Family

Harry can't take it anymore. Ginny's pregnant again and Astoria has just had Draco's first son.
Harry can't think straight. Draco's always on his mind. Ginny should be there, not Draco.
Harry can't live without Draco.

Sometimes he thinks he loves Draco more than Ginny. He reliases just how wrong that is.

Harry stared down into the cradle, blinking. He ran a hand through his hair. Bright blue eyes stared back up at him, lashes batting. Opening his mouth, Harry took in a sip of air that was like firewhisky to him, he needed it. The baby gurgled and Harry's eyes clenched shut, he squeezed them tighter and tighter together just willing himself out of his fucked up situation.

What could he think? There was nothing he could think. But yet his mind was full to bursting with wanton thoughts running hither around the place, bouncing of the sides of his head. His eyes peeked open as the child in the cradle let out another burble. Harry winced. He hadn't known this would be so painful.

'Shouldn't you be with your wife, Potter?' a voice drawled out to him from the doorway. And then in a softer tone Draco added, 'I thought you left half an hour ago.' Two sides to him, always two sides to him.

Harry shook his head, leaning on his forearms against the sides of the crib. He let out a crumpled sigh. 'No,' he said.

'Astoria will be home soon,' warned Draco.

Again, Harry shook his head. His arms flexed up, his elbows still against the wood and he ran his hands through his hair lethargically. 'Don't you ever think we should tell them?' he murmured unsure if Draco would even hear him.

Malfoy had. Harry felt his fingertips brush on his back for a mere second before Draco pulled his hand back. 'What would that achieve?' Draco asked. He was standing beside him now, looking down at Harry slumped over the crib that bore his child.

Refusing to look up and meet Malfoy's impeding stare, Harry fiddled with the strands of dark hair between his fingers and let out a deep sigh. 'It feels wrong,' he said.

It sounded as though Draco had snickered at him but Harry readied himself and glanced briefly into his eyes. There was confusion reflected in those azure orbs and also deep set pain, though Harry had to dig far into Draco's eyes to find the emotions he hid so well. Did Draco know Harry had meaning to do this for some time? He just wasn't able to bring himself to do such a thing. If he did, Harry knew his heart would be wrenched out. But it was so wrong, so, so wrong.

Draco let a finger down to trawl over his son's face. Harry had doubted he'd be a good father but Draco showed such warmth to his little boy. The small baby, Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy, babbled laughter and clutched his small fingers and hand around his father's finger. Harry watched through half closed eyes as a flicker of a smile crossed over Malfoy's lips.

'Why is it so wrong?' Draco asked him suddenly after prolonged silence. 'What's so wrong about this?'

Harry blinked up at him, his eyes wide again. 'Ginny ...' he muttered listlessly, 'my wife.'

'Don't be so bloody noble!' Draco chided him sharply.

'I can't do this,' Harry murmured without listening to Draco's words.

He stole away from the cradle and went to the window of the nursery. Rain was fluttering down gently, landing softly like a sprinkle of dust down on the windows. All light was obscured by the big dark clouds that absorbed any chances the sun had of breaking free. Harry's fingers glided across the serpent body that travelled down the planes of the windows, stroking his thumb over the snake's head. He heaved a sigh, his head hanging low.

'Stop feeling sorry for yourself,' Draco said. He was beside Harry within seconds, Scorpius in his arms. He bounced the baby gently.

Grimacing after glancing at Scorpius, Harry let out a brief sigh, sharp and pointed and turned his head away. 'God,' he whimpered. 'He looks so much like you.'

Draco was silent for a moment; he sniffed, holding his nose high. 'What is it, Harry?' he asked. 'Why can't you do this anymore? You've done it for years, since before James was born. Why stop now?'

'I – Ginny,' he stuttered. 'It isn't fair.'

'To your family?' Draco asked. There was spite in his voice. Harry could hear him rolling his eyes. 'You don't think Astoria doesn't suspect something is going on between us? I'll bet you anything you like she knows about us, Harry.'

'How can you live with that?' groaned Harry.

This wasn't what he wanted. He wanted a loving family, to give his children something he'd never had growing up. He couldn't throw it all away just because of this ... this thing he had going on with Malfoy. Yet now, as he tried with all his soul to get the words out of his mouth, as he tried to break it off, to finish whatever they had started, he couldn't. It shouldn't be so hard. He loved Ginny, Ginny and his family were his everything. Why the fuck had Malfoy suddenly become so devastatingly important to him over the years?

'She has her flings,' Malfoy muttered. 'I don't mind, it doesn't bother me. You and your ideals of the prefect family life are what's ruining your relationship with Weasley. Of all people, Harry,' he scoffed, 'of all people, I'd think you'd be the one to know that family isn't as easily run as that. No family is perfect.'

'Shut up, Malfoy!' Harry spat loudly. 'Fucking shut up! You don't know anything about me and Ginny!'

'Don't I?' Draco asked, he was standing tall, and proud while Harry was burning himself up into a rage.

The baby in his arms chortled happily, unaware of the conflict going on around him, the conflict he had probably started. Around the time Scorpius had been born, Harry had started to realise just how wrong his relationship with Draco was. He shouldn't be sleeping around behind Ginny's back with another man. 'You don't,' Harry said. 'You don't know a thing about it!'

'You seem to have forgotten that you always simper away in my arms after sex,' the words slid of Draco's tongue silkily, 'about Ginny this, Ginny that. Not once have you said a good thing about her to me only that you need to take care of her, your family.' Draco shook his head as he looked him squarely in the eye. 'Just stop it, Harry. Stop fooling yourself! You don't love her anymore. Did you ever love her? It was only weeks after your wedding that I first fucked you.'

'Shut up!' Harry warned, pointing a threatening finger at Draco. Why did Malfoy always push him in this way? Malfoy knew what bothered Harry, what sent him into frenzy, what he hated hearing most; Malfoy knew everything about him whereas Ginny only knew snippets. 'Don't say another word!' God, who did that mean, was better for him, Ginny or ... or Malfoy? The thought sickened him either way.

Draco took that as a challenge. Of course he'd say something else; Harry could see the words forming on his lips already. 'You love me,' he said softly but fiercely as if to torment Harry even further. 'You can't stay away from me. You need me. Need to feel me inside you, to feel me taking you.' His nails were racking against Harry's face. 'You're hopeless,' he said.

Harry slapped his hand away when Malfoy started to tenderly touch his scar. Harry hated the feelings he got whenever Malfoy touched him. Hated it, but Draco was right, he needed it. He wanted him so badly, all the time, it was almost painful.

'Shut up,' he spoke softly, hearing how pitiful his voice sounded even to his own ears. 'I don't want to hear about it anymore. Just fucking stop it.'

Draco sighed. He walked back over to the cradle and rested the young Malfoy heir back down against the soft sheets. It took Draco less than two strides before he was standing in front of Harry. Fingers were on Harry's face again, caressing his skin, teasing across his jugular vein, over his Adam's apple as he gulped. His eyes were swimming, Harry could feel a tear run down his face as Draco pressed his lips against his, using two fingers under chin to lift Harry's lips to his.

In a desperate move that made Harry feel even more worthless than he had been, he flung his arms around Draco's neck, clinging onto the thin man and deepening the kiss. He didn't know why he felt so whole when Draco kissed him or touched him or told him he loved him. It made him wonder if he'd made a mistake by starting a family with Ginny, but he'd wanted one so badly. He had a small boy and another on the way, little Albus still inside Ginny. It churned him up whenever he saw her clutching her pregnant belly, looking so small under the added weight. He felt guilty that Draco was his "thing on the side". More and more Draco had started to eat into Harry's mind and becoming a main focus only behind James and his unborn son.

Harry knew he loved Draco, with everything he possessed he loved Malfoy so much it often hurt to think of him. He'd lose so much if decided to follow that but for the life him he couldn't stand lying to Ginny any longer.

He buried his face into Draco's neck and Draco held him tightly, his arms pressing Harry against his frame. 'I don't know what to do,' whispered Harry, his voice choked behind his tears.

Draco hushed him. 'You'll figure something out. You always do. I'll always be here for you, Harry. Remember that, love.'

Through his tears, Harry smiled. What was it going to be – his family or Draco? They didn't come together. Harry had tried to mesh them together and had only managed to fuck his life up by not meshing them together properly. Ginny wasn't like Astoria, a little outspoken women who was happy that Draco didn't have much to do with her. They both had their separate lives away from the Malfoy Manor but came together for their son.

Ginny, Harry sighed, Ginny was different. Ginny demanded his attention at least half an hour of each day and grew angry and spiteful if Harry didn't give her that. With the added hormones due to her pregnancy she was even more of a force he wanted to avoid. There was still a part inside of him that loved her, he knew that. But there were moments, those becoming more and more frequent that she was absolute hell to be near. Harry knew he didn't help with matters; he had started to be more distant from her causing her to become angrier and angrier with his extended absences. If she knew what he was doing whenever he was away (with Malfoy, fucking somewhere, being more like a couple than he and Ginny were) she'd murder him.

He couldn't leave his wife while she was pregnant with his second child. He didn't even know if he could manage leaving her.

'I don't know what to do,' he whispered again.

'Harry,' Draco spoke gently, 'shut up, please. You will figure something out.'

Amidst his tears, Harry nodded, swallowing the knot in his throat. Something told him to believe Draco, Draco would see him through.

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