Chapter one:

Castiel Novak had it all. He is one of the firsts openly bi men in the film industry and its only made his career stronger. He has money, power and any man or woman that he sees fit to take home that night. But he really doesn't have it all. Let me take you back to the beginning. The very beginning.

1992

Castiel Novak is only seven years old as he waits patiently in a waiting room to audition for the new kids show 'Barney'. His mother, Anna, were sitting together and he watched her talk animatedly about how great this is going to be for him but he didn't really listen. All he cared about was pretending. He loved to pretend to be something he wasn't and he could do just that in this audition as well. His mother squealed as his name was called to step into the room. He got up and smoothed his clothing over, willing himself to remember all the words he and his mother had practiced together. He looked at her and she gave him a beaming smile and a big thumbs up and he knew in that moment that he could not let her down anymore. He walked as confident as any acting seven year old could into the room and gave the cast pickers his biggest and goofiest kid smile. He smirked as he heard a collective "aww" fill the room. "Castiel Novak?," a stern looking woman sitting at a table asked him. He nodded and willed himself for his mouth to start making words, "that's me," he said cheesily as he put his thumb in his chest theatrically. The woman looked none too impressed and immediately flew into the lines that his character 'Shane' would have. Castiel kept the tempo up with her and never faltered or stumbled upon a word. After the scene, she gave her colleagues an impressed look and said, "thank you, Castiel. We'll be in touch." He remembers leaving the room like he had just failed an important task. He looked to his mother with a frown whose shoulders sagged in turn. She took his hand gently, whispered it was okay and went home. A couple of days later, he can remember sitting at the kitchen table and doing his homework when the phone rang. A couple minutes later, his mother had ran down the hall screaming with joy as she bounced up and down in her high heels. Castiel's face lit up as he shared in the joy with his mother. "You got the part!," she screamed as she took him in her arms and continued jumping. And that's how it all began.

2016

Castiel rolled his eyes as he let his assistant fix his crooked tie in the tiny dressing room on the set of the 'Jimmy Kimmel Show.' "Yes, mom. I understand," he said irritated into his Bluetooth headset. "No. No more slip ups on maybe relationships. That's over and I'm ready to start focusing on my work again," he waited for his mother to finish her sentence, "alright, mom. I'll be on tonight at 11 and yes, I will call Gabriel later tonight…Okay…Okay…Okay really mom, I need to go now. Bye, love you," he said as he pressed the button on his headset to end the call. His assistant, Jo, took it out of ear promptly. "Moms, huh?," she asked with a small grin. Castiel nodded along with her, "Exactly. But you know what they say," he said as he shrugged, "cant live with them. Cant live without them," they both said in unison as they busted out laughing. "Ah, thanks, Jo," he said as he calmed himself, "even after doing hundreds of these shows I still get a little nervous." Jo shrugged and waved her arm nonchalantly, "oh, who wouldn't? You'll do great! Now go out there and show that Novak smile that they love so much." Castiel smiled and leaned in to giver her a quick kiss on the cheek. "What would I do without you?" he laughed as an assistant for the show poked her head in and informed them that he goes on in five minutes. Castile nodded and followed the rushed assistant out of the room. He walked briskly down the narrow corridor with wires galore sticking out everywhere he walked. Jo kept up with his pace and gave him a list of things he could talk about and a list of subjects that were a no-go. He nodded after each point she made and stopped just outside of the stage. "Lets do this," he said more confidently than he felt as he gave Jo a quick high five. A makeup artist made her way over as she hastily made touch ups to his face. He could hear Jimmy Fallon's loud voice as he announced, "Now, welcome my next guest, from the hit movie 'Touched by an angel' to the new movie coming out this fall, 'Hell can wait', Castiel Novak!" He could hear the applause, he could feel the rush and adrenaline filling his veins as he hopped up the steps and waved at the crowd. Everyone was yelling his name or freaking out at the site of him, he smiled and made his way to the guest chair and shook Jimmy's hand before sitting down. "Alright, great to have you on Castiel," Jimmy said with a sincere smile. Castiel nodded and smiled, "Greta to be here, Jimmy." "So, Castiel, tell me about this new film that you have coming out." He put his hand on his chin and rubbed his knee subconsciously, "Well, it's about this guy un who makes a deal with a demon for a reason I cant expose, and the time is running out, he has demons coming after him and he tells them he has a list that he wants to complete before he leaves out and with the help of my friend, Mark Sheppard, who plays the demon, Crowley, we race to finish it. It's a very funny movie. I'm not used to playing in comedies so this has been a real adventure," he finished as he clapped his hands together and let out a nervous laugh. Jimmy nodded along interested, "Alright, so its like a buddy comedy?" "Exactly. Were all very excited about it," Castiel said as his eyes lit up when he talked about the things he loves. "That's a big stretch from 'Touched by an angel'. Don't you think?," Jimmy asked as the audience nodded along wholeheartedly. "Why yes it is. And I just felt like I could use the change that this film is bringing along for me. I mean, 'Touched by an angel' I nothing short of a classic. I met some great people on the set but the drama felt so real that the tension could be cut with a knife. It was fantastic but sometimes you just have to shake it up," he said with a smile. Jimmy smiled back and asked the question he had been waiting to hear, "Are there any new love interests that you could tell us about?" Castiel swallowed nervously and looked around at the audience who was on the edge of their seats now, "Uh, no. No. I'm really at the point where I'm just trying to find myself. I mean, I am thirty one now and I still don't know who I am. It would be incredibly selfish of me to add someone into that mix," Castiel clarified. Jimmy nodded and checked his watch while clapping his hands together and rubbing them firmly, "Alright, well it was great having you. Castiel Novak everybody! And be sure to check out 'Hell can wait' in theaters this fall!" Castiel stood up and gave Jimmy another handshake and waved at the audience again. Alright. Not too bad, Novak. He thought proudly to himself.

Jo was waiting for him when he exited the stage. "Awesome job, dude!" she praised as they high fived once again. "So, at dinner tonight, I do want to go over your schedule and press appearances for the next week." Castiel nodded but paid her no mind, "always business, Jo. Of course I will be there. I'll see you then!" as he shouted and made a quick break for his car waiting for him before anyone noticed him.

Castiel sat back in the backseat of the luxurious BMW that he had rented. Today, he was in New York but he wasn't in the socializing mood. That Castiel Novak act that he puts up on that stage is exactly that. An act. Now comes the time where he's alone and he can self pity in peace. When did he become so alone? So bitter about everything in the world? He loves acting but he only did it for a career to pull his family out of poverty. It was what he was good at and he never really got the chance to sit and take a break. I wish the world could just see me for me he thought sadly as his phone vibrating over and over in his pocket tore him out of his wallowing thoughts. "Hey, Gabe," he answered into the phone. "Hey, Mr. Bigshot, too famous to give your big brother a call?," Gabe asked defensively. Castiel scoffed and rolled his eyes knowing that he couldn't see him, "Of course not. I've just been you know. Busy," he lied. "I know you just rolled your eyes. And I'm just worried about you, Cassie. I hear from you less and less. When are you going to come home?" Castiel glared out the window of the moving car watching as the skyscrapers passed by, "I don't know, Gabe. But soon. I promise." Gabe sighed into the receiver, "Okay. But make sure you call me soon." Castiel nodded to himself breathing a sigh of relief as they pulled up in front of hotel, "I promise. I need to go now, Gabe. I love you. Bye." He hung up before Gabe could respond. He was too concerned with the massive crowd that his star power had attracted to the hotel. He knows that he should be used to this already but he still isn't. He takes a deep breath as his body guard of the city, Benny, shows up at his side. "Don't worry. I know how to handle this," he calmly says as Cas nods trusting the man. They make their way down the sidewalk as swarms of people try to get a glimpse of the movie star. Some are trying to grab him, others are trying to take selfies with him. Usually he's in a good enough mindset to where he doesn't mind the occasional picture or autograph but everything's gotten to him too fast. They soon reach the doors and he turns around and yells a "thank you" into the crowd which drives them even crazier. Once he reaches inside he takes a look at the man who helped him with the mob he just encountered. "I'm sorry about that," he states embarrassed. "Don't be. It's my job to make sure no one hurts you," Benny says in his thick southern drawl. Castiel smiled a softly and took the elevator to his room.

Once he was in his room, he threw his sports jacket onto the bed and sat on it slowly. He felt comfort in knowing that Benny was just on the other side of the door. Sometimes, he felt really overwhelmed with everything. Sometimes, he just didn't want to do this anymore. He started shaking as he could feel his panic attack start to come over him. He threw his head in his hands and let all his tension release him as he shook on the bed and cried. He never asked for this. Never asked for this life. All he wanted to do was help his family. He doesn't know how many hours have past until he hears a light tap on his door. "Come in," he yells in a hoarse voice as he looks up from his fetal position on the bed. "Sir, its time to go to dinner," the man he remembers as, Benny, gently says. Castiel sat up straighter and wipes his face, "Of course. I will be down in a minute." Benny nodded once and closed the door lightly. Castiel sighed as he rubbed his eyes. How did I get here?

20 minutes later, he's back in the back of the car with Benny by his side. He looked uncomfortable for a minute before he looked to Castiel and nervously asked, "I'd hate to ask you this, and I would understand if you say no but uh.. could I get a picture and autograph, please? My wife loves you." Castiel smiled at the man, "Of course. You've been so great to me." Benny beamed at the compliment and took out his phone to take a selfie. Castiel smiled as they squished their heads together and took the picture quickly. Benny pocketed his phone and continued to look embarrassed. Castiel pulled out a napkin from the takeaway bag that Benny had ordered earlier and signed it. "Here. And tell your wife that its been an honor for you to be my bodyguard." Benny smiled again and gave him a quick hug as they pulled up to the restaurant. "Thank you, Mr. Novak. Its been the job of my life. Your plane leaves after dinner so I just wanted to say that its been great and anytime your in New York, just know you have a home with my family and I." Castiel smiled back and shook his hand. "Thank you, Benny. I'll keep I touch, okay?" Benny nodded without hesitation and slid out to open the door for him. Castiel breathed in and out again as he saw the crowd was already here. Okay, lets do this.

In the restaurant, Jo already had the schedule in front of her ready to discuss. With her was her mother Ellen, who they both invited to join them on the tour. "Okay, so Castiel, after dinner you'll be on a plane to California. There you will be attending the movie awards for which you have been nominated as 'Best actor in a drama'. If you win, go on stage and thank everyone but don't forget to mention your new comedy as well." Castiel nodded and picked at his pasta as he thought of the exhaustions he'll have to go through some more. Jo looked at her mom and shrugged, "Okay! Well have a great trip," she said as she got up quickly. "Wait, you're not going with me?" Jo gave an apologetic look as she tried to smile, "I'm sorry. I thought I had told you my dad was in the hospital and me and my mom need to go see him." Castiel let his mouth fall open, "Uh, yeah. Yeah. You go, Jo. I'll be fine." Jo eyed him curiously, "alright, take care of yourself," she said as she patted him on the shoulder and leaned over to kiss his head, "and call me, Novak!," she added with a smile as her and her mom exited the restaurant. Castiel stood up as well and took the back exit where another car was waiting for him where he was dropped off promptly at the airport and on a flight to California in no time. He felt drowsy when he exited the plane. Man, he hated jet lag. He stretched his legs and looked around the airport looking for someone with his name on a sign. He didn't see one. Only a few police officers. He saw one walk quickly up to him and hold his hand out for him to shake, "Castiel Novak? I'm Dean Winchester and I'll be taking care of you during your trip."