SUMMARY: From the day Kili was born, she had always relied on her brother Fili to make everything all better, from hurt feelings to boo-boos to shouting matches with their mother as she got older. Fili had always done his best to do so. But the one day he wasn't there, was the day he almost lost her, his beautiful, wild sister, his Kili, his One.
NOTE: Please be gentle. Not only have I been sick with pneumonia and experiencing severe writer's block lately, but this is the first (and probably last) gender-bending Hobbit fanfic I've ever written. I don't particularly like them (Kili as a female is probably my least favorite because, I mean really, he is just hot-damn, drop dead perfect as a male) but I tried to push myself, hoping beyond hope that perhaps it would break my block. Perhaps someone will enjoy.
When Kili had returned home from the hunting trip she'd been on, Fili was, as usual, at the forge. The elder prince who had been apprenticing with his uncle Thorin and other masters during Thorin's absence, was forging a beautiful dagger for his sister. It was etched with Kili's sigil, balanced perfectly for her slim hands and honed to perfection. Fili had spent the better part of a month working the steel until it yielded to his hand and formed a weapon worthy of the girl who had captured Fili's heart on the day of her birth some forty years ago. It would make a wonderful gift for Kili's coming of age on her next name day that was now just weeks away.
When Dwalin entered the small, thatched roof cottage that housed the heirs of Durin, Dis, mother to Fili and Kili had all but fainted to see the great warrior with her daughter in his arms. Thorin Oakenshield, the dwarven king without a crown, sent the first person he could lay hands on, a young dwarf named Gimli, running for Oin, their village healer. "Stop by the forge and bring back Fili, Gimli," Thorin called after him. Fili would never forgive them if he was not told that Kili had returned.
Fili was stropping the newly-finished blade's edge on an old, tough piece of leather to make it razor sharp when the door to the forge burst open. His little cousin Gimli was bent over, out of breath, clearly fearful, red-faced and distressed. "Gimli, lad, what is it? What's the matter?" Fili asked, laying aside the dagger and fetching Gimli a drink of water from the bucket close by.
Gimli swallowed the cold liquid in a single large gulp and dropped the gourd dipper as he grasped Fili's forearms. "Come quickly, Fili. Kili's been hurt." Gimli had scarce gotten the words out of his mouth before Fili had dropped his hands from Gimli and rushed past the younger dwarf calling over his shoulder for Gimli to lock up when he left. Fili couldn't imagine what had happened on the hunt, for surely it must be bad if his mother and uncle were sending for him rather than waiting for him to finish his work day. His mind was envisioning so many different scenarios, none of them good. He prayed to Mahal even as he ran home as fast as he could. Kili was always the better runner, Fili thought as he cursed his own shorter legs. She was so graceful and lithe, so very undwarflike. 'Please,' he prayed fervently, 'please let my worry be in vain. Please let my Kili be well.'
Fili's mind drifted back over the momentous moments of his life. Kili was at the center of them all. In truth, Fili had never been without his sister, having been only five years old when the princess was born. There was not a time that mattered to him, that Fili could ever recall Kili not being by his side. As siblings, they had laughed and they had fought. They had made mischief and had shared their secrets with each other.
Fili had always placed himself between Kili and the rest of the world, protecting her, sheltering her, guiding her and caring for her and Kili loved him for it. At times their mother had had to remind Fili that he was not, indeed, Kili's parent and that her protection should fall to herself and Thorin and not to Fili. But the dwarf prince simply placated his mother to her face and scoffed behind her back at the notion that anyone save himself should be tasked with Kili's safety. No, Fili could not conceive of a world without his beloved sister in it.
Fili arrived home just as Oin was checking Kili over. She had been placed on the kitchen table and Fili could hear her screams as he entered the house. His blood ran cold when his mother and uncle held him back bodily to keep him away from Kili. "My son, please," Dis soothed as Fili screamed Kili's name and looked as though he would throttle the both of them to get to her. "Let the healer do his work. She may yet…live." Fili froze, his eyes wide as he looked back and forth from his mother to Thorin. 'She may yet live.' His mother's words resounded in Fili's head as he thrust his mother from him and into Thorin's arms. Fili ran to the kitchen and the sight which he beheld sent him to his knees, Dwalin half catching him before he could go down too hard.
"Oh gods, Kili…no," Fili whispered as tears began to flow down his cheeks and onto his chest.
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Fili's mind drifted back over all the little moments of his life that Kili had made him smile, that he had made her smile, and his heart ached with the passing thought of each memory. The first, of course, was the night Kili had been born. Fili barely remembered that night, as he was only five, but he recalled the many stories that others had told him about it. The story that came to mind most often was when Fili, as a little dwarfling, had not at all been excited to learn that the squalling, squirming, red-faced creature being held in his mother's arms was a girl. Fili had wanted, and had been expecting, a baby brother to play with, to climb trees with, to make mischief and grow up with as brothers and best friends. Whoever heard of a brother's best friend being his sister? No one, that's who.
When his father had brought him in to meet the new baby girl, Fili had crossed his arms over his tiny chest and pouted. He refused even to cross his mother's room and meet the creature to whom he was growing more and more assured had been exchanged for a wailing banshee before his arrival. "Come, my son," his father had said, lifting little Fili up and carrying him to his mother who was trying, and failing miserably, to put the babe to her breast. Fili had crawled up beside his mother and leaned down over the creature whose screams had risen now enough to 'wake the dead', or so his mother had said.
Fili leaned over the screaming bundle, stuck his fat little fingers into his ears and admonished loudly, "HUSH!" To which the babe immediately opened her scrunched up, deep brown eyes, cooed at Fili and did, indeed hush. Every eye in the room widened, not the least of which Fili's own as he continued, "You not make so much noise, baby, else Ama put you back unna da cabbage yeef where hers fount 'chu." Little Kili had immediately been taken with the sound of her brother's voice and had calmed down enough to nurse before drifting off to sleep with Fili's finger clasped tightly in her tiny fist. Later, Fili's mother had assured him that they would not be putting his baby sister back underneath any cabbage leaves anytime soon, much to the delight of his father and everyone else present.
Fili's next memory was the day their father had died. Fili was barely ten years old, Kili only five, still trailing after her brother in all things, Fili still threatening her with cabbage patches whenever she misbehaved. An attack by a warg pack, Fili had heard the grown-ups say, had taken their father from them, though Fili had no idea at that time what a warg was or why it would attack their father. Their mother, Dis, had taken to her bed with grief, leaving her children to the care of others. Fili had not cried, even then…even when Kili had begun to scream and cry for her Adad, her Amad, anyone to comfort her. Others tried, but she was still just a baby, Fili's baby in his eyes, and he refused to allow anyone else near her.
She had run to him on pudgy, unsteady legs. He had wrapped the weak little arms of a child around her and held her as she begged him to 'make it all better, Fee'. Fili's heart had ached, that night as no other, to listen to the cries of his baby sister. He took her up to the tiny room they shared and wiped away her tears as he helped her into her nightdress. Kili clung to her brother, afraid that if she let him go that he would be taken from her too. So Fili crawled into her bed beside her and held her all through the night, cooing to her, stroking her hair and soothing the toddler until she finally found her thumb to suck and fell into a dreamless sleep. It was that night, so long ago, that Fili, still very much a dwarfling, had felt the full weight of his responsibility toward Kili as her big brother.
A few years later when Fili was twenty and Kili was fifteen, now just pre-adolescents to their race, Kili had been teased by some children of men. She had just begun to develop a silky smattering of wispy hair that barely ghosted over her jaw. It was hardly even noticeable by their kin, but was such a novelty to men as to cause cruelty in the comments of their young. Kili had tried so hard to be strong but in the end, she had run away and Fili had found her, crying and sniffling, her head on her knees and her arms wrapped around her drawn up legs. "Don't cry baby girl," Fili said softly as he knelt to draw her into his arms. He had listened to her relay the mean words that she had endured and her soft entreaty to him to once again 'make it all better, Fee'.
Their mother had been making honey cakes earlier in the day and Fili had nabbed a couple of them while they were cooling on the counter, meaning to share them with Kili later. He pulled away from Kili just enough to offer her a small kerchief wrapped around something. "Here sweet one," Fili said gently as he handed her both of the honey cakes and hugged her tightly. "Now don't cry anymore." Kili gave him a smile as she unwrapped the delicious treats, tears still drying on her little round cheeks. She had kissed him then, a tiny chaste little touching of her lips to his in thanks and Fili nuzzled his nose to hers, earning him another smile that seemed to make Kili glow from within. Fili knew then that he had again made everything right in Kili's world, thus bringing everything again right within his own. Kili had never known that before that day was through, Fili had found the ringleader of that horrible group of children and had given him the pounding of his young life. No one ever teased Kili from that day forth.
When Kili turned thirty-five, a mere five years ago, their mother had decided that she should begin learning the ins and outs of running a household. Kili was, after all, a princess and would be a wife someday. To say that Kili was unenthused was the understatement of the age. She had begged her uncle to speak with their mother, to tell her how important it was for Kili to continue her training with the bow, to continue her studies, anything to keep her from being cooped up in the house all day. It was a fate worse than death to the free-spirited wildling that was Kili and Fili knew all too well how she would suffer. But no amount of cajoling on Thorin's part would change Dis' mind. Once the dwarrowdam had set her mind to something not even her own king could stay her course.
Kili had barely eaten that night. Nor had she joined the family after dinner to hear of her uncle's travels. She had gone to bed early but as soon as Fili had turned in for the night, Kili had tiptoed across the room and snuggled against her brother in his bed. She had needed the comfort of her big brother and he held her, trying to soothe her, as she sniffled and wet his nightshirt with her tears. To Fili, the decree from their mother certainly wasn't the end of the world. But he would never belittle Kili's feelings to suggest such a thing to her. "Don't be sad, my dearest," he whispered. "It won't be forever, you'll see. Mother won't keep you indoors every day. And you might even enjoy some of the things she wants to teach you."
Kili had stiffened as she lay there. "But I don't want to learn to cook and sew, Fee," she sobbed. "I want to be with you. I…I mean I want train with you, learn with you," Kili said as she snuggled in closer, Fili's arms pulling her in tighter to him. "It's just not fair." Fili felt his heart as it seemed to skip a beat. Kili wanted to be with him. Of course she did. They were always together, always did everything together. But still, she had never said as much. And a tiny ember of something within Fili that he couldn't name, smoldered and began to burn, warming his heart as he buried his face in the soft, untamable dark curls of Kili's hair. "Please," Kili whispered, her voice thick with the sleep that was threatening to take her. "Make it all better, Fee."
That next morning, Fili had awakened with Kili still securely held in his arms, one of her legs thrown carelessly over his hip, her knee resting between his thighs. Kili's hand had made its way inside his nightshirt, some of the buttons having come undone in the night. Her fingers were curled through the thick golden fur that covered his chest and belly. It was the first time in his life that Fili remembered waking to his manhood so hard and throbbing, and Mahal help him, it was throbbing against his little sister's leg.
Fili panicked. He couldn't just jump up and run from his bed without waking his sister nor could he could risk waking her by trying to gently disentangle himself from her to escape their room and take care of himself in the water closet. But as his erection was beginning to become painful, Kili sigh in her sleep. She snuggled closer to Fili's warmth, her thighs gripping his leg and gracing him with the most delicious friction as her knee rubbed up and down over his hardness. Fili couldn't contain the moan of pleasure that escaped his lips.
He was certain that Kili was still fast asleep, because she was showing definite signs of having a lovely dream. The look on her face was serene and angelic and try as he might, Fili couldn't stop his hand from dropping down to draw Kili thigh up tighter against his manhood. Kili rutted her pelvis slightly against his hip and Fili felt her nipples harden beneath her thin nightdress. He groaned a bit louder this time as his staff throbbed painfully again.
When had she grown up on him? Kili was supposed to still be his sweet little sister, not this almost grown dwarf woman in his arms. Fili knew that, soon enough, unattached males would be swarming around for the chance to court his sister, his Kili. The thought made Fili want to smash something, anything. But his ire was replaced just then as a bolt of lust shot through his body from his groin outward. Kili's hips were moving again and she was grasping at him, trying to pull herself closer, ever closer to him. She was still asleep, of this Fili was sure. But there was a definite wetness between her legs which had soaked through her smallclothes to wet him as well and a scent arising from the sheets that Fili could only describe as heavenly.
Fili had remained very still that morning trying to think of anything that might cause his staff to deflate before Kili awakened. But as her breath quickened her dream seemed to bring her closer and closer to a release that Fili envied with the entirety of his being. Kili's continued gentle rutting countered anything and everything that Fili's mind could concoct to help him. When, finally, Kili shuddered and groaned, "Oh Fee," waking and opening her lovely brown eyes at last, Fili's manhood exploded in his smallclothes as he whimpered against the treasure in his arms. They had both sat up in bed and looked at each other, both sets of cheeks flaming bright red. Both breathless with their shared releases.
Words wouldn't come for either of them, though words didn't seem to be particularly necessary. Kili had reached up to touch her brother's cheek before drawing him down to press his lips gently against her own. They had kissed for what could have been days, although in truth it was probably only minutes, before Fili raised up and looked closely at his sister. Her hair was wild and all askew from sleep. There were little crusts in the corners of her eyes, as he was sure there were in his own, yet she was the most beautiful creature he had ever set eyes upon, and he knew that he loved her more than life itself, more than he should ever love a sister. For Kili, it was the same. "Kili," he had whispered before pulling her to him again.
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"My Kili," he whispered now as he saw her lying on their kitchen table, her body riddled with arrows. Although they had yet to take the final step in their relationship lest Kili fall with child before Fili could court and wed her properly, they had been lovers in secret since that night five years ago. Though the elder would never dishonor his sister in the eyes of their maker, Mahal only knew how they had managed to keep their feelings secret. Their eyes sought out each other whenever they were together. Their hearts yearned for each other whenever they were apart. And Fili knew that should she die this day, he would not be long behind her.
Dwalin helped Fili to his feet, supporting more of the dwarf's weight than he should have had to had Fili been only a brother to Kili as he should have been. But Dwalin, if he thought anything of Fili's fear or grief, said nothing to his prince. "What happened to my…to her, Dwalin?" Fili asked not even realizing that tears were streaming down his cheeks or that his voice had cracked pitifully with the asking. Kili had gone quiet and still, having blessedly passed out from the pain and the draught that Oin had forced down her throat.
"An accident, Fili," Dwalin said as softly as his naturally gruff voice would allow. "Kili had just nocked an arrow to shoot an elk when a snake spooked her pony. We were riding close to the cliff's edge. The pony reared, upended Kili before she could drop her bow and grab the pony," Dwalin dropped his head as he told the tale.
"An accident?" Fili repeated, the question in his voice apparent. He had counted no less than five, perhaps ten arrows piercing the flesh of his sister when he had first entered the kitchen. "The arrows, Dwalin," Fili moaned as Oin cut into Kili's flesh to remove each arrow, one after the other.
"Kili lost her quiver over the side of the cliff before she fell," Dwalin told him. "And apparently, some of the arrows became lodged between the rocks below. When Kili fell, she was impaled on them and…." Fili hushed Dwalin with a wave of his hand. He couldn't listen to another word. No wonder their mother had said that Kili 'might yet live'. But how could she live, when she was so gravely injured. Not only was she pierced through by multiple arrowheads, but thrown from her mount and heaved over the side of a cliff. Fili steeled himself for the dreaded news that he knew was to come.
Oin finished the crude surgery on Kili, first removing each arrowhead from her body, then stitching or cauterizing each wound in turn, as needed. There were broken bones in Kili's left arm and leg to set, as well as a few broken ribs on her left side which he bound and left to heal on their own. After he had cleaned each wound carefully and washed up himself, he went to speak with his king and princess. Fili was left to gently wipe the brow of his love and whisper to her to stay with him, to live. He prayed to Mahal assuring him that whatever the deity wanted, Fili would give, even unto his own life, if he would only spare Kili. The prince had no idea that Dwalin, the captain of the king's guard and weapons master to every dwarf in Ered Luin had heard every word he'd uttered in both prayer and supplication.
While she slept, Kili was gently moved upstairs to her bed where she would be more comfortable as she hopefully recuperated. Dis washed and cleaned the blood from her daughter's battered body, easing her, with Fili's help, into a clean nightdress. Fili refused to leave Kili's side and helped his mother as best he could with silent tears continuing to stream down his cheeks. Dis was loathed to try to force her son from the room that he had shared with his sister all their lives. So they sat next to Kili's bed, Dis comforting Fili as much as she was able, Fili holding his sister's uninjured hand, his fingers laced with hers as though they were a lifeline keeping her anchored to him, to them all.
Hours later when Kili woke from the draught that Oin had given her before surgery, it was with a groan and a weak cry for Fili. "Fee?" she whimpered, moving only slightly before crying out in pain. Every part of her body hurt as the memory of her accident came flooding back over her with a mighty vengeance. The snake, the pony, the arrows, Oh Mahal the arrows. She had been skewered like suckling piglet on a spit. No wonder she hurt so much.
As Kili roused and slowly opened up her eyes, she wondered how long she had lain here. She seemed to be in her own bed and the sun was high in the sky, filling the room with lovely light. Kili turned her head sluggishly to the right, her eyes falling upon the golden head laid lovingly next to her shoulder. She could feel Fili's hand holding her own as he slept and snored lightly. It seemed that her brother was sitting in a chair next to her bed but had fallen asleep as he kept watch over her. "How I love you," Kili whispered, her hand gently squeezing Fili's as he murmured contentedly next to her.
Fili roused slowly, not really knowing how long it had been since he had drifted off, anxiety, fear and despair draining him dry of both tears and energy. He stretched deliberately realizing that he had been having the loveliest dream. He'd dreamed that his darling One had awakened at last and called for him, smiling as only Kili could when her brother lit up her world. Fili rubbed his eyes, gently opening them to check on Kili, and found himself looking into the inky pools of love looking back into his own twin jeweled sapphire orbs. "Oh Kili, oh darling," Fili whimpered, instantly fully awake, kissing her good hand, his other hand smoothing stray dark curls back from her forehead. "Let me get Amad, uncle," he said, moving to rise but returning to Kili immediately as she whined softly. "What, my love? What?"
"Oh Fee," Kili spoke, barely above a whisper. "There is…no one else…I need," she said, her breaths coming painfully as she spoke. "You have…always…been t-the one…t-to make it all…better, Fee."
And make it all better Fili did. He cared for Kili night and day during her recovery. He took leave from the forge, seeing that she ate and drake as heartily as Oin would allow. He bathed her and cleaned up after her, always making sure that she had every comfort the little family could afford. Their mother was allowed to spell Fili when he all but dropped from exhaustion and saw that Kili was so distressed for him that it threatened her own recovery.
One month to the day from Kili's accident, Fili carried her down the stairs to eat with the family at the dinner table for the first time. He kept his arm around her lest she need extra support and fussed over her so that Thorin threatened to force Fili to take his meals out of doors until Kili was fully healed. The siblings bowed their heads together, their cheeks lovely and flushed before their mother and uncle as they held hands under the table.
"Leave them alone, Thorin," Dis admonished her brother and king. "I seem to remember a big brother of mine that very nearly worried himself into anemia when I was ill with the winter sickness as a child," she laughed, winking to her children. Dis was a shrewd dwarrowdam and neither of her children had ever been able to pull the wool over her eyes for very long. "Fili," Dis said in her most upstanding and parental voice, "I expect you to take good care of your sister." Fili nodded and made to speak, but Dis silenced him with her raised hand. "I also expect that you will wait until she is completely healed, and you both are of age, before announcing your betrothal."
Food flew from three mouths as Fili, Kili and Thorin all three choked and spat out their dinner, spewing food all over the table and the floor, upon hearing Dis' words. "And," she spoke one last time as she rose from the table to take her leave, indicating the food strewn about, "I expect you ALL to make THIS all better."