A/N: This is something I dug up during my rummage around some of my older files. It was actually written almost 2 years ago. *cringe* But it amused me and I need some light-heartedness. I might write a bit more and turn it into a mini series, just for the lulz.
In any case, have fun. I hope you will smile even a little when reading this!
Disclaimer: Transformers belongs to Hasbro
From: Starscream
To: All
For the last, fragging time. I do not care about the trivial problems in your life. If you really, well and truly, feel the urge to moan and whine about the seaweed growing in your chamber, complain to Megatron. Surely our brilliant and gracious Warlord can spare some time to personally sort it out. I, on the other hand, certainly cannot. Especially seeing as I am the one practically who runs the fragging place.
From: Starscream
To: Skywarp
I don't care how slimey and green it is. Sort it out yourself.
From: Starscream
To: Skywarp
I am sure that even you can perform the simple action of killing a slagging plant. You don't seem to have a problem with stepping on the disgusting fleshies no matter how slimey they can be once splattered upon the floor.
From: Starscream
To: Thundercracker
Am I really the only mech you can come to for advice on 'Cruelty to Plants'?!
From: Starscream
To: Thundercracker
You are ridiculous. It is just a plant. It barely contains the essential elements for a complete organism.
Don't tell me you have a pile of disgusting organic slop growing in your room too.
From: Starscream
To: Thundercracker
You want to know what I think? I think you should stop fussing over Skywarp and let the stupid mech develop at his own pace. He has barely learnt how to transform. You can't expect him to understand all your philosophical points of views, fascinating as they may be.
Now please stop bothering me. I don't care who kills the fragging plant.
From: Starscream
To: Skywarp
KILL IT
From: Starscream
To: Skywarp
I DON'T CARE IF IT SMELLS
From: Starscream
To: Skywarp
You are armed with at least 12 types of weapons all of which are suitable for destroying a single organism, and having seen you use them with the utmost glee and delight upon the battlefield, I have no doubts in your abilities in utilising these tools, stupid as you may be.
Kill it, or I will kill you.
From: Starscream
To: Skywarp
Don't be ridiculous. It is a plant. Fire will burn it easily.
From: Starscream
To: Skywarp
No. No. NO. You do NOT need a flamethrower.
From: Starscream
To: Skywarp
… You found it WHERE?! No one's supposed to know where that is!
From: Starscream
To: Skywarp
Skywarp, I FORBID you! Don't you DARE use that flamethrower!
From: Starscream
To: Skywarp
What do you mean, 'why'?! IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO FRAGGING BE THERE, YOU SLAGGER!
From: Starscream
To: Skywarp
Skywarp? Skywarp?!
From: Starscream
To: Skywarp
Skywarp. Answer me! I command you!
From: Starscream
To: Thundercracker
Where in the fragging Pits is Skywarp?!
From: Starscream
To: Thundercracker
He WHAT?
From: Starscream
To: Megatron
My liege, I offer my sincerest apologies on behalf of my idiotic wing-mate for the trouble he has caused earlier on in the orn. It is an absolute mystery as to where these weapons stashed away in BH1066 could have come from. We are very fortunate that they are now under your expert care…
As for the damage done to the ship, the Constructicons are working on repairs. They have successfully drained away most of the water that had flooded through. Skywarp's quarters have now been relocated… a little further from mine.
From: Starscream
To: Megatron
… Yes… It was very unfortunate that my quarters were also affected during the flooding. I'm glad you find the situation so amusing, my Liege, seeing as half of my precious data-pads and battle strategies were lost in the process.
From: Starscream
To: Megatron
Shut up, you sadistic old rust bucket-head. Unlike some, I don't spend half of my time indulging in squishy porn.
From: Starscream
To: Megatron
Yes, my liege. I'm sorry.
From: Starscream
To: Megatron
Frag you.
From: Starscream
To: Skywarp
As soon as I get back from the medbay, I am going to kill you.