iMean It
-o-
"You really mean that?"
"Mmm hmm."
-o-
Having been raised by the overbearing and protective Marissa Benson, Freddie learned a long time ago to carefully consider every phrase that emerged from his mouth, to analyze every action he could take before making any sudden moves. He was, he thought, an expert at conveying exactly what he meant to say, whether he was trying to prove his point in an AV club debate on pears versus pcs, or keep a secret from said overbearing mother. And he was very good, if he did say so himself. Not that he would. He wasn't usually that cocky.
But there were a few times where his actions and his intentions seemed to go in two different directions.
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His first mistake was volunteering to help Sam with a new segment for iCarly. She originally wanted to do something called "Dreaming With Dorks." She said it would be harmless enough; she would just wake up his AV club friends in the middle of the night and ask them random questions, the element of surprise supposedly aiding in getting honest answers. Unwilling to give her the home address of anyone he had to see on a regular basis, Freddie suggested they try it out on Spencer first to see how it went.
And, oh, it went. Spencer proved to be a very popular addition to the videos on iCarly. Freddie was loathe to admit that Sam actually had a really good idea.
By volunteering to help Sam that one time though, what he really meant was that he didn't think her idea would work well, and that he really just wanted to get her out of his apartment at three AM before his mom woke up and he got in trouble. (That didn't happen. His mom definitely woke up, and she suitably freaked out.) What Sam took from the experience was that any time she was over at Carly's and couldn't sleep, or she was just bored, Freddie could be counted on to keep her entertained. Oh, and that Mrs. Benson was crazy. What this led to was a lot of:
Sam, we can't do that. It's illegal. And my mom will kill me.
Quit being such a pansy, Benson I won't tell Crazy if you don't.
And he had to admit, when she wasn't trying to beat him up, Sam was actually pretty fun to hang out with, even if it was the middle of the night and he would be exhausted the next day at school.
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Mistake number two involved Sam as well. He never, ever, should have offered to buy smoothies the first time they all went out after a webcast. Really, he should have known better, even then.
What happened was Carly and Sam were still on a webshow high. It was one of the first broadcasts where people were actually leaving them feedback while they were live. The girls had been so excited to get the feedback, they began incorporating it into the show on the spot. Their excitement, even after the camera equipment was powered down and the props put away, was contagious. And like an idiot, he proclaimed, "Smoothies! I'm buying!" It cost him almost three months' allowance at the time, and it set an unfortunate precedent.
Now, every single time the three of them went anywhere that served food, Sam expected Freddie to pay. He had only offered once, in a moment of weakness, and he had most certainly not said anything remotely close to, Please Sam, let me spend all of my allowance on you for the next few years; I never plan on taking another girl anywhere anyway. Apparently, something to that effect must have been what Sam heard though.
And it somehow turned into this thing. Even if he met up with Sam without Carly, he was still expected to pay. Even if they just happened to run into each other at the Groovy Smoothie, Sam would inform the cashier it was on him. Eventually, he started doing it without being asked, waving off her requests of 'borrowing' anything. She never paid him back anyway. He even started carrying around extra food, giving it to her throughout the school day. It was an effective way to make sure that she was in a slightly better mood and not hitting him, and it also insured that she didn't skip as much class. (Not that he, of all people, was concerned with Samantha Puckett's academic record.) Of course, that became a whole other issue with girls that wanted to date him. Girls tended not to understand why a guy has an extra bag of bacon or jerky with him for someone he claims drives him up the wall.
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The third time that Freddie's actions were woefully misconstrued, he handcuffed Sam to Gibby. And okay, he could see how that could look bad. Like, really bad. But in all fairness, this was one of those few times where he didn't stop to think. Freddie was always more of a planner than a doer, and times where he didn't think his plans through always, no exceptions, had disastrous consequences.
At this point in his life Freddie and Sam were tenuously holding on to their "friendship" just so they could do iCarly. And it was more antagonism than it was anything else. Sam snapped at him. Freddie snapped at her. Sam hit him or threatened him, and he attempted retaliation before running away as fast as he could. But, they also started to have real conversations, make bets for fun instead of profit, and Sam, well, she liked to try out all of her pranks on him first, though she always helped him get back at other people who pranked him. For the most part, he accepted these things as a way of life. Sam was just naturally vicious. He could take it.
But then, she put dead fish in his locker. And it wasn't just one fish that he could take out and get rid of. It was dozens of tiny anchovies in each and every available space. In his textbooks, between his gym clothes, even squashed in the pockets of his backpack. Have you ever smelled an anchovy fresh out of its little tin can? Yeah, it's gross. Freddie thinks so too. Anchovies crammed into the heat of his locker when the air was out at school? That's worse. The stench is even fishier, and saltier, and just so much stronger than anything in a tin can. He was, to put it mildly, disgusted by the entire thing.
So, he took his opportunity when he saw it. There was a set of handcuffs and a key on one of the shelves of props in the drama classroom where Sam was assigned to work with Gibby. He did it before he really thought about it. Sam argued with Gibby about how she was too tired to pretend to be an alien princess right then, gave a yawn, and leaned back in her chair. Gibby kept cautiously poking her, whispering about not wanting to get in trouble. Freddie popped the cuffs on them just as the last bell of the day rang. The look on Sam's face told him he'd made a grievous error. He ran for it.
Sam took this event as Freddie trying to one up her in the prank department. But really, Freddie just wanted her to see that he wasn't a complete nub; he didn't have to roll over and just take it. He could fight back. He could get even if he wanted to. Sam didn't play to get even though. And so, Freddie lived through one of the most torturous weeks of his life.
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His fourth error, though he wouldn't even think of it as a mistake of any kind until much later, involved (who else) Sam Puckett. And it was a direct result of that whole handcuffing her to a Gibby thing. Which, in retrospect, maybe he should have expected something. Not this. But still, something.
Sam didn't take the handcuffs lying down. She did what Freddie never would have expected – she announced to the whole world that Freddie Benson had yet to have his first real kiss. That seemed a little dramatic, even for her. The consequences were far and wide, and he couldn't even leave the apartment building without someone pointing and laughing. It was a nightmare.
But then, she fixed it. And she even kissed him. Or he kissed her. But she told him to. And it was, as they reassured one another, just to get it over with. But none of that was his mistake. Where he made his error in judgment was calling out to Sam as she walked away, "I hate you." It was meant to restore the balance, to get rid of the swooping feeling in his stomach and the tingling on his lips. But he couldn't stop himself from smiling when he said it, and though he didn't know it then, that was the moment where everything changed.
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Miscommunication five involved Sam as well, albeit indirectly. Carly's former best friend from grade school popped back into town and started doing everything she could to get Sam out of the picture. At first, Freddie didn't believe Sam. Missy seemed nice enough. What reason would she have to go after someone as volatile as Sam? It wasn't like a girl couldn't have two best friends. He did.
Not that he was a girl. Though Sam would have liked you to believe otherwise.
The miscommunication came when Wendy, one of his classmates, caught him giving up a prize he had been salivating over for the last week – a school at sea package. Freddie hadn't informed anyone that he and Sam had finally really become friends, best friends he liked to think, not even Carly. And he didn't want anyone to know that he had requested Missy win the trip instead. Because it was all for Sam. He was worried that things would be... misunderstood.
It wasn't that Wendy was the school gossip or anything. She just had a soft spot for guys who acted like her version of a knight in shining armor, and apparently Freddie's actions had him qualifying for the role. Once Wendy found out he actually gave up the trip for Sam (from Carly, of course), she practically told all of the girls in their Honors English class how sweet he was.
Those girls told their boyfriends.
Those boyfriends were annoyed with Freddie.
And the rumors began to spread that he and Sam may have something going on. It seemed like the only person who didn't hear about it was Sam. He was forced to deny rumor after rumor, while she was left in relative peace.
He tried to do something nice, and even then it blew up in his face. It wasn't fair.
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Of course, there were those times when Freddie's actions were a mystery even to him, times that made him stand there in shock and wonder "what did I just do?" The time he broke up with the girl (he thought) of his dreams most definitely qualified.
The thing about Freddie Benson: it was a well known fact that he had been crushing on Carly Shay since the ripe old age of eleven. He had been asking her out at regular intervals ever since. She had also been turning him down at regular intervals. Just like his barbs with Sam, Carly's rejection was pretty much just a normal part of his everyday life. Which was why he was so surprised when, after he saved her from being hit by a taco truck and wound up with some broken bones, she kissed him.
To say he was confused would have been an understatement.
Until Sam (because of course it was Sam, who else could it be?) put everything in perspective for him. Freddie saving Carly's life was her version of Bolivian bacon. It was an admiration that Carly's brain falsely identified as romantic feelings. It was an infatuation. Hero worship.
Freddie, being Freddie, did the noble thing and broke off their fledgling relationship, though he made sure to tell Carly that once the hero effect wore off, he'd be glad to try again. And he spent the night of their breakup wondering just what it was he'd been thinking. Had he done the right thing? Should he have let Carly come to the realization on her own? If he had paid more attention to his own inner ramblings though, he might have noticed that it wasn't Carly's agreement, or even her kiss, that played over and over in his head. It was Sam telling him, "you're just bacon."
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The next major misstep Freddie made really was a big one. Maybe it was even one of the biggest he ever could have made. Though it may have turned out to be one of the best things ever.
He tried to talk to Sam about her feelings, about how scary it could be to like someone if they didn't like you back. He had himself (and Carly) fully convinced that Sam liked their new friend Brad. But, and here he also had himself convinced, Sam was in a deep state of denial. No matter what Carly tried to say to her, Sam denied being "into Brad like that." And though deep down he didn't want to, Freddie thought it was better if he tried a softer approach with Sam than Carly's "lock them in a barn" idea. Apparently, the barn only worked on horses. He had completely wasted a two headed frog story for that one.
Pushing aside all of his misgivings, he prepared his speech. Even though the thought of Sam and Brad made his skin crawl for reasons he didn't want to think about, Carly was right about Sam deserving to be happy. Brad wouldn't hurt her, not like the other guys she'd dated. Brad was a nice guy. And he made good fudge. Of course, someone else he knew was a pretty nice guy too, but Sam had never looked at him twice. But Freddie swept that thought away too, He focused on convincing Sam that she deserved her shot instead. His message kind of went wonky somewhere in the middle though after Sam threatened to hit him.
Color him surprised when, instead of punching him in the face, she kissed him, completely out of the blue. He realized everything he thought he knew about Sam Puckett could be, quite possibly, very wrong. How exactly had he missed this? He was supposed to be the smart one.
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But since Freddie was the smart one, and the one who liked to overanalyze and plan things to death, he obsessed about Sam's sudden kiss for days. He had plenty of time to obsess about it while he avoided mentioning it to Carly and tried to track Sam down. She had up and completely disappeared on him.
Carly, being Carly, already knew about it. Though she seemed to be just as confused as he was.
Though, if Freddie was completely honest, he wasn't so much confused about the kiss itself. In fact, his feelings on the kiss were pretty clear. It was something he wanted to happen again, and again, provided Sam didn't want to kill him. It was Sam that really confused him. She could either be playing a very elaborate joke on him, which didn't make sense because Sam didn't kiss people as a joke. Or she could really want to kiss him. It was easy to admit, though not aloud, that he was hoping Sam had actual feelings instead of a plan for embarrassment.
Which is why they tracked her down to a mental hospital, and Freddie tried to talk some sense into her. It only further confused him that Sam both hated and liked him, and for that reason, checked herself in. That really was crazy. He didn't even get a chance to tell her how he felt, she was so dead set on forgetting it happened, on the idea that she would never be his girlfriend. So, he said the one thing he thought would make her feel better.
You're just as mentally unstable as you've always been.
What Freddie really meant by this was that he kind of liked how crazy Sam was, that he wouldn't want her around if she was completely sane, that life would be boring if she was mentally stable, if she wasn't Sam. But Sam took it as an agreement that she would never be his girlfriend, that he too just wanted to forget it. And he just got more and more frustrated with the attempts to get Sam out of there.
It was like everyone was talking and doing around him, and he was just standing still because no one would take the time to let him say or show what he meant.
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Which is why Freddie took a big risk and took matters into his own hands. Of course, this was another one of those moments where he didn't plan ahead of time. And it could have gone very, very, badly. But he couldn't help it. Carly's "plan" was getting her nowhere, and Sam was getting more and more uncomfortable on a live webcast. If he hadn't done something, the webshow, not to mention their friendships, would have taken a serious hit.
While Sam proclaimed that she didn't want to hear from anymore "Seddie" fans, she knew she was crazy, Freddie prepared himself to get out from behind the camera for the first time that was actually his decision, and wasn't a scripted segment of the show. It was kind of a rush. And he could see why Sam liked it. He picked up his pearpad, turned on the camera function, and told the audience just what he was thinking.
"Hey, it's me Freddie. So, a lot of people have been talking about whether Sam and I should go out with each other." He could feel his face heating up, but this wasn't embarrassment, this was a mixture of excitement and relief. "And it's like everyone is wondering if Sam is crazy for wanting to. Bu nobody asked me how I feel."
"We talked about it," Sam cut in, still very uncomfortable. But Freddie wasn't ready to stop now that he finally had people listening.
"No, you talked. You told me how you feel while you ate a quesodilla." He tried to give her a smile while he responded, to let her know that it was okay. Of course, as many times as he brought the camera away from his face and looked at Sam while he was giving his little speech, it was probably pretty obvious to everyone watching that he didn't really have the audience in mind while he spoke anyway.
"The quesodillas here are amazing," Sam deadpanned for the camera.
"Anyway, yeah, it's important how Sam feels, but how I feel's important too."
But that's where everything started to go wrong. Because Sam interrupted him, again. She couldn't just let him say what he had to say, because, of course, Sam thought she knew what was coming. Retaliation for all the times she had made fun of him. So, Freddie changed tack, put his pearpad down, and did the only thing he could think of to make his meaning perfectly clear.
He kissed her.
"You mean that?"
"Mmm hmm."
Maybe, Freddie reasoned to himself, forgetting to plan every once in a while was a good thing. Going in to a situation without a plan always led to one thing – Sam. And he could definitely get used to that.
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A/N: So, this is completely unedited, but I wanted to put this up before I leave for work today. I have so many half finished things on my laptop that I wanted to get something done before this weekend, and this was the most finished of everything I have. And a Sam/Freddie story seemed appropriate since there's a new episode of iCarly Saturday night. Hopefully, I'll have more finished stories up over the next few weeks. I'm going to try to finish the ones I have before I start anything new, but... no promises. Let me know what you guys think of this one :)