"Are we there yet?" Said Santino Marella in a whiny voice.

"No," Carlito replied.

"Are we there yet?"

"No,"

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!" Carlito yelled. Driving in the summer heat is starting to get to him.

"For the last time, Cabron, we are not there yet! We're on the middle of the friggin' road!" Carlito said, finally blowing off some steam.

"Relax, my dear friend, relax. I know! Santino will calm you down with a nice road trip song." Santino said.

"God, kill me now…"

"What was that?"

"Nothing, nothing…just sing." Carlito said.

For the next two hours, Santino sang a horrible, broken-English rendition of Crank That (Soulja Boy)". After the second hour ended, Carlito was starting to lose it. He glanced at Santino, who was screaming at the top of his lungs, and he glanced at the conveniently placed lead pipe on the floor. Reaching slowly, Carlito grabbed the pipe with a devilish smile on his face. As Santino was busy serenading another car that pulled up beside them, he raised his arm waiting to strike until Santino surprisingly stopped singing. Carlito, understandably ashamed, lowered the pipe and continued driving.

"Are we there yet?" Santino asked.

"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH" Carlito yelled, possibly losing the last verge of his sanity.

"Calm-a down Carlito, you remind me of Rodney the Piper. He make me a-so mad!!

"Finally, a gas station!" Carlito said, pointing to a gas station by the road.

"Why should we stop? We have-a full tank of gas?" Santino asked.

"No time to explain. Just sit there and watch the car." Carlito said, as he got out of the car. As he left the car, he sighed and smiled.

Carlito went inside the convenience store and immediately bumped into Robert Patrick of The Terminator and The Marine fame.

"Hey! You're Robert Patrick!" Carlito said.

"Yeah, yeah, who the hell are you?" Robert said.

"I'm Carlito, I work for WWE." Carlito said, extending his hand.

"Oookay…I gotta go now, bye!" Robert said, running out he door frantically.

Carlito stared at him for a while until suddenly the store exploded in a fiery blaze. Santino, who was eating a subway sandwich, just stared blankly into space. He glanced at Carlito's carcass, shrugged, and then continued eating. Luckily, Carlito was still alive. He got up and was real banged up. He looked back at the destroyed convenience store and fell to his knees.

"WHY GOD? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??" He said, yelling towards the heavens.

"Cut! What the hell is going on here??" Yelled the director.

Carlito looked around and saw that they were on the set of a new movie. He stared, mouth open as Santino signed some autographs for some of the crew of the movie. He turned to see John Cena sitting with other actors, some dressed in Mafia costumes and one dressed as a clown.

"Hey! Get off my set!" The director yelled at Carlito.

"Hey man, chill. This here's Carlito." Cena said, putting his arm around the confused Carlito. They walked away from the director and took a tour around the set.

"So, what are you guys doing here anyway?" Cena asked.

"Me and Santino are on our way to a house show, but we had to stop."

"For gas?"

"For my sanity."

"Ooookay…"

"So what movie are you making? 12 rounds?" Carlito asked.

"Naw, I film that on Mondays. We're making The Marine 2." Cena replied.

"Oh…But what's with you guys blowing up stores? Didn't that already happen at the first movie??"

"Yeah, but we're filming a flashback sequence."

"Wouldn't it be cheaper and easier to use old footage instead of having to legitimately blow up a convenience store?"

John Cena open his mouth to argue but couldn't counter with Carlito's logic. Instead, he used a technique long perfected by his ancestors to keep annoying co-workers away.

"Hey, uh, why don't you guys head over to 'Roids World! It's the best!"

"'Roids World?? What's that?"

"It's, um, it's a magical place filled with imagination!" Cena said, whilst forming a rainbow with his hands like Spongebob Squarepants.

"Oooookay…Where can I find it?"

"You'll have to believe it exists in order for you to find it. Oh, and did I mention they have steroids that can help shut Santino up forever??"

Within seconds, Carlito was back in the car.

"Hey, where's the cheesy puffs?" Santino asked.

"Not now, we've got to find 'Roids World!"

"Disney World?"

"No, 'Roids World!"

"Oh. By the way, I just got John Chay-nuh's autpgraph! Take-a look!" Santino said, handing Carlito an autographed photo of him and John Cena.

"It's pronounced 'See-nah' and why would you ask him for his autograph? We're co-workers! We worked a handicap match with him two nights ago!" Said Carlito, handing him a photo of John Cena applying the STF-U on Santino, while on the background, Carlito can clearly be seen laughing.

"Oooh that makes me a-so mad!" Santino said.

"Next up, 'Roids World!!" Carlito said as they sped away, into the sunset .

My first ever comedy fanfic. Be sure to give reviews!

-- Christian Orton.