Title: Simple Mistakes.
Authoress (es): Not Short. Just Fun Sized. (Erin) & Dallas (who doesn't have an account)
Summary: When Envy accidently snatches up a stubborn girl (who at the time, looked a lot like Ed), he faces the consequences of making such a simple mistake, which includes stubbornness, sticky situations, and a lot of lying.
Erin: HI! *waves* The last time I wrote a FMA ff…it didn't go so well…
Dallas: Yeah, someone flamed her…SO I WILL BE HELPING HER WITH THIS ONE! *huggles Erin*
Erin: *pushes her away* The other reasons I'm letting her help is I have a small spelling error and she is slightly less busy than me and can update when I can't. *innocent smile* I do a lot of things afterschool.
Dallas *eye roll* No one cares, kid. Well, without further procrastination, here's Simple Mistakes! Starring Envy…well, he has no last name!
WARNINGS: Language and man-handling.
One: The Wrong Chibi.
Envy sat in the trees above the city, being able to see everyone without them seeing him. For the first time in months, he'd been sent out to do something: bring the chibi to Dante. It was usually an easy job when he had an idea where he would be, but since he hadn't been out lately, he had no idea. So there he was, hoping that he would walk through town…
With a yawn, he sat more comfortable, kicking his legs and thinking. What was so important about this…this chibi anyways? He always wanted to fight someone, and he overreacted about his obvious height issues! So what if Envy did make himself just a bit taller to piss him off? He was still older, and even if he didn't make himself taller, he was still taller than him.
He jumped down, spotting red. Shifting into a random military officer to get in the crowded little market, he walked behind the person in the red coat, covering their head with the hood. He smirked, spotting their black pants and boots and as soon as they were on the outskirts of the town, he pinned them to the wall.
The person screamed and flailed to no advantage. "Calm down, Chibi, you'll be able to leave as soon as I get you to Dante."
A muffled voice rung out, "I'm not a chibi! I'm just-"
"-Vertically challenged, I know." He sighed, tossing the light body over his shoulder.
"Stop man-handling me and listen, will you!" They pounded on his back, making Envy sigh.
"I'll make this easy for you: you don't kick and scream, and I won't hurt you."
The body stopped moving and Envy smirked to himself, walking down the road. "You're actually cooperating; what a surprise."
There was a muffle in protest, but they just sighed, knowing they wouldn't be out of the situation anytime soon.
Once he was in the clear, he shifted into his preferred appearance, hearing a light snore from the chibi. He rolled his eyes, walking into the abandoned house that he shared with the other sins. Walking to the very back, he dropped the body on the ground in a holding room, only for it to awake with a growl.
"Are you going to listen now?" It yawned.
He was confused. "The hell are you talking about, Elric?"
The body removed its hood. "That's the thing. I'm not Edward Elric."
Envy's eye twitched as he stared at the brunette with purple ends as she sleepily rubbed one of her green eyes. She crossed her tanned arms across her dark purple midriff top and then proceeded to cross her black booted feet, one of the hands sliding to the top of the black skirt she was wearing.
It then clicked to him: he'd gotten a chibi, alright. Just the wrong one.
"You were quiet the entire time…and I didn't even think to notice that he'd never be so cooperative…Fuck, she's going to kill me."
The girl smiled. "So, are you going to take me back or what?"
"Yeah, we're just going to have to make i-"
"LUST!" The voice could be heard in the closed room. "IS ENVY BACK YET?"
"I'm not sure, but I'll check." The second voice sounded close. Too close.
She opened the door to Envy mid-sprint behind a red-hooded girl. She sighed, "Got the wrong person again, did you?"
"This is only the first time, Lust!" He barked, trying to stop the girl from jumping out of the window. She failed, as it wouldn't open, and was caught and dragged towards the door. "This one's going right back to where she came from."
"Um, not now!" Lust said. "She's right there, in the hall waiting on you! If you even attempted to sneak out, it wouldn't work. It's better you just go and confess right now." She looked down at the girl, "How did you even mix her for a boy?"
"It was a rush thing; I saw the coat and boots and jumped at her." He turned her around to show the coat similar to Ed's. "She had the hood on so I couldn't see her hair."
The girl rolled her eyes. "Look, can we just get this over with? The sooner I get back, the less problems you two are going to have."
He shrugged, dragging the girl to Dante. With a sigh, he dropped her in front of the woman. "I made a mistake in my findings…"
She gasped as the girl was still awake and had her arms crossed. "You didn't even try to knock her out!"
"It's a girl!" He explained. "And I just figured this out!"
"You've killed plenty of them!" Dante shrugged. "Why does she matter? I want her dead; she's seen too much!"
Envy shrugged, changing his arm into a weapon. "Wait!"
Dante sighed. "What could you possibly have to say that won't make me kill you?"
"I know Edward Elric! I can get him here!" She explained. "He's at Winry's at the moment, but he should be coming home soon enough!"
She raised a brow. "And how do you know that?"
"I was supposed to go get some things from in town before I was rudely pinned down and brought here—" She took a moment to glare at Envy. "—but when I left he was getting his automail fixed. My jacket got torn up, so that's why I have his."
Gluttony took the moment to wonder in, "Ooh, food! Can I—"
"Lust, take him somewhere, please!" Dante held her head. "This is so confusing!"
Envy rolled his eyes. "Not really; just let her go back with one of us to this 'Winry's' house and then she lures the Chibi out for us. If she's lying, we kill her on the spot. Simple as that."
Dante thought it over. "That's actually not a bad idea. Alright, Envy will take you to Winry's house and you're going to get Edward Elric and bring him here. Else, you die."
"WHAT?" Envy was confused. "When I said one of us, I didn't mean me!"
Dante laughed. "You're one of the most subtle killers we have, and they won't see you coming if you shift into something they don't know."
The girl swallowed and she warily stood up, brushing herself off. "Okay. I'll go tomorrow."
Envy sighed, knowing he wasn't going to get out of this. "You better be worth my trouble, girl, because if I make this trip and we find out you were lying, you better believe I'm going to give you a death so bad they'll wonder why anyone would be so cruel." He looked her up and down and smirked. "Better, they won't even be able to identify you."
"Doesn't matter," She shrugged as he led her to one of the bedrooms. "Not many people will miss me."
"Just go sleep, why don't you?" He opened to door and she silently gaped at the enormous room, with a huge bed and furniture to match its main color of purple.
She flinched at the door's slam, taking off her coat and dropping on the floor, sitting on the bed to take off her boots. Trouble must've been a magnet for her, because lately that's all she'd been in.
All she was supposed to do was go get more oil for Ed's arm, and she couldn't even do that without messing up. And who did these people think they were, bossing her around and dragging her like a rag doll? She looked in the full-length mirror to spot a couple of bruises from being dragged. With a sigh, she fell back out the bed. This didn't even make any sense for Pete's sake!
She crawled under the covers, tying her hair back with a band and lying down to rest. She was sure that tomorrow, and however long it took for them to get to Winry's house, would be like hell. And for that, she was going to need enormous patience and plenty of sleep.
Erin: Wow. I don't like its shortness!
Dallas: It's an intro, stupid. It's supposed to be short.
Erin: …I don't care.
Envy: It was short.
Ed: Very short.
Dallas: It's 1,342 words! Without our intros!
Ed, Envy, and Erin: Your point?
Envy: It was really, really boring too.
Dallas: IT WAS…Wait a minute, where did they come from?
Erin: I dunno, but right now…let's just get through this author's note. I'm hungry as I dunno what.
Dallas: YOU'RE ALWAYS HUNGRY!
Erin: NO I'M NOT!
Ed: YES YOU ARE!
Erin: NO I'M NOT!
Envy: YES YOU—*tosses her random bag of chips*—Now, I'M going to close this thing properly.
Erin: *munching loudly on chips*
Dallas: Reviews make us happy people (and we update faster)! Tell people about us if you like it!
Erin: Wait, I just thought about something! We didn't tell them her name! It's—
Envy: YOU CAN DO IT NEXT CHAPTER! Bye!
Erin: *Pouts*