Title: Things Always Gotta Be Complicated
Ideas By: CielShadow17 and FullMetal191
Massively rewritten by: Aeden Hale
Disclaimer: We do not own Devil May Cry or its characters. They belong to Capcom. We wish we did but sadly we don't. Cause if we did, Ciel would have had more action between Dante and Nero, if you know what we mean. :) We also don't own the script from Gears of War 2. We just happened to use a couple lines.
Rating: Teen just because of foul language.
Author's Note: This fic was inspired by LawlietsDarkAngel's fic Dante's Army. If you haven't read this, we would highly recommend that you do. We also got the permission to write this as well. We asked and we didn't want to step on anyone's toes. We also used two lines from Gears of War 2 but if you happen to noticed which lines we used, we'll give you a cookie. :)
Description: Nero comes home after a supposedly routine mission to find Dante not himself. How did it happen? Why would Dante be acting this way? Hilarity ensues as Nero gets closer of finding out why.
Genre: Comedy
Characters: Dante and Nero
It was a relatively peaceful day in Capulet City. The lone figure of Lady made her way down the vacant sidewalk toward her destination. She took but a moment to stand and look upon the building that housed Devil May Cry. She had another mission for Dante, though she knew that there would most likely be whining and much protesting from the white-haired man whom was inside. There was, however, the looming debt to remind him of why he had to take this mission. As Lady walked into the shop, the white-haired devil hunter was sitting behind his desk with his feet propped up and an open magazine resting on his face. Lady fought to keep from rolling her eyes.
"Hey Dante, I've got a job for you."
"I don't feel like taking the job." Dante, not moving an inch, said simply. "It's out of my hands."
Nero looked up at Dante from where he was sitting on the couch. "Yeah, but Dante, we kind of need the money. You know, we're kind of broke."
Still motionless, Dante spoke, "Well, if you're so worried about it, why don't you take the job yourself, kid?"
"Fine, old man, I will take it." Nero said, annoyed. "Lady, what's the job?"
Lady adjusted her Kalina Ann with a smirk curling her lips. "This job is going to be relatively easy. There's a Blitz that needs taking out, but the payout is good. I'm going to be taking some of your earnings to pay off some of Dante's debt. I'm just that nice."
Nero rose from his current position and grabbed the Blue Rose and the Red Queen. He headed toward the front doors and stopped before he opened them. "I'm leaving now. I should be back in a day; two at most. Dante, I left beer in the fridge. I'd better have some when I get back."
"Yeah, yeah. I hear ya." Dante waved him off nonchalantly.
As Nero rolled his eyes and left, Lady remained behind, still smirking. "You really give him a hard time, you know that?"
"Yeah, but that's nothing new. He does all the work and I still get paid for it. That's my kind of job."
"You're just lazy as hell." Lady snorted as she crossed her arms over her chest. "All you do is eat pizza and strawberry sundaes."
"If you're just going to stand there and stare at me, I've got better things to do." Dante droned from beneath his magazine.
Lady sighed and rolled her eyes, heading toward the door. She couldn't believe that Dante was potentially one of the best devil hunters in the world by the way he behaved.
Nero had finally reached his destination of a village on the far outskirts of Capulet City. He was currently speaking with one of the villagers about the mission he was to be taking. As a precaution, he had his devil arm covered so that the villager wouldn't mistake him for the monster. The man was telling Nero of his troubles. "Lately, there's been a demon that comes into the village and attacking the people. There have been no casualties as of late, but I'm afraid that there might be if it isn't dealt with."
"This should be a piece of cake." Nero said with a cocky grin. "I should have this done in no time. Then everything can go back to normal in your village."
Nero quickly left the building that had been designated as the meeting place. Following the road out of town a short distance, it wasn't long until he spotted the Blitz. Nero reached behind him, grabbing the hilt of the Red Queen, revving it up a few times. The Blitz, feeling threatened, began to weave about rapidly, which made attacking with the Red Queen difficult. Nero reached for the Blue Rose and started shooting.
After some time of struggling against the Blitz's agility, Nero was finally able to take out some of its defenses. As soon as they were down, Nero took this chance to attack it with the Red Queen. He got in a few combos before the Blitz decided to take off deeper into the forest and heading toward the mountains.
When Nero finally caught up with the Blitz, he noticed that it was headed to a cave. "This is really starting to piss me off."
As he moved in for the final strike against the demon, he happened to spot something out of the corner of his eye. As he turned to see what it was, his eyes widened. "You have got to be kidding me…"
All around him there were dozens of Blitzes. "This is a load of bullshit. I knew it couldn't have been this easy. I'd better be getting paid extra for this or else the old man is getting his ass kicked when I get back!" Nero revved the Red Queen once more. "All of you bastards are going down!"
With that, he rushed after them.
It had been about a week since Nero had left to take his job. He had just reached the outskirts of Capulet City. He hadn't expected to have fought that many Blitzes and he certainly hadn't expected to be gone for as long as he had been. Nero was tired and wanted nothing more than drink a beer and possibly beat the shit out of Dante for not going with him.
About a block from the Devil May Cry, Nero heard an explosion. When he looked in the direction of the explosion, he saw smoke rising from the vicinity of the shop. Thinking that there had been an attack, he took off at a sprint to get back as soon as possible. When he kicked open the doors, he didn't see any enemies; No Scarecrows, no Assaults, and not even a single Frost. What he actually saw frightened him more than any of those things ever could. What he saw was Dante sitting in the Pandora with a smoldering Scarecrow trophy.
"What in the hell man? What are you doing?" Nero shouted.
Dante turned around and looked at him. "Hey kid! Just had to take care of some business. Damn thing was looking at me wrong. I taught it a lesson though. It won't ever do it again!"
Nero just shook his head in disbelief. There in the middle of the room sat Dante in the center of the Pandora in its Argument form. Then all of a sudden a thought hit Nero like a ton of bricks: go check the fridge. Following his instinct, he went to check the fridge only to find that all four cases of beer had disappeared.
As he started walking back toward the living room where the drunken Dante was, Nero heard a loud crash in the direction of the front doors. Nero found Dante breaking down the doors and the walls around them with the Pandora. He gave an exasperated sigh and went to stand where the front doors used to be. Looking out onto the street, Dante was driving in circles and trying to decide upon where to go next. One street led to the Planet Love while the other street led to a convenience store.
"Which way do I want to go? I think I'll go this way! Neeeerrrooooom!" Dante exclaimed as he made a sudden left turn and heading toward the Love Planet, going as fast as the Pandora would take him.
Nero stared at the disappearing Dante with wide eyes before moving to catch up with him. "I'd better stop him now before things get worse than what they are."
When he finally caught up with Dante, Nero saw him trying to move past a broken down car that stood in his way. Dante, having gotten frustrated with the entire ordeal, gave a curse of "GOD DAMN SON OF A BITCH!" and launched a missile at the poor car, leaving it in pieces. Happy with himself, Dante continued down the street once again.
Giving an exasperated sigh, Nero cursed loudly. Taking off down the street again, Nero almost ran into Lady, who was returning from a recently completed job. "God dammit! I lost him again!"
"What the hell is going on, Nero?" Lady asked outright.
"Long story short, if you don't want Capulet City turned into a smoldering heap of smoke and flames, we've got to stop Dante now!"
Nero took off at a dead sprint down the street with Lady hot on his heels. She was rather confused as to the details of the situation and wanted to know what in the name of Sparta was going on. So she asked.
"What's going on?"
"Dante started the party before I got back from my mission…"
Lady cringed. "I'm going to regret asking, but how much did he drink?"
"Not too many considering I had four cases that are now gone." Nero explained.
Lady's face paled at the amount of alcohol that Dante had consumed. "Now he really owes me for all of this."
Dante was drawing nearer to the Love Planet and slowed the Pandora down a bit. His two pursuers took this opportunity to make their move and get closer to Dante. As Dante slowed the Pandora to a stop, Nero saw his chance and jumped aboard the vehicle. When he finally managed to get the drunken driver out, the only sound that reached his ears was a loud snore. The younger man looked down to see that Dante had passed out.
Aggravated, Nero growled under his breath. "Dammit, old man. Why couldn't you have done this a lot sooner?"
Lady knelt down to pick up the Pandora, which had already returned to its suitcase form. "Let's get his drunken ass up and back to the Devil May Cry. We need to discuss my payment for the damages."
"Not to mention the damage he did to the shop." Nero sighed.
In the several days that followed the Pandora incident, Dante sent Nero off on another job. It was one that Nero didn't want to take. As Nero turned to leave, he paused and looked back at Dante.
"Alright, old man. We're not going to have another mishap with the Pandora this time. I'm only leaving you enough money for one case of beer, you got it? You'd better make that case last until a get back in a few days."
"Yeah, yeah. I got it kid. Whatever."
Dante then kicked his feet up on the desk, leaned back into the chair, and placed his favorite magazine over his face. Somewhat satisfied, Nero left the Devil May Cry to take on his next mission.
A few hours after Nero had gone, Dante decided that he was a bit thirsty. He casually left the shop and headed to the convenience store. Once there, he headed to the refrigerator section, grabbed ten cases of beer, and headed to the front of the store. The clerk's eyes widened when she saw the amount of beer being thrust toward her.
"Are you going to have the money to pay for all of this?" the clerk asked skeptically.
With a wink and a grin that could match the Cheshire Cat itself, Dante leaned onto the counter. "Just put it on my tab."
Carting all of the cases out of the store, Dante continued to beam as he headed back to the Devil May Cry. Little did Nero know that he was going to be in for one hell of a party. Especially with a certain electrified guitar in mind.