It's the scene at the church thing after Jen had just told tilly that they can't be together...again!
Tilly sat there. Her vision was blured by the tears in her dissapointed eyes. 'why would she do that to me? Build me up and just watch me fall?' She thought. With that the tears came streaming down her face. She quietly sobbed. Tilly honestly believed that she was falling in love with Jen. The way she smiled, with her upper teeth sitting upon her lower lip, the way she smelt, her perfume so sweet. The way she kissed, the type that just feels as though its ment to be. Tilly had not kissed many people before, of course she had a small encounter in the past with Esther, and had a boyfriend or two in the far past but she could just tell that the kiss that they shared was the special kind. Despite having little to compare it on. Every single touch that Jen and Tilly exchanged felt amazing. Tilly loved the feel of Jen's skin. Smooth and warm. She loved the way Jen held her hand as though she wanted to keep her safe, as though she wanted Tilly to be hers and no one elses. When it was just them alone, nothing else mattered but then.
*beep*
Her thoughts were interupted by the beep of her phone. She snatched it from her hand bag and read the text. It was from Maddie. Tilly's heart hit the floor. 'how could I ever be so stupid to think it would be Jen? She's the one who left me in the first place.' She thought. Maddie was asking if she wanted to go out later. But Tilly's mind was so focused on Jen. That name...Jen, it made Tilly's heart melt, it made her feel happy inside and put a smile upon her face. She would've given up on her by now if it was with anyone else, but the fact that she knew that Jen wanted her now, the fact that she heard it with her own ears, just made her want it even more. Their time together was so rare that when it did happen it felt magical...
Time past. Tilly had been sitting on that same bench for about an hour since Jen left now. Her thoughts were purely Jen revolved. The more she thought the more she realised how much Jen ment to her. Never did a day pass when Tilly would wonder if Jen felt the same, if she stayed up all night thinking of her, looking forward to the next lesson she would have with her in, the time they spent together, the kiss. Tilly reached into her bag and pulled out her journal. She had been writing in it a lot since she met Jen. Every emotion she would note. She flicked through it. Examining each page, reading the entry she had done on the night that they went to the beach. She smiled...
'theres no denying what a great day that was...'
Tilly looked up. There standing over her was a beautiful young lady with glossy black hair and cherry red lipstick. A lady that had the power to make or break Tilly's heart. It was Jen. Tilly was so hung up in her own little world that she had just completely blocked out everything surrounding her. She didn't even notice the lady that ment the world was standing right next to her. Tilly quickly snapped the journal shut and stuffed it back in her bag, clearly embarrassed. Jen's face dropped slightly, she sat next to Tilly and looked her directly in the eyes, 'you've got nothing to be scared about' she said softly, 'can I please take a look?' She nodded towards the journal that stuck out of Tilly's bag. Tilly hesitated. She didn't want Jen to think that she was a freak or obsessed. But never the less she pulled it out and handed it to Jen. She watched anxiously as she flicked through the pages, her face was emotionless but it was obvious that she was observing every word that Tilly had truthfully wrote. Once she was done she closed the journal and stared at its plain cover. The silence was painful. Jen looked up into Tilly's eyes. She had always found them so beautiful. They always had a gleam in them that distracted Jen so easily. She looked down to her lips, her perfect pink lips, so plump and soft. Jen couldn't resist it any longer, she needed Tilly. She leaned forward and kissed her. Tilly was stunned but she dared not to pull away, it was a moment like this that she dreamt about at night. Their lips locked together perfectly. Tilly placed her hands upon Jen's waist, pulling her closer, she wanted to be as close to her as she could get. Nothing mattered, but then. Jen pulled away. But not in a way that she usually would before she would then give the 'we can't do this speech'. Infact she place her hand upon Tilly's face and stared into her eyes, passionately. They were each others world. They may not be together, but they both knew that deep down they knew that they belonged together.
'My parents are on a trip, they won't be back until next week, do you wanna come round?' Tilly asked calmly. With out thinking Jen replied 'yes.' She was so caught up in the moment. Resisting Tilly every hour of everyday killed her. She felt as though she needed to give herself a break and just treat herself to the only thing she desired. Tilly tried to hide her shocked expression, scared that Jen may then change her mind. Instead she smiled, showing her teeth. Jen smiled back at her, she couldn't believe what she was doing but she wanted to live for the present. Her smile faded and she leant forward and planted the most meaningful kiss upon Tilly's lips...
The door bell rang. Tilly made her way over to the door and quickly opened it. 'Hi!' She said with a huge smile upon her face. 'Hiya' said Jen in the adorable voice that made Tilly's heart melt. She gestured for Jen to come in before closing the door after her. Jen observed the living room. It was very cosy. Not to Tilly's surprise did Jen approach the painting that was above the fireplace. 'wow' Jen said. 'thanks' winked Tilly. Jen gave her a confused look. 'I painted it, around last year. I went through a difficult time, painting really inspired me. You know when you read or paint or write and you just... get so into it that you just forget everything. Your problems, your surrounding, you just forget...' She looked up at Jen. Whose eyes seemed glued upon Tilly. She looked scared. 'Yes. I know exactly what you mean' she leant down and kissed her. Tilly kissed her back, Jen's lips were the only ones she wanted anywhere near her, ever. She didn't care that she probably had Jen's lipstick all over her mouth. She just wanted her so much. Tilly's hands drifted from Jen's face down to her waist. Jen couldn't help but let out a small moan. She pulled her arms around Tilly's back and led her down onto the sofa before getting on top of her. They looked into each others eyes, both gleaming with romance. They both wondering if this was a dream. It felt to good to be real. Tilly sat up and kissed Jen. She then motioned for Jen's hand. Jen knew exactly where she was going to take her. Upstairs. Her heart was pounding against her chest, she gazed at Tilly and took it. Tilly led her up the stairs and into her bedroom which was covered in band posters and other typical teenage girl stuff. Tilly sat on her bed, she was so much more scared than she appeared, but she wanted Jen. Wanted Jen like she had never wanted somebody before. 'are you okay?' She asked. Jen felt ill with nerves. 'Are you sure you want to do this?' Tilly stood up, wrapped her arms around Jen's neck and kissed her passionately. 'im sure.' She whispered... Romance began.
They both led there, heads touching each other. Holding hands. Jen's heart still carried on pumping in her chest. She was surprised that she hadn't had a heart attack. Tilly remained silently still. 'Tilly?' Whispered Jen. 'Tilly what's wrong? Have a upset you, I didn't hurt you, did I?' She began to panic. 'No Jen, no I promise you didnt' said Tilly sensing Jen's fright. She looked up into Jen's eyes. 'Tilly, you're crying? Please, what's wrong?'
'This.' She replied, 'How can something so wrong be so right, I mean. This was perfect. So perfect. But just knowing ill have to go to collage and pretend that this didn't happen, to pretend that I'm not falling in love with you...'
'Wait' interupts Jen. 'Youre falling in love with me?' A single tear escape from Tilly's eye and fell upon her pillow.
'Yes.' Jen always knew that her and Tilly shared something special, but Tilly was falling in love with her? Now this was something else. This was not to say that she didn't feel the same way because she did, infact she possibly was already in love with her. But Jen had just hit reality. Her job, which she had worked for years on end. Every sacrifice she made to try make it. Everything had paid off. But now she was willing to risk it all...for a school girl? Who just happened to be her pupil? Giving the wrong impression Jen searched for her clothes that had earlier been passionately flung upon the floor.
'jen, no please don't go, please'
'this was a mistake' said Jen.
Knowing how bitchy she sounded and hating it. Tilly stared at her not knowing how to react.
'ive had enough' tilly declared in a tone that made Jen turn around.
'Are you using me for you own little game or something? Do I actually mean anything to you? why did you even come back earlier on? One minute you care. The next you're telling me how big of a mistake I am. I don't understand you.' She felt tears dribbling down her cheeks but tried her best to keep them back, scared that she appeared weak. After a minute of silence Jen spoke up. 'I can see the pain I cause you Tilly, and its not good. You're 16 years old. You have your whole life ahead of you, you have all this work to be keeping up with, you're...my pupil...and see that's the part that makes me want to leave you, my head, but its my heart. My heart is the problem because all I seem to think about is you. All I can seem to want is you. Whenever you're near me I just want to hold you and kiss you and make you mine. But I can't.'
As soon as the word can't came out of her mouth she felt a lump in her throat. Tilly pulled Jen into her and hugged her tightly.
'Its okay' began Tilly. 'It's hard I know but a conclusion will come from it. It's our mess. Just be mine...not now, but in the future...please...'
Jen glanced at Tilly. How could she say no to the girl of her dreams...