Boy Meets Future World, a boy meets world fanfic

Boy Meets Future World

Chapter One

Lose one friend, lose all friends, lose yourself.

"Such are the words of the manifesto of the great prophet Playswithsquirrels, who was married to a moose, as legend tells us," said Mr. Warren Turner, who stood in front of his English class. "And I believe that said prophet was related to someone in this very classroom."

His eyes swept over the room and landed on a boy with Velcro-like hair.

"What?" the boy asked.

"Mr. Matthews, am I correct in ascertaining that you had an ancestor named Cory?"

"Are you tspeaking* of my great-great grandfather Cory, whose father was Alan?"

"That's the one," said Mr. Turner. "He had a brother named Eric Matthews, didn't he?"

"I wouldn't know; all I know is that he had a sister named Morgan," said the boy with Velcro hair.

"Trust me, he had a brother. And Eric was Playswithsquirrels."

"Oh…"

"I guess you don't see any significance do you, Mr. Matthews?"

"No, I don't, Mr. Turner."

"You'll learn."

The bell rang, and the class dashed for the exit. The kid with Velcro hair and his best friend were the last to leave. A girl was checking out the best friend as she exited. You could tell that she wanted to rip his clothes off.

"So, Holden, can you believe we have to do two hours of virtual physical education today?" the kid with Velcro hair asked his best friend.

"I know…so ridiculous. My RTC** can barely do five-thousand push ups a minute, let alone jump over a mountain with no technological gear made since, like, 2050."

"I'm telling you, Holden, we are probably going to fail that class epically."

"I just want to send the teacher to Bern."

"But the teacher is just a virtual cockroach, and you know that cockroaches can survive radiation, which means that it's doubtful that if Juddwazzli was a real cockroach he would burn in Bern."

"Burn in Bern!" Holden exclaimed uproariously. "Eddie, you are a riot."

They laughed their heads off on their way to their next class.

"His name was PlayswithSquireels

He was married to a moose named

Fwawoowoolala, Fwawoowoola, Fwawoowoolala

Oh please recite his creed, if you please,

To have friends is more important than owning cheese

Never let strife nor people parking in your spot,

Deprive you of true honor,

And bonor, and donnor, and Connor,

And Blitzen, and Prancer, and Cancer and—"

"Ingrid, will you stop that horrible singing?" Eddie asked his little sister. "You're getting the songs mixed up again, and you sound like a blender."

"What's a blender?" Ingrid asked, her eyes wide.

"I don't know; it's just an expression." Eddie pulled something out of his pocket, which looked like a King of Hearts Playing Card, except that it was in constant motion and there were numbers on the side. "Oh great, we're late for our parental fixclox meeting. If we don't hurry, they might automactially assign us geed status, and you know what that means, Ingrid."

"No, I don't."

"It means we'll be nuclearized."

Ingrid's eyes went wide again, this time in fright. Every child feared being nuclearized, even if they didn't quite know what it meant.

Twenty minutes later, Eddie and Ingrid arrived at an oval purple building. They entered, and a woman sitting behind a mahogany desk called them over.

"Please put your names and numbers on this pad," she said.

Eddie wrote for Ingrid, since she was too young to know how to write yet.

Ingrid Matthews, 6-3-93-3049584738

Eddie Matthews, 15-4-85-2930849334

"Okay, Eddie, please have a seat with your sister. Dr. Alphonse will call you momentarily."

"Momentarily" meant, "please wait a week." But you had to sit at the doctor's office the entire time. The doctor did not care whether you missed school or not. So the schools, to make up for this, had weekends where students who missed school could make up their work. Teachers hated this instituation…some teachers never got a day off from work ever. Not during the summer, not during Holidayentide, not during Spring Break. Only desperate people and nut-jobs could stand the rigors of teaching.

Eddie pulled out his handheld video game to play a six-dimensional shooter. Ingrid sang until her throat got dry, then asked Eddie if she could borrow his system so that she could play Pokemon Valley Dogs Version. He complied, after which he glanced through the magazines on the doctor's table. Nothing interested him for a time, but then he found a winner, with the headline, "Warren Turner Arrested For Backward-Appliancing."

He opened the magazine to the article he was looking for and read:

"Warren Turner, age 19, of Gale County, MO, was arrested yesterday for backward-appliancing. As we all know, it is illegal to use appliances made before the Planned Obsolescence Act was passed. These include toasters, blenders, microwaves, refrigerators, and pocket calculators. Most of this magazine's readers probably don't even know what any of these outdated appliances were used for. Be that as it may, police have reason to suspect that Turner has learnt what they are, how to use them, what they are for, and most heinous of all, actually found some of these outdated appliances. Of course, discovering these illegal objects are not against the law, but using them is, and if police can prove that Turner did so, it could mean life in prison. The Planned Obsolescence Act was passed for the safety of the citizens of the United States. Please report any suspicious violation of this act to your local law officers."

Eddie couldn't believe it! His teacher had committed a felony. But he obviously wasn't convicted, as he was teaching. Unless the man discussed in the article was a different Warren Turner? Eddie looked at the picture again. No, it was definitely his teacher. The wheels in Eddie's head began turning…

*In the English of the future, all words that began with the letters "sp" in our time begin with "tsp" in theirs. However, the T is silent, so the word "tspatial" is pronounced the same way as "spatial."

**RTC – retro tspacial** character. An RTC only has three dimensions. In this future, video games all run up to eight or nine dimensions at most, and five dimensions at least. In the schools, however, they saw no reason to have more than three dimensions for their virtual physical education system. However, some of the more advanced schools do have them. But the school our characters attend is just average.