**Author's Note: So, this my first attempt at writing a fanfic, so be gentle, lol. I'm trying to stay as true to the game canon as possible, so the dialogue is exactly as it is in the game. It's just a one-shot for now, but I might end up developing it to span the course of the game.
Love was never a word Shepard would've used to describe her feelings towards Kaidan. She cared about him, of course, and there was no denying their sexual attraction. But the word "love" implied a depth and closeness that wasn't there. At least not for her. She was hurt by what had happened on Horizon, but more because Kaidan had abandoned her as a comrade, not as a lover.
Garrus, on the other hand . . . Garrus was always there when she needed him. A realization had been creeping up on her the past few weeks, having Garrus aboard the Normandy again. When he'd taken that missile hit on Omega; when Shepard thought she'd lost him . . . But she didn't want to think about that now.
She thought back instead to when she'd first met him in Dr. Michel's clinic on The Citadel. She'd thought him reckless and brash back then, but there was something in the way he'd handled himself . . . she would've thought it sexy in a human, she'd told herself at the time. She was finally able to admit to herself, now, after all these years, that, human, turian, it didn't matter. Garrus was sexy.
Then, when she'd found him on Omega . . . He'd changed. Just a little. He was still her old friend Garrus, but he was Archangel too, hardened and world-weary. She'd been annoyed by his naivete at times in the past, but looking into his eyes when they first reconnected on Omega, she would've gladly dealt with that naivete in spades if it meant diminishing the pain she'd seen behind his eyes in that moment.
And after Sidonis, when there had been nothing to say, she'd just wanted to pull him into her arms, kiss him, and make the pain go away. She had even found herself starting to reach for him, but pulled herself up short just in time. That was the moment she'd realized she loved him. When instinct had her nearly announcing it, nothing but her years of hard earned self control keeping her from showing him how much she cared. She was forced to admit it to herself now. She, Commander Jane Shepard, a human, was in love with a turian named Garrus Vakarian.
And now here she stood, just outside his door. What was she going to say? Shepard didn't do anything without a plan; winging it like this was terrifying. She took a deep breath and hit the control panel to open the door to the main battery.
"Shepard, need me for something?" Garrus was always ready when the Commander needed him.
"Have you got a minute?" She asked, fighting to keep her voice steady and neutral.
"Sure, just killing time anyway".
Shepard took a seat in the corner, forcing her self to remain non-chalant.
"It's strange going into a suicide mission on a human ship", he continued, "Your people don't prepare for high risk operations the way turians do".
"How do turian crews get ready for high risk missions?" she asked, trying to make normal conversation while suppressing the internal freak out she was going through.
"With violence, usually. Turian ships have more operational discipline than your Alliance, but fewer personal restrictions. Our commanders run us tight, and they know we need to blow off steam. Turian ships have training rooms for exercise, combat sims, even full contact sparring. Whatever lets people work off stress."
"You mean turian ships have crewmen fighting each other before a mission?" That was different.
"It's supervised, of course. Nobody is going to risk an injury that interferes with the mission. And it's a good way to settle grudges amicably".
"I remember one mission", he continued, "We were about to hit a batarian pirate squad. Very risky. This recon scout and I had been at each others throats. Nerves, mostly. She suggested we settle it in the ring.
"I assume you took her down gently?" She? Shepard hadn't expected that.
"Actually, she and I were the top ranked hand to hand specialists on the ship. I had reach, but she had flexibility. It was brutal. After nine rounds, the judge called it a draw. There were a lot of unhappy betters in the training room. We, uh, ended up holding a tiebreaker in her quarters. I had reach, she had flexibility. More than one way to work off stress, I guess".
Shepard was really not expecting that. She took a deep breath and forced out a laugh, trying to match his nonchalance and confidence with her own. How should she answer? Before she knew what was happening, she blurted out . . .
"It sounds like you're carrying some tension. Maybe I could help you get rid of it." Oh god! Had she really just said that?
"I didn't think you'd feel like sparring, Commander".
"What if we skipped right to the tiebreaker? We could test your reach, my . . . flexibility?" This was not the way she intended this to happen! Too late to go back now, she walked over to the control panel, leaning on it with what she hoped was coming across as confidence. He'd mentioned the "stress relief" with such casualness, she was just trying to match his nonchalance, but suddenly the usually unflappable Garrus was bumbling and nervous.
"Oh! I didn't . . . Huh. Never knew you had a weakness for men with scars". He considered for a moment, "Well, why the hell not? There's nobody in this galaxy I respect more than you. And if we can figure out a way to make it work, then . . . yeah. Definitely".
She smiled at him at she walked out of the main battery. Well, it was a start. Shepard wasn't sure how she'd ended up proposing casual sex with Garrus, but at least he knew she was interested. She would eventually build up the courage to actually tell him how she felt. She hoped.