-+- Standard Disclaimer -+-
The characters depicted in this story are not mine. Ranma 1/2 and all other related characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Story is partially based on "All You Zombies" By Robert Heinlein. I have written All You Ranmas purely for entertainment.
-+- End of Disclaimer -+-
All You Ranmas
A fiction novella by Dave Zhang (dzhang@its.caltech.edu). Comments and criticisms welcomed. Copyright 2001.
"This text is spoken." 'This text is thought.'
Chapter 1: Birthday
September 14, 1980, Nerima Hospital
A sweat-drenched Genma Saotome paced the halls of Nerima Hospital. 'Come on, how much longer is this going to take? I'm starting to get hungry,' thought Genma as he completed his seventeenth lap, "Ranma! You ungrateful boy! Causing your mother so much trouble before even being born!" Several other expectant fathers were quite startled by this rather sudden outburst, and wore facial looks that mirrored their state of mind. "Uh, heh heh, sorry," muttered a not-at-all repentant Genma as he started his eighteenth lap.
At this point, a newborn baby's wail filled the hospital. A nurse stepped out into the lobby, smiled a smile that could have rivaled Kasumi's, and said, "Mr. Sao-" She did not have a chance to finish, as Genma, having perceived that his child was born, shoved the nurse in a rather brusque way, sending her in trajectory towards the nearest table, and knocking her unconscious. All the other to-be fathers stared at the new father with disgust. Well, all that is, except one. The said exception smirked, and proceeded to help the downed nurse recover consciousness.
Inside the operating room, an operating obstetrician slapped the newborn on the rump as it took its first gasps of air in its life. "It's a girl!" Nodoka smiled mirthfully briefly before she fainted from exhaustion. Milliseconds later, Genma burst into the room. Seeing his child in his unconscious wife's embrace, Genma quickly grabbed the newborn, and started dancing the ludicrous dance that he did for years, and continued to do for years. The obstetrician, somewhat taken aback initially by Genma's fervor, had by then recovered his wits, and cheerfully said, "Congratulations, Mr. Saotome! You're now a father! What would you like to name your beautiful new daughter?"
"Ranma! Ranma! I'm going to make you the best martial artist this world has ever seen!" said Genma, still dancing in mirth.
"Done!" said the notary, after he penned in the words "Ranma Saotome" on the birth certificate, and sealed it. "Strange name for a daughter, but that's not my business."
"Eh?" Genma, having suddenly heard the word "daughter," which was sufficient to knock him out of his reverie suddenly felt drops of cold sweat accumulating on his back, "Did you just call my son Ranma a girl?"
"Nonsense," chuckled the notary, "the doctor told you a while ago that you had a beautiful daughter."
Genma, who had been so vibrantly ecstatic over the past five minutes, suddenly looked like a man who found out his family heirloom diamond was a cubic zirconium. "What? My son is a girl? Oh well, I guess No-Chan and I have to try again." 'Not that I am loath to fulfill my manly duties.' "Oh, in that case, Mr. Notary, could you please change the name of my daughter to 'Ranko'?"
The notary, not having seen what Genma did to the poor nurse who informed Genma of his daughter's arrival, stated forwardly, "Ah, I'm sorry sir, but I've already covered it with the official seal, thereby making it official. If you would like to change your daughter's name, you'll have to do that at a courthouse."
"Oh..." said Genma as he hurriedly put Ranma/Ranko back down in his wife's arms, and starting running off in a random direction.
"HEY MR. SAOTOME! COME BACK HERE! I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!" shouted the notary and obstetrician in unison.
Genma ran back as quickly as he ran out. "What?"
"Concerning the name change you should know that..." "Concerning your wife you should know that" started the notary and doctor, again in unison, but this time no coherent words could be made out, as they were saying different things. Genma pointed to the notary and said, "You first."
"Well, Mr. Saotome, I was just going to tell you that there is no hurry in rushing to the courthouse for the name change."
"And why not? I want my daughter to have a FEMALE name as soon as possible."
"Well, you see, sir, the laws of Japan are that no one can apply for a name change until they come of age, on their eighteenth birthday."
POW! The notary's slight body slammed against the closest wall, denting a substantial area of the concrete wall.
"Ok, your turn doctor," said a now-irate Genma.
The obstetrician, having seen what Genma did to the notary, was now noticeably quite nervous, and chalked out the words, "Well, um, ah, Mr. Saotome, I think you should sit down for this..." "I AM SITTING!" roared Genma when he obviously was not. "Well, you see," continued the doctor, whose face was quite ashen now, "While running some standard blood tests, we, uh, determined that due to your homozygotic Rh+ nature and your spouse's homozygotic Rh- nature, it would not be in your best interests to have any more children."
Genma's rage, which had cooled down a bit after venting on the poor notary, was now rapidly rising again to the point of aggression. The only thing that prevented him from knocking unconscious the doctor right now was the fact that he did not understand 80% of the last sentence the doctor spoke. "Huh? Is there something wrong with Ranma? In Japanese please this time?" said a not-so-friendly Genma.
"Fortunately, the firstborn is never affected by erythroblastosis fetalis... er... a deadly blood syndrome. However, there are now antibodies in your wife's blood system that would kill any further children you may wish to have before it's born... Uh, in other words, if your wife tries to have any more children, they're doomed to be stillbirths or miscarriages..."
POW! Another unconscious body laid on the ground juxtapose to the notary's, and another dent in the wall appeared next to the first one made by the body of the notary.
The gravity of the situation hit Genma, and he began to sob a sob that would have rivaled his friend Soun Tendo's. The nurse who announced Ranma's birth peeked in, hearing the unusual noises of bodies slamming against walls, and now continuous sobs of a man, and quickly back out of the room again, fearing for her own health.
***
Three hours later, Genma, after calming down by eating a mid-morning dinner, walked into the neonatal care facilities of the hospital to check on his only child. Thousands of thoughts and emotions had flooded his mind over the past three hours, as he saw his dreams of raising the world's best martial artist vanish into the thin air, for obviously, no GIRL could become best at something like martial arts. Finding the door leading into the room where his daughter was held unlocked, he walked in to see his daughter.
'Strange. No nurses are here. Hm... they must be on lunch break or something,' thought Genma, failing to notice that most nurses don't take lunch breaks at 10:45 in the morning. He walked up to the crib with his daughter. Lifting the sheets, he verified to himself once more than his child was indeed a daughter. ' Ungrateful boy! Why must you be born as a girl?' He glanced at the other newborns positioned in cribs next to Ranma's, envious of those who fathers were lucky enough to father boys.
Suddenly an idea struck Genma... 'No! I mustn't!' thought Genma as he slapped himself for thinking what he just thought. Yet, inevitably, the thought arose again. 'Well, no one's looking right now... No! I can't! I mustn't! For the honor of the name of Saotomes, I mustn't!'
This ethical debate in Genma raged a long time... fifteen minutes, and not surprisingly, the less ethical side won. After glancing around himself one final time to make sure no one was looking, Genma squeezed baby Ranma's left hand hard, nearly crushing the nascent bones. As baby Ranma wailed out in pain, Genma quietly begged, 'Please, daughter, be quiet. I'm so sorry to abandon you like this... but the Satome School of Anything Goes MUST have an heir!' With a final sigh of determination, he slipped the identification tab off his daughter's wrist. Placing his daughter back in the crib, he glanced around for a suitable newborn born... 'Yurika Suzuki... no, that's a girl... Megumi Yuuki... no, also a girl... Ah! Here we go... Akito Yamato'
Glancing around once more to make sure no nurses finished their "lunch break" early, Genma removed Akito's identification tag in a similar way, and slipped on "Ranma Saotome" tag on Akito's wrist. He then took Akito out of his crib, and put Akito into Ranma's crib. Then he grabbed Ranma and placed the "Akito Yamato" tag on Ranma's wrist, and finally put Ranma in Akito's crib.
"Ranma, my daughter, you must forgive your father. Your father wants... no, needs a son to carry on the tradition of Anything-Goes. Hope you have a happy life as Akito Yamato," whispered Genma as he looked to the real Ranma one final time. Then, as if his duty as father to Ranma was done, he vowed never to see the real Ranma again, and that from that moment on, the child formerly known as Akito Yamato, is now Ranma Saotome, who Genma will raise as his own, and train into a world-class martial artist to carry on the name of Anything-Goes.
His job done, Genma quietly exited the room, and closed the door. Taking another look at his new-found son from afar, Genma thought, 'Boy, you better be grateful!'
***
After Genma left the vicinity, another man approached that very room. In his arms he carried a newborn baby, yet he was not wearing a hospital uniform. Upon closer inspection, one would realize that this is the same man who helped the unconscious nurse in the waiting room several hours earlier.
"Hmph... How predictable... This is too easy." The brown-haired man walked into the room, over to the crib labeled "Akito Yamato," and then deftly removed the "Akito Yamato" identification tag off "Akito," and then placed it on the bare wrist of the newborn he was carrying. He then placed the newborn he was carrying into the "Akito" crib, and then took Ranma into his arms.
"Sh... be quiet little girl... you have a great future ahead of you."
He took baby Ranma with him, exited the room, and walked into a janitorial closet next to the baby room. In there laid five unconscious nurses, who no doubt were supposed to be watching over the neonatal room next door. Then the man dragged the nurses into the room where he and Genma switched babies, and locked the door as he exited. He then disappeared into the night.
April 27, 1998, Nerima
'Another year older,' thought a bloodied and bruised Nabiki as she sighed, 'Wonder if anyone but Kasumi will remember that today's my birthday. Akane, Daddy, and those two freeloaders certainly didn't last year. What a way to celebrate my birthday -- getting mugged and beat up by kids from school.' She was wearing her cold mask of neutrality on her battered face as always, but deep down inside, Nabiki despaired. This was one of the two days of the year when she would actually regret being the "Ice Queen of Furikan High," the other being Christmas. Perhaps a casual observer may think that Nabiki mourns the lack of present that she would receive during these two days if she actually had friends. In reality, Nabiki is not at all the cold mercenary that she is reputed to be... well, ok, she is, but she doesn't want to be. Since the death of her mother, her father had become so emotional that he could not retain any students--scaring them off by crying loudly on their shoulder at one moment, and displaying his "Demon-head" in another. This meant that although the dojo constantly required an influx of yen for maintenence (especially since the Saotomes moved in), and her family for food and clothes, none of the rest of her family brought in money. Thus, as her family's sole source of income, Nabiki had been relegated the role of the cold mercenary.
It was painful, having everyone as your enemy and no one as your friend. Even her family, who she sustains the role of mercenary for, despises her ways. Some days the pain wasn't only emotional; today was one of those days. It was surprising actually, that they waited this long. 'Ranma must be a lot more intimidating to the kids at school than I thought. I wouldn't have expected them to wait almost a year after Ranma came before attacking me again. It's probably because of my recent surge in blackmailing.'
Nabiki sighed again. It wasn't her fault! Life just wasn't fair. A wedding costs a lot, even if it fails-- no, scratch that, ESPECIALLY if it fails. Memories of Ryoga and Mousse and Shampoo and the rest of the Nerima Wrecking Crew at work and the resulting bills espoused a shudder in Nabiki. That was a week ago, and of course, none of the uninvited guests bothered to offer to pay for damages. Betting pools were drawing in very little money after news spread that Ranma could beat demi-gods. Ranma was still sufficiently upset with Shampoo and Ukyo to allow Nabiki to set up dates for income. This left her last avenue of income--blackmail-- to cover more than triple what it normally was supposed to. Well, more income means more blackmailing and higher blackmailing prices, so it wasn't too unexpected that an attack was coming up. Fortunately, Nabiki possessed enough foresight to carry large amounts of money home from school only when she was sure Ranma would be more or less walking Akane and her home.
Today, unfortunately, Nabiki elected to conduct a bit of business concerning tomorrow's History test, thus was delayed long enough to be out of Ranma's earshot. Four of her "best customers" in blackmail showed up, and exacted a little revenge. Nabiki knew the procedure to handle these situations, but that didn't make it any less painful. After quietly taking beating for about 15 minutes, Nabiki pretended to faint, which earned her kicks from the boys for about five more minutes, and then the boys took her wallet and ran. After waiting another ten minutes to make sure they weren't coming back, Nabiki stood up, patted some dust off, and limped back home.
***
"PERVERT!"
"Ah! You violent uncute tomboy!" Shouted Ranma as he started his parabolic trajectory towards the Tendo koi pond. A couple minutes later, Ranma-chan emerged out of the pond, grumbling something about stupid tomboys. She walked past Soun and Genma playing a game of shogi. Genma, at the time, was pointing in a random direction and shouting "Dinosaur!" Ranma-chan took a quick bath in the furo, and then back to male form once more, walked down into the kitchen to see what was cooking for dinner.
"Hi Kasumi! What's that I smell? Cake?"
"Hi Ranma. Yeah, I'm baking a cake. It's Nabiki's birthday."
"WHAT!? It is!?" With that, Ranma ran at near light speed out the kitchen and the front door.
"Oh my."
Ranma was upset with himself. Not because of his latest bantering with his uncute fiance, but with the fact that he forgot Nabiki's birthday. Again. Well, almost. There's still a little bit of time before dinner, but not much. Leaping from rooftop to rooftop, Ranma thought about what he should buy Nabiki as a present.
As he browsed the neighborhood shops, Ranma saw the battered form of a Furikan schoolgirl limping slowly in the opposite direction. Ranma couldn't tell who it was, as he didn't have the opportunity to talk to many girls at Furikan in the first place because of his fiances, and also because the girl was staring at the ground as she limped. Briefly weighing the consequences of having a hurt young girl on the streets of a darkening night, versus arriving home half an hour late and having Genma stolen all his food and cake, Ranma quickly reached the more noble conclusion, and leapt down onto the ground beside the girl.
"Hi, you go to Furikan, right? Are you hurt?"
The girl looked up, and to Ranma's great surprise it was Nabiki.
"Nabiki?" cried an incredulous Ranma, "What happened to you? Here, don't talk, I'll take you to Dr. Tofu's."
That said, before Nabiki could protest, Ranma swung his left arm under Nabiki's legs, and caught her falling body with his right. Having secured his passenger, Ranma leapt once again onto the rooftops, and leapt quickly in the familiar direction of Dr. Tofu's office.
***
"Look, Ranma, I'm fine. Let's just go home"
"No you're not. You right leg looks like it hurts a lot, maybe even broken. Otherwise you wouldn't have been limping like that. And it's better to err on the safe side."
The door opened to reveal a cheerful looking Dr. Tofu. "Oh hi Ranma, did you get into another fight with your fiances? Or was it Ryoga this time?"
"Nah, Shampoo and Ucchan have been pretty busy with their restaurant businesses lately, and I've gotten used to Akane's beatings. Ryoga's still lost, from past experience he won't be back for probably another two weeks. No, it's not me who need treatment today; it's Nabiki." Ranma walked in and placed Nabiki on the examination table. "Hey, Nabiki, Dr. Tofu, I gotta go somewhere real quick, I'll be back real soon OK?"
Ranma ran off then without bothering to listen for a response.
"Well, now, I must say it's been quite a while since you last visited. But it looks like they hit you hard enough this time to make up for lost time. Hm... this leg looks like it might be broken. Does this--"
"AHHHH!!!!!" screamed Nabiki in pain. Of course, this was nothing compared to an hour ago when they were savagely beating her, but then again, she didn't need to keep quiet this time.
"Hm... I'll have to run an X-ray to be sure." Dr. Tofu said as he carries her to the X-ray room. "So, clubs I'm guessing?"
"No, they weren't armed."
"Well, I must say that I'm impressed there are people other than Ranma and his fiancees here who can break your leg unarmed."
"Er... One of them was wearing a steel-toed boot."
"Ah, that explains it." Dr. Tofu quickly took an x-ray, and ran off to develop it. A while later, he returned, frowning, "Hm... looks like it's indeed broken. I'll have to put you in a cast."
***
An hour later, Ranma returned to the clinic. "Hi Nabiki, Dr. Tofu. I'm back." Upon seeing Nabiki's right leg in a cast, Ranma winced. 'This doesn't seem like a fun birthday. Oh well, I least I remembered to get her a present this time.' And then Ranma remembered how Kasumi had reminded him. 'Nabiki didn't forget to get me a gift on my birthday.' He winced again.
"Ranma, good to see you again. Nabiki's leg was in fact broken, so you'll have to carry her home tonight. She won't be able to walk by herself for a bit, so you be sure and help out."
"Hai!" Ranma proceeded to pick Nabiki up and ran back to the Tendo dojo.
***
Upon arriving back at the dojo, Ranma had barely put Nabiki down before...
"JERK!" and Ranma cannonballed into the koi pond.
"How could you let Nabiki get hurt like this? This is ALL YOUR FAULT!" fumed Akane.
Ranma-chan swam out of the koi pond, looking more upset than usual and was about to shout back when Kasumi stepped into the room with a cake and said, "Happy Birthday Nabiki!"
Ranma-chan, suddenly remembering something, screamed, "Oh no!" and grabbed something hidden in her clothes. A book. Everyone stared at Ranma-chan, wondering why he was suddenly make a big deal out of a soaked book.
"Akane! You violent tomboy! This was a present for Nabiki!" Ranma looked penitently at Nabiki, holding out the book in one hand while scratching the back of his head with the other, "Eh... Sorry Nabiki. I wanted to give this to you after we had cake, but now it's ruined... Ah! No matter, I'll get you a new copy tomorrow" Ranma reached his book-wielding arm back and was about to throw it in the trash when Nabiki reached out her hand to take the book.
"Romance of the Three Kingdoms. I've wanted this for a while now. Thank you Ranma." Nabiki held the book to her chest as if it were a valuable treasure and stared at the ground, as a tinge of redness seeped into her cheeks, for the first time in her eighteen years of life.
'Nabiki blushing!? Whoa! She must really like it,' Ranma-chan thought. She didn't have an opportunity to finish the thought when...
"IDIOT!" and Ranma-chan cannonballed into the koi pond for the third time that day.
"Why didn't you tell me you had a present for Nabiki and shouldn't have gotten wet!? This is ALL YOUR FAULT!" Akane fumed. Akane wasn't really upset because Ranma got his present to Nabiki soaked of course. It was mostly because Ranma had actually bothered to get Nabiki a present, something Akane had forgotten to do for many years consecutive now, this one included. The fact that Nabiki, of all people, always gave presents on birthdays and Christmas didn't help her conscience. Added to that was the fact that Nabiki apparently really liked Ranma's present. Akane's shame and jealousy manifested itself in their usual way--violence.
After Ranma-chan took a hot bath to revert to male form, he came down the stairs to join the families in eating cake. That passed pretty much as one would expect. Soun Tendo crying his eyes out in shame of forgetting to get his daughter a present yet again, Genma stealing a piece of Ranma's cake, and then Ranma retaliating by stealing a bigger chunk from Genma's plate. Kasumi smiled cheerfully as always.
Nabiki, however, was smiling. She wasn't smirking her normal condescendingly neutral smirk; she was smiling. Every so often, she would steal another glance to the still-dripping book she held in her left-hand with satisfaction. She also stole looks at Ranma, which of course when unnoticed by Ranma, who was busy defending his food. It was noticed, however, by Akane. Akane silently fumed.
***
Ranma knocked on Nabiki's window. He never really knew why he never used the door to talk to Akane or Nabiki; it just seemed windows was the right way the natural entrance. (By a similar logic, Akane had concluded the roof was Ranma's natural egress.) In any case, Ranma had entered Nabiki's room a myriad of times before this way (mostly "on business"), so why was he nervous this time? Nabiki, dressed in a green translucent nightgown, opened the window and smiled, "Come in."
Ranma was again shocked by Nabiki... Nabiki *smiled*!? 'First she blushes, now she smiles!? Is Nabiki finally coming out of her shell? Hm, I guess one does mature when they turn 18' thought Ranma, having not caught Nabiki's smile during cake-time. Snapping out of his reverie, Ranma leaped in to her room.
"Uh, hi Nabiki," stuttered Ranma, trying very hard to stare at the ground, "Um... I just wanted to drop by and say Happy Birthday."
"Ranma-kun," said Nabiki sweetly, almost seductively as she sat down on her bed, "Thank you for the gift. Thank you for helping me out earlier too. Here, sit down, let's chat for a bit."
Ranma tensed, and was debating jumping out the window, but then thought, 'Well, it's her birthday today. I guess I'll let her make some money off me. I do owe her at least that since the book got drenched.' Ranma sat down.
"So, who beat you up? I'd think Shampoo or Ucchan, but they both don't seem the type to harm you that badly. And besides, who'd sell them dates with me if you bear a grudge against one of them?"
Nabiki tensed for a bit at hearing this, momentarily losing her newly-development smile, but then remembered her well-earned reputation as "Ice Queen" and her frequent previous dealings in selling off Ranma to Shampoo and Ukyo. Smiling sadly now, Nabiki said, "No, it wasn't either of them. Just a bunch of riff-raff from Furikan. Victims of my blackmail."
"Tell me who they are! I'll go teach them a lesson tomorrow."
"Don't worry, silly Ranma-kun," said Nabiki in a playful tone. Then in a more serious one, "This isn't the first time you know; although it is since you got here. I guess your reputation as a good fighter and my cohabitant kept them at bay until this week when I raised prices. I got sent to Dr. Tofu's about once every month before you got here."
"Uh, why didn't you continue training in martial arts then? That way you can fight back and not let people trample all over you."
Nabiki gently shook her head, "No. You don't have the bully mentality. Bullies... they're scum of the earth... they don't appreciate a good fight like you martial artists do... they just want to hurt the object of their aggression, and the more the target fights back, the more they will hurt her after they eventually win. You yourself said that guys pulls their punches against girls. But they don't do that to targets. Akane herself probably couldn't win against the four boys who attacked me today were they to go full-force. So, since I don't have a 10-year training like you do, it's better for me to just quietly take the punches."
"Whoa. So much information and you didn't charge me for it?"
A wave of disappointment visibly passed over Nabiki, and Ranma kicked himself mentally for being asinine again. Nabiki smirked, "Well, it's my birthday; I'm in a charitable mood. And besides," she said as she leaned in close to Ranma, "I indebted to you for getting me that nice present."
"Well, heh, it's nothing you know," said Ranma scratching the back of his head, "I still say just throw that one away, and I'll get you another copy tomorrow. Ya know, I actually should get you two more to make up for last year's birthday and last Christmas. You gave me gifts but I kinda forgot."
"No, I won't throw this away. Do you know why not? Because this is the first gift I've gotten. Ever. Don't look so surprised, it's just natural. I mean, who would ever give gifts to a mercenary bitch like me? I've conned everyone I know out of enough money to buy 20 gifts each birthday. Of course they're not going to give me any gifts. Even Akane's like that. I mean, she feels bad tonight about not getting me a gift, even though she's never given me a gift in her entire life, and she might feel bad tomorrow, but then it'll pass. She'll easily excuse herself, rationalizing that I can buy myself something nice with the money I've taken from her. People are just like that."
// Afterthoughts on this chapter:
Well, does anyone know what the name changing law is for Japan? In the U.S. it's "require attourney and court approval before 18, walk in and change if after 18."
Does young Genma seem a little out of character? I can't remember his reaction for dealing with foisted bad situations... usually he's the one causing them.
Uh, I don't think they ever said anything about Nabiki's birthdays in the TV series. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Uh, they DO celebrate birthdays, right?
Oh, BTW, I'm a bio major; I'm not making up any of the bio terms--erythroblastosis fetalis is an actual syndrome frequently encountered in childbirth. There is a cure for it, but I'm conviently ignoring that for this story.