Magic Moment's Series Summary: In which the relationship between Sirius and Remus is explored in depth; from friendship, to love, to nostalgia. From Marauders' Era to Pre-Prisoner of Azkaban.
Story Summary: Remus is lost in memories of times long gone, before the night that Sirius betrayed them, and it takes an offer from Professor Dumbledore to pull him out of it. Implied RemusSirius
Warnings: Mentioned slash
Rating: T
Dedicated to and Beta'd by chronicXXinsanity for her awesomeness as a beta, which I definitely do not deserve.
Same old Song
Third and last in the Magic Moments series
Simone, wish I was sober,
So I could clearly now the rain has gone
Simone, I guess it's over,
My memory plays out to the same old song.
James Blunt - 1973
Remus sat in a pub - he couldn't tell you which pub, but it had booze, and that's all that mattered - watching the other patrons with eyes already bloodshot with excessive consumption of alcohol. They were here having a good time, having a laugh with their mates, while he was drowning his sorrows. A lifetime worth of sorrows, really.
"Another one, mate?" The barman asked. Remus just nodded, downing the rest of his gin and pushing the empty glass across the smooth surface. Alcohol was a pleasure he would usually be unable to afford, but due to a recent uncaring attitude towards unimportant things such as morals, he had, for the first time in his life, transfigured a few pebbles into muggle coins and drunk enough alcohol to put someone who wasn't a werewolf into a coma.
So here he was again, sitting in yet another muggle pub, listening to more melancholy music mixed with laughter and chatter from the others in the pub who were actually somewhat happy with their lives. Well, Remus realised, they probably had a reason to be.
He could have been happy. Despite the lycanthropy, despite being the leper of society, despite everything, he could have been happy.
'Fuck you, Sirius Black,' Remus thought, not for the first time.
Thirteen years, he realised. Thirteen years since the bastard had taken everything from him. His friends, his financial support, his cause, his heart, his love, his life…Sirius had taken everything.
Was it any wonder that three years ago, ten years to the day of that fateful night, Remus had walked in to a pub with the intention of falling into an intoxicated stupor, and had continued drinking ever since?
Sirius had taken everything Remus had, and that wasn't much. With no chance that he could set his life back on track, Remus had wandered aimlessly. And now he had to ask himself, what was the point?
The night that James and Lily had been betrayed was the single worst moment of Remus's life. It was worse than the night he had been bitten. It was worse than the fiftieth rejection letter he got from all the magical schools he had applied to. It was worse than the night Sirius had told Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow.
It was worse than the time Remus had thought Sirius was dead.
Remus wished that Sirius had died that day. Because then he would still have Lily and James and Pete. He would have been devastated, but he would have somehow found a way to carry on. He would have had the memories.
Not this way. This way, he lost all his friends, and his lover had betrayed him. He had no support to help him keep going and his life just sort of…stopped. Nowhere to go, nothing to do.
And the memories… well, he still had them, but he wished he didn't. Because every time he remembered Sirius's cheerful smile, the picture twisted into a demented, hateful smirk before his eyes. Every time a shadow of his carefree laugh rang in Remus's ears, the werewolf wondered if Sirius had laughed like that when he gave Voldemort the information that sent Lily and James to their deaths. Every time he remembered Sirius kissing him, he realised it had all been a lie.
Each time that happened, the knife twisted in a little deeper. He found it harder to take the next breath that would keep him alive. And the memories would still come back, as strong as ever.
"Ah Remus, fancy seeing you here."
Remus literally jumped a foot off the ground as a tall man with a white beard and twinkling, blue eyes sat down besides him.
"Headmaster! I'm sorry, I didn't notice you."
"No, you seemed quite consumed in…thought," Dumbledore said, pausing only briefly as his eyes flicked to the empty glass Remus had clutched in his hands. "I mean to disturb you only for the slightest of moments."
Remus nodded, and watched as Dumbledore waved the barkeeper over. The man's eyes quickly took in the headmaster's appearance, from the pointy wizard's had to the bright purple robe, and did not even blink. The werewolf supposed that he got a lot of strange people in here.
"I'll have whatever this young man's having," Dumbledore said to him pleasantly, and the barman nodded. It wasn't long before an extremely strong beverage was pushed into the elderly wizard's hands.
"So Remus," Dumbledore asked pleasantly. "What brings you to such a place on a fine night like this?"
Remus shrugged - something which he probably wouldn't have done if he had been more sober. "Not much else to do, sir, and nowhere else I'm interested in going."
"I see," Dumbledore said gravely.
"May I ask what brings you here?"
"You may." Dumbledore waited patiently, and Remus blinked several times before realising that he actually had to ask.
"What brings you here, sir?"
"I'm glad you asked that Remus. You see, I have a proposition for you."
There was a moment's silence, and Remus realised once again that the headmaster would volunteer no more information unprompted.
"And what would this proposition be, Headmaster?"
"I have a vacancy, Remus. A vacancy that comes up every year since before you even came to Hogwarts."
Remus raised an eyebrow. "Still have the cursed Defence Against the Dark Arts position then?"
"I'm afraid so," Dumbledore said amiably.
"And what exactly is this proposition?" Remus asked, deciding that if Dumbledore could be difficult then he could too.
Dumbledore's blue eyes twinkled. "I would like you to teach it."
Remus raised his eyebrows. "Oh? And what does the board think of this?"
"Naturally it is none of their business," Dumbledore said lightly. "Your condition would remain between you, me, and the staff, who I will advise to act with discretion."
"And how do you think this arrangement will end, Headmaster?" Remus asked, his voice somewhat cold. Dumbledore frowned.
"I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean, Remus."
"I mean that no teacher has lasted longer than a year since before I was there. If I can recall there were some rather distressing circumstances under which some of them left. Murder, vanishing, irreversible transfiguration, troll attacks…. What with my condition, it doesn't take much guesswork to figure out how I will end my teaching career."
"All necessary precautions will be taken, of course. Our potions master will brew the wolfsbane potion each month, and, provided you take it, you will be of no danger to the other teachers or students."
"It's still a big risk, Professor."
"Of course, one of your students, should you take the position, will be young Harry Potter. I trust you will show him no favouritism?"
Remus jerked at the name. "Harry…."
"He is remarkably like his father, so I'm told," Dumbledore commented idly. And then, rather suddenly, he rose from his chair. "Well, let me know if you choose to accept. I will await your answer by owl."
Remus didn't even have time to rise from his chair before the headmaster was out the door. Slowly the werewolf sunk back down.
He needn't send an owl, really, Remus thought to himself. Both he and Dumbledore had known his answer the moment Harry was mentioned. Remus hadn't gone near his late friend's son since before that night, and he would be lying if he said it wasn't a major pull for him.
"Interesting friend, you have there," the barman said. Remus nodded in a preoccupied way.
And just like that, Remus decided. Throwing back his head, he tipped the remainder of the strong, muggle alcohol down his throat. He heaved himself up and fished in his pockets for some muggle money. To his surprise, he drew out an envelope tied with string. Opening it quickly, a letter and several coins fell out onto the counter, making a loud clanking noise. He raised his eyebrow when he noted that they added up to the exact amount required to settle his account.
He pushed the money across the counter, picked up the folded square pf parchment and made his way out of the pub. As he exited, the chilly air hit him, winds wrapping their icy fingers around the werewolf's quickly-freezing limbs. He resisted the temptation to bundle up inside his long coat in favour of pulling out the letter.
Dear Professor Lupin,
Please accept this muggle money as an endorsement encouraging you to take the role we discussed. I'm sure you're transfiguration skills have done enough damage to the muggle economy.
You will find your quarters ready for you whenever you should arrive.
Yours truly,
Professor Dumbledore.
P.S. I'm sure this goes without saying, but please sober up before you commence teaching.
Remus was torn between annoyance and amusement. Clearly the headmaster had no doubt as to what his decision would be. Remus had a feeling that this was the beginning of a new era. Something important was taking place.
If only his alcohol-clouded mind could grasp what that something was.
He needed to sober up.