Crack!fic Entry for Daily Prophet
Prompt: crack!fic or = 500 words
Beta under Duress: Story Please
488 words without A/N.
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Ron woke up screaming.
What a horrible nightmare.
He had dreamed that he was stuck in a loveless marriage thanks to some Marriage Law passed by the Ministry of Magic to "repopulate" the Wizarding World.
In his dream, he'd been forced to marry Pansy Parkinson, and she made him read Babbity Rabbity to their pug-nosed, red-headed children every night to the song Keep the Home Fires Burning. All of the children would eat nothing but chocolate frogs, and each of them had been named after American States. So instead of nice, normal, Wizarding names, he was forced to be out with California, Washington, Delaware, Texas, and Mississippi. To make matters worse, all of the children had familiars and named them after characters from a Muggle movie of some sort, and their cats were named Scotty, Sulu, Spock, Kirk, and Bones.
Ron caught his breath and moaned, rubbing his hair. At least it was a nightmare. The room he was in was not the Parkinson Estate, there were no toys left lying about from their multitude of children. He was safe and sound in his modest flat in the middle of London. All he had to do is get up, wash his face, brush his teeth, and walk to the Auror's office. Maybe Harry would get a good laugh out of his dream.
Ron yawned and pulled the wadded blankets up and smoothed them over the bed, but there was a lump there.
Did he have a date last night? Was there firewhisky involved? That might explain a few things.
The lump in the bed grunted and one pinkish hand pulled down the blanket out from over her face. "Good morning, husband," the witch purred.
Ron snapped his head around to look at his hand.
A shiny gold ring with inset rubies so pale they were almost pink was fused to his finger: the kind of thing Ministry marriage spells were wont to do.
It didn't sound like Pansy. What a relief. He could handle being married to some random witch. Anything was better than Pansy Parkinson.
He turned to look at his new wife.
"Hem, hem," the witch said with an amphibious giggle. "I look forward to having our required three or more children together."
Ronald Weasley stared with absolute horror as his eyes refused to spare him the reality of exactly who he was married to.
He looked around the room.
Hundreds of porcelain kitten and cat plates mewled at him from each wall.
Ronald Weasley was admitted to St Mungo's less than an hour later.
-o-o-o-o-o-
(picture of Ronald Weasley in straight jacket with Madam Dolores Weasley pouting towards the camera)
Severus Snape set down his morning Daily Prophet and placed his hand on his wife's. "What goes around comes around. What say you, my wife?"
Hermione Granger-Snape beamed at her husband as her lips pressed against his. "Kiss me."