There was a hole in Maura's bedroom wall.
It was roughly two feet tall and few inches wide. It had been there for years. She'd never been able to bring herself to patch it (ok, to pay someone to patch it).
It was supposed to be for a larger bathroom. Her bathroom, while more than comfortable for one person, was slightly too small for two.
Ian, in what seemed like another lifetime, was going to expand the room. He made the incision to get a look at the wiring. His knowledge of tools and construction and her knowledge of design and decorating made them the perfect pair for the task.
Except….
Except that he left. And the hole in the wall had always been a reminder to Maura, a warning of sorts.
Love leaves a hole you can't easily repair.
For a while, she didn't patch it because she held onto the hope that Ian would return. And then, she didn't patch it because it was her only reminder of him, of their time together. Then she just got distracted, and it got pushed to the back of her life when she started her work with BPD.
Then, along came Jane.
And Maura wasn't alone and the hole didn't seem like such a big deal. She hardly noticed it anymore.
Jane brought up the hole on Maura's wall more than once, and Maura always brushed it off. She didn't know how to explain to Jane something she didn't quite understand herself.
When Ian popped back into her life, quickly and unexpectedly and chaotically, and then disappeared in the same way, Maura could tell Jane was upset, although she couldn't really understand why.
The day after Ian left, Maura dreaded coming home to the hole in her wall, to the reminder of the gaping wound he had reopened in her emotions. She worked a long day after he left in the hopes that exhaustion would allow her to avoid her emotional trauma until the weekend, when she might have time to filter through and process things.
Maura was surprised when she got to her apartment and the lights were on. She would have been suspicious but she saw Jane's boots by the door, Jane's bag on the floor, Jane's coat on the hook. The unmistakable scent of Jane filled Maura's nostrils as she moved quietly towards her bedroom.
The sight inside left her confused, a tangled web of emotional, aroused, and filled with longing.
Jane, covered in dust and caulk, was patching the hole on Maura's wall. The hole was covered and Jane was preparing to paint over it when she heard Maura.
"Hey Maur," Jane turned and grinned sheepishly, a paint-covered roller in hand. When Maura didn't respond, Jane's smile faltered and she began to blush. "Is this…"
Maura tried to make her head create words but she was overwhelmed. All she wanted was to climb inside of Jane and sleep for days.
Maura tried again to make her throat work, to make some sort of sound, to assuage the discomfort rapidly spreading into every aspect of Jane's posture, her facial expression.
"Look Maura," Jane stammered. "I'm sorry… it's just, you know, you had a big hole here and I… I didn't mean to…"
Jane's voice trailed off and her eyes pleaded with Maura.
It was the first time in her whole life that words had entirely failed Maura. She decided there was only one solution- action.
In a few large, graceful strides she was throwing herself in Jane's arms.
The force of Maura's body was enough to throw Jane off balance but she steadied them both, her arms wrapping around Maura instinctively. The paint roller dropped unceremoniously to the floor, splattering their calves with paint.
Maura buried her face in Jane's neck and clung tightly, not bothering to stem the tears that slid past her closed eyelids.
For a minute, Jane just held Maura, her hand stroking Maura's hair gently.
"Hey," Jane soothed eventually. "What's wrong?"
Maura shook her head minutely, refusing to pull back from the safety of Jane's neck. Jane tried to pull back and look at her but Maura clung even more tightly.
"Ok," Jane allowed. "Ok. I'm not going anywhere."
And it was the truth, Maura knew. Jane wasn't going to leave her. Jane wasn't going to leave any holes in Maura's life.
"I'm sorry," Maura finally whispered against Jane's neck. "I don't know why I'm crying." It was not exactly a lie, although it wasn't entirely the truth.
"It's been a rough few weeks," Jane replied, her voice full of understanding, but of sadness too. "I shouldn't have barged in. You probably just wanted some privacy and-"
Maura cut her off, shaking her head. Her lips brushed accidentally against Jane's neck and they both ignored it.
"No," Maura sighed. "I'm glad you're here." Jane's hand was still stroking Maura's hair softly, and Maura exhaled again, more of the stress she'd been carrying around slipping out of her shoulders.
Jane merely held onto Maura. She didn't shift awkwardly. She didn't exhale impatiently. She didn't speak.
Maura felt the weariness of the last few weeks begin to catch up to her. Jane's scent, her warmth, seeped into Maura's bones. Maura felt sleep stealing over her but she didn't want to let go of Jane. When more of her weight sagged against Jane, Jane shifted subtly to accommodate her.
Sighing contentedly, Maura nuzzled her nose against Jane's neck affectionately. On the cusp of sleep, she felt the way Jane's breath hitched.
It brought Maura back to consciousness immediately.
The whole situation crashed into Maura like a freight train. Everything she previously believed was totally destroyed by the realization and in its place came a certainty that made Maura feel nauseous, terrified, and exhilarated.
Jane was attracted to her.
Maura's scientific brain processed through the facts and assembled the hypothesis without much ado. Her emotional side though, struggled to sort through it.
Jane's hand stroking through her hair felt suddenly less comforting and much more arousing.
Jane smelled like caulk and paint and sweat and under it all Maura could detect the hint of the detective's unique, personal scent. She wanted to get lost in it, to drown in it.
Because she didn't know how to ask Jane about her feelings, Maura gave in to an impulse. Gently, but surely, Maura pressed a kiss to Jane's neck.
Jane's hand stilled on Maura's head. Her entire body went rigid.
"Maur?" she said, her voice low and raspy.
Maura finally pulled back, meeting Jane's gaze. Jane's eyes were dark, nearly black. It made Maura's breath catch.
Reaching up, Maura wiped a smudge off Jane's cheek, letting her hand linger. Jane's eyes fluttered closed and she pressed her cheek against Maura's hand.
Any lingering doubts Maura had evaporated.
Jane's hands were wrapped around Maura's waist and she turned her face, pressing a kiss against Maura's palm. Maura shivered at the contact, acutely aware of the way Jane's hands were clutching her hips.
"Jane," Maura sighed breathlessly.
"I'm sorry," Jane responded. Maura pulled back to look at her quizzically. "I didn't know how to tell you," Jane offered by way of explanation. One of her hands gently squeezed curve of Maura's waist.
Jane pressed a kiss right above Maura's heart, her lips setting the exposed skin of Maura's chest on fire. Maura pulled Jane in and buried her face in Jane's neck once again.
"It feels like home here," she whispered.
Jane nodded. "I want your home to be nice," she said. "That's why I was trying to fix the hole."
"No," Maura corrected, inhaling deeply against Jane's skin. She ran a finger delicately across Jane's collarbone and up her neck to her jawline. "If feels like home here." Maura emphasized her statement by kissing the juncture of Jane's neck and shoulder.
"Oh," Jane rasped. She craned her neck to the opposite side and Maura took the hint, trailing soft, delicate kisses across the skin.
"You've fixed the hole here," Maura put Jane's hand over her heart. "That's much more important." The calloused skin of Jane's palms rubbed against Maura's smooth skin like a match being struck.
"I wanna kiss you, Maur," Jane nearly pleaded. Maura met her dark eyes, nodding solemnly. She licked her lips and Jane's brown eyes swirled with tumultuous emotions that Maura couldn't identify.
Jane's hand slid from Maura's chest around to cup the back of her neck. Maura rested her hands against Jane's waist.
When their lips meet, Maura sighed.
Finally.
The kiss was tender, gentle. Jane nipped lightly at Maura's bottom lip before pulling back, resting their foreheads together.
"I want nothing more than to devour you whole right now," Jane admitted, and Maura's whole body flushed in anticipation.
"But?" Maura practically whined.
"But this paint is going to be ruined if I don't clean up," Jane replied.
Maura opened her eyes. Jane's forehead was still resting against hers, and the other woman's eyes remained squeezed shut. The beautiful, olive skin made Maura bloom with a deep, intimate feeling of possession.
"We'll buy more," Maura retorted, unable to keep the seduction out of her voice. Jane's eyes flew open. One eyebrow skyrocketed towards her hairline.
"Well then," Jane laughed. "Ok."
Before another second passed, Jane's lips were back on Maura's. This time, they were not gentle. They were not soft. Jane did exactly what she said she intended to- she devoured Maura whole.
Maura couldn't help the breathy moans that bubbled up. She couldn't help the way she slid her hands under Jane's shirt to feel heated skin. She couldn't help the way she pressed as close to Jane as physically possible.
She had loved Jane far too long to be slow, to be patient.
Jane didn't seem to mind.
"Shit," Jane cursed, panting when she tore her lips away from Maura's. Maura stepped back, and she saw the fear in Jane's eyes.
Jane thought she was pulling away, second-guessing, withdrawing.
Maura figured the easiest way to divest Jane of that belief was to divest herself of her clothes. Reaching to her side, she dragged down the zipper of her dress and let the garment fall to the floor with a 'swoosh.'
Jane swallowed hard, her eyes an impossibly dark maelstrom of things Maura wanted to drown in.
In just her delicate ivory lingerie, Maura was beginning to feel self-conscious when Jane stepped forward, closing some of the space between them.
Tentatively, as if she'd break the smaller woman with just a touch, Jane reached out and traced a hand down Maura's side.
"I've had this dream before," Jane's voice was soft, dark. Maura wondered if she even realized she was speaking aloud. "Any minute now I'll wake up and I'll be alone."
"You won't ever be alone again," Maura corrected her, voice stern yet soothing.
Jane didn't seem to register the words.
"So many times," Jane breathed. She ran calloused palms all over Maura's body, carefully skirting the places Maura needed her most. "So many times I thought about this. Thought about what it must be like to touch you, to taste you," she punctuated the thought by pressing an open-mouthed kiss to Maura's clavicle.
Maura's eyes fluttered closed and she grabbed the back of Jane's head, threading her fingers into the wild, brown locks.
"It was agonizing to watch you," Jane's lips trailed down the center of Maura's chest. "But the torture was worth every minute, just to be close to you." Jane kissed the top of Maura's breasts, worked down her stomach slowly. Interspersing kisses with words. Jane knelt in front of Maura's nearly-naked body.
"Sometimes you'd walk into a room," Jane admitted, her rumbling voice a tone Maura had never heard outside her fantasies. "I'd just forget how to breathe. I couldn't think, couldn't speak. You'd smile and I would think I must be dreaming. When he," Jane nipped the skin near Maura's bellybutton and Maura's body jerked, arousal pumping through her veins. "When he was here," Jane continued. "I thought surely I must have died. Nothing but death itself could have hurt that badly."
Maura wanted to speak, to assure Jane that Maura belonged solely to her, but she couldn't bring herself to stop the halting, sinister confession pouring forth from the brunette.
"And then I thought you were going to leave with him," Jane stopped, her breathing coming in heavy gasps. She rested her forehead against Maura's stomach. Maura rubbed her fingers soothingly against Jane's scalp. "I thought I was going to lose you," Jane's voice was like broken glass, its jagged edges tearing into Maura's soft skin.
"You won't lose me," Maura assured her. She put a hand under Jane's chin and forced the other woman to look up at her. Maura tried to put everything she felt into the look they shared, and Jane's eyes softened. Leaning down, Maura kissed Jane gently on the lips.
"I never thought I'd get to do this," Jane breathed, pulling back and kissing hotly across Maura's waist. Her hands skimmed Maura's thighs and Maura wondered how much more of the exquisite torture she could withstand.
"Please Jane," she urged.
Jane stood abruptly and kissed Maura, hard. She pulled back momentarily and Maura took the hint, grasping the hem of her friend's shirt to remove it. Maura couldn't help herself, and almost as soon as the cloth was removed Maura's lips found the exposed skin of Jane's chest.
While Maura was busy kissing across Jane's chest, Jane slipped her pants off.
Maura was startled when Jane stopped her progress, her lips only centimeters from Jane's nipple.
"C'mere," Jane instructed softly. She grabbed Maura's hand and pulled her towards the bed. Gently but firmly, Jane pushed Maura back onto the mattress. Maura scooted up, reclining against the headboard.
It was impossible not to flush under Jane's scrutiny.
"Jesus, you're beautiful," Jane rasped.
"Thank you," Maura replied.
Jane crawled onto the bed, and Maura felt her entire body tense in anticipation. Reaching back, Jane removed her bra. Maura did the same, and when Jane reclined on top of Maura, the skin-to-skin contact was searing.
"Jane," Maura begged. "Please touch me."
"Touch you?" Jane's voice was dripping with sex but there was teasing in it. "I am touching you."
"Jane," Maura groaned.
"I'm touching you here," Jane rubbed a palm up Maura's thigh, skirting her core at the last minute. "I'm touching you here," she skimmed a hand up Maura's torso and when she began to veer off, Maura grasped her wrist and forced Jane's hand over her breast.
Maura's eyes fluttered shut and her breath left in a whoosh at the contact. Jane swore under her breath as the hardened nub of Maura's nipple rubbed against her palm.
"Jane," Maura breathed. "You feel so good."
Jane felt like she was in a fog, like Maura had cast a spell on her stronger than any drug or drink.
She leaned down, supporting herself on her free hand, and placed her lips over Maura's other breast. The M.E. made a noise that Jane had never heard before, a mewling sound of pleasure that Jane wanted to hear for the rest of her life. She licked and kissed Maura's breast until the blonde was writhing beneath her.
"Years of foreplay and you're teasing me?" Maura gasped out. "I should have known."
"Are you in a hurry?" Jane laughed, and the vibration of it against Maura's sensitive skin made Maura moan loudly.
"I want you inside me," Maura replied.
It was Jane's turn to groan, her head rolling back as her eyes closed. Maura took the opportunity to turn the tables and craning her neck upwards she sucked one of Jane's nipples into her mouth.
"Holy shit," Jane panted. "God."
"Just Maura is fine," Maura teased. In a move that surprised Jane, Maura flipped them over. Knees on either side of Jane's hips, Maura towered over Jane, her breasts swaying gently, her hair wild.
Jane's eyes darkened impossibly further.
"This isn't what I expected," Maura admitted, sitting up until she was perched on Jane's thighs. She pressed a quick kiss to Jane's breast.
Jane smiled softly up at her.
"I should have known you'd want to talk," Jane teased gently.
"I expected it to be desperate," Maura ignored the teasing. "I expected something explosive. I figured I'd have to almost die for us to get to this point."
"Don't say that," Jane warned, her face darkening.
Maura ran a soothing hand across Jane's face, trying to brush away the wrinkles as she went.
"Did you think it would be this easy?" Maura challenged.
"Nothing about this has been easy," Jane countered, a small smile on her lips.
"Jane," Maura admonished.
"I didn't think it would ever happen," Jane admitted. "I told you that. I figured I would be your friend forever and that would be it."
"And you would have been happy with that?" Maura asked quietly, genuinely curious. Absently she stroked her hands along the outside of Jane's thighs.
"I'd be happy with whatever you were willing to give me," Jane said honestly. "I just want you in my life, Maura. I'll take you however I can get you."
Maura felt tears prick behind her eyes, but she also felt her entire body humming with need. She leaned down to whisper in Jane's ear.
"You can have me anyway you want me," Maura purred.
Jane exhaled a shaky breath and grabbed Maura's face in a bruising kiss. Their lips met and melded, tongues exploring. Jane tried to touch every inch of Maura that she could reach.
Maura reciprocated, her hands skimming over every inch of Jane's torso. Maura also couldn't help but rotate her hips against Jane's body. Jane shifted, one of her legs nestling against the apex of Maura's thighs.
"I want to taste you," Maura admitted, tearing a visceral groan from Jane's throat in response. Maura slid down Jane's body, pressing hot, open kisses to her skin as she went. When she reached Jane's underwear, she tugged, removing them and placing kisses all the way down to Jane's ankle.
Maura switched sides and kissed her way back up until she reached the wet curls at the juncture of Jane's legs.
With an almost reverent touch, Maura brushed her fingers against the wiry curls. Jane's scent was overwhelming, a heady mix that made Maura feel feral. She glanced up at Jane, taking in the sight of her lover with eyes tightly closed, lips slightly parted, cheeks deeply flushed.
Leaning down, Maura placed a kiss to the curls. She stroked two fingers through the soft skin and both women moaned. Jane was hot and wet and it stoked the fire of something primal in Maura.
"D-d-don't tease," Jane begged. Maura was tempted to do just that, to give Jane a dose of her own medicine, but there would be plenty of time for that later.
Maura stroked through Jane's folds, up and down, circling her clit with firm, even strokes. With her other hand she rolled Jane's nipple between her fingers. She nipped Jane's clit with her teeth as she slipped two fingers inside her.
Jane bucked and twisted, fisting one hand in Maura's hair and the other in the sheets. Maura worked her fingers in and out of Jane, twisting and stroking as she manipulated her clit with her lips and tongue.
In minutes Jane was worked into a desperate frenzy, cries of ecstasy spilling forth from her lips.
"Jesus Maura," she moaned. "I want to feel you."
Eager to comply, Maura slid up Jane's body until she was lying on top of her, their stomachs pressed flush together. It was awkward for Maura's arm but she kept up the pressure against Jane's clit, pushing Jane over the edge with precise movements.
Jane crashed like a tidal wave, coming apart in Maura's arms. Jane reached her head up and grabbed Maura's lips, kissing her with a tender ferocity that made Maura's chest ache.
"Mmm," Maura hummed against Jane's lips. "I love the way you taste."
Jane opened charcoal eyes and grinned widely.
"My turn," she said, and it sounded dangerous, like a warning.
Jane flipped them with ease, and Maura felt comfortable under her. Jane was looming over her, strength in every fiber of her being. It should have felt risky being under Jane, at her mercy, but it was the safest Maura had felt in years.
Nothing could hurt her here.
Jane kissed Maura softly, just a brush of her lips.
"Damn, you're gorgeous," Jane sighed, her eyes roving over Maura's body.
Maura felt almost too tightly strung and Jane hadn't even really touched her yet.
Moving down the bed, Jane kissed an erratic pattern across Maura's flawless skin. She took the time to kiss every freckle, every scar, every wide-open expanse of flesh. She made a map in her mind of places to return to later.
"You're killing me," Maura moaned.
"I just need to remember," Jane mumbled.
"Hmm?" Maura struggled to think coherently through the fog in her brain.
"Just in case I wake up and this isn't real," Jane breathed. "I have to remember everything."
She kissed Maura's ankle. "How you feel."
She kissed Maura's knee. "How you taste."
She coaxed Maura's panties down and tossed them aside. "How you smell."
She kissed the inside of Maura's thigh, her hands stroking over Maura's hips.
And then, Maura's world became nothing but Jane when soft lips grazed over her most sensitive skin. Jane kissed and licked at Maura's center, her fingers and tongue deftly working against her.
Maura thrashed in pleasure, one hand in the sheets and the other grasping for Jane. Jane slipped her hand into Maura's and squeezed. Their hands stayed clasped as Jane used her lips and tongue to bring Maura closer and closer to the edge.
Tugging, Maura tried to pull Jane over her but Jane resisted. Maura could feel the inevitable crescendo building and she tried to hold off. She wanted to be surrounded by Jane when she came. Maura tugged their joined hands again, and Jane complied reluctantly, replacing the heat of her mouth with deft fingers.
Jane released Maura's hand and instead wrapped her arm around behind Maura's shoulders, cradling Maura against her. Jane kissed along Maura's jawline, sucked her earlobe between her teeth.
"Let go," she coaxed. "I've got you."
Maura stopped fighting then, and gave into the sensations ricocheting through her body. "Jane," she cried out, grasping tightly to the slick skin of her lover. Jane continued her ministrations, drawing out Maura's pleasure for as long as possible.
Maura came down from the high slowly, Jane's roaming hands sending tiny sparks of pleasure coursing through her overly sensitive skin.
Jane shifted as if to roll off but Maura wrapped her arms around her tightly. A small smile curled Jane's lips as she settled against the woman under her.
They laid that way for endless minutes, breathing each other in.
Maura had never felt the way she felt in that minute. She didn't know what to say, how to express to Jane something she couldn't understand, could just feel.
Jane pressed a soft kiss to Maura's forehead.
"You're amazing," she crooned. Maura blushed. "I mean it," Jane's voice was reverent. "I want to see you like this every day for the rest of my life."
Their eyes met, held. Maura could see it all there, reflected in Jane's gaze. She could see passion, love, sharing a home, a wedding, children. Not much else would change. Jane was already her best friend, her confidant, the one person she trusted and respected above all others.
Jane was already everything to her.
"I think I'm ok with that," Maura whispered.
Jane pulled back and Maura wrapped her legs around her to stop her.
"I'm just going to turn off the light," Jane laughed. "I'll be right back."
Reluctantly, Maura released her, immediately missing the warmth of Jane's skin.
Jane padded out of the room naked, and Maura grinned lasciviously at the view. Maura could hear her checking the door, the windows, turning off lights.
Exhaustion hit Maura like the proverbial ton of bricks and she yawned widely, closing her eyes.
There was something endlessly comforting about being able to hear Jane moving through the house, locking out the rest of the world.
When Jane flipped the lights off, Maura was barely managing to stay awake. Jane slid back into the bed and Maura immediately curled up against her, tucking herself up against Jane as tightly as physics and anatomy would allow.
Jane welcomed her with open arms, wrapping Maura in her grasp and pulling the comforter over them.
Maura nuzzled her nose against her favorite spot on Jane's neck.
In the morning, there would be a lot to talk about.
"I love you, you know," Jane said matter-of-factly.
"I know," Maura yawned. "I love you too."
"Goodnight," Jane replied, shifting slightly to get more comfortable.
"Goodnight," Maura replied. "I'll be here when you wake up."
Jane settled, holding Maura incrementally tighter.
Just before sleep overtook Maura, she thought fleetingly about caulk and paint and how maybe, just maybe, patching holes was merely a matter of finding the right woman for the job.