most likely, it was a combination of everything. "You what, Auron? And don't even try to back out of it."
You're just the best I've ever had
"I love you, Rikku. I wish I could kneel down in front of you and promise you love, marriage, and babies until the end of our lives. But, I know you're done with my excuses, and if you don't have faith in me, we're not even worth the time, I guess." My tounge was loose from the drink and I was babbling, barely even paying attention to the words coming out of my mouth, only knowing that my heart was breaking and I was going to have to spend the rest of my life trying to drink her away again.
I turned away from her, my boots clicking as I slowly made my way back towards the ballroom.
Best I ever had...
"Wait..." I breathed, my hand reaching out in his direction.
He stopped and turned towards me again, but didn't say a word. Instead, he just stared blankly at my face, waiting for me to finish what I was going to say.
"You never said you loved me before..." I breathed, stepping closer to him.
"I thought you already knew," he whispered. "It was obvious."
"I didn't know..." I said quietly, closing the gap between us. "You changed the subject whenever I brought it up..."
"Just because I never told you doesn't mean I never showed you, Rikku."
The words he spoke resonated in my brain for what seemed like hours, even though it was only seconds. And I knew, without a doubt, that he was right. Why else would he have showed up tonight? Why else would he have snuck out to meet me all of those times? Why else was he drinking as much as he did?
He loved me all this time, and I was too blind to see it.
Best I ever...
My breath came out in a woosh when my arms suddenly became full of Rikku.
"I forgive you," she breathed, and I knew, no matter what happened, everything would finally be okay.