Note:
Okay, so this is an experiment. I've read some other 'Song-Fictions' and as this song was stuck in my head I figured – 'Hey why not attempt to write one', and as such this is the end result. :P
It's a little bit… Angsty I guess? I shall leave it to you to decide – though I should warn you; it is more Angst than Romance.
Anywho I do not own the song 'Closer' which is by Cauterize.
I also do not own 'Strawberry Panic'
Hope you enjoy? Oh, and thank you for taking the time to read. (:
Becky. xx
'What started out as desire, turned into a lover's tryst'.
With an exasperated sigh Tsubomi closed her book; she wasn't going to finish reading any time soon as twisted emotions began to fog her mind.
Shuffling under the covers she tried to seek some form of solace in sleep, though she knew it would be in vain, the thoughts just would not go away.
"Why do I feel like this? And towards that, that… Baka!"
Grumbling she muttered her discontent to the wall trying not to wake her dorm partner; she couldn't cope with the 101 questions which would ensue if she woke up.
'Who knew a moth and a flame could ever spawn a love like this.'
The room was starting to feel stuffy, uncomfortable; so as quietly as possible the pinkette stalked out of her dorm room.
Wandering the dimly lit, empty hall ways of the Strawberry Dorms she tried desperately to keep her mind from that girl, picking up her pace in an attempt to reach fresh air.
Her face was burning up, she knew it. The hall ways were far too hot; she couldn't escape the burning heat which stained her cheeks from embarrassment.
Yanking a window open, she pushed her face outside; wallowing in the cool breeze which gently caressed her skin, cooling her cheeks and sobering her thoughts.
"We're so different… Yaya- Sempai is so, so… vibrant and full of life; I'm dull in comparison, I could never compare…"
With a shuddering breath she tried to gulp down as much of the nights air as was possible, till her lungs felt like they were about to burst. Anything to stop the forthcoming tears she could feel beginning to form at the corner of her eyes.
"I will not cry!"
'And YOU need something to taste,
Something just a little bit more sweet,
But I am sour and more sour,
Every time that our lips meet.'
"I'm not who she wants anyway, she loves Hikari-Sempai. No, she's infatuated with Hikari-Sempai."
Her bottom lip shuddered as she pressed her thoughts forward, unable to run from them, so at least trying to make some sense of her feelings.
"Is it even possible to make sense of love?" She scoffed bitterly.
"Hikari-Sempai is perfect; sweet, caring… perfect. Me? I'm sour in comparison; I could never meet to her standards; not in Yaya-Sempai's eyes."
'If you're a butterfly I'm suicide by insecticide,
If I am kerosene then you're a spark,
Just begging to ignite.'
"We're not meant to be, we were never meant to be."
Shivering as the gentle breeze began to pick up, she wrapped her arms tightly around herself.
"We're too different…"
Still battling to keep herself composed she barely breathed out her next words, unsure of whether she'd said them allowed or inside her mind.
"Then why does it hurt so much…"
'You'll wish you never met me,
(Butterfly) Butterfly, float on by me.'
"I bet you never thought I'd have these feelings for you when we first met, I mean you're my sempai."
Edging back from the window she slowly began to close it, preparing to move forward in her journey, to move past that specific moment in her life.
"If only I could move past you…"
Sighing again she closed her eyes.
"Do you even notice me? Or do you float around, constantly focused on Hikari-Sempai and nothing else?"
'Never meant to cut so deep (Just enough to bleed).'
"I didn't mean to fall in love with you."
After another brief pause she cracked her eyes open and willed her legs forward, further into the dark halls and the unknown.
"Is this love…?"
'Feel the sting as you get closer (Closer and closer to me).'
"Does lust hurt this much? It can't just be lust… I think about you almost constantly to the point of distraction; I know all your little habits, your doubts, what other people deem as your flaws."
Giving an indignant snort she added;
"Not that you have any flaws…"
'Don't let me hold something so delicate (I'll shatter it with a word).'
"You're always so strong willed; you put on an act for others to the extent that it seems as if you have no weaknesses."
The darkness once again enveloped the pinkette, blinding her from the obvious paths she could take. So with no assistance she continued to aimlessly wander the halls.
"I know you have weaknesses though; Hikari-Sempai. Without her, without your infatuation for her, I fear you would break. You are a strong person, that's true, but I also know how delicate you really are."
'Don't say a thing as we get closer and closer,
Damn, this is gonna hurt.'
"I can't do anything to stop this… every time I see you, every time I hear you; my heart feels like it will stop, yet at the same time break through my chest."
The pinkette's thoughts began to wander, back to that significant evening, the one she couldn't forget. The one that plagued her mind constantly –yet affected no one else, ironically.
"Tsubomi-Chaaaaaaan!"
The pinkette cursed under her breath as the sing song voice reached her ears; maybe she'd have time to escape. That's it, she'd run away.
"Oi! Midget, where are you going? Come back here!"
She could tell her sempai was only joking, it was her usual term of endearment for the huffy pinkette, yet the name, no matter how mocking, pricked at her heart. So with tears threatening to fall she ran off.
'The ghost of a pathetic past is haunting me here more and more.'
Slender fingers wrapped around her arm, pulling her back, twirling her around.
Bowing her head, she refused to look into her Sempai's eyes, refused to feel her heart break at the confusion and questions they were bound to hold.
"Tsubomi, what's wrong? Why did you run from me?"
Her tone was bordering on demanding, causing the pinkette to shiver, yet still she refused to raise her head, tucking her chin further against her chest.
'The skeletons are laughing at me through the closet door.'
A lithe finger slipped under her chin and pulled her face up, forcing her to see the eyes she dreaded yet longed for at the same time.
As two sets of chestnut eyes connected, Tsubomi couldn't contain her disbelief at the pain and hurt emanating from the elder girl.
"Yaya – Semp-"
Before she could finish what she was about to say a soft pair of lips had descended upon her own, effectively silencing her.
'And now past lovers share these covers,
Sleeping with my enemies.'
As they pulled apart Tsubomi's mind was awhirl with different emotions and thoughts, all focusing on Yaya and that, that… kiss.
It suddenly dawned on her that she'd just kissed her love, the one who constantly consumed her thoughts.
"Tsubomi- Chan… you need to breathe…"
Her face flushed a bright red as she realised she'd yet to breath, tentatively taking a few gulps of air she scowled at the smirk which had now marred her Sempai's features.
"Oh Tsubomi-Chan…"
She didn't trust her voice, she didn't trust herself not to stutter and trip over her own words, so she continued to gaze into the warm chestnut eyes that were locked on her; unsure of what to do.
"Yaya-Chan, where are you?"
She watched as her sempai froze, her eyes flashing with fear and apprehension as the melodic voice of Hikari drifted towards them.
A pain began to spread through her chest, starting as a dull ache before turning into crippling agony.
She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think, all she knew how to do was run – to run away from the pain she knew was only about to worsen.
Turning on her heel she did just that, willing her legs on faster and faster, ignoring the cramp which threatened to tear her muscles.
She wouldn't look back, she couldn't look back. Tears began to spill down her cheeks as she continued on, somewhere, anywhere. So long as she wasn't there…
'Thoughts of others come between us,
Trigger fits of jealousy.'
Shaking her head she willed herself to stop reminiscing that time, it was just too painful; yet she couldn't seem to rid herself of the memory and 'what if's'.
What if she hadn't run away, but confronted her Sempai's?
What if Hikari-Sempai hadn't interrupted?
Or just what if, Yaya-Sempai had rejected Hikari-Sempai and run after the younger girl.
She scoffed. That would never happen, not whilst Hikari was still there. She supposed she had no right to be jealous – Yaya-Sempai had her own independent feelings.
That did little to comfort the pinkette though, didn't stop the raw pangs of jealousy which stung her very being as she watched the elder girls together.
'If you're a butterfly I'm suicide by insecticide,
If I am kerosene then you're a spark,
Just begging to ignite.'
"I'm just not right for her… obviously; if she cared then she'd have run after me."
The darkness and sheer lack of ability to co-ordinate herself through the Strawberry dorms without her sight was beginning to overwhelm her.
She was lost. Well and thoroughly lost, whilst alone and confused.
"We don't go together"
'You'll wish you never met me,
(Butterfly) Butterfly, float on by me.'
"I wish you'd never met me!"
Frustrated as to her whereabouts she scuffed her foot against the floor, biting her lower lip in contemplation and an attempt to hide her growing nerves.
"You mean too much to me, I couldn't wish I'd never met you, but I wish that you'd never met me. It would have saved so much heartache."
'Never meant to cut so deep (Just enough to bleed).'
The pinkette's legs began to buckle as her senses were completely overwhelmed. She stumbled in the general direction of the wall, her arms flailing in front of her until she felt the smooth, cold texture signifying her goal.
Slumping against it, she let out a frustrated whimper; this was not how she'd anticipated her midnight walk turning out. Her confidence was all but dashed as she shadows danced around her, creating beasts and villains that threatened to harass her mind.
"Why do I love you so much?" She wailed, uncaring of the trouble she could cause for sneaking around so late. She didn't care anymore, her fear and pain was causing her to act irrationally.
'Feel the sting as you get closer (Closer and closer to me).'
She was shivering now, scared of the shadows which threatened to engulf her. Her eyes strained against the darkness, hoping that the wider they were, the better her chance to see again.
She was dimly aware of a door quietly shutting nearby, aware of the shuffling noise gradually getting closer and closer to her.
The logical part of her brain told her it was another student, however she refused to listen.
In an attempt to avoid the threatening presence the cowered further against the wall, throwing her arms over her head as tears silently slid down her cheeks.
'Don't let me hold something so delicate (I'll shatter it with a word).'
Yaya woke with a start from her nightmare ridden dream to a petrified wail just outside of her dorm room.
Glancing towards Hikari's bed, she noted that the other girl was still asleep. Had she heard the eerie wail, or was it a figment of her imagination, a distressing thought floating through her mind from lack of sleep.
Unnerved by the ferocity of the wail she couldn't fall back to sleep, so silently lifting herself from her bed, she set off in search of the noise, if for nothing other than her own peace of mind.
Closing the door she strained her eyes against the darkness and could just about decipher a huddled up figure across the hall. She approached slowly, not wanting to frighten whoever it was.
As the figure came further into sight, the dark haired girl couldn't supress the gasp which escaped her mouth as realisation dawned upon her. The dishevelled pink hair could only belong to one person.
Unsure of what to do, Yaya hesitated. She wanted to go and comfort the younger girl despite their earlier encounter, to tell her everything would be alright.
Her heart went out to the girl cowering in fear, the girl who'd captured her heart and run away, yet she was afraid. Afraid that the gentlest of touches would break her fragile frame.
'Don't say a thing as we get closer and closer,
Damn, this is gonna hurt.'
Tsubomi sat there for what felt like hours after the other presence had stopped in front of her and gasped.
A shiver ran up and down her spine as a vague recollection of recognition washed over her senses. She recognised the voice, but couldn't place it; her mind was too occupied with the fear which still tormented her.
She wanted this person to go away and leave her alone. She didn't want anyone to see her this weak, yet at the same time she wanted the person to save her and chase away the shadows.
It was as she conflicted over the outcomes of the encounter that she felt a pair of arms wrap around her, pulling her closer to the other.
She could feel the hesitation from the other person, could feel their muscles tense with the embrace. However as the fear won out over pride, Tsubomi leaned into the touch, and felt the arms relax somewhat.
She felt safe, comforted but also an irritable sense of recognition which she still failed to notice. The familiar; intoxicating smell, brush of skin and rush of emotions.
Then as a pair of lips brushed past her ear and cooed to her reassuringly, she realised.
"Shhh, Tsubomi-Chan, it's okay, everything will be okay. You're safe now"
"Yaya-Sempai…"
'You can paint me pretty colours,
And dress me how you like.'
She didn't know what to do. She couldn't say anything, her tongue had frozen and she feared that she'd only be able to make an incoherent noise if she opened her mouth.
She also didn't want to leave the embrace, it was a bittersweet scenario. She felt safe, and enjoyed the feeling of having her love's arms wrapped securely around her.
However, the same girl would have been thinking of another, the feeling was definitely – most likely- not mutual.
No matter what she did, she would never be Hikari-Sempai, and that simple fact stung at her heart, slowly ripping it apart as she tried – and failed – to withhold the sobs at the back of her throat.
She couldn't deal with this, she wanted to run. She wasn't sure where, but she wanted to get away.
Feebly she began to push against the body pressed to her own, wriggling in an attempt to escape as her sobs became more laboured.
'I'm just an ugly moth in love,
In a butterfly disguise.'
"I'm not Hikari-Sempai, let go of me!"
Her words were strained, but they betrayed the distress and pain which the pinkette was experiencing and it crushed the elder girl.
She could feel the pinkette's feeble attempts to escape, to do as she'd done before, so the elder girl did the only thing she knew how. She tightened her grip and clung on, she wasn't going to let her go again.
"I can't pretend to be her! I'm not perfect, I'm not-"
Yaya had had enough, yes she had cared for Hikari-Chan, and she still did to an extent. But Hikari had Amane now and the dark haired girl had learnt to move on.
In a desperate attempt to silence the girl she held in her arms and portray the emotions she harboured, she pushed her lips against the others.
'And I've been thinking about leaving since the day that we met.'
Tsubomi was suddenly silenced as a pair of lips roughly pushed against hers, she felt like she was drowning as the sensations once again threatened to overwhelm her.
She wanted it to stop, to end. She wanted it to continue. She couldn't make up her mind as it began to swirl with emotions and a pang of deja-vu hit.
She'd wanted this since the first time they'd met, yet she also feared that this would happen. She feared the rejection but also the possibility that the feelings could be reciprocated, though she'd highly doubted the latter option.
This fear had told her every instinct to flee, to avoid the girl who tempted her heart and soul into a vicious triangle of one sided emotions.
Yet another part of her was intrigued, the unknown had offered her something new and exciting. Something she'd followed.
Well the saying does say that curiosity killed the cat.
'Cause if I don't get close when it's all over I'll just forget.'
Moment had passed and the elder girl had still made no move to budge from the pinkette's lips. Salty tears were still running down her cheeks mingling with the others skin as they refused to cease.
She wanted Yaya to stop now; she couldn't bear the pain of separation if they continued any longer. She wouldn't be able to forget. The darker haired girl's lips would be forever imprinted upon her own, she could never forget.
''Cause I have seen the end so many times I've played it in my mind.'
Finally Yaya pulled away, her gaze intently fixed upon Tsubomi who had already bowed her head in an attempt to obscure her face.
An uncomfortable silence then ensued, neither knowing what to do, but neither wanting to leave the others embrace.
Suddenly a breath. Barely a whisper. Yaya strained her ears to catch the slight noise before it disappeared forever and she was bound to a life unaware of its meaning.
"So what happens now? You just leave again…?"
As realisation began to dawn upon her, the dark haired girl looked at the other with pure disbelief.
"What makes you say that?"
Stiffening, she braced herself for the reply and outcome of her words; she couldn't believe that the younger girl was reacting this way especially after her previous actions.
"It happens all the time in my dreams – nightmares; you always leave me… for… for… for Hikari-Sempai, you will always leave me for her."
'And I am scared to death I never want to see your dark side.'
She hadn't meant to sound so whiny and melodramatic, but the truth was; she was scared. Yes, Tsubomi the huffy, bossy, tsundere was yet again scared, regardless of how much she hated to admit it.
After she'd run away the first time she never thought that the feelings were reciprocated. Yet after their second kiss, she was unsure.
Once again she was entering the unknown and it scared her, so she did the first thing that came to mind and denied it fervently.
She felt the arms around her stiffen and the fear once again was instilled. Maybe the older girl would now realise that she was correct – that yes she did care more for Hikari than Tsubomi.
She was scared to face the brunette's ire, to be rejected and shunned as she thought and expected to occur.
'If you're a butterfly I'm suicide by insecticide
If I am kerosene then you're a spark
Just begging to ignite.'
"Tsubomi-Chan…"
Yaya was at a loss for words, she didn't know how to make the younger girl understand. Sighing in frustration she pondered what to do.
"We're so different, yet completely the same."
When the other girl made no attempt to speak, she continued.
"We both have such big personalities and hate admitting our weaknesses. We also both seem incapable of showing the people we care about, just how much they mean to us."
'You'll wish you never met me
(Butterfly) Butterfly, float on by me.'
She's talking about Hikari-Sempai. She's comparing us because I can't show her how I feel whilst at the same time she can't show Hikari-Sempai.
Silent tears began to fall once again down the pinkette's cheeks, seeping into her very being as her emotions began to grow dreary. She was tired, the evenings events were beginning to take a toile on her.
All she could think about was Yaya, as her mind remained shut off from everything else. It didn't matter that they were out of bed so late at night. It didn't matter that their limbs were entangled together in a hall way for anyone to see. All that mattered was the inevitable rejection she was about to receive from her sempai.
'Never meant to cut so deep (Just enough to bleed).'
Still at a loss for words Yaya began to panic. She's going to run away again and I won't be able to stop her.
Her breathing became frantic as the panic gripped at her, alerting the pinkette to the elder girls' distress.
She felt Tsubomi's head tilt upwards and for the first time since their kiss was met with the glistening chestnut orbs.
Guilt racked her body as she took in the tear stained cheeks, the eyes raw from crying.
She desperately plunged into her memories trying to find some recollection of how this could have occurred, shifting through useless memories, until eventually she got to that night.
"What have I done..?"
'Feel the sting as you get closer (Closer and closer to me).'
She felt shocked, incredulous, at the brunette's queries. What had she done? How could she not know, was she not plagued by that night every time her eyes closed?
"What did you do?"
She felt the elder girl flinch at her steely tone, but pushed forwards before her slight boost of confidence began to falter.
"You kissed me!"
"You kissed back!"
"What? That's not the issue here! You kissed me, even though you love Hikari-Sempai. When she came looking for you, you looked horrified. It was an accident for you, but then you kissed me again! I will not be second to anyone, ever! It's not fair, you're not fair!"
'Don't let me hold something so delicate (I'll shatter it with a word).'
Shocked at the younger girls' insistent declaration, she struggled to keep her own tears at bay. She felt her own composure begin to slip and shatter. This wasn't meant to happen, how could this happen?
"I don't love Hikari-Chan! Why won't you believe me? Yes, I did. I don't anymore though; please just give me a chance to explain!"
Taking the silence as acceptance she began her explanation.
"Tsubomi, I didn't know how you felt when I kissed you and it was a purely impulsive action I took. A while ago I kissed Hikari and it nearly ruined our friendship. I didn't want it to ruin ours. When Hikari called out to me, I realised what I'd done."
"So you were acting on an impulse then? You don't actually care about me…"
'Don't say a thing as we get closer and closer
Damn, this is gonna hurt.'
"NO! I love you Tsubomi-Chan… I just… I love you…"
Staring at the elder girl as she pleaded her love only served to push the pinkette into a confused stupor. Her brain began to stop functioning coherently and her heart beat rapidly against her chest.
'Never meant to cut so deep (Just enough to bleed).'
Staring at Tsubomi's shell-shocked expression, Yaya felt her stomach twist in nerves as her usual calm demeanour faltered, giving way to a far more turbulent emotion.
Hours seemed to pass and the pinkette had yet to utter a sound. Taking it as a form of disgust and rejection the elder girl sighed dejectedly and made to walk away.
'Don't say a thing as we get closer and closer.'
She could feel the other move away, feel the loss of heat. Panicking her brain and mouth seemed disconnected; she couldn't form a response or plea to stay.
Yaya was already standing. Slowly she began to turn away a pained expression marring her features as she started to walk.
She was getting further away now and Tsubomi couldn't stand it, she couldn't stand the distance. Croaking a barely audible "No" was all she needed to spur her body forwards, leaping to her feet as she flung her arms around the other girl.
"No… No, No, No!"
Then before she could stop herself she shyly pressed her lips against the others, fearing it was too late, only to have the idea dashed as the other began to reciprocate.
They poured their hidden emotions into the kiss, in a desperate attempt to make the other understand exactly how they felt.
Pulling away, the rested their foreheads together, savouring the moment.
"Tsubomi-Chaaaaaan we should go back to our dorms, it's awfully late…"
The smirk was back, yet Tsubomi for that instance didn't mind. She'd have traded everything for the smirk and playful nature to return.
"Who's there?"
Another voice had entered the equation as shock and fear ran through the entangled lovers.
"Run!"
And with that, they sprinted down the hall ways once again head and heart first into the unknown.
'Damn, this is gonna hurt.'