It happened again. And, like all those times before, Dean wanted nothing more than to forget it. Cas, as much as it pained him to do so for many reasons, helped take the memory of it.
"Cas, are you alright?" Dean asks, like he always does after he remembers nothing about the kiss.
Castiel forces a blank expression and keeps moving, "Fine. We need to keep moving along." Dean doesn't think anything of Cas' behavior, he's used to Castiel acting indifferent. The two travel in the Impala quietly, on the lookout for Sam.
Castiel doesn't get it, why does Dean make the first move and then panics and asks for the moment to be erased from his memory? It pains Castiel, every time. Castiel treasures every kiss and each time he hopes it will be the time Dean will want to savior.
It always happens when they're alone, after Sam has left. Dean gets quiet after saying a stupid joke Castiel doesn't understand, and then takes Cas' hand softly. He stays quiet and Castiel can feel Dean hesitate before his lips crash onto his own. It's a different experience every time. Soft kisses, hard and demanding kisses, passionate kisses, light and quick kisses; they are different each time it happens but always mean the same thing. At least, to Castiel they do, and he tries to hold onto the moment for as long as possible before Dean pulls away with wide eyes and heavy breathing.
Maybe if Castiel made the first move, or if he admitted his feelings it would end differently.
"You sure you're okay Cas?" Dean glances at the angel, who is sitting quietly on the passenger side. Castiel is quiet, but not this quiet. He usually says a thing or two about burgers or asks to know more about things humans do. Now that Dean is looking at him, something does seem off. For the past week after a mission that Cas has tagged along in, he is always 'shut down'.
Castiel doesn't answer, he's too concentrated on trying to figure out Deans' reasons are for wanting to forget something so...right.
As soon as the two walk into the Motel, Sam knows something's wrong. Dean walks in with a glum and sullen expression, followed by Castiel whose face is wiped clean of any emotion.
Dean fills Sam in on what happened on their mission, but says nothing about why Castiel might be upset.
"I'll see you two later.." Sam stands up, his laptop at hand. Dean glances at his brother confusedly, "Whoa, Where are you going?"
Sam won't say it, but he's just going down the street to a small coffee shop to leave the two to settle whatever it is that's going on between them. "I have to do some research". Dean knows Sam is bluffing, but says nothing.
"Dean" Dean jumps and holds his chest; he had forgotten Castiel was also in the room. He turns and is once again shocked when he finds Castiel directly in front of him. "Goddammit Cas" His breath fans Castiels face softly.
Castiel takes Dean's face in his hands without a word. "Cas wha-" Dean is cut off by a sudden flash of what seem to be memories now going through his head. All are the same, yet very different. In each memory Dean crashes his lips onto Castiels very own. He can remember the feel of the angels lips on his own, how great it felt.
Castiel let go of Deans face and said nothing, just looked at Dean who seemed at a loss for words.
"Cas, I-" Once again, Dean was cut off, but this time by Castiels lips meeting his.
Castiel didn't hesitate this time, he poured all of his feelings into this kiss as Dean did the same. At least Castiel will remember this special moment after Dean begs for him to erase it from his memory.
Dean pulls away to look at Castiel with wide eyes.
'Here it comes' Castiel prepares for the heartbreak that is to come once Dean begins panicking.
Instead, what comes from Dean is a small whimper, "I'm sorry Cas, I was afraid before." He then brings the angel closer once more for a long embrace.
That was it, the reason Dean had wanted to forget the past kisses was because he was afraid. Afraid of being left behind, like he has been too many times before. Now he knew Castiel would never leave, never forget him because he could have done so many times before and he didn't. He always came back. He was always there, even when he wasn't there physically. And he would always be there, for as long as Dean wanted him to and that would be for a very long time.